Muddy Bottom

by Ashley Farley

  What was it Hannah said? Did I ruin your life? You quit your nursing job because of me.

  True, Birdie willingly gave up nursing to stay at home with her daughter. But Hannah didn’t ruin her life. Hannah is her life. And now she’s gone. But where did she go? She wouldn’t have gone to Liza’s, since they’re no longer friends. Maybe she drove back over to the beach. Or maybe she went for takeout. Birdie tries calling Hannah, but the call goes immediately to voice mail. She tries again and again and again. Ten times in all. But her daughter doesn’t pick up. She was angry when she left. Please, God, don’t let her get in an accident.

  Am I the reason you became a drunk? A drunk. She’s been sober for 156 days and her daughter still thinks of her as a drunk. If it looks like a duck, it probably is a duck. She drains the vodka and refills her glass.

  Does this mean we’re friends again? When were Hannah and her mom ever friends?

  With no particular destination in mind, Hannah gets on the highway headed toward Charleston. She rolls her window down, letting the wind whip her hair around her face, as she crosses over the marsh. She turns the radio volume up. Jimmy Buffet is singing “Grapefruit-Juicy Fruit.” The song reminds her of her father—it was one of his favorites—and she bursts into tears. The irony of the words makes her cry harder. Her father left her at home alone and crying.

  By the time she gets ahold of herself, she’s driven around Charleston and is on the interstate going to Columbia. She ignores her mother’s calls. She can’t talk to Birdie right now. The day had gone so well. Hannah smiles when she thinks about the way Birdie handled Chloe. She didn’t know her mom possessed that kind of spunk.

  A hundred miles later, on the outskirts of Columbia, Hannah stops for gas and remains at the pump long after the tank is full. Why did she end up in Columbia? Did she come here to see Ryan? She’s eight months pregnant. She can’t just show up at his parents’ door. What does she want from him? Marriage? No. She thought she loved him once, but she hardly thinks of him anymore. Is she looking for help with the baby? No way. She’s not sharing custody of her baby.

  The driver of a pickup truck blasts his horn at her, and she moves her car to a marked parking space in front of the convenience store. She has to pee, but the customers inside look shady. She puts the car in reverse and gets back on the highway, headed in the opposite direction toward home.

  Her mind is clearer on the drive back to Palmetto Island, and she’s able to face a few realities. One. She’s not at all excited about a career in cyber security. Two. She loves computers, but she needs to express her creativity. Three. Aside for the baby growing inside of her, photography and tinkering on her website are the only things making her happy right now. Four. California seems like a million miles away, and she doesn’t want to leave Palmetto Island, but she can’t continue living with Birdie.

  By the time she arrives home, her bladder is about to burst, and she hurries inside. At the top of the stairs, she stops short at the sight of her mother passed out on the floor. Fear grips her and pee flows down her legs. She drops to her knees beside Birdie, but she’s scared to touch her body. There’s a broken glass on the floor. Careful to avoid the jagged pieces, she drags her fingertip through the clear liquid and brings it to her tongue. Vodka.

  She lets out a scream that curdles her own blood. This is all Hannah’s fault. She drove her mom to drink after months of sobriety.

  Hannah calls Max. “Max! Come quick! I think Mama is dead.”

  “Call 9-1-1. I’m on my way.”

  With shaking hands, Hannah punches in the numbers. “My mom is passed out on the floor,” she tells the emergency operator.

  “Is she breathing?” the operator asks.

  “I don’t know,” Hannah screams. “Send an ambulance! Please!”

  “I know you’re upset, honey, but try to get ahold of yourself.”

  Max appears at her side. Taking the phone from Hannah, she says, “Go clean yourself up, honey, while I talk to the operator.”

  It takes Hannah a minute to realize she’s talking about her soaked shorts. She does as she’s told, quickly changing into dry shorts.

  When she returns to the living room, she stands away from her mom, afraid to get too near. Max looks up at Hannah. “The ambulance is on the way. They’ll be here momentarily. She’s going to be okay, Hannah. She just had too much to drink. Can you tell me what happened?”

