Muddy Bottom

by Ashley Farley

  Hannah watches the teenage boy who works alone at the coffee bar. “That poor kid looks overwhelmed. I feel like I should jump in and help him out.”

  Birdie follows her gaze. “That’s Jason. He’s a good kid, headed off to college at Auburn in the fall. I’m sure it would thrill him to have some help. The coffee bar manager just quit. She’s going back to school to become a chef. I’m hoping you’ll consider managing the coffee bar while you’re here this summer. I’ll pay you a decent salary, and you’ll be living rent free. You should be able to save some money for your move to California.”

  Hannah has to work hard not to let her excitement show. “Sure. Why not? I was planning to get a job, anyway.”

  Managing the coffee bar will keep her busy. But if she spends as much time on the water as possible and if she avoids her mom as much as possible, maybe she’ll survive the summer.

  Eight

  The move goes off without a hitch. Over the course of a few days, Birdie transitions from homeowner to small business owner. She feels no regret about selling her home of twenty-three years. She is ready to move on with her life.

  The apartment, with their furniture in place and art on the walls and rugs on the floors, soon feels like home. While Hannah is less hostile than when she first returned from school, she’s not the same exuberant girl Birdie remembers from her high school days. Birdie’s attempts to make conversation with Hannah are met with silence. Her daughter has a lot on her plate. It’s only natural for her to be withdrawn. But Birdie senses there’s more to it than that.

  “She’ll come around,” Max says when Birdie expresses her concerns. “These things take time. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve tried talking to her, and she doesn’t have much to say to me either.”

  “Really? The two of you have always been close.”

  “Exactly my point,” Max says. “She’s going through a lot right now. We need to be here for her when she is ready to talk.”

  Birdie closes the bakery, and mother and daughter spend a week making improvements. The minor changes have a dramatic impact, and the customers offer praise when they reopen the Friday morning before Memorial Day. They are swamped by long lines of locals and vacationers, stocking up on baked goods for the holiday weekend.

  Hannah proves to be an enormous asset at the coffee bar. After working part-time in a coffee shop for two years, she knows her stuff. She suggests a brand change of coffee, and customers rave, as they do about Birdie’s new line of tarts, breads, and quiches.

  The bakery is open for business every day of the week from nine until six, except on Sundays when they close at two. To celebrate their first successful weekend, Birdie invites Hannah to accompany her for an early dinner at Shaggy’s, the Lowcountry-style seafood restaurant next door. Much to Birdie’s surprise, Hannah accepts. The weather is ideal, low humidity and sunny skies, and they request a table on the covered porch on the boardwalk. When the waitress arrives, without looking at the menus, Hannah and Birdie order steamed shrimp and sweet tea with a basket of hushpuppies to share.

  After the waitress leaves, Birdie folds her hands on the table. “So, tell me about your job.” She manages a smile, even though the thought of her daughter leaving South Carolina for good makes her feel empty inside.

  “My job is with a cyber security firm. They are paying me well.”

  “That’s important. What exactly does a cyber security firm do?”

  Hannah looks at Birdie as though she’s an idiot. “It’s self-explanatory. They protect companies from cyber attacks.”

  Be patient, Birdie’s inner voice warns. “I assumed that. Can you be more specific?”

  “I don’t wanna talk about it,” Hannah snaps.

  “You never want to talk about anything these days.”

  Hannah falls back in her chair. “Because we get along better when we don’t talk.”

  The waitress brings over their beverages. Birdie takes a sip, licking her lips at the sweet lemony tea. “I’m trying here, Hannah. I’d like to mend our relationship.”

  “As if we ever had a relationship to mend.” Hannah looks away. “Can we just eat and go home?”

  “We can, once the waitress brings our food. Until then, I refuse to sit here in silence.” Birdie leans into the table. “Are you taking care of yourself? Have you scheduled an appointment with the obstetrician?”

  “I have an appointment for my ultrasound on Tuesday.” Hannah’s lips curve into a soft smile that transforms her face from a hostile youth to a young woman on the verge of becoming a mother. The smile tells Birdie just how much this baby means to her daughter.

