by Laura John
“Well, take care of it. I don’t want a baby.”
I shake my head as the tears start to fall. “And you think I do? I can’t just get rid of it, though. It’s our responsibility. We made it. We both need to grow up and deal with it.”
He balls his fists at his side, and he looks like a completely different person. All traces of the boy who said he loved me less than two months ago are gone.
“Do whatever the fuck you want. But I am not fucking up my future because of you. If you keep it, you can raise it. I don’t want anything to do with it. Don’t ever fucking talk to me again.”
He stomps down the hall and I’m left all by myself.
“Looks like it’s just us against the world,” I whisper to my stomach.
I know I shouldn’t want to keep this baby. I mean, look at the environment I live in. That’s no place to raise a child. But the moment I found out that I had a little person inside me, I couldn’t bring myself to end that life. I need to take ownership of what I did.
I could always give it up for adoption. Really give it a chance at a good life. But I can’t shake this feeling that maybe somehow, some way, this baby is my way out of the hell of a life I’ve been trapped in.
“Come on, sweetie, time to give Mommy a hug,” I holler down the hall as I grab my coat from the closet.
This January has been freezing, and it really makes me hate having to go to work. I just want to stay inside where it’s warm.
Little feet patter down the hall, and my heart warms as my beautiful three-year-old daughter leaps into my arms. Olivia gives me a sloppy kiss; I giggle as I wipe my face.
“I love you, pumpkin,” I tell her as I kiss her tiny forehead. “Be good for Miss Katerina, okay?”
She nods her head up and down very enthusiastically.
“Wuv you, Mommy,” she says, squeezing me tight.
I return the hug, holding on a little longer than normal. It’s hard to leave her every day, but I know that she is well taken care of. Katerina has been our nanny for a couple of years, and I feel blessed to have found her.
I let go of Olivia and let her run to her room to go back to playing. Then, after wrapping a scarf around my neck, I wave to Katerina and head out the door.
The cold air hurts my face as I rush down the street, coffee in hand. Why do Januarys in Oregon have to be like this? Maybe I should move somewhere warm. Then again, warm places have critters that I do not like. I shake off the shudder running down my spine.
Entering the building, I smile as the heat rushes my skin, making me feel instantly warm.
“Good morning, Crystal.” Bobby, the security guy at the front door, waves at me.
“Hi, Bobby,” I reply cheerfully.
“Are you going to go out with me this Friday?” he asks, followed by a wink.
I shake my head and smile.
He’s cute, but I don’t want to make things weird at work. Could you imagine if we dated and then things didn’t work out? How awkward would it be having to walk by him every day?
Besides, almost every guy I’ve tried dating ends awkwardly. Guys don’t like it when you won’t go all the way and shy away from most physical contact. Add a three-year-old daughter to the mix, at my age? Forget it.
“You know you’re too good for me,” I joke, wiggling my fingers toward him as I head for the elevator.
The building is huge and houses many companies. I never in a million years would have thought that I would be working in a place like this.
When Tia first told me that she was starting her own company, I was more than excited for her. I did not, however, expect her to ask me to join her. What did I know about being a PR manager? Sure, I was young and knew a lot about social media, but everything else? I was clueless.
Thankfully, Tia and Leah believed in me and taught me everything. I caught on fast, and the rest is history.
Tia is like my big sister. I met her at an anti-bullying event. I fought going so hard, but my counselor at school said it would be good for me to meet some friends. I think he meant people my age, but meeting Tia was the best thing that ever happened to me. She got me out of my abusive and neglectful household and taught me how to be a hard-working woman. She showed me that I can be loved, and that if I work hard for what I want, I can be whatever I want to be.
We were both pregnant when we met, and I couldn’t have asked for a better auntie for Olivia.
Leah is our company lawyer and another close friend. I met her through Tia, and even though I have trouble letting people in, I’m glad I have both of them.
Olivia has the best aunties in the world, and I’m thankful to have great friends and mentors.
Growing up the way I did, I never would have imagined actually making it in the world of business. I honestly thought I was doomed to end up like my parents and fail my daughter. Tia and Leah showed me it was possible to do whatever I wanted.
I was able to break the chain and make a life for my daughter that I didn’t have.
Transcendent Management is growing every day, and we were just listed as an outstanding new business of Sienna. We have only been in business for just over two years, but we’re already the most sought-after talent management company in Sienna.
Tia set our company apart from the others by offering everything a musician would need in one place. We handle tour management, life management, and PR representation.
When the doors of the elevator open to our floor, I’m happy to see our receptionist, Holly. Her son has been sick for a few days, but since she’s back, I’m hoping he is better.
“Good morning, Crystal,” she greets me.
“Morning, Holly! How’s Jackson?”
“Much better. The fever finally broke last night and he is back to his regular crazy self.”
I smile at her. I know all about sick kids. It’s a mom’s worst nightmare.
“I’m so glad to hear. Can you get Tia to come to my office when she gets in?” I ask her.
“Of course. She just called and said she’s running late, but when she gets here, I’ll send her your way.”
I thank her and head to my office.
