Never Enough

by Kristina M Sanchez

  Val didn’t have anything to say to that. He’d intended to ask his mother if he could go with her next time they went shopping. Maybe he’d help buy the groceries. It really hadn’t occurred to him to get his own, but he could pay his share now. He doubted Dante would believe him. “You’re right,” he said.

  This time, when he turned to head back up the stairs, Dante didn’t stop him.

  ~0~

  Val showered, dressed, and was out the door as quickly as he could. Luckily, his stepfather didn’t reappear from wherever he was in the house. Val still fumed inwardly.

  If Dante preferred to look at him like some random guy renting a room, fine. Val could live with that. He could stake out a small space in the fridge, the freezer, and the pantry. He’d buy his own groceries. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t done it before. He’d rented a room in someone else’s house a couple of times in his life.

  Of course, Dante was the kind of asshole who’d be bothered by anything. He probably wouldn’t want to see Val’s purchases in his refrigerator. Maybe he could buy a mini-fridge and keep all his groceries in his room.

  Maybe his room should be in someone else’s house. He’d thought of that too. Living with his mother and her husband—and Mina—had never been a long-term plan. The problem was he wasn’t really capable of long-term plans right then. First, he’d needed to get away from Texas. Then, he’d needed a place to crash and get his head on straight. Then, a job. Now that he had a paycheck, he could help out.

  His skin itched as he thought again about renting a room somewhere else. It was tempting. Just getting away from Dante would’ve made it worth it.

  But had he not just gotten through seven years of jumping from one situation to another with very little planning? He could barely remember when the ground had stayed steady beneath his feet. He felt like he was constantly in one of those video games where you had to jump from one tiny patch of pixelated land to an even smaller patch before the first one dropped out from under you.

  Whatever. He wasn’t going to solve all his problems this afternoon. He’d have to settle for buying himself a meal with his own money.

  After a few more minutes of cruising, he wandered over to the circle at the heart of downtown Orange. There was always something interesting to eat there, close as it was to a private university. He parked in one of the lots, shoved his hands in his pockets, and meandered.

  Stretching out for two blocks in all directions of a large roundabout were antique shops and eateries catering to almost every taste Val could think of. He peered inside a cute cupcake shop, smiling as he watched a couple of kids clamor in front of the display. Beside that was a shop that advertised big subs and house-made sodas.

  Across the street, Val stopped short in front of a BBQ place he knew he’d never seen before. It smelled amazing, and he walked up to the hostess without a second thought.

  “One?” she asked, flashing him a grin. “Or are you waiting for a date?”

  He chuckled, already feeling better. “One for now,” he said.

  The menu was simple but amazing. He was amused to find brown sugar bacon was one of the sides offered with meals. He said as much to the waiter who appeared to take his order. “That’s unusual.”

  The man shrugged. “Who doesn’t like a side of bacon, if they’re being honest about it? You dress it up a little and get to call it a delicacy.” He grinned. “One of the tricks of the restaurant business.”

  Val raised an eyebrow. “This your place?”

  The man shrugged again, but his smile looked the slightest bit smug. “It is. Four years now. We’re a little short-handed today, though, so I thought I’d help out.” He waved his pad in emphasis.

  “Makes sense.”

  It was an innocent enough conversation, but it threatened to put a damper on Val’s mood. The man looked his age, if not a few years younger. Yet another person who had his life figured out well before forty.

  Well, whatever. At least he’d get bacon out of the deal.

  ~0~

  A couple of hours later, he was back home with two bags of groceries in his arms. His mother was home and just beginning to set out the makings of dinner. Val stooped to kiss her on the cheek before setting his groceries down on the counter next to the fridge.

  “Do you have time for dinner before work today, mijo?” his mother asked.

  Val’s lip twitched. She was only partially paying attention. Otherwise, she would’ve realized what he was doing. “I had a big late lunch.”

  That did it. She turned around to argue with him and narrowed her eyes. “What’s going on here?”

  “I’m putting groceries away—my groceries. See, this way, you won’t have to worry about me. I’ll feed myself.”