  “That’s an important appointment. I’d like to go with you, if you’ll let me.”

  “Actually, I was thinking of asking Max to go.”

  Birdie presses her lips thin. “I’m sure Max would love that.”

  Hannah stares past Birdie, her eyes narrowing at something or someone behind her. Birdie, who is sitting with her back to the inlet, shifts in her chair to see the object of her daughter’s attraction. Hannah’s best childhood friend, Liza, sits at a table with a group of boys and girls their age. They are talking and laughing while sipping margaritas.

  Birdie feels an ache in her chest for her child. “Oh, honey. I know you’d rather be with them. And you’re so young, you should be with them, enjoying this phase in your life. Why don’t you consider putting the baby up for adoption?”

  “For the millionth time, I’m keeping the baby.” Hannah moves to the edge of her chair. “I knew this dinner was a bad idea. We can’t stand to be in the same room together, let alone at the same table.” She stands abruptly, snatching her small shoulder bag off the back of the chair.

  As Hannah storms off the porch, Birdie watches Liza’s eyes zero in on Hannah’s baby bump. Liza’s face falls. Does she not know about the baby? Why wouldn’t Hannah tell her? Is she embarrassed about not knowing who the father is? As Max is to Birdie, Liza is a tried-and-true friend to Hannah. Their friendship has weathered many storms over the years. But Hannah, having isolated herself from everyone, must feel so alone. If only she would talk to Birdie. If only Birdie would learn to keep her mouth shut. Think before you speak, Birdie, she tells herself. She ruined dinner by bringing up adoption, but regardless of Max’s rules, Birdie’s job as a parent is to make certain her daughter not only understands the sacrifices she’s making but that she explores all her options.

  With tears blurring her vision, Hannah stares at the ground as she hurries back to the apartment. She doesn’t blame Liza for being mad at her, not after the way she blew her off over Christmas. Liza is . . . was her best friend. Given the opportunity, Liza would’ve been sympathetic to Hannah’s situation. But Hannah wasn’t yet ready to talk about the baby. Now five months have passed. And she has no legitimate excuse for not calling Liza.

  Hannah tells herself it doesn’t matter. Their lives are on separate courses, anyway. Her friendship with Liza is yet one more thing she’s giving up for her unborn child. Flopping down on her bed, she places a hand on her belly, feeling the baby move. She suspected it wouldn’t be easy. She never knew it would be this hard.

  Hannah’s ultrasound appointment is an important milestone she doesn’t want to experience alone, and she’s grateful when Max agrees to go with her. When she sees her baby on the monitor, all doubts and insecurities vanish. She’ll face challenges of epic proportions in raising this baby as a single parent, but the all-consuming love she feels for it will carry her through the worst of times.

  “Ten fingers and toes,” the ultrasound technician says. “Appears you have a healthy baby. Would you like to know the sex?”

  Hannah is tempted, and she looks uncertainly at Max, who raises her hands as if to say don’t ask me.

  “I can’t make that decision for you, sweetheart. I’m all for surprises. On the other hand, knowing the sex enables you to better prepare.”

  Hannah returns her focus to the monitor. She sees the baby’s head and l
ittle limbs moving about in their cramped space. Her baby. Her daughter or son. “I’ll wait.”

  Fifteen minutes later, Max and Hannah exit the doctor’s office together. “What do you think it is?” Hannah asks.

  Max laughs. “Why didn’t you find out when you had the chance?”

  “Because speculating is more fun.”

  “I can’t argue with that.” Max eyes her stomach. “You’re carrying it like a boy, but I have a hunch it’s a girl. What do you think it is?”

  “I honestly don’t have a feeling one way or another as long as it’s healthy.”

  Max pats her on the back. “Right answer. You’re gonna be a good mama.”

  Hannah walks on air the rest of the way to the car, and stares out the window, lost in thought, during the short ride back to the waterfront. Everything—the morning sickness, hiding the pregnancy, losing friends—has all been worth it. She’s receiving the gift of life in return.

