by Ellen Joy
As she looked out at the familiar sunset, tears welled up in her eyes.
“You okay?” he asked.
She shook her head, wiping away the moisture before it turned into a tear. Her emotions were on a rollercoaster. “Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just so beautiful.”
A smile grew on his lips. They continued down the road and back up the hill, and she realized they had circled back, and were only a few hundred feet from the Boudreau Farm.
He stopped in front of the driveway. “You should swing by again next time you’re babysitting.”
“Sure.” Her stomach fluttered. “We will.”
He waved as she and Emma pushed the stroller up the drive. She looked down at Mae, who was passed out asleep.
“Emma Banana, do you mind bringing Mae into the house? I’ll take the stroller back to the barn.” She waited as Emma went inside, then called out, “Jake! Wait up!”
She put the brakes on the stroller and ran down the driveway.
As soon as she reached him, he said, “Hannah, I’m really sorry about my behavior.”
She smiled ruefully and shook her head. “Funny, I was about to apologize to you. I know you were trying to help. I was just embarrassed.”
There, she’d said it.
“You aren’t the one who should be embarrassed.”
She looked up at the house. “Anyways, thanks for the walk.” She bent down and rubbed under the pig’s chin.
“Well. Come by anytime.” He gave a nod as he started to walk away.
“We babysit on Friday nights.”
As she walked back up the drive, she peeked over her shoulder and caught him looking back at her. She covered her smile with her hand as she wheeled the stroller to the empty stall where the kids’ toys and bicycles were stored.
Maybe Mr. Marine wasn’t such a bad guy after all.
“Were you just walking with Jake Malloy?” Olivia asked, coming out from behind her.
“Oh!” Hannah jumped. “You scared me!”
“Sorry,” Olivia laughed. “We just got home.”
“We took Mae on a walk and bumped into him,” she said casually, pretending not to notice Olivia’s raised eyebrow. “Stop it.”
“He’s cute, and he goes to church every Sunday with his mom, and I bet he looks good in a uniform…” Olivia nudged her with an elbow.
“What are you guys doing back so early?” she asked. “I thought you were going to a movie?”
“It’s such a nice night, we were thinking of going riding.” She laughed. “That’s why I’m out here hiding, because I don’t want Mae to see me.”
Then, out of nowhere, Olivia started to cry.
“What’s wrong?” Hannah rushed to her friend.
“I don’t want to have to send her to a daycare.” She wrapped her arms around herself and stifled a hiccup. “But I can’t get any work done without her freaking out.”
Hannah knew that feeling. Emma had gone through the same stage.
“And Jesse has so much to do at the ranch, and he’s trying to help as much as he can, but she just screams and cries if I’m in the house and not paying attention to her.” Olivia wiped her eyes with the palms of her hands. “Nana is always willing to watch her, but I don’t want to take up her whole day.”
Hannah’s heart expanded with hope. “What if I came and watched her?”
“What?”
“It’s perfect. I’m her Godmother, for goodness’ sake! Then you could get to the office. I could watch Mae, take her to those baby playdates you hate so much.”
“The women are so judgy.”
Hannah laughed. “You’re judgy.”
“Sometimes,” Olivia nodded, laughing. She wiped her tears. “I’m just super hormonal right now.”
Hannah hadn’t forgotten how challenging it was to care for a baby, and she knew Olivia had it extra hard. She worked partly from home, and as a small-town lawyer, she was often swamped with work. With Jesse out in the fields all day, Hannah couldn’t believe they’d gone it alone for as long as they had. “You should hire me.”
Olivia looked at her. “You really want to watch Mae?”
“I can come to the farm, take care of her and help around the house, you know, like with the wash and cleaning.”
Olivia’s eyes widened as the idea set in. “What about Hooley’s?”
“It’s actually perfect timing, I need to move on from Hooley’s.”
“Really?”