  “We had a fight.” Hannah brings a trembling hand to her mouth. “I said some really mean things to her, Max.”

  “People have arguments, Hannah. That’s part of life. You didn’t drive her to drink. Your mama’s disease got the best of her.”

  Disease. This is the first time Hannah has thought of her mother’s drinking as a disease. Something she can’t control. Something Hannah isn’t responsible for. Hannah turns her back on her mother. She can’t stand to see her mother so still, so lifeless. What if she isn’t okay? What if she dies? She’s already lost her father. She’s too young to lose both her parents. She needs her mother. What does Hannah know about taking care of a baby?

  There’s a pounding on the door downstairs, and Max hollers, “Come in! We’re up here.”

  A pair of first responders, a male and female, wrestle a gurney up the stairs. To Hannah’s surprise, Liza, wearing the same navy-blue uniform, brings up the rear.

  She hurries over to Hannah. “Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

  Hannah hugs her belly. “We’re fine. Why are you here?”

  “I work for the rescue squad now,” Liza says. “Long story.”

  The other female crew member—Mary, according to her nameplate—cranes her neck to see Hannah. “How much did she drink?”

  Hannah shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve been gone all night. I came home and found her like this.” She spots a handle of vodka on the kitchen counter. Only a third of the vodka remains. She gestures at the handle. “She actually quit drinking months ago. She must have bought that tonight after I left.”

  “Any other addictions? Opioids? Cocaine or meth?” the male paramedic, Paul, asks.

  Hannah shakes her head. “No!”

  “Let’s get her to the hospital,” he says to Mary, and they lift Birdie onto their gurney.

  Liza turns to Hannah. “Do you want to ride with us in the ambulance?”

  Hannah casts a doubtful glance at Max, who says, “Go ahead, sweetheart. I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

  Hannah follows Liza outside. While Mary and Paul load her mother into the back of the ambulance, Liza helps Hannah into the front passenger seat. “I’m gonna ride in the back with your mama. I’ll see you at the hospital,” she says and closes the door.

  Mary climbs behind the wheel, and they speed through the quiet Sunday night streets of Palmetto Island to the hospital on the outskirts of town. Inside the emergency room, Mary and Paul whisk her mother off down the hall. When Hannah starts to go with them, Liza holds her back.

  “Give them a few minutes. The doctor will come out to talk to you after he’s examined your mom.” Liza leads Hannah over to a row of uncomfortable chairs.

  Hannah grips her purse to her chest. “Will Mom be okay?”

  “I think so. Her pulse is strong. And she was semiconscious on the way over.”

  Hannah relaxes back in her chair. “When did you become an EMT?”

  “At the beginning of the summer. I’m taking the MCAT in August and applying to medical schools in the fall. I wanted to tell you over Christmas, but . . .”

  “I blew you off. I’m sorry, Liza. I’d just found out I was pregnant, and I wasn’t ready to talk about it.”

  “What about all the months since then?” Liza asks, her expression tight. “We’ve been best friends since forever, Han.”

  Tears blur Hannah’s vision. “My dad’s disappearance messed me up. I was crazy busy this spring, applying for jobs and trying to keep my pregnancy hidden.” She chokes back a sob. “Those are lame excuses. The truth is, I was afraid you would be
disappointed in me. That you would no longer want to be my friend.”

  “As if that could ever happen.” Liza puts an arm around Hannah’s shoulders and pulls her close. “I love you, silly. We’re best friends forever—”

  “Through thick and thin,” Hannah says, finishing their motto.

  Liza gives her a squeeze before removing her arm from her shoulders. “Is the baby Ryan’s?”

  Hannah rubs her stomach. “This baby is mine, Liza.”

  Max arrives, saving Hannah from further interrogation. Before Max can sit down, a young doctor approaches them. “Are you here for Bernadette Fuller?”

  Hannah jumps to her feet. “We are! How is she?”

  “She’s going to be fine. She’ll be able to go home in a couple of hours.”

  “Can I see her?” Hannah asks. “I’m her daughter.”

  “Not yet. We’re pumping her stomach and giving her some fluids.”

