Taming the Darkness

by Sarah Carter

  Slowly, I walk over to Avery. He turns to me. His eyes are red from crying. “Here,” I whisper, handing him a glass. “Drink this.”

  “I don’t want any of your crazy truth serum shit,” he sniffles.

  “It’s Jack Daniels,” I reply.

  “What? Seriously?” He stutters.

  Waving it in front of him, I say, “Let’s get wasted.”

  “What are you drinking?” He asks.

  “Hell’s version of moonshine. It takes a lot for us to feel anything. Leave it to hell to make a drink that puts you on your ass.” I lift my glass to his, he clinks it, and we take a drink.

  He shakes his head. “This is probably a bad idea,” he says. “I’m not in a good state to drink.”

  “Oh, pffff,” I scoff. “Sit on the floor.”

  “Why?”

  “Just do it,” I instruct, shoving him down. I descend to the floor and climb onto his lap, wrapping my legs around his torso.

  Making a face, he asks, “What are you doing?”

  “Don’t worry, I don’t bite too hard,” I state, taking a drink. “You have an angel wrapped around you. You’ll be fine.”

  Avery holds up his glass and we clink again. He takes a big drink. “I think this will help.”

  “Are you upset that we just did that to your father?” I inquire.

  He looks off to the side. “No, I don’t think so. Finding out my sister is alright is the biggest relief. You’re telling me the truth?”

  “Absolutely,” I reply. “I don’t lie to people. Sometimes I have to lie to my marks. To everyone else, I try not to. I just won’t answer if I don’t want to.”

  We both take a sip. “Are you really a virgin?”

  “Yeah,” I whisper, looking down. “Just…never felt that connection with someone.”

  “No guy friends?”

  I look up at him and start laughing. “Gale. I have one friend. His name is Gale.”

  “Never felt the need…” Avery starts. Laughing, I lean my head against his chest.

  “You’re laughing,” he whispers in my ear.

  Not moving, I just breathe him in. When I smell him…I feel things. I quickly sit up. “Gale is a white angel. We’ve known each other since we were kids. Heaven is run on different time. So, even though we were the same age when we met, we are no longer the same age. Gale likes to think he’s like 18. He’s actually around 11. I don’t have the heart to tell him that. He is the sweetest, kindest, most innocent angel, but still a kid. So, no, there’s never been sexual attraction between us.”

  “Interesting,” Avery says, taking a drink. “I lost my virginity when I was 13.”

  “Whoa,” I exhale.

  “All the shit with my father, I was very confused. He messed me up so badly.”

  Feeling a little warm, I run my fingers through his hair with angelic touch. “You seem okay.”

  “Ha,” he snorts. “No, I’ve had a very rough life. I told you, my soul is very dark.”

  I put my hand on his chest. “Avery, only I can tell you that, but I’m not sticking my hand in your chest. I’m a good judge of these things. I know dark, because I see it every day. I’m dark. You, though you may like to believe differently, are not dark.”

  He looks down at my hand and then up at me. We both pause and then take another gulp of our drinks. “I have no idea how many girls I have slept with. No idea. None. I use them and toss them aside.”

  “Well, given your past, that doesn’t really surprise me,” I say.

  “There’s more, but I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he mumbles.

  “I don’t push,” I whisper. I take a drink and sigh. “I’m lonely most of the time. I think you and I are in the same boat. You just surround yourself with activities and women to fill the void. You have a normal response for your loneliness. I, however, feel it in here.” I place my hand over my heart. “I take pleasure out of what I do when I reap souls.”

  Avery traces his fingers down my hand. “That doesn’t make you dark. I can see why you get pleasure from it.” His fingers and touch make my pulse quicken. There’s almost a magnetic pull to him. Avery looks into my eyes. “I don’t think you’re that dark. You told me you were half-light.”

  “I don’t feel it,” I state, downing the rest of my drink. I’m feeling the liquor and… other stuff. Being so close to him, makes me want to…get lost for a while.

  “I don’t think you want to feel it,” Avery says, downing the rest of his drink. He looks at the glass and then me. I smile and flick my wrist. Both bottles shoot over to us. “I think I’m going to thoroughly like having you around. You’re very handy,” he laughs. He pours more liquid it my cup and then Jack for himself. “Anyway, you’re half-light, even if you don’t want to be.”

