The more I thought about things with that key in my hand, the more I saw this future that could be mine. I wanted that baby, and when I walked away from the secure area, I didn’t lock the door.
You asked me how could I love Kimberly like a sister and do that to her? Simple, I loved Clayton more than his sister, and I would do anything for us. That’s how I justified it in my mind. I was building a future for me and Clayton, his sister could have more pups, ones that are hers, but this one would be mine. Sacrifices are made for love, and this was a sacrifice that would be made.
This is easier to say writing it on paper instead of talking to you and watching your face. You have a hard time hiding your emotions, and that disgust would spread across your face and I’d see it, and maybe I’m selfish, but I didn’t want to see it, so that’s why I told you I couldn’t talk about what I did to Kimberly.
Jake and Kimberly only needed one night, because when her mother went to her in the morning, she found them still locked up. She had to pour cold water on him to get them apart. She asked me if I locked up last night, and I said yes; it was the very first lie I ever told her. I told her yes, and she looked at me. I’m not sure she believed me, probably not. I prayed to the Moon that it would be enough, their night together. I prayed and prayed, and when her heat was done and she didn’t bleed, I cried with her, not because I was scared like her, but because I saw this as a new beginning. A new start. A baby!
We had a family meeting that included Jake and his mother. I made the argument that he should go back to college, he needs the education to support her and the babies, or else he’s going to be working some low-paying job for the rest of his life. I knew that would dig into your mother. She hated the thought of her daughter living a lesser life than the one she has now. Her Kimberly was never without anything, she had the best of the best, and now she was looking at Jake, who was just an average male with an average future, and that female couldn’t stand that. So I drove in on the fact he needed to leave to better himself and that would better them in the long run.
I needed Jake gone so Kimberly would have me. She needed only me.
I honestly thought it would work out, I thought it would all work out in my mind and we would be this happy family once again, but Rya came back and everything fell apart.
The world isn’t fair, I thought. The world isn’t fair.
Kennedy
Chapter 8
Velvet Made Memories
Cassius is still sleeping when I come out of my space. I must have fallen asleep before him.
He’s curled up with his face to the wall, as if to protect himself in sleep.
Caleb’s at the spine of the house eating breakfast. I love how Luna Grace calls the table the spine of the home. He hesitates for a small moment before spooning more cereal into his mouth. He chews louder—I’m annoyed.
“Why are you looking at me that way?”
I roll my eyes, and for some reason that gets underneath his skin, and I try hard not to smile.
Heating up some hot water in the microwave, I have to drink this mixture the healer gave to me every morning to prevent my heat from coming again and again. When I reach for the carton of milk in the fridge, it’s empty. I look at Caleb.
“Sorry, used the last of the milk.” My smile stops from curling while his spreads wide and deliberate.
“No pouting, Treajure. You’re making me feel bad. You know I love you like a sister. But we know you don’t love me like a brother, because no sister will shank a brother in the ass again and again. I have real scars.”
Dallas calls them flesh wounds, but Caleb acts like he’s dying from a little blood. He shoves another spoonful into his mouth, chews louder.
“Have I told you that I like your earrings? I do. They suit you.” I stop making the tea to recover from his words. I can feel the rev of my heart rate. I don’t look at him.
“Those are pretty rubies, really pretty noticeable rubies.” I pour the hot water over the loose-leaf herbs, spilling some of the water that I have to wipe up on the counter.
“They suit you. Good choice, Treajure.” The words beam out from the curve of his mouth.
He leans into the table. “You should wear your hair up more often. That way no one can miss how pretty they are.” The air conditioner isn’t on, but I just got a cold chill.
“When do you think Belac will come back?” He’s stopped chewing, waiting. I could tell him she’ll be back on a Sunday. Belac is a wolf of habit; he doesn’t know that yet. He will. I could answer all of the nonstop questions about her he has. He cornered me only once, asking what’s her favorite color, her favorite type of music, food? He wouldn’t let me out of his space, and that was the second time I poked him with my silver switchblade. In the fleshiest part of his ass. It went in smooth so that, at first, he didn’t even feel it. That’s how sharp I made it.
He demanded the switchblade be taken away from me; there are kids around here. I kept the point angled to his throat while his mother told him the only child here was him and that he was the one that made me go there. I felt threatened, and she understood I had no choice but to give him a little shove back from my space. He pointed to his ass and asked if that looked like a little shove. Shoves don’t bleed.
“Treajure, focus, I asked you a question. Do you think Belac will be back soon?”
I rap my nails on the cup, taking a moment to inhale the herbs, before giving him a shrug of a shoulder.
“What’s she like, Treajure?” He keeps the distance between us, the spine of the house separating our bodies.
I’d like to tell him she’s the warm lap you can always depend on. She’s kind and loves beyond what’s normal. She makes anyone who meets her feel important and that they belong around her. She doesn’t like cocky wolves like him. In fact, she loathes that trait in any wolf. It reminds her of her brother, and I’ve never known a wolf could hate so much. Family brings the worst out in Belac. The worst.