“Hey, sexy lady,” my assistant, Maribelle, greets me. Her bright purple hair is styled messily like a feisty pixie.
“Hey, Belle. Got any hot dates for the weekend?” I ask her, already knowing the answer.
She gives me an evil smile and nods, wiggling her eyebrows. “Oh, yeah. Two sexy younger men.”
I shake my head and giggle. “You are ridiculous.”
“Nope. I’m like a fine wine. Just get better with age.”
Maribelle is about fifty, and dates men in their late twenties. She dates way more often than I do. However, we are looking for two very different things in life. She’s looking for a good time, and I’m looking for a family man.
“Want to come out with us? I could share one if I have to.”
I roll my eyes at her. “I’ll take a rain check this time. I don’t want to damper your plans, considering I can’t get into any clubs.”
“I could get you a fake ID, and besides, you’ll be twenty-one in a few weeks. I can’t wait to take you out and show you what you’re missing.”
I’m sure I’m not missing that much; it really doesn’t seem like my scene.
“Can you get the team ready for our morning meeting?” I ask, walking into my office.
I have several employees under me, now that we have so many clients. I still deal with Dustin Maxx, my best friend, and Mikey Ecosta, Tia’s fiancé, by myself, but all other clients go through someone else, and I just oversee the accounts.
Large contracts have to go through me to get approved, but my team is so amazing that I am rarely bothered. For the most part, our clients are really easy to deal with, although we do have some that make my life very difficult.
I take off my coat and scarf, hanging them on my hook, and head toward the conference room.
The meeting doesn’t take long. We go over what ev
eryone is up to and any concerns that they may have, which thankfully isn’t much.
“Have a great day,” I tell the team as they exit the room.
I see Tia standing by my office talking to Maribelle, and I smile.
“I’ve missed you,” I tell her, pulling her into my arms.
“I’m sorry I’ve been busy; you’d think the fact that we work together would mean we would see each other more,” she sighs.
“I know, but it’s all good. I just wanted to catch up,” I say as we walk into my office.
“That’s great. I wanted to ask you something anyway.”
I take a seat on one of my couches, and Tia sits next to me.
“You go first,” I tell her.
I don’t have anything important to say. I was just missing my sister.
“Will you be my bridesmaid?” she asks, her face beaming with joy.
Tia and Mikey’s relationship has been a bumpy road, and his struggle with drugs and alcohol has caused a lot of strain. But they’re stronger than ever now, and I know nothing will tear them apart.
However, I still feel apprehensive about saying yes. I hate being the center of attention. I just like to keep my head down and be in the shadows, which makes my job kind of perfect for me. I get to be on social media every day, but instead of it being my face, it’s the face of a client. I can be creative and outgoing without really putting myself out there.
But Tia has given me so much and it would be selfish for me to say no.
I pull her into my arms and nod. “Thank you for asking me.”
She squeezes me back, and I can’t help but wonder if this is how a mother’s touch is supposed to feel. Tia has been more of a mother to me than the woman who gave birth to me.
“I couldn’t imagine spending my big day without you,” she says as she pulls back from the hug. “You were put into my life for a reason, and I am so glad to have met you.”
I nod and swipe the tear that is rolling down my cheek. “I feel the exact same way. I don’t know where I would be without you.”
Grabbing my hand, she stares into my eyes. “You are a strong, powerful woman. You just needed someone in your life to show you how amazing you are.”
“So, how are the kids?” I ask, trying to change the subject.
“So good. Growing like bad weeds. I still can’t believe I have four kids under three.”
I nod. Olivia is enough of a handful for me. I couldn’t imagine having three more.
Tia gave birth to identical twin girls, Ivy and Iris, when her oldest, Cecelia, was about eighteen months old. Then their son, Blake, was born just after the twins turned one. It was a bunch of babies in a short time frame. I swear I would have had a mental breakdown if it was me. But Tia handles it with grace, and I’m so glad I have her to look up to.
“How are things going with that boy? Jamey?” she asks.
I shake my head. “James, and it’s not going anywhere. After the second date, I could tell my life wasn’t what he wanted. Guys my age don’t want a three-year-old stepchild. They’re still figuring out their own lives.”
James is sweet, but he’s clearly at a very different point in his life. He’s almost done with college and wants to move to Florida. So I cut things off before either of us had a chance to get attached. My life is in Sienna, with my daughter and friends.
Tia nods. “You’ll find that special someone one day. But you don’t need a man, anyway. You have me.”
I smile at her. I definitely don’t need a man, but I can’t help but think that Olivia needs a father. Then again, maybe her life is fine without one. She has enough uncles and aunts, and she knows she’s loved. I had both parents, and it didn’t do me any good. I feel the same weight on my chest that I do whenever I think about my parents. I take a deep breath and push it aside. I will not think about them.
“Well, I should get going. Dustin and Mikey are going on different tours, and I still have to call their tour managers to make sure everything is all set. Thank God Dustin’s new tour manager is working out. I can’t deal with more issues like that,” Tia says, standing and walking out of my office.
I wave at Tia and make my way to my desk.