  “With what? This?” She grabbed a package of bologna from his hands. Then she started rustling through his bags. “We have eggs and tortillas.”

  “But these are mine so I don’t have to use yours.”

  His mother looked perplexed. “Why wouldn’t you use the tortillas and eggs that are already in the fridge? This is wasteful.” She shook the bologna and pointed with her chin at the hot dogs still in his bag. “And these aren’t food. Aye. Is this how you fed yourself while you were away?”

  Val took the bologna back from her and shoved it in the right drawer. “What’s wrong with this? That was my favorite breakfast growing up: fried bologna with a side of egg.”

  “But that’s all you have.”

  “No.” Val picked up the second bag and pushed it at her. “See? Vegetables.”

  She laughed. “Yes, I see what you intend to do with this.” There was a bag of frozen french fries, carrots, celery, and a squeeze bottle of ranch dressing. “This isn’t food,” she said again.

  “Well, I’ll just add that to the list of things I don’t know how to do. I don’t know how to buy real food.”

  “Don’t get cranky with me.” His mother put her hands on her hips. “You’re not a young man anymore. You have to take better care of yourself. Are you telling me you intend to survive on hot dogs and bologna?”

  Val shrugged. It wasn’t as though he made that much money at the gas station, and his first check had only been for a few days of work. “I don’t have enough for the good stuff right now. Next paycheck, I’ll spring for chicken and maybe some green beans. How’s that?”

  His mother sighed, studying him. “Your father came home from work early today. He said something to you, didn’t he?”

  “He’s not—”

  His mother held up a hand. “He’s not your father. I know.” Her lips turned up in a sad smile. “It would be worse if he were, I think.” She patted his arm. “I’ll talk to him.”

  “Don’t.” Val shook his head, but he made an effort to keep the bitterness from his voice. “We’ve been having this conversation since I was a kid. You think it’s going to change now? Don’t worry, all right? I’ll—”

  “—figure it out.”

  Val grimaced and went back to shoving things in the fridge. “Yeah. I’ll figure it out.”

  Chapter 8

  Mina yawned and stared at her reflection with bleary eyes. No way to hide how tired she was. She’d slipped in at 2:00 a.m., and her alarm went off at 5:30. As much as she wanted a permanent position, she hoped it wasn’t for this particular company. Their shifts started at 7:00—or, worse, 6:30.

  Yawning again, Mina made her way downstairs. She was surprised to find Dante awake and watching the news on low in the living room. His face was etched with concern, but when he turned and saw her, he smiled. “Buenos dias, mija.”

  “What’s going on?” she asked, pointing her chin at the TV.

  He grimaced. “Big earthquake in Ecuador.” He had family in Ecuador on his mother’s side. “Everyone’s okay, as far as I know, but I couldn’t get back to sleep.” He stretched his arms skyward and gave her another smile. “Anyway, it’s almost time for work. A couple of working stiffs—th
at’s what we are.”

  Dante stood and took a few steps to her. He took her by the shoulder, and Mina almost blushed at the look of pride in his eyes. “Look at you. There’s not an ounce of bad in you, is there?”

  “I don’t know about that.” Mina had to struggle to keep the guilt out of her voice.

  “You’ve always kept your head down, done what’s right, like Carlito. You did well in school.”

  “Not always.”

  “You graduated,” Dante said firmly. “Which is more than can be said for a lot of people.”

  Behind him, a figure appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. It was Val. He leaned against the doorway, a cup of coffee in one hand and a bone-tired expression on his face. Mina’s heart gave a soft pang.

  “And now you’re working a good job—a real job,” Dante continued, either oblivious of Val’s presence or not giving a damn. He gave Mina the once over. “Weren’t you wearing a skirt earlier this week?”

  Mina quirked an eyebrow. “What?”

  “A skirt. Young ladies should wear nice skirts. It’ll impress your boss.”

  “Hopefully her boss is impressed because she’s doing a good job, not because she’s showing some leg,” Val deadpanned.