  “Will you tell her I’m here? And that her best friend, Max, is with me?”

  He nods. “Of course.” Turning his back on them, he moves over to the nearby nurses’ station.

  Liza’s unit is summoned for another call. “I’ve gotta run,” she says. “If I don’t come back before you leave, I’ll check in with you later.”

  Max and Hannah sit down together. “Do you want to talk about it?” Max asks.

  “It happened so fast, Max. Mom and I had a nice day at the beach together, and then boom, we got into a fight. She told me she doesn’t approve of me keeping the baby, and she thinks I’m ruining my life. I said some things I shouldn’t have, and then I left. I got in my car, and the next thing I knew, I was in Columbia. After stopping for gas, I turned around and came home. When I got back, I found Mom passed out on the floor.”

  Max shakes her head in pity. “Poor Birdie. I thought she was doing better.”

  “I’m the problem, Max. She hates me.”

  “Hush up, child. That’s nonsense, and you know it.” Max takes hold of Hannah’s hand, and they sit in silence for the next thirty minutes until Liza returns from her call.

  “That was fast,” Hannah says.

  “Heart attack patient. The guy lives nearby. We got him here in a hurry. Any word about your mom?”

  “Not yet.”

  Within minutes, an attractive nurse appears. “She’s asking for Max.”

  “But what about me?” Hannah thumbs her chest. “I’m her daughter.”

  “I’m sorry, hon. Only one person is allowed with her at a time.”

  Liza places an arm around her shoulders. “Come on, Hannah. We’ll take you home.”

  “Hannah called me a drunk,” Birdie says when Max enters her examination cubicle.

  “And so you overdose on alcohol to prove she’s right?” Max lowers herself to the edge of the bed. “You haven’t listened to anything I’ve been saying to you over these past few months. You broke all the rules.”

  “She asked me a question, and I told her the truth. I do think she’s ruining her life. What was I supposed to say?”

  “That you’re proud of her for choosing the difficult path.”

  Which is also the truth. Despite everything, she is proud of Hannah for not taking the easy way out. Birdie sucks at relationships. She deserves to be alone. Tears spill from her eyelids. “I’m a failure. I’ve run my husband away and destroyed my relationship with my daughter.”

  “You have destroyed nothing. You still have time. Hannah loves you, Birdie. You should’ve seen her tonight. You scared the daylights out of her. Poor thing wet her pants when she found you lying unconscious on the floor. Why’d you do it, Birdie? Why did you resort to drinking? Why didn’t you call me?”

  Birdie looks away. “I was calling you when I saw you entering Shaggy’s with Kelly and Bonnie. It hurt my feelings you didn’t ask me to go with you.”

  Max lets out a sigh. “Your big birthday’s coming up. Turning fifty is a big deal. We were planning a surprise for you. We were thinking about a girls’ getaway, maybe an overnight trip to Charleston.”

  “Oh,” Birdie says, feeling like a fool.

  The nurse brings Birdie’s release papers, and the old friends ride back to the waterfront in silence. At the bakery, Max offers to come in and help her get settled, but Birdie says, “I’m fine. I just need some sleep.”

  Upstairs in the apartment, Hannah’s door is closed, but Birdie hears muffled sobs from within. Birdie’s responsible for everything that happened tonight. She upset her daughter and scared her so badly she peed in her pants.

  Birdie enters her bedroom, but she doesn’t turn on the light. Outside her window, a full moon shines bright on the inlet, the rippling salty water. Thinking back on her recurrent dream from a few months ago, she imagines diving into the murky water, and when her lungs run out of oxygen, sinking to the muddy bottom of the creek. She bounced back after hitting rock bottom in February. She stayed sober 156 days. But this bottom is different. The anguish she experienced then doesn’t touch what’s she’s feeling now. This is quicksand, gripping her tight, pulling her down and sucking the life out of her one fraction of an inch at a time.

  Eleven

  Nine o’clock rolls around early on Monday morning. Sadie and Hannah open the bakery without Birdie, but when lunchtime comes and goes, Hannah knocks lightly on Birdie’s door. “Mom, can I get you anything?”