Hannah didn’t want to lie to Olivia. But she squirmed at the idea of admitting the truth, that she needed this. She couldn’t stand the idea of having to go back to being a burden on this family. Luckily, Olivia was excited enough at the idea that she didn’t push any further.
“Hannah, that would be great!” And she threw her arms around her.
She bit her bottom lip to hold back the trembling. “Thanks, Olivia.”
Olivia playfully smacked her arm. “It’ll be just like old times. Besides, you need an excuse to take more walks with the hotty neighbor down the road.”
She shook her head, ignoring how her belly swirled at the thought of walking beside him.
“You two really would be cute together.”
Hannah almost choked on her own laugh. “Jake Malloy isn’t interested in some washed-up single mom. Trust me.”
“I wish you would see what we all see.”
She bit back a retort. Olivia just didn’t get it. She was the kind of woman a Jake Malloy would want. Never a Hannah.
Jake stared at the gun in his hand like he did almost every night. He’d been sitting there long enough for his skin to warm the cold steel. Some nights he held it, sometimes he placed it on the table and studied it. Tonight, however, the living nightmares didn’t haunt him. It was habit, more than anything.
He thought about Hannah and her daughter.
He didn’t want to think about them. He didn’t want this feeling creeping inside of him. He’d chosen to ranch partially because of the imagined isolation. He wanted to be away from people. He almost wished he had ignored what was going on between Troy and her, like everyone else had.
He didn’t want another person in his life, another person to lose.
She had been quiet on the walk, but he’d enjoyed himself despite the awkwardness. He could still smell the soft fragrance she wore. Her daughter had kept the conversation going, talking about school, with Hannah saying little but obviously proud of her. He didn’t know if he was having some Freudian neurosis, comparing Hannah with his mother, but something about her made him feel out of control.
And he didn’t like it.
In the German hospital, he had been at his lowest. He’d wanted his gun. He knew it would only take a moment to end all his pain. Yet, he never could get past the knowledge that he’d break his mother’s heart. He would never be sure if he really would’ve used it, but not even having the choice had ground at his psyche.
Millie stirred under the table, her tags clinking against the wood floor.
He got up to make some coffee, leaving the weapon on the table. The motion startled the pig, and she jumped to her feet, ready to go.
“Let’s hit the barn.” He headed out with his first cup, the sun just peeking over the horizon.
He wasn’t a real rancher yet, but he would learn. He enjoyed learning, studying something, especially something he enjoyed. Working with the land, being among God’s creations, gave him a sense of peace he could no longer find in any other parts of his life. Except, he thought, walking with Hannah.
He had plans for the weekend. There were fences to mend. And he needed to irrigate the south pasture of grass and alfalfa he had planted in the spring. He had the cattle grazing off the overgrowth in the north pasture, soy fields that hadn’t seen a bean in at least a decade. He’d sell the steers in the fall for some liquid assets and keep the heifers to expand his herd.
The acres he’d planted would produce enough hay for the winter, if the spring was wet enough. He should be able
to get at least two cuts. He thought about all the other expenses, like grain and supplements and vitamins for the mamas, and a veterinarian to show him the ropes with the first births. Though he had some medical training from the Marines, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stuff his arms up to the shoulder inside a cow on his first go round.
By afternoon he still had plenty to do, but he was exhausted to his bones. He had driven in several new fence posts. He still had to haul manure out to the stockpile. But what he really needed to do, what he had been avoiding for weeks, was the pile of paperwork sitting on the kitchen table. If he didn’t get his books in order soon, he’d never be able to catch up.
As he walked back to the house, he saw Hannah pushing Mae’s stroller up the drive. He waved as he watched them approach. She reminded him of a renaissance painting, with the afternoon sun haloed behind her.
“What brings you by?”
Mae waved a plastic container in her hands and gabbled something he couldn’t understand.
“We made cookies,” Hannah translated for her. She passed him a plastic container with scribbled writing on the top.
“Thank you.” He lifted the lid to catch the scent of warm vanilla and sugar. “Isn’t this a nice surprise. You babysitting again?”