  Rolling my eyes, I take a big gulp. I don’t like where this conversation is heading, but I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy. “There’s a small part of me that feels at home in hell.”

  “I’d probably feel at home there, too,” he whispers.

  “Tell me the craziest thing you’ve ever done,” I whisper, with a smirk.

  “Jumped out of a plane.”

  “Obviously, you had a parachute.”

  Avery raises an eyebrow. “No, I flew.”

  “I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who can fly,” I laugh.

  He sits up straight. “You can fly?”

  “I’m an angel,” I snort.

  “You don’t have wings,” Avery gasps.

  “You can’t see my wings. Angels don’t have to show their wings all the time. We choose not to. They can be kind of annoying.” Super, in the way, annoying.

  His eyes light up. “Can I see? Please?”

  “Oh gosh,” I laugh. Closing my eyes, I open them up. He’s staring behind me, so l look. My feathers are red and black.

  “They match your hair,” he whispers.

  “Yeah,” I laugh. “They kind of do that. Not all angel wings are white.”

  A huge smile sweeps across his face. “Can I touch them?”

  “Ummm,” I pause for a second.

  “Please?”

  Pressing my lips together, I finally say, “Go ahead. It’s just really…”

  “Painful?”

  I shake my head and look down. “No, it feels good, incredibly good.”

  “You don’t want me to,” he whispers, coming down to my face.

  Looking up into his eyes, I whisper back, “Go ahead.”

  He traces his fingers across the top of the wing and then slowly down. I close my eyes and tilt my head back, it feels that good. Avery runs his fingers through the feathers. I sigh and everything in me aches. I have never felt this need before. Avery traces his fingers all the way to my back. He strokes where the wing meets my back and I shudder. His fingers make their way around to my front. I can’t open my eyes, I’m so lost in the pleasure. He skims the top of the corset and I arch my back. The next thing I know I feel his lips on my chest. I run my fingers through his hair and pull him closer. Avery grabs my hips and pulls me against him. My breath hitches as he slowly kisses his way up my neck and then to my ear. He gently bites and I gasp. I feel him trace his fingers down my jawline. He turns my head towards his. Our lips are so close…

  “Raven!” I hear yelled behind me.

  We pull away from each other so fast and spin around. “Gale,” I stammer. “Oh my gosh. Umm, hey buddy.” I climb off Avery’s lap and we quickly stand up. I teeter a little bit on my feet and Avery steadies me. “What’s up?”

  “I have a delivery and wanted to say hi!” He exclaims happily.

  I clench my eyes shut because things are a bit blurry. “That’s nice.” Avery clears his throat. “Gale, this is Avery. Avery, this is my best friend.”

  “I know who he is,” Gale declares. “I have a delivery for him. My first mission as an angel.”

  “They gave you a mission,” I gasp in excitement.

  Gale nods his head. “Yes, a special deliv
ery.”

  “What is it?” I ask.

  He walks over to Avery. “Hold out your hand.” Avery raises an eyebrow. I nudge him with my elbow. Rolling his eyes, he extends his hand. “Are you ready?” Gale asks, super excited.

  “Yes,” Avery replies. Gale covers his hand with his and then withdraws it. I look. There is an origami crane in his palm. “Oh my God,” Avery gasps, tears brimming in his eyes.

  “What? What is it?” I ask, totally confused.

  “My sister. My sister would make these all the time during school and give them to me when we got home. My room was covered in them.”

  With the biggest smile EVER, Gale declares, “She and your mother say hi.”

  Avery clenches his fist to his chest and cries. I step over to him and he wraps his arms around me, in a steel-like hug. Good thing I’m strong. Wow. Even in the heels, I’m still shorter than him. So, I just lay my head on his chest and hold him. Avery just cries.

  Gale’s smile turns into a frown and he looks like he’s going to cry. “Gale,” I whisper.

  “I thought I did a good job,” he whispers back.

  “Oh no, buddy,” I say, letting go of Avery. “Sometimes when people are happy they cry. It’s like a release of emotions.”

