Taming the Darkness

by Sarah Carter

  “Come here,” Avery says. He grabs my hand and pulls me into the bathroom and closes the door. “I will go first.”

  I roll my eyes. “Avery, really?”

  “Maybe it would make you more comfortable,” he suggests. Avery sets his spare clothes and soap down and then takes off his shirt. Oh my god. Things start to stir in me when I see his perfect abs.

  The more I stare at Avery, the more I begin to feel the same response I had when he was running his hands over my wings and his mouth across my skin. “We really shouldn’t be doing this.”

  Avery unbuckles his pants and slides them down. “Listen, it seems weird I know, but you need to be right next to me if Azrael can really pop up out of nowhere. We are both exhausted and filthy. A shower would be good for both of us.” He kicks his pants off and looks in me in the eyes. “I’m taking off my boxers next. No reaping, okay?”

  That makes me laugh. “I’m not going to reap your soul.”

  He smiles. “Just making sure.” With that, he drops his boxers. Dear lord, I have never felt like this before. I actually turn around. “Are you really that shy?” Avery asks.

  “No,” I say, my voice cracking.

  “Feeling something you aren’t used to,” Avery replies.

  A heavy sigh escapes. “Yeah.”

  “Do you not want to do this?”

  I can’t help but laugh. “I want to do this, more than I’ve ever wanted to in my life and I don’t know what to do with these feelings.”

  His hand suddenly brushes my hair away from my neck. I feel him step up right behind me. He kisses my neck. A moan escapes and I tilt my head. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me against his bare skin. He continues to kiss my neck.

  A rush of raw emotion surges through me. I can’t help it. I reach back and run my fingers through his hair. “Avery…” I barely get out.

  “Raven,” he breathes out heavily. “I need to get into the shower. If you join me…I can’t make any promises.” With that he turns away from me. It’s like a rush of cold air. I can breathe again. Barely. I stare at the bathroom door as the shower starts. I hear the curtain pulled shut and I let out a breath.

  Turning around, I look at the shower. What do I do? I know if I go in there…something is going to happen. I want to join him. I want his hands on me. I want to give in and kiss him. But is what I’m feeling real or a product of little sleep, this stupid path Raphael won’t shut up about, or some cruel joke? I can’t deny that Avery grounds me. I’m on a journey to find something…and Avery is part of it. I may find something on the other side of that shower curtain, but it’s not going to be the light. I don’t think.

  Avery’s voice interrupts my deep thoughts. “So, are you coming in here or you going to kick my ass? Or are you going to come in here and then kick my ass?”

  I fall into the bathroom counter laughing. “Well, you know, if I really hurt you, you probably wouldn’t fulfill the prophecy. Pretty sure I’m supposed to keep you in one piece.”

  “So, do you think Azrael would grab me naked?”

  I snort. “He wants to kill you. Pretty sure he wouldn’t care if you were naked or fully clothed.”

  “What the hell Raven!” Avery yells. “You better fucking protect me.”

  “We have wards up.”

  “I don’t care,” he retorts.

  “This is stupid,” I snap.

  Avery says, “You need to get clean and I’m not sitting outside the bathroom while you do that. No way in hell.”

  Pressing my lips together, I glare at the floor. “Fine.”

  “It’s not that big of a deal.”

  My jaw drops. “Not to you,” I yell back.

  “For someone who claims to be a bad ass and stone cold, getting naked sure is a big deal.”

  Is he taunting me? Well, I will show him. I start to strip off my clothes. “I take it back, I will kick your ass,” I seethe.

  “No, you won’t,” Avery replies. “You want a shower more than you want to kick my ass.”

  He’s not wrong. Finally, I’m naked. I still can’t believe I’m doing this. “I’m coming in. Close your eyes or something.”

  “If it makes you feel better, I will turn my back and then when you are ready, I will turn around.”

  Okay, that makes this a little easier. Taking in a deep breath, I step towards the shower. I draw back the curtain and climb in. “You know,” I sigh, “I wouldn’t want to be doing this with anyone else. I trust you.”