Caleb points his empty spoon at me. “Not going to answer?” He makes it a question that I don’t answer.
“My dad told me this morning that Belac split the wild pack. She became a leader wolf, taking the runts with her. They are headed up north.” His spoon drops in his empty bowl that holds the excess of milk in it.
“She didn’t like how the Wilds were treated, so she took them away.” He smiles, and I can’t stop thinking how clueless he really is. I want to scream, she’s a leader wolf. A. Leader. Wolf. Clapping my hands between each word for emphasis that he can grip onto.
“Did she love that wolf?” Caleb can never say Cottom’s name; he calls him that wolf or him.
He looks in pain, and blood floods my mouth from biting back words that could make him feel better. I do shake my head no, and I can see the relief stretch across his face. To Belac, it was fucking, nothing more, something to keep her arms full at night, instead of how empty I know she always felt. Family means a lot to her, and her family was the hollow left in her chest after the fucking. I’d hear them on top of her bed; she even asked if I wanted to join her one night. I couldn’t; I wanted to let them know I’ve never done that before. My flesh might be ruined, but I did keep something special for me to keep safe. He took everything from me, and I think he would have taken my virginity if he liked females. I would have to watch my mate be raped by him, over and over again on top of the bed. He would pray to the Moon at night not to heal from him, not to stop the blood, but he always healed until the next time.
He died after being used too roughly with silver. The man always wanted to push the limits of our ability to heal, he went overboard one night and Oaken didn’t stop bleeding, and we talked that night until he couldn’t talk anymore. He made me promise to try and escape, he made me promise if I did escape to find someone who could protect me. He made me promise to try and forget about this when I escaped, and every chance I got, I tried to escape. But he was too fast for me before I shifted. He always caught me. When I shifted, he blew silver
dust in my eyes to hobble me. I was never faster than him after that, and sometimes I would lose hope that I would never fulfill the promise I made to Oaken.
“Treajure, you’re sweating.” Caleb’s blurred; my glasses have fallen off.
“Where are the twins?” Cassius’s voice is right behind me. He’s got his hand now on my shoulder. A small squeeze before going into the fridge and closing it.
“Mom has Dee. They went out for breakfast and a girl’s day. Dad and Dallas have Ken and Chance. I guess there’s been some kind of bee massacre, and Rya has them looking for the killers.” Caleb puts his bowl in the sink and washes it before drying and putting it away.
“Hornets maybe?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t want to get involved in their hunt. I just got my nails done. Dee would drag me if I ruined her work.” He checks out his nails with a small curl of his top lip.
The back door opens, and Crane, in yesterday’s clothes, strolls in, stretching his back with this lopsided smile on his face.
“Where were you?” Caleb asks.
“Out.” Crane smells of stale beer and lots of sex.
“You know you shouldn’t be out at all hours of the night, doing who knows what.”
Crane gives Caleb a side-eye but says nothing. He drinks a glass of water.
“Stop sounding like Dallas.” He scratches at the side of his hip, lifts up his shirt, and he has teeth marks there that are fading along his side. Multiple teeth marks.
Caleb looks at Crane with disgust written across his face.
“What are you looking at? I’m not doing anything you haven’t done. Well, I do it better than you,” Crane taunts. Caleb huffs through his nose.
“You should be spending time with your nephews and niece. They’re only young once.”
“I spend enough time with them. Remember, I’m their favorite. Uncle Crane is their favorite uncle.” Crane can instantly get underneath Caleb’s skin.
“Is that what they tell you? They lie. I’m their favorite, hands down.” Caleb and Crane constantly fight about this, trying to outdo the other.
“The both of you are getting played by three-year-olds.”
Both of the males look at Cassius as if he’s said something so off the wall that it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever said.
“I heard your meet and greet didn’t go as planned.” Caleb’s words make Cassius’s shoulders stiffen.
“Not how I thought it would go. I’m going to go there and apologize to her.” Jealousy punches at the lower part of my gut. Why does he have to see the female again?
“You have a problem seeing what’s in front of you, Cash.”
“What do you mean?” Cassius squints slightly; he looks confused.
“You’ll figure it out.” Caleb’s eyes flash to mine, and he looks away. I feel the heat cling to my earlobes, and I want to crawl underneath the table. Caleb knows. I might get sick. If he knows, then everyone will know, because he can’t keep any kind of secret. He likes to tell everyone everything.
“You think Hazel’s sober?” Crane laughs. How did he find out?
“I would think so.” Cassius goes to the back door and grabs his keys.
“Let me drive. I have to mail a few pictures. I got this new printer paper, high gloss, the colors pop.” Caleb’s up and out the back door.
I can hear the music already thumping inside the van. When he bought the minivan, everyone laughed at him. He got it custom painted, matte black, big rims, limo tint windows. He told his parents he’s a family wolf now, but it doesn’t mean he can’t have style. He also told everyone not to be jealous and don’t copy him. They all need to come up with their own ideas.