  Wiping away his tears, Avery adds, “Yeah man. This means the world to me. Thank you.”

  “Do I get a hug!” He exclaims.

  Avery raises an eyebrow. I turn my back to Gale. “Eleven-year-old white angel,” I whisper.

  He nods and laughs. “Sure man, but you have to make me a promise.”

  “Of course,” Gale replies.

  “Give my mom and sister a hug for me, okay?”

  “I can do that!” Gale extends his arms and Avery hugs him. Gale starts to glow.

  “Okay Gale,” I laugh.

  He lets go of Avery. Avery steps back a few steps. “Whoa.”

  “Full on white angel,” I state. “It will knock you right out of your shoes.”

  “She can do it,” Gale interjects. “She ignores her white side, but it’s my goal to get her to see it!”

  “Gale,” I growl.

  Gale winks. “One day, Raven, you will admit it.” Suddenly, he narrows his eyes behind me.

  “What?” I ask.

  “You have a hole in your runes,” Gale states, pointing to the wall.

  “GALE, GO HOME!” I scream.

  An arrow shoots through the room and straight at Gale. He disappears in a burst of light and the arrows sinks into the wall. I grab Avery and we flash to a different location, landing hard. I scream out in pain. Avery quickly takes me into his arms. “Where are we?” He asks.

  The room is dusty and there isn’t much light. “The Vatican.”

  “The Vatican,” he laughs.

  “Yeah,” I snort. “It’s kind of like a giant holy ground. We can hide out here for the night.”

  “Do you sleep?” Avery inquires.

  “Not usually,” I sigh. “But we did just drink a lot.”

  He laughs. “We kind of did. I’m glad your friend Gale is okay.”

  “That’s only his second time coming to earth. He has to be quicker than that. Heaven is perfection. Nothing bad is going to happen to you there, but lots of bad stuff will happen on Earth.”

  “I will forever like him,” Avery says. We sit there for a minute, silent, and Avery holds me. Finally, he asks, “So are you going to sleep?”

  “I don’t think I have much of a choice,” I sigh. “I drank a little too much.”

  He bends down to my ear. “Sissy.”

  “I can totally kick your punk ass,” I reply, narrowing my eyes. “So, I’d watch your mouth.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’re my bodyguard. I know,” he says. “Let’s just lay down. Here, sleep on me.” He pulls me farther into his arms. “I don’t want to let you go.” We both pause in the awkward silence. “You know what I mean,” he scoffs, his tone different.

  I quickly stutter, “Yeah…romance and I don’t exactly belong in the same sentence.” Something stirs inside of me. I don’t know what it is, but I squash it down. I’m a reaper. I don’t do whatever this is.

  Looking down at me, Avery whispers, “Maybe you’re not into romance for the same reason you’re still a virgin. You haven’t met the right person.”

  I sigh.

  “Come on. Lay down and relax a little.” He pulls me down and I lay my head on his chest.

  Hesitantly, I lay my hand on his stomach. Avery looks down and then lightly traces his fingers on the back of it. “I don’t really relax,” I murmur.

  He groans softly. “Pretend.”

  I growl. His attitude is irritating and I shouldn’t care. Of course, I don’t want to make it awkward. Why would I want to lay my head on him or sleep next to him?

  “I love sleeping next to someone.”

  I look up at him. “I thought you didn’t care about anyone.”

  “I don’t. I love sleeping next to women, but I leave in the morning and never call them,” Avery whispers. He turns his gaze away.

  “That’s really shady,” I note, because it is.

  “Don’t judge me.”

  Raising an eyebrow, I ask, “Why would I judge you?” He looks at me and I lay my head back on his chest. “I only judge people if I am going to reap them.”

  “Are you going to try and reap me now?” Avery asks.

  I look up at him again. “Why would I?”

  “Because of earlier, when I touched your wings,” he whispers, looking me in the eyes. They are saying something but I don’t know what.

  “Oh…no. Just…”

  “I didn’t have bad intentions,” he states seriously.

  Confused, I ask, “Then why?”

