Wands Have More Fun

by Rebecca Regnier

  “What road?”

  “Looks like Old Temperance Road.” I knew of it.

  “I’m close. I’m going to park my Jeep and do a little tiptoeing to get closer.”

  “I’m going to stay up here; you need back up.”

  “Okay, but stay high up; we don’t want our cover blown.”

  “Not my first rodeo,” Tatum said like we did aerial broom surveillance every day.

  Tatum was the toughest among us, and I did know she could handle herself. And I also knew she’d have my back. I didn’t plan to confront anyone anyway. I was just looking.

  The van had pulled into an area that I knew was only populated by wildlife, hunting blinds, and drinking cabins. They were truly man caves, in that, if you wanted to get away from the wife and kids, deer hunting and ice fishing were good hobbies to acquire.

  I cut the lights of my Jeep and followed Tatum’s directions. Before too long, I saw the six Moose members go into a cabin. I stayed low and lifted the binoculars again. The darkness was closing in on the day, but they had turned on a light, and I could see perfectly inside. I still didn’t know what they were doing. I needed to hear as well as see. So, I crept a little closer.

  “You come to me of your free will. Of sound body and mind,” a voice intoned, like some sort of wedding vow. Great, I’d spent all this time following them, and they were just doing more lodge ritual nonsense.

  “We come to you of our free will. Of sound body and mind.” I didn’t give two craps about some hazing ceremony these nobs were doing for their Moose Lodge.

  I leaned in to try to see a little bit more, but I was starting to feel like this was a colossal dead end.

  Then I saw the Dad Bod Vampire! He was handing the six volunteers Big Gulp. He offered the giant cup to the six Moose Lodge members. So, Dad Bob Vampire was now offering them communion or a Slurpee? What a weirdo.

  They all drank, and I got a look. It was no Slurpee. It looked like red wine. Classy. Red wine out of a Big Gulp cup.

  “Whoa, so when are we going to start getting chicks?”

  There was general laughter. What was this, a way to impress girls? I felt like an idiot who’d wasted my time and Tatum’s time.

  “The girls really do dig vampires,” I heard Dad Bob Vampire say. What a loser.

  “I feel a little funny,” said one of the six.

  “Yeah, it’s kicking in now.” And then he did a fist pump.

  “I’m actually hungry, steak, raw, heh heh.”

  “I smell, uh, something warm.”

  “Me too.”

  “And sweet.”

  At this point, I realized I was not seeing something arcane from the Fraternal Order of The Moose. Something was going on, something stupid, but I still wasn’t exactly sure what. I risked pressing my nose to the window.

  And that’s when I got a much better look at what was in the Big Gulp cup. If that was wine, it was thick as heck and red. It wasn’t wine!

  I jumped back, making a noise that had them all turn toward the window.

  “There’s dinner, boys!”

  Shoot. I was unclear exactly what had happened, but I did understand that running, now, was my only play. I sprinted back the way I came.

  Behind me, I heard all kinds of awfulness.

  “I thought we’d be faster, or have bat strength?”

  “We’re gaining on you!” That was Dad Bod for sure.

  “I have a strained hammy, will that be fixed? Because it still hurts.”

  I knew they were running behind me and gaining. But I kept going. I wished I’d thought to bring my broom. Or my track shoes.

  My Jeep was in sight, and it was moving toward me. I had no idea how or why, but it was my only hope. I had a pretty fair idea now that the yahoos back there thought they were undead or something and wanted to practice their dinner skills on me.

  I got to the Jeep, the passenger door swung open, and there was Tatum behind the wheel.

  “Get in!”

  I went to grab the handle and was an inch away from hoisting myself inside and out of this pickle when I felt hands yank me down.

  “Got ya!”

  “Let go of her, Derek Heisenberg!” Tatum was yelling at the Moose Lodge Undead or whatever they were. She knew just about everyone in town.

  “Ha, let’s get her too. She’s probably stringy, but why not.”

  “Don’t even.” Three of them had me pinned down, and the other three were headed for Tatum. I was kicking and punching, to some effect, actually.