Cassius opens the side door up. Once inside, he closes it behind me.
“Juice box?” Caleb reaches under his seat and pulls out a few boxes.
Cassius shakes his head no, and so do I.
“I fucking love these.” He spikes the box and sucks it up in one gulp, collapsing the container from the inside.
Once he’s done a quick two, we are on our way toward a she-wolf who doesn’t understand how lucky she is.
Letter 8
Sometimes I think love can be a disease or an addiction, or at least for me it is. My love grew and grew until I turned into something malignant that ate everything in the path of my love. I’m not sure there’s a cure for me. I’m not sure how I can be cured of my love for Clayton.
The thought of Clayton and Rya together keeps me up at night. I’m happy Dallas came back without Rya, but at the same time, I’m fucking struggling. I want Clayton to be happy. I want that, but a selfish part of me wants him to not be as happy as he was with me. Fucked up, right?
Do you think they’re fucking by now? I can’t stop thinking that Clayton is fucking Rya. It bugs me so much that he is probably fucking her. I wonder if he’s marked her yet? Is she better than me? I hope not. I know every line of Clayton. I know him better than he knew himself, and he knew me. He knew everything that I liked or didn’t like. We had no idea what we were doing when we were young, no idea. We learned together; we learned everything together. We hid it at first. We would sneak away to our island, the place where you found me. That was our secret spot. No one looked for us there. Ever.
It started off innocent at first, you show me yours I show you mine. But once you get a taste for that, there is no stopping wanting to do more than look. We started to touch each other; we kissed. Terrible at first, but we got better and better at it. I watched him the first time he was able to come, I was there for that, and he was there for mine when that happened to me with his fingers buried deep into my pussy and a finger in my ass. I came for the first time on his lap with my legs spread and his teeth pressed against my neck in our secret spot.
It was only natural for things to lead up to him and me having sex. It was once again clumsy, he couldn’t get it in the first time, but we kept trying until we both were left with blood smears between our legs.
He told me he loved me as he cleaned me up, and I told him I loved him, too. It was magical, on our island with only him and me. We always went back to our island; we went there to be alone, to live in our own world. We were our love story there in the cushion of moss. In my young mind, he was going to be my mate, and in his mind, I already was his mate. We just needed to shift to make it official.
Our parents knew. Our parents didn’t stop us. After all, our parents told us there was a good chance we would be mates. Everyone was excited when Clayton started his juvenile transition. I had this big plan on how we would announce it at school, and I’d be wearing this amazing outfit. I even had the nail polish picked out and what my hair would look like. I honestly thought I would be the next Luna, and everyone else thought so, too.
I want to be the best thing that ever happened to Clayton. I want him to be happy, but fuck, I want him to think back and realize I was the best. He loved me the most, and no one could love him better than me. I am so selfish. I am so fucking selfish that I want to be the one Clayton can never get over. I want him to realize that not even Rya can be better than what I was to him.
When you think back on me, I want you to know there is better out there than me. I want you to know that I wasn’t the best thing for you. I want you to understand that I really was never yours. Find yourself someone who loves you, that love the twins as their own. You will have a chance now to be loved and to give love back. Don’t fuck things up because you’re destroyed by my death. I destroyed you way before I died.
The world isn’t fair, Cash. It isn’t.
Kennedy
Chapter 9
Memories that Start Out Bitter
Caleb turns the wheel and looks at his brother, says nothing.
Silence crawls between them. A few minutes pass by, and I can feel Caleb has a lot to say; he’s just not talking yet.
“Clayton called me last night.”
“Yeah.” Cassius says the word sharp, clear and on edge. That’s the edge b
etween these two brothers, Clayton.
“He said that you left on your own.”
“Yeah.” Cassius looks out the window, not at his brother.
“It’s a start.” Caleb doesn’t look at his brother. Hopefully, time stops being stagnant now for Cassius.
“I guess it is.” He’s still looking out the window that’s slightly rolled down. His jaw muscles clench and unclench.
“Clayton’s looking for a Beta, Cash.”
“That’s not even funny. Stop.”
“Not interested?” Caleb mocks surprise.
“What about you? You’re his best friend.” The edge of Cassius’s tone sharpens.
“Still hostile?”
“Always.” The word seems to break between the l and w.
“You need to work on that. You can’t go through life hostile. Wolves notice, kids notice.” What Caleb says makes the side of Cassius’s jaw bulge out for a moment before relaxing. I used to think that Cassius was hostile, but I found out that he’s shy, and a little hostile, but shyer.
“Dallas should have killed Clayton.” It’s not the first time I’ve heard Cassius say this. Probably won’t be the last, either.
“You know why he didn’t, right?”
“I don’t care why. He had an opportunity and didn’t take it.” His words feel grizzled and chewed on.
Caleb touches his forehead, looks in the mirror, before those eyes hold on mine.
Cassius (The Wildflower Series Book 3) Page 7
