Guarded Hearts (Love in Sienna Series Book 3)

by Laura John

  I go back into the room, and Leah is screaming.

  “Are you okay?” I say, rushing to her side.

  She nods, tears rolling down her face. “I changed my mind. I want the drugs.”

  “But, honey, you made me promise. You said you really didn’t want drugs and if you changed your mind during labor, not to let you have them,” Johnny says, petting her head.

  I give him a look, trying to warn him that that is the wrong thing to say, but I’m too late and Leah is glaring at him.

  “I know what I said, but you’re not about to push a fucking baby out of your penis. So shut up and go get the doctor. Now!”

  He steps back, and I’ve never seen him look so scared. But he quickly puts his brave face back on and nods before leaving to hopefully get the doctor.

  “You’re doing really good,” I tell her, placing a wet cloth on her forehead. “I know exactly what you’re going through. Remember, I couldn’t get drugs because Olivia came too fast. If you want them, then take them, but you can do it without. I believe in you.”

  She nods. “I really wanted to, but I can’t. I’m just so tired and I want to rest.”

  “Then we’ll get you the drugs,” I say, smiling at her.

  “Thank you for being here. It really means a lot.”

  “You’re my sister; I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You know Johnny means well, right?”

  She nods. “I know. I’m a bitch when I’m tired and hungry. It’s easy to take it out on the ones you love the most. And I love him more than anything else.”

  “And I love you,” Johnny says, entering the room.

  She beams at him, her expression completely different than a few minutes ago. Women in labor are kind of like people with spilt personalities. One minute, you’re angry. The next, you’re sad. The next, you’re laughing for no reason. And that’s without the drugs.

  I step to the side and let them have their moment.

  I’m so glad I had Tia when I was in labor. I didn’t have anyone else in my life who would have been there for me.

  Now, things are different. I have a huge support group and lots of people who love me.

  Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I was raised with the amount of love that I have now. Who would I be today?

  But it doesn’t matter, because you can’t change the past. All that matters is that I got out, and I have love now.

  Crystal: Edward Michael Crown. Born August 30, 11:00 p.m. 7lbs 5oz, 20 inches long. Mom and baby are doing great. I’ll be home soon.

  I stare at the cute baby. Well, he actually kind of looks like a purple alien, but he’s still cute.

  My thoughts drift to what mine and Crystal’s baby would look like if we had one.

  Is that a weird thought for a guy to have?

  Honestly, I don’t care if it is. I want a family with Crystal. I want whatever she wants. If that’s more kids, awesome. If that’s only Olivia, that’s great too. I just want us to be together.

  It might seem like it’s too soon to be having these thoughts, but I’ve had feelings for Crystal for over three years, and I’m finally getting my chance to be with her. I know she needs to take things slow, and I’m okay with that, as long as she is giving us a chance.

  I’m falling asleep on the couch when I hear Crystal come home.

  “Hey, baby,” I say, stretching my arms above my head. “How’s Leah and Johnny?”

  Crystal smiles and sits down next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder.

  “Really good. Baby Eddie is so cute. I mean, besides looking kind of like an alien.”

  I beam at her. “That’s what I thought!”

  She giggles and pokes me in the side.

  “Oh, no! We’re already thinking alike!” she says in mock horror.

  I wrap my arm around her shoulder and kiss her head.

  “Do you want more kids one day? Or are you happy with just Olivia?” I ask, playing with her hair.

  “Maybe one day. I haven’t really thought that far ahead. You know Olivia was a surprise. I wouldn’t have planned to get pregnant at seventeen, but she was a blessing, in a way. Without her, I never would have met Tia, and I never would have got out of that toxic household. I want to have a stable environment if I bring another child into my life. Preferably be married also.”

  I nod and move my hand to rub her back.

  “What about you? Do you want kids one day?”

  “I always saw myself with a family for sure. The number of kids never really mattered to me. I just wanted to love someone the way I was loved,” I tell her, not wanting to scare her by telling her that I want whatever she wants.

  “That makes sense. Your mom is awesome. You’re really lucky to have grown up in such an amazing environment.”

  “I know. I never take it for granted. My parents always believed in me and let me chase my dreams. I want to do that for my kids. I don’t want them to think they’re silly for what they want. If it’s something they love and they’re willing to work hard for it, then I will have their backs, no matter what.”