  Dante scowled and turned to face Val. “Did anyone ask you, payaso? The world’s the way it is, and Mina’s smart enough to learn that, even if you never did.”

  Val’s eyes flicked to Mina and back to Dante. “She doesn’t like skirts.”

  How the hell had he known that? It was true. She’d tried it occasionally, but it always ended up badly. She hated stockings more than anything.

  “Besides, she looks good in a power suit.”

  Mina looked up to find Val’s eyes traveling up and down her body. Her cheeks flushed, and when his eyes met hers, her heart skipped a beat. “Very professional,” he said.

  He said “professional,” but Mina heard something else in his tone. She wasn’t sure what it was. She was almost relieved when Val looked back to Dante.

  “My boss is a woman, anyway,” she replied quickly, before Dante could start in on Val again. Her voice was scratchier than it had been a few seconds ago. She cleared her throat. “If she doesn’t like pantsuits, she should probably stop wearing them. I have to go now, or I’ll be late.” She pushed up onto the balls of her feet to kiss Dante’s cheek. She spared a glance at Val, smiling at him before she walked out the door.

  ~0~

  It was way too many hours later that she was pulling back up in front of her house. Fucking Celeste. She was dead on her feet, and it was 2:00 a.m. Again.

  Before she could put her keys in the door, it swung open. Her hand went to her heart, but it was Val who stared back at her. “You scared the hell out of me, Valentin.”

  He smirked at her. “Did you think I was Dante? Or Mom?”

  “I’m allowed to be out past my bedtime, as you pointed out.”

  “Uh-huh.” He stepped to the side, letting her in. “I said that the last time I saw you waltz in here drunk off your ass.”

  “I’m not drunk now. I haven’t even had anything to drink.”

  “I know.” He folded his arms across his chest. Mina was momentarily distracted. He had nice arms. She’d noticed that before. His weights were some of the few things he’d brought with him from Texas, and she’d seen him working out before. It was a good image. She liked arms.

  Then he spoke, and she remembered arms might’ve been one of his only redeeming qualities. “So, if you’re not drunk, then what were you doing?”

  His eyes raked over her as they had that morning, and damn if Mina’s nipples didn’t tighten. She pulled her sweater tighter around her and narrowed her eyes. She was all dolled up, back in that form-fitting skirt she knew made her ass look all kinds of good. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I went clubbing.”

  “And you didn’t drink.”

  “I was the designated driver this time. I had to get Celeste’s drunk ass home.”

  “And you smell like smoke.” Val’s eyes held hers as he stepped toward her.

  Heart pounding, Mina was startled when she found she’d backed up against the wall. Val stopped barely a foot away from her. “There’s no smoking indoors,” he reminded.

  “So maybe I had a couple outside.”

  “Mina—”

  She threw her hands out. “Hey, you don’t get to interrogate me. Not you.”

  When she moved to step around him, he stopped her with a firm hand on her shoulder. He stared at her with that look that was serious, demanding, and concerned. “You’ve gotten into something.” It wasn’t a question.

  Mina’s heart pounded harder. She hated that look. Worst of all, she hated the effect it had on her. He’d first fixed her with that look when she was six years old, and all the horrible things she’d had wandering around her head—the things she’d kept secret from her new family for a whole year—had come tumbling out. She had to bite her tongue to stop from blurting out the truth now. “It’s none of your business,” she repeated instead.

  “If I reach into your wallet right now, am I going to pull out a big wad of money?”

  “Don’t touch my stuff.” Mina clutched her purse closer to her chest.

  How the hell had he known?

  But she also wasn’t being smooth about this at all. Any doubt he had was probably erased by her reaction.

  He ran a hand through his hair and clutched at it. “Mia, if you’re in trouble—”

  “Don’t call me that,” she snapped. “And don’t start with me. I’m a big girl now, Val. You weren’t there for me when I actually needed you, and I learned how to take care of myself. It’s too late now.”

  His eyebrows knitted. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  She scoffed. “Yeah, I know. I wasn’t important enough for you to even remember.” She moved to get around him again.

