Taming the Darkness

by Sarah Carter

  “That’s the light,” Katerina says. “We don’t all feel that kind of remorse for our marks though.”

  “I don’t,” Wyatt snorts. “They get what they deserve. That’s our job.”

  I shake my head. “No, our job is to get them to repent but sometimes it’s easier said than done. Some marks are just too far gone.” I suddenly feel conflicted as I encounter the judgment of my fellow reapers; but the uneasiness begins to settle as a new subtle wave filters through my body. My mouth starts twitching into a smile. I look up and lock eyes with Avery. We stare at each other as the tension in my shoulders begins to relax. I feel soft, pliable, open.

  Suddenly, it’s too much. I shake my head to dismiss what’s happening and stand up. “I’m going to take a bath.” I need whatever is happening to stop.

  “What about me?” Avery asks, standing up with me.

  “Take one with her,” Katerina chimes with a grin.

  Avery looks at me expectantly. “You can join me in the bathroom but the tub is all mine.”

  He waves his hand. “You go start the water, I’m going to grab another drink.”

  I start to feel that ‘butterfly’ feeling again. My hands start to sweat. My mind is at war, all the things I’m supposed to feel as a reaper are fighting against new emotions and sensations. “You okay?” Wyatt asks, looking concerned.

  “I’m fine,” I stutter and then quickly dash into the bathroom. Halfway shutting the door, I lean against the wall. The butterflies are getting stronger. A smile is creeping across my face again. I put my hand on my chest. The thought of Avery being in here makes my heart beat faster. I shake my head trying to free my mind of the thoughts. Spinning around, I turn on the water.

  This is weird, right? I just met this guy and I’m getting naked in front of him. Again. I’m supposed to find my light and I think that’s what he makes me feel. I think I’ve had it inside me this whole time.

  The door opens and Avery walks in. He looks at me. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” I spit out and close my eyes. Calm down Raven, he’s not the enemy. “I just…this is weird.”

  “Yeah, you were smiling in the other room. That’s weird as hell. But I’m pretty sure you’re referencing the fact that we’re both standing in a bathroom again.”

  I laugh. “Well, you’re not wrong.”

  “I’ve already seen you naked and nothing really happened,” Avery says, trying to suppress a laugh. “You’ve been protecting me this entire time. Take twenty minutes. Relax a little. It’s all right.”

  I nod my head. “How are you feeling?”

  “Worn out, but I think we all are,” he sighs. “I wish I knew how this was going to play out.”

  “I don’t have the answer to that,” I reply. None of this makes sense to me either. “Whatever happens, we’ll all be together.”

  Avery puts the seat down on the toilet and sits down. “You said something earlier that you have to keep me alive for a week.”

  “Yeah,” I reply.

  He half laughs but in an exhausted way. “That’s a few more days. What are we going to do?”

  “Keep running,” I reply. The bathtub is almost full. I take my shirt off without thinking about it.

  With a curious expression, Avery says, “I’ve been meaning to ask, where did you get that necklace? It’s unusual.”

  I look down. “The Marked Ones gave it to me.”

  “The guys who rule the reapers?” Avery replies.

  “Yeah,” I say, reaching up to touch it.

  Suddenly, I’m not in the bathroom anymore. I’m in the Abass. Three Marked Ones are standing there. “Hello little reaper,” one of them says.

  I spin around in a circle. “What am I doing here?”

  “You’re doing well,” the Marked One says.

  “I don’t know what we’re doing! We don’t know what your plan is!” I yell.

  “The human needs to find the love within himself.”

  Rolling my eyes, I say, “We get that. How is he supposed to do that?”

  “You need to find your light,” the Marked One says.

  “So I’ve been told, numerous times.”

  The Marked One points to my necklace. “God made that necklace for you to be protected from hell and everything within Lucifer’s dominion.”

  “It’s not working,” I snort. “Demons from hell are finding us everywhere we go.”

  “It will make you invisible.”

  I reach up and touch the stone again. “How?”

  “Doing what you are doing now,” the Marked One says. “You need to use it, Raven.”