  “I trust you, too,” Avery replies over his shoulder, I can see his eyes are tightly closed. His hands are placed on the shower wall and the water is running down his back. Things clench inside of me. A yearning starts to grow in the pit of my stomach. “So, can I turn around?”

  “You know,” I laugh. “My hesitation has nothing to do with confidence in my appearance.”

  “Then what is it?” Avery says, standing up straight. He still doesn’t turn around.

  I pause for a moment. “I just…feel things I haven’t felt before.”

  “What are you feeling?” He whispers.

  “I don’t think I could put it into words. It’s an ache, deep inside me.”

  Avery lets out a groan. “Maybe I shouldn’t turn around.”

  “Maybe not,” I exhale.

  “What do you want, Raven?” He asks. Not knowing how to answer that question. I stay quiet. “Talk to me,” he says quietly.

  Everything inside me is so confusing. It’s like a war of emotion and nothing makes sense. “You can turn around,” I finally whisper.

  He slowly turns around and looks at me. Our eyes lock and we don’t say a word. “You’re beautiful,” he finally says.

  Reaching out, I touch his chest. The water is cascading down and his skin glistens in the low light of the bathroom. Avery grabs me hand and clenches it to his chest. There’s a pull in me I can’t fight any longer. I step up to him and he meets my gaze. “Kiss me,” I exhale. “Kiss me before I chicken out.”

  “And kick my ass,” he teases.

  I laugh a little. “Yeah.” Avery yanks my hand and I’m pulled flush against him, igniting an inferno from within me. He looks into my eyes and then bends down. I tilt my head. Our lips meet and it’s like an electrical current surges through me. Suddenly, my body has a mind of its own. I wrap my arms around his neck and deepen the kiss.

  We kiss each other softly, but soon it’s frantic. I get lost in it and can’t think straight. Avery runs his fingers down my back. I press myself against him harder. He suddenly backs us up until we hit the shower wall. I gasp and pull my head back. Avery starts to kiss up my neck. I move so that he has easier access. He gently bites my earlobe and my body begins to shake.

  Suddenly, he pulls back, breathing hard. “We need to slow down.”

  “Why?” I ask, panting.

  Avery looks into my eyes. “I want to make sure this is what you want. Do you really want your first time to be in the shower while we are on the run?”

  I think for a moment and answer honestly. “I don’t know.”

  “We just went from first kiss to second base in a matter of minutes,” Avery states. “Let’s not jump full swing just yet. We do need to shower.”

  “Okay,” I agree, calming down a bit. “Wow.”

  “What?” He whispers, stroking his hand down my face.

  I shake my head. “This just feels incredible.”

  He nods. “It’s like nothing I have experienced before.”

  That shuts me up quickly. “Probably because I’m a reaper.”

  “I don’t think that’s it,” Avery says, looking down. Suddenly, his facial expression changes. “Let’s just shower and get clean.”

  A rock forms in my stomach. What am I feeling? It’s like the air has been knocked out of me. Why did he get so cold suddenly? “Yeah,” I agree. “Let’s shower.”

  He grabs some soap and starts to wash himself. I reach out and take it. Avery looks at me. I start to gently wash him. His eyes
never waiver from me. Finally, he whispers, “That feels good.”

  “It feels good doing it,” I reply quietly. I can see Avery physically relax. He reaches up and presses my hand against his chest. “What?” I ask, looking up.

  “I just…haven’t had someone touch me like this before,” Avery declares softly.

  Stopping, I ask, “Do you not want me to do it?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying,” he replies. “It just feels good.”

  A warmth starts to spread through me and the constant darkness starts to dissipate. A new feeling builds and it takes my breath away. I look at him and Avery gazes back at me with a look I’ve never seen before. We stay that way, just staring at each other. For seconds, minutes, hours, I have no idea. It’s like time disappears.

  Avery reaches over and tilts my head towards his. He gently lays his lips on mine. This time is totally different. We slowly and gently kiss each other. A yearning starts to form in my chest but it’s not like before. This time it’s like I just want him near me. I want him close. I just…want him.