  This time, he grabbed her arm and spun her back to face him. She bared her teeth at him. “I swear if you don’t stop grabbing me, you’re going to regret it.”

  Instantly, he let her go, but he didn’t step back. They were closer now than they’d been before, their bodies almost touching. “You’re still pissed at me for whatever it is I supposedly did to you when you were a kid. Well, I can’t read your mind, Mina. If you’re waiting to hear I’m sorry, you’re going to have to fill me in on what the hell I ever did to you.”

  “‘I’m sorry,’” she repeated the words scathingly. “What good did ‘I’m sorry’ ever do anyone, huh? Is that what you said to your kid? ‘I’m sorry, but I’m sick of you’? Good luck with the rest of your life.”

  The pain that flashed through Val’s eyes then was like a sucker punch to the gut. She’d been trying to hurt him—she was so angry—but that much?

  Just as quickly, though, Val’s eyes narrowed. He stepped forward into her personal space, his jaw clenched. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “Yeah, so you keep saying. Maybe you were a shitty dad, Valentin. I don’t know. I never really saw you be a dad. But you’re the only dad that kid’s ever going to have.”

  Val laughed. It was such a humorless sound it was physically painful. He turned away from Mina, and the fire she’d felt in the air turned down several degrees. “That was the problem. He already had a dad.”

  Mina took a step backward, uncertain as she watched his shoulders slump in defeat. “What?”

  He shuffled a few more steps forward and threw himself onto the couch, his arms spread wide over the back and his head tilted up toward the ceiling. “You want to know the whole story? Fine.” He sighed. “So, Johana had a boyfriend in Texas—high school boyfriend. They go through everything together—college, grad school. He’s a doctor, because of course he is.”

  Mina didn’t miss the bitterness in his tone. She walked to the couch slowly and sat opposite him.

  “After all these years together, Johana wanted to
take an internship in California, and he couldn’t go. Something about his residency. I don’t know.” Another shrug. He continued to stare straight up. “So they decide to try splitting up for a while. You know the whole thing. They’d never been with anyone but each other. Didn’t really know themselves by themselves. Blah, blah, blah. She comes to California, and he stays in Texas.”

  “And she meets you.” Mina drew her feet up on the couch.

  “Yeah.” He scoffed. “It wasn’t ever anything, her and me. We were both on the same page that night. One night. No strings. I was charming and the exact opposite of frickin’ Preston.”

  He said the name through clenched teeth. “That’s the boyfriend?” Mina asked.

  “Yep. I wasn’t the first one after Preston, but I guess I was the last one before she decided she was done—done with California and done with easy sex. She’d already secured a job in Dallas when the two pink lines came up.”

  Val waved a hand in the air. “So, she came to see me the day before she flew back home. She said she was pregnant, and it was only right to tell me. Really, she just wanted to know if she had to worry about family medical history, but whatever. She told me I didn’t have to worry because she had a good job, and her fucking boyfriend had a good job, and they were going to raise the baby together.”

  His voice sounded far away by then. Not bitter, just sad and wistful. “You know this part. I took off after her, because I didn’t know what else to do.”

  Leaving behind his only support system, as messed up as it was, and a more-than-half-finished college career.

  “She tried to tell me from the beginning that Emile had a family: Mom, Daddy Preston, two sets of grandparents who thought he hung the moon. Johana… She fought me tooth and nail from the very first minute.” He shook his head back and forth, still staring at the ceiling. “I came to Texas with no job and nowhere to live, and she had the best family lawyer in the city. I only had supervised visits when Emile was a baby, so he didn’t really grow up thinking I was Dad. Preston was Dad, and I was this guy who made Mommy and Daddy upset. Then I was this guy who Emile had to stay with every once in a while. A weekend here and there. And… I don’t know… I could never do anything right. Never remember his changing likes and dislikes. Never the one invited to parent-teacher conferences. I had no idea what was going on with him. Never had enough money even to be the guy he got to do all the fun things with.