  Birdie doesn’t answer.

  Hannah tries the knob, but it’s locked.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” her mother says in a weak voice. “I’m taking a sick day.”

  A sick day? The cocktail flu? Since when does a hangover qualify as a sick day? “What about the bakery?”

  “You and Sadie can handle it.”

  This infuriates Hannah, and she steps away from the door. She didn’t buy this business. The bakery isn’t her responsibility.

  Hannah and Sadie hold things together without her. Although more than one customer expresses their disappointment in not being able to buy one of Birdie’s key lime pies.

  “Why don’t we make the pies?” Hannah says to Sadie. “Where’s the recipe?”

  Sadie taps her forehead. “In your mama’s head.”

  “Then we need to come up with something to replace the pies.”

  “Why go to the trouble when Miss Birdie will be back tomorrow?”

  “I guess you’re right.” Hannah doesn’t tell Sadie about her mom’s trip to the hospital on Sunday night. There’s no reason for her to know her employer is an alcoholic. But, as the days go by with no sign of Birdie, Sadie’s concern mounts. “Maybe Miss Birdie should see a doctor.”

  “She’s fine, Sadie. She’s just dealing with some emotional stuff. You know my dad left her, right?”

  “Mm-hmm. I heard something about that. Well, until Birdie is back on her feet, why don’t we replace the key limes pies with peach cobbler? My granny’s recipe is the best. And this summer’s crop of South Carolina peaches is particularly flavorful and juicy.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  With double homemade crusts, the cobblers are more time-consuming to make and therefore demand a higher price. But the pies fly out the door, and Sadie can’t make them fast enough.

  On Thursday morning, Jason doesn’t show up for work, and he texts Hannah that he’s not coming back. Hannah knocks on Birdie’s door. “Jason quit, Mom, without giving notice. What should I do?”

  “Hire someone else,” her mother says from within.

  Hannah places a Help Wanted sign in the window, and on Friday, she hires a local woman in her late twenties. Amanda, a self-starter, is more than qualified to take over management of the coffee bar for Hannah when the time comes.

  Max checks in daily, and Liza stops by for visits most afternoons. When business is slow, they sip sweet tea at a table by the window and talk for hours about their futures. Liza plans to continue with the rescue squad until she goes to medical school. She’ll make an excellent emergency room doctor. She’
s the smartest person Hannah knows.

  “After medical school, I plan to make Palmetto Island my permanent home,” Liza says.

  “Why? Wouldn’t you make more money in a big city hospital?”

  “Money isn’t everything, Han. I love being on the coast. Salt water runs through my veins.”

  “But we know all the guys here. None of them are marriage material.” Not that Liza will have any trouble finding a man when she’s ready. She’s gorgeous with thick auburn hair and emerald-green eyes and a killer body.

  “I’ve got it all figured out. I’m going to meet my guy in medical school. If he loves me, he’ll move here to Palmetto Island. If he refuses, I’ll find someone else or become a spinster.”

  Hannah laughs. She wishes she could be so practical about matters of the heart.

  In her spare time, Hannah designs a website and advertises her services as a web designer on social media. She uses some of her photography money to purchase a desktop computer, and on Sunday afternoon, she enlists Sadie’s teenage boys’ help in bringing her old desk over from the warehouse. While combing through the contents of the warehouse, she discovers a white wooden crib, which she assumes was hers when she was a baby. Birdie never mentioned the crib. Another sign she doesn’t want Hannah and the baby to stay on in Palmetto Island.

  Hannah also finds two boxes of baby things—soft jersey crib sheets, blankets, and hooded towels. She moves the boxes, along with the crib, to the apartment. She sets the desk up in front of the window and the crib on the wall near her bed. The room is large, and even with the extra furniture, there is plenty of space to move around.

  When Hannah receives no inquiries about her web design business, she realizes she needs to showcase her talents and spends every free moment of the following week creating a flashy website for the bakery. She’s at her desk, putting the last touches on the site on Sunday afternoon, when Liza comes bounding up the stairs.