  I look down at her and see her yawn widely.

  “Let’s get you to bed.” I pick her up, and she giggles.

  “Put me down. I’m not light like Olivia,” she whines, but I don’t listen.

  “You feel pretty light to me.”

  She shakes her head but doesn’t say anything else.

  Once we are in her room, I place her gently on her bed.

  “Do you want me to stay the night? Or should I go home?” I ask, not wanting to assume anything.

  “You can stay if you want. I always feel safer with you,” she says, looking a little sheepish.

  I place my hand under her chin and lift her face, so she is looking into my eyes.

  “I will stay every night if that’s what you want. I love the way you feel in my arms,” I tell her before kissing her lips gently.

  She kisses me back before heading to her dresser to grab some clothes to sleep in.

  I want to see her beautiful body so badly, but I won’t push her. I know she’s been through a lot, and I don’t know what. But the last thing I want to do is go too far and have her running away from me. She’s finally letting me in, and I won’t do anything to stop me from getting in deeper.

  I take off my clothes and fold them, neatly placing them on top of Crystal’s dresser. My mama didn’t raise me to leave my clothes lying on the floor, and I will not make someone else’s room a mess.

  I climb under the covers, waiting for Crystal. When the bathroom door opens, I see that she’s only wearing a long t-shirt tonight. She’s getting braver with her choices, and that makes me happy.

  She climbs into her side of the bed and I pull her snug to my front. I let my fingers trace the skin on her leg, and she shivers under my touch.

  “I love the feel of you under my fingers,” I whisper into her ear, and I hear her sigh.

  “I like that,” she whispers, so I continue feeling her skin.

  “I want you to touch me more, but I’m scared,” she admits.

  I stop for a moment, placing my hand on her shoulder and encouraging her to turn over so she’s facing me. Once I’m looking into her eyes, I place the softest of kisses on her lips.

  “You don’t ever have to be afraid of me,” I murmur. “I would never hurt you. I promise.”

  She nods and closes her eyes. “I’m not afraid of you. Olivia’s father is the only man I have ever been with. I’m afraid I’ll disappoint you.”

  She keeps her eyes closed, like she’s afraid to even look at me.

  “Why have you never been with anyone else?” I ask her.

  “Because no one felt right. Even he didn’t feel right. I just wanted to lose my virginity so my mother couldn’t hold it against me anymore.” Her voice is soft and timid, and it shakes a little at the words.

  “What do you mean, hold it against you?” I ask, confused by her statement.

  “I’m not ready to talk abou
t it. Let’s just go to sleep,” she says, rolling back over.

  And just like that, the walls are back up.

  Why is she so guarded? There has to be so much she isn’t telling me. I want her to trust me enough to tell me what happened to her. But I won’t push her. I have to trust that she’ll come to me when she’s ready.

  “I’m always here. Whenever you feel ready, I’ll listen with no judgement. You didn’t ask for your parents to treat you like they did. I hope you know that I will never think less of you for what happened in your past,” I tell her.

  She nods, but doesn’t say anything else.

  Well, I guess this conversation is over for the night.

  I was so close to opening up last night. To telling Dustin everything. But I know he’ll look at me differently. He’ll think I’m some broken girl, and he won’t be wrong. I am broken. But I don’t want to be anymore.

  Maybe I can be whole with Dustin. He treats me like a queen and is amazing with Olivia. He doesn’t have to do what he does for us, but he wants to.

  It’s just so hard to get out of my head and let myself be happy. I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall. For three years, I’ve been waiting for the bad. It’s like I have a feeling in my bones that, one day, it’s going to happen, and my entire world is going to fall apart.

  “Baby Eddie is so cute,” Maribelle says, breaking me from my thoughts.

  I smile and hand her a coffee. “He really is. Leah was a trooper. I’m going to head there after work. She should be able to go home tomorrow.”

  “I’m still glad I made the decision to never have babies. I didn’t want some monster coming out of my hoo-ha and destroying it.”

  I fight back a laugh so I don’t spray my coffee everywhere. Why does she have to say the craziest shit when I’m taking a drink?

  “Oh, my God, Belle. You are seriously insane,” I chuckle.

  She shrugs and goes back to work.