  “HOW? I don’t even know—wait, it works if I touch it. So if I place my hand on it—”

  “You will succeed, reaper,” the Marked One replies. “Keep the human safe.”

  “I’m trying,” I reply.

  “Do well, reaper.”

  Suddenly, I’m back in the bathroom, feeling slightly dizzy. Avery raises an eyebrow. “You okay? You spaced out for a second.”

  Turning, I quickly shut off the water. “I was in the Abass!”

  “What’s the Abass?” Avery asks.

  “It’s where we meet the Marked Ones,” I state. Pulling forward the necklace, I say, “This will hide us from Azrael, the fallen, and demons.”

  He jumps up and comes over to me. “How?”

  “I have to touch it. God told me that hell wouldn’t be able to find us, but I didn’t know it meant I would have to use this necklace.”

  “This is great news,” Avery yells. He grabs me and kisses me. I’m startled at first by the surprise force of the kiss, but then Avery slows his pace and deepens the contact. We stand there entwined in one another for a while, then the kissing intensifies.

  Avery pushes me up against the wall. I gasp into his mouth as I continue to kiss him. One hand grips the back of my neck, the other slides down my arm, then drifts up my stomach. I feel him hesitate as he gets higher. Bells are going off in my head warning this could go too far, but my body doesn’t care. I press up against him. He grabs me and everything inside of me clenches. Avery’s other hand reaches behind my back and unclasps my bra.

  That’s when I pull away. “Avery…” I gasp out as I disengage from his grip.

  “Sorry,” he exhales, stepping back.

  “No,” I say, grabbing his hand. “I want this. I do, but I’m…”

  “Nervous,” he replies. I nod my head. Avery touches my face gently. “Let’s slow down a little. Okay?”

  Taking in a deep breath, I reply, “Okay.”

  “Why don’t you get in the tub. Relax a little,” Avery suggests softly. “You’ve been battling for days.”

  “Yeah,” I laugh exhaustedly. “A bath sounds good.”

  Avery returns to his seat on the toilet lid while I remove the rest of my clothes. I’m nervous even though he’s already seen me naked. I sink into the warmth of the tub and moan with relief. Avery laughs. “Feel good?”

  I lean back. “You have no idea.” All the tension melts away. My eyes close and I hum in pleasure.

  “That looks very relaxing,” Avery says.

  “Baths are my reprieve,” I whisper. “When I’m exhausted or have a bad reaping, baths even me out.”

  “This is totally not masculine at all,” Avery laughs. “But, I like to take baths, too.”

  My right eye opens and I look at him. “Really?”

  “Weird, right?” Avery snorts. “Most guys won’t admit that.”

  “With bubbles?” I ask, trying to not smirk.

  He shoots me a look. “No, not with bubbles.”

  “A bath bomb?” I can’t help it, I bust out laughing.

  Avery rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I like to collect the ones with jewelry.”

  “I bet you do,” I tease.

  Smiling, he says, “No, I love water. Always have. I don’t put anything in the tub. Just flaming hot water.”

  We stare at each other for a minute. Finally, I whisper, “Want to
come in?”

  His eyebrows rise. “You said that you didn’t want to do that.”

  “Get in here before I change my mind.”

  “On it,” Avery says, standing up. He strips his clothes off quickly. I feel my cheeks warm. “Are you blushing?”

  I jerk and shake my head. “No, why would I be blushing? I’m hot because of the water.”

  “Mmhmmm,” he hums. My eyes narrow and I glare at him. Avery comes to the tub so I scoot forward. He gets in behind me. I sit there awkwardly for a second. He laughs. “You can sit back.” I slowly lean into his chest.

  He wraps his arms around me and it’s instantly calming. The light, relaxed sensation returns. “This feels…” I start.

  “Nice,” Avery finishes for me.

  “Yeah,” I reply quietly. I close my eyes. The stress of the last few days melts away. “I keep having these feelings and I don’t know how to describe them.”

  Resting his head on mine, Avery says, “I feel it, too. I’ve never been close to anyone, but you have opened my eyes.”