  “Get out of here!” I yelled at Tatum. If only we’d had three of us, we could stop time and extricate ourselves from this situation.

  No sooner had that thought crossed my mind that I realized another spell would have to do. We only had two witches, and that wasn’t enough for the time spell.

  “Unhand her, now.”

  I recognized the voice and appreciated the assist!

  There he was, white, cold, and handsome. He flung the Moose Lodge weirdos off me, two at a time.

  Dad Bob Vampire whined. He’d managed to get the closest to Tatum, and now I knew his name was Derek. But he’d always be Dad Bod to me.

  “You’re really making me mad,” he said.

  “Get out of that vehicle,” Brule said and then also offered a hand to me. Derek Heisenberg decided to press his luck and lunged for me. Brule grabbed him by the throat and then threw Derek at least fifty feet into the air, like a rag doll.

  “That’s going to leave a bruise,” one of his buddies said.

  “Who is your master?”

  “You already know,” Derek The Dad Bod Vampire said from his landing spot. I realized that Dad Bod had created a little posse of other Dad Bod Vampires or whatever. That was what I had seen.

  “Alvarado is wasting his blood on you. And you have all made a terrible life choice,” Brule said. I was trying to keep up.

  “We get to hang out with Alvarado. Does he have Xbox?” one of them asked. Good Lord.

  “Shhh. Don’t tell these witches or this trash anything.”

  The Leader of the Slack, Derek the Dad Bod, collected his ragtag band of whatever they were.

  “Come on. Let’s go.”

  “It’s only a matter of time before WE’RE in charge,” Derek said and then turned and ran, along with the rest of them.

  Brule helped me to my feet and looked me over.

  “Don’t worry, not a puncture mark on me. I think they just have baby teeth.”

  “Tatum, you okay?”

  “Yeah, that was a real undead cluster.”

  “Let’s get in your Jeep. I shall explain what I believe is occurring.”

  “Great.”

  Tatum drove, Etienne Brule road shotgun, and I was in the backseat, wishing I could unsee the little ritual we’d stumbled upon.

  “They all willingly drank?” Brule asked me.

  “Yep, volunteered at the lodge, and then sucked down wine or ah, whatever, and then got really thirsty.”

  “Are they vampires? They’re pretty incompetent and not sexy at all. I mean, that seems like a job requirement, sexy. If you’re going to be living forever, you may as well be a smoke show doing it.” Tatum was fully recovered and cracking me up.

  “Most vampires are made due to dire circumstances, as it’s the only way they can survive, or they’re attacked. It is rare to want to curse yourself to eternal night and eternal hunger.”

  “Well, sounds like menopause, but I see what you’re saying. No one chooses that,” Tatum said.

  As usual, and thankfully, in this case, Brule did not get the joke.

  “These men are agreeing to be bound to Alvarado, but they are not full vampires. They were promised things that are not true. But they will have powers and, as you saw, they are dangerous.”

  “He’s making a dufus army?”

  “He’s creating followers, creatures to do his bidding. They are weaker than he or I, but they are his.”

  “They go in the Alvarado co
lumn in terms of the balance of power.” I started to see the plan now.

  “Yes, we have been successfully preventing the migration of his kind, so he is recruiting from within.”

  “How does he make them? I mean, don’t you have to suck blood?” I always hated how that sounded coming out of my mouth.

  “In this case, they’re drinking from that goblet. It is how they stay minions and never achieve the full range of powers the undead can possess.”

  “Middle management forever,” Tatum said.

  “Exactly, with zero opportunity for advancement.”

  Aha! Brule got that one and fired right back. I always felt so proud when he got a quip! Maybe my snark was rubbing off on him.

  “So, what do we do now?”

  “You must determine why they are agreeing to this. It is a terrible fate, becoming a lesser minion. He must be promising something.”

  “We’ll find out,” I added the mission to the list.

  “Darn tootin’!” Tatum put a hand up and I high fived it.

  She kept her hand up.

  “Come on, Frenchy.”