  “Are you up for ice cream?” Max asks as she navigates her car into the hotel parking lot.

  Hannah smiles over at her. “Only if you let me treat you for a change.” Max has taken Hannah for ice cream at Scoops to celebrate all her major life events. When she sold the most boxes of Girl Scout cookies. When she landed the leading role in the middle school play. When she got accepted to VCU.

  Max parks the car and turns off the engine. “I accept.”

  They cross the street to the parlor where they order double scoops of butter pecan on sugar cones. When all the tables on the sidewalk are taken, they stroll aimlessly down Ocean Avenue.

  Dragging her tongue over her ice cream, Max says, “Wanna talk about your mama? I understand things are tense between the two of you. Giving up the booze has been a real challenge for her. And you’re not making things any easier.”

  Hannah cuts her eyes at Max. “If she’d quit sooner, Dad wouldn’t have left.”

  “You shouldn’t be so quick to judge, Hannah. The drinking may have caused problems in their marriage, but Birdie had nothing to do with him embezzling funds from his law firm.”

  She doesn’t respond, because Max is right.

  Pausing in front of the wine and cheese shop, Max waves at the owner inside. Hannah nudges her with her elbow. “Why don’t you ask Lester out on a date? You know you want to.”

  Max’s face beams red. “Hush up, child, before I take a switch to your behind.”

  Hannah sticks out an ice cream tongue at her. “I’m all grown up now, Max. You can’t spank me anymore.”

  “Don’t test me,” she says, her eyes still on Lester Bates. “Maybe I will ask him out. Better do it now while I still have my looks. Certain parts of my body are sagging.”

  Hannah covers one ear with her free hand. “Ooh. Too much information.”

  They continue on their way. “I have to hand it to your mama. She hid the drinking well. I never suspected a thing. Was it bad?”

  “At times.”

  They reach the end of the business district and cut over to the boardwalk. Leaning against the railing, they stare out across the inlet as they finish their cones and toss the napkins in a nearby trashcan.

  “Mom wanted me to have an abortion, and now she thinks I should give the baby up for adoption. I get that she’s disappointed. This certainly isn’t how I imagined my life. But I’m trying to make the most of a difficult situation. I need her support right now. Not her criticism.”

  “Let’s sit a spell.” Turning away from the railing, Max motions her to a wooden bench. “Your mama only wants what’s best for you. Just as you’re concerned about your baby, she’s concerned about hers. I can’t say I blame her for being worried about you, living all the way out on the West Coast alone with no one to help you with the baby.”

  “But I won’t be alone. I’ll have Chris.”

  Max stares at her over the top of her Wayfarer sunglasses. “Oh, really? Who is Chris? Is he a love interest?”

  “He has a girlfriend, Max.” Hannah laughs at the disappointment that crosses Max’s face. “Chris is a good friend from school. The same company that hired me hired him.”

  “Sounds to me like Chris will be busy with his own life. You’ll be adjusting to a new job, trying to make a good impression after being up half the night with a newborn. You’ll have to put the baby in daycare, which means the poor little thing will bring home every germ known to man. You’ll spend every dime you make paying the pediatrician. And who will take care of you when you get sick?”

  Hannah’s jaw tightens. “Are you suggesting I give the baby up for adoption?”

  “Not at all, sweetheart. I can’t imagine letting another woman raise my own flesh and blood. I’m hoping you’ll pass on this job and stay closer to home.”

  “And do what?” Hannah spreads her arms wide. “There’s no industry here, other than tourism. I didn’t work my butt off in school to become a baker.”

  Max rests a hand on her shoulder. “But Charleston’s just up the road. You could look for a job there. Or in Columbia. Somewhere closer, so your mom and I can get to you in a hurry if you need us.”

  “You and Mom need to stop worrying so much. I’ll be fine.”

  Hannah gets to her feet, signaling the conversation is over. Max joins her, and they walk back to the bakery in silence. She’s always valued Max’s opinion, and the dismal image she portrays of Hannah’s lonely life with a newborn in California plagues her in the days and weeks ahead.