  “I always thought reapers couldn’t feel anything but hate and darkness and torment.”

  “And now?” Avery whispers.

  “I think I’m finding my light,” I whisper back.

  Avery sighs heavily. “Raven…I can’t.”

  I sit up and turn around. “What are you not telling me?”

  His eyes avert down. “You know what my dad did.”

  “Yeah,” I reply, touching his face.

  “I bounced around from foster home to foster home. When I was fifteen, I went to this couple. They had four other kids. I thought they were nice enough. The wife doted on me and I thought she loved me because of her affection.” He pauses and doesn’t say anything.

  “But she wasn’t?” I respond.

  Avery scoffs. “She was always…with me. One day, she kissed me.”

  “On the cheek?”

  He shakes his head. “No, on the lips. I was such a confused kid. She said she loved me. I thought I loved her and I didn’t really understand everything I was feeling. I thought maybe that’s what love was supposed to be.”

  “And things happened,” I say.

  Avery nods. “Yeah, then one day, the husband found us. He beat the crap out of me. She blamed me and said I had forced myself on her. The state got involved. I explained what happened, but no one really believed me. I was sent to juvenile detention until I was 18.”

  My hand flies up to my face. “Oh my gosh, Avery. You know it wasn’t your fault, right? You did nothing wrong.”

  With very sad eyes, Avery looks up at me. “Do you see how screwed up my life has been? Do you understand why I push anything resembling love away?”

  We stare at each other for a second. I finally lean in towards him. “I’m not them. I’m nothing like them,” I whisper. I bend over and kiss him…softly. It takes a second and then he kisses me back. It’s an entirely different experience. I can feel the emotion coming off him in waves. It’s like a part of me is falling away. The light swells in my chest.

  He pulls back. “Wow, what was that?”

  I stutter, “What do you mean?”

  Avery shakes his head. “I felt you.”

  “You felt what I was feeling,” I reply.

  Furrowing his eyebrows, Avery looks down. “Raven…I can’t.”

  My hand reaches up and places itself on the side of his face. “It’s me Avery. I’m not them. My safety is intertwined with yours. If I fuck this up, I’m damned forever.”

  He sighs, “I guess that’s true. You can’t hurt me.”

  I grin. “Yeah, I can’t, and I wouldn’t want to anyway. You do realize my alternative is Azrael.”

  A disgusted look sweeps over Avery’s face. “Ew.”

  “Right?” I snort. “He’s proposed to me before. Propositioned endlessly. He doesn’t make my heart skip beats with all of his threats and talk of harnessing the power of my seraph blade.”

  “I don’t think you’d want to marry a demon anyway,” Avery teases.

  We laugh. “Yeah, I mean I like warm climates, but hell is a little hot, even for me.”

  “Don’t think you can hang pictures next to a torture rack?” Avery laughs.

  “No, the tapestry goes next to the torture racks, of course,” I snort. “Obviously.”

  Avery throws up a hand. “Of course, what was I thinking.” We laugh and look into each other’s eyes. The warmth returns and I never want it to go away. He takes a tendril of my hair and puts it behind my ear. “You’re so beautiful.”

  My eyes look down and whisper, “I’m an angel. Comes with the territory.”

  “No, you’re beautiful outside of that,” Avery says. “You have a beautiful soul.”

  The corner of my mouth turns up and my heart falls a little. “My job, my life doesn’t exactly make me a catch.”

  “You’re doing a great thing though,” Avery says, tilting my chin up to look at him.

  “How do you figure?” I ask.

  He smiles his great smile. “You’re trying to get bad people to see the error of their ways, and if they can’t, you put a stop to their crimes.”

  “True.”

  Avery nods. “Yeah, so what if you like to put an end to the bad things? You are putting an end to evil. Isn’t that a good thing?”

  I smile. “Fair point.”

  “And you kick ass while you do it,” Avery says. “It’s not like the marks don’t deserve it. You are there for a reason. It’s not like you pick random good people off the street.”

  The warmth continues to spread all over and I smile even more. “That’s correct.”