  Brule looked at me, rather sheepishly I’d have to say. And then he gave Tatum a high five as well.

  “Now, you’re talking. And thanks for pulling our bippies out of the cooking grease back there. You’re a handy guy to have around. I better get back to The Frog Toe. I stay away too long, and all hell breaks loose.

  It felt like at least some hell had already broken loose, but I decided to keep that quip to myself.

  “What is a bippy?” I buried my head in my hands while Tatum expounded on the scientific definition of bippy.

  Chapter 11

  The six of us had planned to meet at The Frog Toe. Tatum was always better on her home turf when she could put out fires for her employees. Away from The Frog Toe, it was easier for her to be pre-occupied. Plus, she’d already done her share of field trips for the day.

  She went in, and I sat for a moment with Brule.

  “I do not know how many times I have to tell you to be more careful.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t look before I leaped that time. My bad for sure. But it wasn’t that bad. They really aren’t that scary. I’d have come up with something.” I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure of that, but I had to tell myself something to keep panic from setting in. Near misses were my middle name since I’d moved back to Widow’s Bay.

  “Do not get the impression that just because they are less than full vampires that they cannot kill you.”

  “Got it. And I would have come up with something. I have to believe in myself in my powers. Having you save me is nice, I appreciate it more than you know, but you won’t always be here.”

  I thought back to confidence and how it was earned. A witch earned it just as a kid did, by successfully handling your own stuff.

  “Actually, it is the opposite.”

  I realized what he meant. I would age; he would not. Or if he aged—I had seen in visions, that there was a younger Brule—he aged so slowly, compared to me, that a disparity would exist that was weird if we decided to keep dating.

  If I were lucky, I would live long, like the DLC, but still, it was an odd thing to think about. That I’d look older than this four-hundred-year-old creature.

  “It’s another reason people ask you to turn them, right?”

  “Yes, because immortality is very alluring to mortals of all types.”

  “Yep.” I didn’t really want to think about the deep stuff. I had had enough deep stuff for one day. Instead, I climbed over the backseat into the front seat and straight into Brule’s lap.

  “What is this?”

  “I am just glad you were there. Thank you.” I snuggled into him for a moment. I let myself be grateful, safe, and silent. And I let him give me affection. That was a big deal for me too, not bristling at the sweet stuff.

  Brule put his cheek to my hair.

  “I needed to recharge. That was perfect,” I said, and it was true. I tended to drain my battery down to next to nothing while taking on a million things. That was true as a mom, as a wife, and now as a witch. I had to pace myself if I was going to live to be Aunt Dorothy’s age.

  “I recharged as well.”

  “Okay, well, I have a meeting to go to. We’re working on wands!”

  “Good, every step you make toward mastery of your powers makes me feel much better.”

  “It’s cute that you worry.” I kissed Brule lightly, and he kissed me back, less than lightly. Man, he was a good kisser.

  “I must away, there are trails to patrol, and I must stay visible to the creatures of the night.”

  “Yep, always working.” I realized my life was nuts.

  I got out of the Jeep and headed into The Frog Toe. I guess we were vampire official, dating. I shook off the millions of implications to that. We had an arts and craft class to deal with and I sucked at crafting. I’d need my full faculties.

  “Okay, no one should bother us back here.”

  Tatum has set us up in a private room. I greeted the Coven Quorum.

  “I filled them in on our adventures,” Tatum told me.

  “Yeah, it was fun.” I rolled my eyes.

  “So, now we know what The Moose Lodge is up to, we need to find out why.”

  “Pretty much,” I said.

  “Whatcha got Georgianne? I’m ready for some hot glue gunning. I brought glitter. I want my wand to represent my shine!”

  Pauline was clearly cut out for crafting; I should not have been surprised by this.

  “I’m not sure if we’re allowed to have glitter?” I looked to Georgianne for the facts.

  “Actually, we’re allowed to do what we want with the style.” Georgianne scrolled through to be sure aftermarket wand add-ons were allowed.