I start my computer up and check all my emails. I delete some spam, thankful that Maribelle has already gone through and deleted most of the crap. Scrolling through the messages, I mark them in order of importance.
I freeze when I see an email from Fender. Could this be what I think it is?
I click the email and let out a little shriek. Fender wants Dustin Maxx to design a custom guitar with them. There has been talk in the past, but I wasn’t sure this day would ever come. Dustin only uses Fender guitars, and I know he is going to lose it when I tell him the news.
I quickly check over the details, and everything looks like it should.
Grabbing my purse, I reach in and pull out my cell phone. I laugh at the picture when I pull up Dustin’s contact info. He stole my phone the last time he was at my house and took a picture of his bare ass. I really should change it, but it makes me laugh, and that man does really have a nice ass.
“Hey, sexy,” Dustin answers, making me smile.
“Hey, baby cheeks,” I reply.
I chuckle hearing his loud laugh.
“To what do I owe this surprise call?” he asks.
I have a hard time containing my enthusiasm. “I have some really exciting news.”
“Kim Kardashian finally came to her senses and has agreed to marry me?” he asks.
I roll my eyes. “She’s old enough to be your mom. Can’t you choose someone your own age?”
“But she is fine with a capital F.”
“Well, since this is real life and not a dream, I also believe she’s married. And that’s not what I called you about today.”
“Scarlett Johansson?”
I laugh. “Okay, enough of your cougar-chasing ways. You know Maribelle would love to take a bite out of you and would free up her busy schedule just for you.”
The line goes quiet before I hear Dustin wheezing from laughing so hard.
“I’m terrified to come into your office because of that woman,” he says breathlessly.
“Oh, you know she’s harmless.” I take a deep breath before telling him the best news ever. “So, for the real the reason I called. It’s Fender. They want you to design a custom guitar with them.”
“Are you serious?” he asks and sounds a lot calmer than I thought he would be.
“Deadly,” I tell him.
“Woohoo!” I hear him shout.
I smile. There’s the enthusiasm I expected.
“Everything looks good to me, but I’m going to send the contract to Leah before we have you sign it. It’s a sweet deal, but I’m sure you don’t care about the money.”
“I would do it for free. Fender is my favorite guitar company.”
I knew that would be his response. Dustin is very picky about who he agrees to be a sponsor for. He won’t sell out, so it doesn’t matter how much a company offers. If he doesn’t like it, he won’t agree to it.
“So, are you still coming over for movie night?” I ask.
He’s about to go on tour and I already know how much my little girl is going to miss her Uncie Duddy. S’s and T’s are still hard for her to pronounce, so it comes out extra cute.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m going to miss my favorite girls while I’m on the road,” he says.
“And your princess is going to miss you.”
“I know you will,” he says.
I smile, shaking my head. “Not who I was talking about.”
He chuckles. “I know. I’ll see you tonight.”
We hang up and I get back to sorting out the rest of my emails. I check to make sure Dustin and Mikey’s scheduled posts have gone live, and that there is some sort of interaction happening on their pages.
They each have access to their own social media, but for the most part, they let me take control of
the posting. Mikey will post some stuff about the kids and Tia on his own, but anything tour-related or music-related usually falls to me.
I’m thankful to be close friends with both of them, because they are always sending me pictures to post on their behalf. Dustin, being the jokester he is, sends me lots of useless pictures, but they always make me laugh.
I grab the hummingbird necklace around my neck. Dustin got it for me for my eighteenth birthday. He didn’t even know what they mean to me, or how much I love them, at the time.
Hummingbirds are so beautiful and free, something I always wished I was when I was younger. And I broke free, just like a hummingbird. I never take the necklace off; it’s my protector, in a way.
I feel so blessed to have such a close friend.
“Me want pa-corn!” Olivia exclaims from her tiny rocking chair in the living room. It matches my furniture exactly, and I still wish I knew where Dustin got it from.
“Me too!” Damon yells from his spot on the floor, surrounded by all my pillows.
“Patience, people. I’m working on it. Everyone will get their own bowl shortly,” I tell them.
“Is sex on a stick showing up?” Damon asks.
I shake my head. Damon is Mikey’s tour manager and one of my best friends. He is loud and proud and does not have a filter.
I would scold him for his language, but it would be pointless. I stopped correcting his foul mouth a long time ago. He is who he is, and he isn’t changing. At least he usually does watch it a bit more around Olivia.
“I could use some eye candy,” Shaelynn says, curled up in the adult-size rocker that matches the one Olivia is in.
“You’re married,” I remind her.
She lets out a loud laugh. “Yeah, but I’m not dead. I still don’t know why you two don’t hook up.”
I shake my head. “Because he’s like my brother. So not interested.”
We get asked constantly if we are dating, it gets tiring telling people that we’re just friends. But Damon and Shae like to bug me about it.
I met Shae at Future Foods when I worked there after Livvy was born. We are the same age, but she’s married. She married her high school sweetheart at eighteen; they seem perfect on the outside, but I can feel the tension between them. Shae keeps saying that everything is perfect and things are just in my head, but I see the way he looks at other women. I wish she would just keep more of an open mind. I don’t want to see her get her heart broken.