  “Your eyes are so bright right now,” Avery laughs. “I wish you could see the light that I see.” Then his smile waivers for a second. “Okay, there’s literally light radiating off you right now.”

  I look down at my hands. “Woah,” I exhale. My skin is glowing. “Holy crap, I found my light.”

  “You did it!” Avery yells.

  A surge of joy sweeps over me and I grow brighter and brighter. “I can’t believe it.”

  He looks so happy, he has tears in his eyes. “I knew you could do it.” He brings me down and kisses me. I feel light as air. We kiss each other for a while, finally Avery pulls back and goes, “Whoa.”

  “Sorry,” I giggle. Taking in a deep breath, I pull it in. “I got a little out of hand there.”

  “Was that angelic touch?” Avery whispers, with wide eyes.

  “Yes,” I reply sheepishly.

  There is suddenly a knock on the door. “Hey, is everything okay in there?” I hear Katerina yell.

  “Yeah,” I call out. “We will be out in a second.”

  “We felt…not sure what we felt,” Katerina says.

  Avery and I laugh. “I found my light,” I say.

  “Well, whatever you found, get out here. We’re hungry.”

  “Okay,” I call out. I bend over and kiss Avery again. Sitting up, I say, “Let’s get dressed.”

  We finally make our way out into the living room. Wyatt raises an eyebrow. “What’s up with you?”

  Putting my hair behind my ear, I say, “It seems I found my light.”

  “We can tell,” Israel says. “How did you find your light?” He snickers.

  My hands fall and I glare at him. “That is not how I found my light.”

  “Who cares, we’re hungry,” Wyatt says.

  “Let’s order some Chinese,” I suggest. I grab my phone. “What does everyone want?”

  “Lo mein,” Wyatt says.

  Katerina goes, “Oooo, yeah and eggrolls. Lots of eggrolls.”

  Israel says, “Mongolian beef for me.”

  “Orange chicken,” Julius notes.

  “Shrimp fried rice,” Keifer says.

  I turn to Avery. “What would you like?”

  “Dumplings, fried dumplings and order extra of the rest of it,” Avery declares, with a smile.

  “Coming right up,” I sn
icker. The restaurant is surprised to hear from me. Usually I don’t go this long without calling them. I order all the food and hear a chuckle on the other end of the line. “Remember, I tip well,” I say. They laugh, and disconnect the call. “Food should be here in thirty minutes.”

  Avery pours some more Jack into a cup. “So, these wards will stay up?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “At least long enough for us to rest.”

  Keifer interjects. “Our wards aren’t as strong as a full white angel but they will do.” He points to me. “Hers will last longer with the seraph blade.”

  Wyatt puts his feet up on my coffee table. “Still wonder why you got a seraph blade.”

  “Because, she’s part of the prophecy,” Katerina says. “It’s so obvious. She has an archangel mark. She was given a seraph blade. She’s the best reaper and she doesn’t break souls.”

  Nervously, I shift my feet. “I broke one soul.”

  “One, out of how many?” Katerina remarks. “None of us are that good.”

  Avery turns and looks at me. “You said there are fallen reapers.”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  “Why haven’t we seen any?” He asks.

  We all look at each other. Israel finally says, “That’s a really good point. We haven’t seen a single one.”

  “There aren’t a ton of them, but yeah, you would have thought we would have intercepted some of them,” Katerina states. “That is super weird.”

  “Are they harder to fight?” Avery inquires. “Do we have more to worry about?”

  Shaking my head, I say, “They are stronger than the fallen, but not by much. When a reaper falls, they lose a lot of their power. The same goes for regular angels. The darkness doesn’t make you stronger like you think. That’s where everyone gets it wrong. Lucifer lures you in thinking you will achieve greatness. The darkness isn’t more powerful than the light. Never was and never will be. When people fall to his power, they lose everything.”

  Avery goes, “Huh, never thought about it that way.”

  “The darkness is seductive,” I say. “It lures you in. It’s enticing. It makes you feel a false sense of power and security. Lucifer is lies. Everything he stands on is lies. The darkness is not peace. It’s chaos. Every being is susceptible. Even us.”