  Finally, Avery pulls back. “Raven…”

  “Yes,” I reply softly. He shakes his head and looks down. “Don’t do that,” I say. “We need to be honest with each other.”

  “I can’t,” he says. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

  I force him to look at me. “I don’t think you can stop it.”

  He presses his lips into a hard line. “I can stop it if I want to.”

  I snap, pulling away. “Don’t play games with me.”

  He exhales heavily. “Do you think this is angelic touch?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer, because that’s the truth. “I’m not trying to use it.”

  “Use it and I can tell you,” Avery says. “Let me see.”

  Nodding, I place my hand on his face. I let it go. I let the light go. He takes in a quick breath. “Is it the same?” I inquire. I’m not sure I want to know the answer.

  Avery shakes his head. “No, but that makes me feel whole. It makes me feel…healed.”

  Slowly, I pull my hand away and he looks at me. “Then what are you feeling?”

  “I don’t know,” he replies. “I’ve never been like this before. I’ve never let my guard down. It’s always been the same. Score and go.”

  “That’s horrible,” I snap.

  “I can’t change my past. I can’t change who I was,” Avery states.

  I look up at him. “Do you think you will be that way again? After all of this is done.”

  He doesn’t move. “I’m not sure. I was so full of hate. My sister…everything.”

  “But you know she’s safe,” I reply. “You know she’s in heaven, with your mom.”

  A smile twitches on his face. “You don’t know what that knowledge that feels like.”

  “I could imagine,” I state seriously. “You have to understand I know what the darkness feels like. It creeps into the depth of my soul. I see what happens to the people my marks hurt. I get it. I totally get why you were the way that you were. I just…don’t think you need to be that way anymore. Things are different for you. If you are going to save the fallen, I have a feeling that you need to let that go. You need to embrace the light.”

  “You need to do the same,” Avery whispers. He grabs my hand and kisses it. “You need to see the light within yourself.”

  I pause and then I say, “I think I felt it. Before. When you were kissing me.”

  He closes his eyes and holds my hand to his chest. “What’s going on?”

  “I don’t know,” I say. I lean forward and put my head on his chest. He wraps his arms around me and we stand there. The water is cascading down us. I feel so at peace. A warmth is enveloping me. It’s a little like angelic touch…but so different at the same time.

  “Do you think we are going to run out of hot water?” He finally asks.

  I can’t help but giggle. “They put up wards but I don’t think they made an angelic hot water heater.”

  “We should shower,” he chuckles. “Come on. Wash your hair.” He spins us around and I put my head under the water. It runs down my face. Avery pulls up my head and wipes off my face. He grabs the shampoo and starts to wash my hair. Oh…wow…that feels incredible.

  The rest of the shower we don’t say a word. It’s all contact. Soft touches. A kiss here and there. I never knew I could feel this way. Finally, we are drying off. “I need to go grab clothes,” I say.

  Avery is pulling up his pants. “I will go get them.”

  “Okay.”

  He leaves. That’s when a fluttering happens in my chest. I’m smiling. I can’t help it. My face is stuck with this expression. Like my muscles aren’t working. I touch my face. I don’t know what this is. The fluttering gets stronger. I giggle. I don’t giggle.

  A moment later, Avery is back. He puts my clothes on the counter and then looks up at me. “Wow.”

  “What?” I counter, my face falling a little.

  “No, you look beautiful. I’ve never seen you this bright.”

  It takes me a minute and then I say, “I’ve never felt like this before. It’s like…the darkness is gone. I feel a weight has been lifted off my chest.”

  “You’re feeling the light,” Avery whispers, a genuine smile on his face. “You’re finding your light.”

  “Is that what this is?” I inquire softly. “I have a fluttering in my chest.”

  “Aww, you feel butterflies,” Avery laughs.

  I glare at him. “Why are you laughing?”

  “You’re feeling butterflies,” he replies. “I’m not laughing at you. It’s just kind of funny considering the circumstances.”

  Snorting, I say, “Yeah, that does seem a little weird.”

  “You are finding the light. Grab ahold of it and don’t let it go,” Avery urges. “Hold onto what you are feeling.”