“I’ll be working for Olivia, now that she’s gone back to work.”
“That’s great!”
She nodded. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like it was your fault that I lost my job.”
His face fell. “You don’t have to apologize. I was butting into your business.”
She shook her head. “You were right to be concerned.”
So, she too had felt nervous about Troy’s behavior that day. He held up the cookies. “I was just about to take a break. Would you want to come in and have some with me? I have cold milk.”
Hannah hesitated but for only a moment. “Sure, that sounds great.”
She picked Mae out of the stroller and he gestured her toward the house. He opened the door, then stopped dead before stepping inside. The gun was still sitting on the kitchen table. “Let me just grab some plates and glasses.” He pointed toward the dining room. “Please. Sit.”
He rushed into the kitchen and swept the weapon into his hands, cursing himself. He ran up the stairs, locked the gun in the safe in his closet, then hurried back down. He grabbed the dishes from the cupboard.
Hannah looked uncomfortable. “I’m sorry if we’re interrupting.”
“It’s a welcome excuse to not have to do that.” He nodded at the papers stacked on the coffee table. “I’m afraid I’m terrible with organizing my paperwork.”
“Do you use any software programs for it?” she asked, sitting Mae in her lap. “There are a lot of good products out there.”
He shook his head, placing a cookie on a plate and passing it to her. “Any programs you recommend?”
“Sure, but it’s what works for you. There are just programs that are much easier to use.”
“Easier sounds nice.” He was surprised, and it must’ve shown on her face.
“I’ve worked with them before. I could help.”
“That’s really nice, but I couldn’t ask you to do that.”
“I wouldn’t mind.” She shrugged. “It would be fun.”
“You think spreadsheets are fun?” He couldn’t wrap his head around the idea. He poured the milk. “I hate that part of the business.”
“Are you happy, being back in Prairie Valley?”
Her question felt personal. In his family, they only ever made small talk. Feelings never came into it.
“Some days.”
She broke the cookie into tiny pieces on the plate. Mae reached out for a chocolate chip and put it in her mouth.
“I’ve only left Prairie Valley once, back when I was a kid.”
He took another cookie. “Afghanistan’s a really pretty country, with golden mountains and deep valleys. There’s a lot of green farmland, with snow in the higher elevations, but lots of barren desert, too.”
“I’ve always wanted to go somewhere, anywhere.” She stared at the container of cookies. “Someday.”
“So, you’re going to be watching Mae during the week?” he asked.
“Monday through Friday.”
He liked the idea of Hannah being just down the road.
Their conversation flowed as they nibbled cookies.
“How many animals do you have?”
“I have six cows right now. A dozen chickens, and a nasty rooster. Millie.” He looked down at the pig who sat patiently at his feet, waiting for a dropped crumb. “I’d like to get a dog, to run with.”
“No horse?”
He shook his head. A horse really wasn’t necessary for ranch work anymore, but he loved the romantic element, the feeling of being part of the organic flow of the herd as you worked cattle from horse back. He’d experienced it at the Gunderson ranch. Moving cows on a noisy 4-wheeler or snow machine just wasn’t the same. But for Jake’s tiny ranch, a horse just didn’t make economic sense. “I’d love to have one someday, though.”
“I’d love to get Emma one. She’s wild about horses.”
As soon as Mae finished her last drop of milk, she stood and said, “We should get back to the farm.”
“Sure.” He picked up the plate and got up from his chair.
Hannah adjusted Mae on her hip and brought the cups to the sink. “Say thanks to Mr. Malloy.”
“Please, call me Jake.” He waved to the baby. “Thank you for stopping over with those delicious cookies.”
Hannah’s cheeks blushed pink as he held her gaze.
“I’ll probably go on a walk tomorrow afternoon, if you two would like to join me and Millie?”
A small smile grew on her face. “We’d like that, wouldn’t we Mae?”