  He tilts his head back and looks up at the ceiling. “You looked so…I don’t know. It felt incredible knowing that I was doing that to you.”

  “You’ve seduced girls before,” I say.

  “This was different,” he murmurs, as he looks back down at me.

  A knot forms in my stomach. I scoff, “Probably because I’m an angel.”

  “I don’t know,” Avery replies. He has this look on his face and I can’t quite place it. “It was just different.”

  “Well, don’t do it again,” I snap, putting my head back down.

  There is a very long, silent pause. “Are you sure you want that?” He whispers.

  “Yes…no…I don’t know. Go to sleep.”

  Avery laughs. “I’m on a hard floor, in the middle of a dusty attic, afraid I’m going to get jumped by demons. Pretty sure sleeping is not in the cards.” I prop myself up over him. He raises his eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

  “Go to sleep,” I instruct. “You’re going to need your energy.” Bending over, I gently kiss him on his forehead. He pulls me close and falls asleep. I lay back down, and though he’s asleep, he pulls me tighter against him.

  Now, I need to fall asleep. I lay there for a minute. This actually feels really nice. It’s comforting. I move my head and take a deep breath. Again, he smells so good and it takes me back to when he was touching me earlier. I felt every caress deep in my soul. I wanted more. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him to touch me everywhere.

  I can’t do that. Stop it, Raven. I have to stop him…from doing what? He said I would die a virgin. Do I really want that? Not really. I don’t want the hassle of loving another person but I also don’t want to be shackled to a demon. Losing my virginity to a human would piss Azrael off so much, especially if I lost it to Avery. This sounds promising. But despite my desire to make Azrael suffer, I can’t ignore the feelings that ignite every time I’m near Avery, like right now.

  No clue what it is or why I’m feeling it, but… This is so stupid. If you want to sleep with him then sleep with him. Just do it. You don’t boohoo over emotions. If you want him to rock your world, then let him. He obviously knows what he’s doing. The way he made me feel already… I’m so lost in my own thoughts right now. Los
t in my own feelings.

  Ugh, I don’t know if I will ever fall asleep. My mind’s all over the place. Broken, random thoughts. It’s probably the moonshine. Wait, of course it’s the moonshine. Confusion is a side effect! It will be gone by morning. No more drinking until this adventure is over. One hundred percent sober. That’s what’s causing these weird feelings. Stupid moonshine. I snuggle up to Avery, because I won’t lie, it feels really good. Now, I can go to sleep. With that, I close my eyes.

  Chapter 5

  “Raven.”

  “Mmm,” I moan, burrowing closer to the warm body next to me. I’ve never slept so good, and I don’t want to wake up.

  “Raven, wake up,” Avery whispers. I finally stir. “I have to use the restroom. Pretty sure I’m going to pee myself soon.”

  I sit up and he sits up with me, his hand against my back. “We will have to leave the Vatican. People will freak if I’m in a church.”

  “Why?” Avery asks, with a curious look on his face.

  “They sense my darkness. Are you hungry?” I ask, yawning and running my hands through my hair. Suddenly, I get a vision of Avery doing that. I’m straddling him and he’s biting my neck. I quickly shake my head and it’s gone.

  Avery shifts next to me, and grabs my legs, draping them over his. Ah, so we don’t break contact. “I’m starving,” he finally replies. “But can we really sit in a restaurant?”

  “Sure. Demons don’t like to draw attention. They will sit until a target leaves because they prefer to ambush.”

  “I want IHOP pancakes,” Avery declares. “Carbs after drinking.”

  “Pancakes, bacon and coffee,” I mumble. Looking down, I say, “We should get different clothes too.”

  Tracing his fingers up my leg, Avery whispers, “I don’t know. I like you in this.” The sensation makes me shudder. My eyes close and I take deep breaths. “Whoa. Whoa,” Avery stammers. “What is going on?”

  My eyes flash open and I shake my head. “I have no idea. I keep having these dreams and visions. Obviously, I’m losing my mind.”

  “Dreams and visions of what?” Avery asks.

  I shake my head. “Nothing. Ready to go?”

  “Tell me,” he murmurs. “Don’t lie. Don’t start lying to me. How am I supposed to trust you?”