  “And what about you?” I ask, looking up at him. “This can’t be one sided.”

  Avery lets out a breath, obviously frustrated. “I don’t know, Raven. There’s so much anger still inside of me.”

  “Maybe it’s time you let the anger go,” I suggest. “To save the fallen, you have to let it go.”

  “That sounds so much easier than it probably is,” Avery says.

  I laugh. “If I can find the light, pretty sure you can let go of the hate. The darkness is half of me. If I can get past it, then you should be able to get past whatever hurt you so badly.”

  He takes my hand and kisses it. “Maybe.”

  “Not maybe…just let it go,” I say. “I’m not going to hurt you. God would probably smite me.”

  Bursting out laughing, Avery nods his head. “There’s probably some truth to that.”

  “See,” I tease, pushing him. “You have to trust me. I don’t want to burn in hell.” We both laugh. “Come on. Let’s go join everyone else.”

  “I’m tired,” Avery sighs. “So tired.”

  I have to agree. “Yeah, me too. We should probably sleep while we can.”

  “Why don’t we go check on everyone and then go lay down,” Avery offers.

  That sounds like a good plan. I suddenly feel exhausted, but exhilarated at the same time. I quickly throw some clothes on. We head out of the bathroom and back into the chapel. The other reapers are sitting around talking. “Hey,” I say, walking up to them.

  “Did you have fun in the shower?” Katerina teases, winking her eye.

  Shooting her a look, I say, “Nothing happened, but we are very tired.”

  “I bet,” Wyatt jokes. “Go sleep. We have you covered. There are so many angelic runes up, I don’t think anyone can get in.”

  “They won’t hold forever,” Israel interjects. “Sleep while you can.”

  I nod. “Yeah, that’s a good point.”

  “Sleep. Get some rest,” Wyatt instructs. “I have a feeling you are going to need it.”

  I sigh. “That’s an understatement.”

  “Come on,” Avery say
s, grabbing my hand. I look at him and see how tired he is.

  “You look like you are going to pass out,” I say.

  “You looked just as tired,” he replies.

  I nod. “Okay.” Turning to everyone, I say, “We’ll see you in a bit.”

  “We will make sure the wards stay up,” Wyatt states. I nod again and we turn and walk away. We are silent all the way to the bedroom.

  Avery falls over on the bed. “So tired.”

  “Me too,” I reply, crawling over to the other side of the bed. “I can’t wait to curl up under the blankets.”

  “Sounds good,” he mumbles. Avery pulls the covers back and we climb in. When we lay back on the pillows, I let out a sigh. “Come here,” he says, opening his arms.

  Without any hesitation, I crawl into them. Instantly, I collapse.

  I turn and kiss his chest. In turn, he kisses my head and we fall asleep.

  My dreams are vivid and harsh. I feel heat and fire. There is darkness surrounding me. Then I see two red eyes stare at me from the darkness. “You will succumb to the darkness.” I turn and try to run, but there is a pull on me. I can’t move. I can’t go anywhere. Suddenly, Azrael is in front of me.

  “Hello cupcake,” he snarls. Swinging out, I swing at him with my seraph blade. He grabs the blade of the sword. It goes from a blinding blue to a dark, menacing red. “You will be mine. In the end, you will be mine.”

  Suddenly, I feel my body shaking and my eyes fly open. Avery is hovering over me and he has a panicked look on his face. “Are you okay? You were screaming.”

  Quickly, I shake my head to try and rid it of the dream. “I was just having a bad nightmare,” I say. “That happens.”

  “Angels dream?” Avery replies softly. “What do you usually dream about?”

  “Darkness,” I whisper, sitting up. He sits up with me. “I rarely have good dreams.”

  “What was this one about?” Avery asks, gently taking my hand.

  I look down. “It was Azrael and what I assume is Lucifer. My blade changed. I fell. I fell into the darkness.”

  Avery scoots over and wraps his arm around me. I lay my head on his shoulder. “Do you think it was a vision?”

  “I don’t know,” I sigh. The darkness, it was everywhere. “We should get up,” I finally say. I throw the covers back.