  “Can they be hollow inside? I mean, flask wand combo, it could be huge,” Tatum said.

  “No, uh, they can’t be hollow. And they must be dedicated. Each wand has one use. There can be variations, but if you dedicated your wand to say, healing, you can’t turn it into a wand that changes matter from one thing to another. You ladies get it?”

  “If you dedicate it to invisibility, you can’t switch it up to night vision,” Candy said.

  “That’s the gist of it. And I have a signature book here. All wands leave a signature like Aunt Dorothy said. This book will keep the signature, or fingerprint, as it were.”

  “Got it. Let’s get this show on the road,” Tatum said.

  Fawn had taken it all in, and she was putting the various options we’d collected from the Wand Wood Circle on the center of the table.

  “How are we getting these from sticks to wands? I mean, this feels like shop class,” Candy pointed out and it was my issue as well. This was a skill set I did not have.

  “On that.”

  “Faa!” And in walked Giles Johnne Blyth Faa, the Gypsy King himself, with three members of his band of travelers.

  “What in the heck are you doing here?”

  “I sensed you wanted me here,” Faa said and lifted his eyebrows suggestively. I rolled my eyes.

  “Faa and his group have ancient skills that help craft the wands into the right shape,” Georgianne explained.

  “I am at the service of you beautiful, powerful, exotic creatures.” Faa, the Yooper Natural lounge lizard, was handsome, charming, and you couldn’t trust him as far as you could throw him.

  “Also, we’re paying him a lot. Aunt Dorothy said it was the way to go,” Georgianne chimed in.

  “Aha, there it is.” I knew there had to be some angle.

  Faa had his band of merry men set up in one corner of the room. They assembled a couple of tools connected to some kind of foot pump, and there were various sanding papers. I was actually grateful that I didn’t have to do the woodworking. It could be the ugliest wand in recorded history if that were the deal. And I wanted that rowan wand. I realized my hand was itching to get a hold of it.

  I made the unusual move
of volunteering to go first. I mean, I was the last one who wanted to go up on a broom. I was the last one to truly admit that Widow’s Bay was home and that my place in it was as a leader of this coven. And yet, I walked up to Faa and told him precisely what I wanted.

  “I’ve chosen the rowan. I want it smoothed, but not too much. I want it free of ornamentation. I want it tapered slightly.” I didn’t know how I knew I wanted this. The instructions came to me from the object itself. Or from my ancient vision, or an episode of Bewitched. It was hard to know for sure.

  They took my red ash branch and began to work. I watched, and I realized Faa was watching me.

  “You’re quite powerful.”

  “You’re quite the flirt.”

  “That I am. But it radiates off you. Even more than your sisters.”

  “Yeah? You tell that to all the witches.”

  “No. Well, sometimes.”

  I laughed. I did like Faa, even though I knew he was a slippery character.

  “You have the words; all the wands will be made whole with your words.”

  “How do you know so much about witches?”

  “My mom.”

  I nodded like that explained everything.

  “Thank you for doing this,” I said and meant it.

  “I do like working with you more than that Schutte, he’s so inelegant.”

  “Yeah? He’s something.”

  “Ah, I see it.” I had blinked it seemed and they’d fashioned the wand that I had described. Faa took it from his workmanlike it was made of glass. He handed it to me. I realized he was staring at me, waiting for some reaction, I suppose. Maybe it was his entertainment for the night. When I touched it, there was a spark from it to me. I knew my eyes widened, and I most surely gasped.

  It was balanced, almost like an extension of my own hand.

  “Good?”

  “Yes. Very.” I moved away from Faa and let Tatum step up. Each of us would have a wand of our very own and in short order. I marveled for a moment at the feel.

  I was used to having my iPhone as an extension of my body. I felt very quickly that this was that, times one hundred.

  We all had similar reactions to the meeting of wand and witch. We all were mesmerized for a moment at the rightness and the fit. We must have done it correctly, or followed the grimoire’s instructions enough, to make it all work. I was happy about that, we all were. I wanted to say, TADA! But I resisted the urge.