  Nine

  Hannah’s days fall into a pattern at the bakery. She’s out on the water before daybreak, usually in her kayak but sometimes in her father’s boat. Her efforts pay off in stunning photographs of the sun rising over the landscape and a host of species of birds coming to life in the dawn of a new day. She creates a business Instagram account and builds a website to showcase her photographs. Although she charges a nominal fee for the most impressive images, she allows most to be downloaded for free. At this stage, her goal isn’t to make money but to establish a reputation as a photographer. How her photography hobby will serve her as a cyber security consultant, she hasn’t a clue. But the results so far—thousands of followers on Instagram and hundreds of downloads on her website—bode well.

  She works at the coffee bar during the day. Business is solid, a constant stream of customers, and Hannah secretly gives her mother credit. The bakery was average before, when Amber owned it. But people have gone nuts over Birdie’s baked goods, particularly her key lime pies.

  Jason is a sweet kid, even if he’s often lazy and comes in most days hungover. Hannah is sometimes envious of him. She’d love to be starting college in the fall instead of a new life that terrifies her.

  On a Thursday morning during the third week of June, two of Hannah’s high school classmates enter the bakery and make a beeline for the coffee bar. Chloe and Dana belonged to the group of girls Liza and Hannah called The Royals—Chloe being the queen and the others her ladies-in-waiting. They are dressed for the beach with flimsy cover-ups over string bikinis, blonde hair in ponytails, and designer sunglasses propped on heads.

  Because Jason is busy with other customers, Hannah has the privilege of waiting on them.

  “Hannah, how lovely to see you. Are you working here now? And to think of all the money your parents wasted on your college education. How are your parents, by the way?” Chloe brings her manicured fingers to her lips. “Oops. Sorry. Didn’t mean to bring up a touchy subject. I forgot about your father’s mysterious disappearance.”

  Hannah flashes Chloe her brightest smile. “I’m sure your snarky sense of humor made you popular with the sorority bitches at Chapel Hill.”

  Chloe examines her manicured fingernails. “I was president of said sorority, actually.”

  “Good for you.” Hannah pours two black coffees and slides them across the counter to Chloe and Dana.

  Chloe takes her coffee. “You know, Hannah, I learned to drink my coffee black when I discovered intermittent fasting. I’m back to my high school cheer
leading weight. You should try it. You could stand to lose a few.”

  “If I cared about dieting, Chloe, I wouldn’t be working in a bakery.” She processes their charges and hands them back their debit cards. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she moves on to the next person in line.

  While she works, out of the corner of her eye, she watches Chloe and Dana, sitting side-by-side on the banquette. She’s acutely aware of the sound of their giggles as they look back and forth between their phones and Hannah. She tells herself she doesn’t care. But she totally does.

  They stay at the table long after they’ve finished their coffees, taking up space while other customers wait to sit down. When they finally get up to leave, they saunter past the coffee bar on their way out. “Bye bye, Hannah,” they say in sugary sweet tones, rotating their cupped hands like beauty queens in a parade.

  Later that night, while lying in bed, Hannah scrolls through her Instagram feed, feeling lonelier than ever at the sight of her friends enjoying their lives and exploring the world. Her breath hitches when she clicks on Chloe’s story and sees a pic of herself with an arrow pointed to her protruding belly, which is no longer a bump but a mound. Hannah’s head is cut off, and bold text flashes across the bottom of the image. Can you guess who this is?

  Anger burns deep inside Hannah. But fear is there as well. She clicks on Chloe’s profile and scrolls through her list of followers. Hannah knows the local kids, but there are hundreds of others. How many of her friends from Chapel Hill have connections to people from Columbia? People who might know Ryan.

  Hannah longs to talk to Chris. She misses him like crazy. But his parents don’t have internet or cell service on their farm in China. She considers calling Liza. She despises The Royals as much as Hannah. At almost eleven o’clock, she’s no doubt out with her friends at a bar or party, enjoying this phase in life Hannah’s mom is so obsessed with.