Mae clapped her tiny hands and pointed to Millie, who eyed the baby’s sticky hands. “Piggie!”
He opened the screen door for them and walked them back to the stroller.
He knew he should go back inside and check out that computer software she’d mentioned. If not that, then he should get back in the fields. He had no business wasting any part of his day. There was too much to do.
“Why don’t I walk you back?” he asked.
She smiled as she opened the shade on the stroller. “Sure.”
He grabbed Millie’s leash and walked beside her down the road, stopping at the end of the farm’s driveway.
“Thanks for the cookies,” he said again.
He was about to ask for her number but felt that might be too forward. So, he just watched as she walked away.
He looked forward to their next outing, and ignored the fact that he hadn’t mentioned Allison, and that she hadn’t mentioned Troy. What was he doing, getting involved in Hannah’s life? Sure, Troy wasn’t good for her, but neither was a messed-up soldier who couldn’t go a night without praying for some help.
Chapter 4
That Sunday, Hannah was sitting in her regular pew with the Boudreaus when she suddenly noticed a middle-aged woman standing next to her.
“Are you Hannah Higgins?”
She recognized the woman right away. It was Elaine Ryland, Jake’s mom.
“Yes?”
Elaine pointed to the empty space next to her. “Mind if I sit?”
Hannah shook her head and slid closer to Emma. She was mystified by the unexpected visitor. Church seating arrangements were usually set in stone, by tradition if not law. Hannah had been sitting there for the past twelve years, and she didn’t even remember seeing Elaine attending this service, much less sitting nearby.
“Is this your daughter?” she asked, leaning over and extending her hand. “Oh! My goodness, I forgot to introduce myself! I’m Elaine Ryland, you’ve met my son, Jake.”
There was no way to avoid noticing the sparkling diamonds garnishing her wrist and fingers. Elaine looked like a slightly aged beauty queen, ready for a pageant. Her pose was positively regal. Hannah sudde
nly wished she had ironed her sundress.
“Elaine!” Maggie greeted the newcomer. “How are you?”
Hannah covered her smile with the Sunday Bulletin as she watched Maggie greet Elaine. From the way her forehead wrinkled, she was just as surprised to see her as Hannah was.
Elaine turned back to Hannah. “Jake told me you were looking for some extra work?”
She froze. Jake had told his mother about her losing her job? Now she was about to offer charity. It seemed that Jake took after his mother in the meddling department. Even worse, she was doing it right here in public, right in front of her daughter. Couldn’t she have waited until after the service, when it wouldn’t have called so much attention to them?
“No, I’m not.” She glanced sideways to see if Emma was listening. The twelve-year-old’s full attention was on Mrs. Ryland.
“Oh?” the woman’s face twisted in confusion. “I was looking for someone to clean my house once a week. If you know of anyone looking…”
She shrugged, then shook her head. “No, sorry.”
She tried to radiate annoyance, because she wanted Elaine to leave. The third pew was a sacred space for her, and she didn’t want some diamond-dripping woman pitying her in front of her family. Emma looked uncomfortable.
“Mom?” said a man’s voice from the aisle. “Good morning, Hannah. Emma.”
Hannah looked at the Sunday-best Jake. Clean-shaven, slicked back hair, in a perfectly tailored suit, Mr. Marine was somehow even hotter.
“Good morning.”
“Good morning, Mr. Malloy,” Emma greeted him, scooting over on the bench. “How’s Millie?”
“She’s sassy, but what’s new?” He smiled, showing off his pearly whites.
Elaine slid over, making room for Jake. “Sit down.”
Hannah noticed the hesitation, and a heavy weight dropped into her stomach. He didn’t want to sit with them.
“Josh is already over there, with Julia.” He gestured toward the back of the church. No wonder Hannah hadn’t noticed them before. Mrs. Ryland stood and craned her neck.
“They did come!” She waved, then turned back to Hannah. “It was good to meet you.” She stood, hooking her arm into Jake’s as they headed toward the back.
