Phantoms In Philadelphia (Phantom Knights Book 1)
Page 38
***
The next morning, it was nearing eight when I went down the stairs and heard Jack speaking to someone in his library. “Who is the female? Do you know her?”
Levi’s eyes met mine over Jack’s shoulder, and he clamped his mouth shut as I walked in to the library.
“Was your mission successful?” Levi asked, making me want to choke him.
“What mission?” Jack asked.
“It was not a mission so much as a task,” I replied, but both of them were staring at me, so I sighed and told Jack what I had done.
There was complete silence for a few moments as Jack’s jaw worked back and forth. Levi took a step back. “Why would you do that?” Jack asked with deadly calm. Jack shouting was something I could handle, but Jack’s low voice meant danger.
“It needed to be done,” I said, squaring my shoulders and meeting his gaze without wincing at the ice in his stare.
“That was not your call, sister.”
“I will just...” Levi’s sentence hung as he nearly ran from the room.
“Coward,” I hissed at him as he passed by me, receiving a boyish grin in return before he disappeared around the corner.
Jack dug his fingers into his black hair as he lowered himself to the sofa. “I take it that you are the one who stole the iron?”
“I did not steal it. I returned it to its rightful owner.” With a cunning message that she would not be able to ignore.
Before he could reply, the front knocker sounded three times. It was too early for callers, but when Andrew stepped into the foyer, everything within me twisted and turned until I was one large knot of nerves and anticipation.
He is here to propose.
Was I ready? Looking at his fine form and kind manners as he greeted my mother in the foyer, yes, I was ready. He turned his head, and his eyes met mine.
He did not smile. He pulled his gaze away as my mother led him into the library. I stepped to the side but watched his every move. His shoulders were stiff, and he balanced on the balls of his feet like he was about to run.
Mother directed him to a chair, but he shook his head. “Thank you, but I am afraid that I cannot remain long. I have come to bid your family adieu. Even now my carriage waits to take me to my uncle.”
Everything within me stumbled, and cold slithered from my stomach up to my chest taking a pick axe and chipping away at my heart. He was leaving—without proposing.
“Surely you will not travel in this bitter weather,” mother said, as she cast me a pitying look.
“I have put off my departure for too long, but I could not leave without bidding your family farewell, for you each have been so kind to me during my sojourn in the metropolis.”
Kind? For each spoken word, there were a hundred unspoken ones. With each moment that he would not look at me, I saw my future slipping away.
“Do you mean to stay away long, Mr. Madison?” Jack asked, doing nothing to hide the anger in his voice.
“My plans are, as yet, unsure. I never know how long my uncle will require my company. It may be many months before I am at liberty to return to this fair city.”
A sob threatened to burst from my throat, but I held on. I would not break down. I could not. Andrew moved to my mother and bowed over her hand and then turned to me. I extended my hand mechanically, and when his fingers touched mine, I willed with everything inside of me. Look at me. Look at me! But he would not meet my eyes. He released my hand almost as soon as he had touched it. My eyes burned as the moisture built.
“I do hope that we shall meet again one day,” he said to the room, then smiled, but there was no warmth. He walked from the room with Jack on his heels.
Mother sank to a chair moaning audibly. “That is it then.”
Saying nothing, I moved to the door. Giving up was not me; I had to do something, say something. When I reached the door, Jack was speaking.
“Surely you will stay long enough to speak with my sister. You gave me reason to believe...” Jack let the rest trail and something inside me broke, shattering into tiny slivers that cut me all over.
Andrew shook his head as he picked up his hat from the side table. “I regret...truly. I had hoped—” he broke off, shaking his head again. “I must go.” Andrew held out his hand, but Jack crossed his arms scowling up at him. Andrew lowered his hand, smiled sadly, turned and stepped out of the door, taking my dreams for a future away from the Phantoms with him.
I looked down at the floor, noticing that my hands were shaking. I will be strong. I will be strong. I will be strong. I could not be strong. A sob caught in my throat.
“Please, excuse me,” I whispered to no one in particular before running up the stairs.
In my chamber, sobs wrenched my chest, but no tears came. Heat and pain swirled all around me, forcing me to my knees. I covered my head with my hands, pushing as hard as I could, and screamed into my hands. My heart ached so much that I screamed deeper.
What have I done? What could I have possibly done?
A voice in my head sounding like my father said, ‘You have failed again. Always failing.’
My forehead dropped to the floor as I sobbed. It was not fair. Three times. Three times had I opened my heart and lost. First, with my father, then Ben, and now Andrew. Rocking on my knees, I kept my eyes closed, my cold hands covering my face, willing the pain away.
When my knees hurt, I laid on the floor curling into a ball. My body felt like a hollow cavern with a cold wind surging through all the emptiness.
Someone came to my door, but I ignored them until they went away, and I was left alone. Always alone. I lay on my floor for an hour before finally shoving my hair away from my face and pushing to my feet. How I gained the will to rise I do not know. Numbness was covering me, but grief had ruled me for too long. I was a Phantom; a fighter. I would not spend years pining for Andrew as I had Ben. Having suffered enough disappointment for three lifetimes, my heart said no more. As I had been determined as a child, I was determined once more never to give anyone the power to disappoint me again.
Chapter 24
Bess