  Shaking my head, I walk into my office and fire my computer up.

  As I’m waiting for it to load, I hear a ping from my purse. Pulling my phone out, I check the message.

  Leah: Please bring McDonalds when you come and visit. Hospital food is horrible.

  Me: Of course. Mama needs to eat.

  Leah: Also, WTF is up with my baby’s poop??? It is BLACK.

  I giggle remembering the tar-like poop.

  Me: It’s normal. Just use lots of Vaseline after every diaper change.

  Leah: Why did the nurses not warn me about this?

  Me: They want to make sure you can handle it on your own when you get home.

  Leah: Well, I thought he was dying, so clearly, I’m not handling it well.

  Me: You’ve got this. You’re an amazing mama.

  Leah: Thanks. I’ll see you later.

  I put my phone on my desk and check my emails. Nothing out of the ordinary. I might actually be able to leave work early today.

  “Do you want another coffee? I was up late with Ernesto, and just one isn’t enough for me,” Maribelle says from my doorway, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

  I shake my head. “I’m good, but thanks. Can you book me out for the afternoon? Everything looks pretty quiet today, so I think I’m going to head out early and get some baby cuddles before I have to pick up Olivia from playschool.”

  “Of course!” She beams before leaving to get another coffee.

  I pick my phone up and text Dustin. I saw him a couple of hours ago, but I already miss him.

  Me: Want to come and meet baby Edward this afternoon?

  Dustin: Totally! What time you heading over there?

  Me: Around 1 p.m. I took the afternoon off.

  Dustin: Cool. I’ll meet you there.

  I smile, setting my phone back down. Warmth fills my chest, and I can tell I’m probably blushing. Life feels good right now!

  I’ve been around babies a lot. I come from a big family. But it’s still surreal holding a brand-new baby.

  “He’s so tiny,” I whisper to Crystal.

  She smiles. “And he’s not even as small as they come.”

  I nod, not taking my eyes off my tiny nephew.

  I love that I’ve built such close friendships with the people at Transcendent Management. They’re like my second family. Tia may have started a company, but in reality, she built up a family. Her kids are my nieces and nephews, same as this new precious bundle I’m holding.

  Everyone thinks that Olivia is just another niece to me, but she’s always been more. I spend more time with Crystal because of our ages. We’re close, and she’s special. But Oliva and Crystal aren’t just extended family to me. I want to make them mine.

  “My turn,” Crystal says, reaching for Edward.

  I hand him over, and I don’t miss the way Crystal shivers when my hands brush hers.

  I’m glad she’s giving us a chance, but I still have to work at getting her out of her head. Her body reacts to me, and I know she wants me. But her head’s been damaged, and she needs to see that I would never hurt her the way she’s been hurt in the past.

  “You guys look cute together,” Leah says from her bed while eating her McDonalds.

  I look at Crystal, who blushes.

  “It’s still new. Don’t jinx it,” she mumbles.

  I smile. “Hey, she’s just pointing out the obvious. No need to shoot her down.”

  Crystal giggles, and it makes my heart jump. I need to make it my goal to make her this happy for the rest of our lives.

  I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and pull it out. When I see that it’s Nina, I feel weird. I definitely don’t need Crystal seeing a chick texting me. Especially a chick I used to sleep with.

  I excuse myself to the bathroom and check the message.

  Nina: I’m moving to Sienna in the next month. I got an amazing job offer. Do you want to go on a date when I’m settled?

  Before Crystal agreed to give us a go, I would have said yes. But I never had the kind of feelings for Nina that I do for Crystal, so the response is easy.

  Me: Sorry, Nina. I actually have a girlfriend now. I wish you the best in life, but it’s probably for the best if you and I don’t talk anymore.

  I see bubbles pop up, but a message never comes. I probably upset her, but it’s for the best. Nina and I have been friends for years, but I’m willing to sacrifice that friendship for the woman I care about.

  I know Crystal went through a shit show with Olivia’s father, and because of that, she has some insecurities. I’m going to do my best to make her feel safe and wanted with me. I can’t help what crazy fans do, but I can control what I do. And saying goodbye to an ex is easy. She was a good friend, but I’d much rather have a relationship with Crystal than a friendship with Nina.

  “Are you ready to go?” Crystal asks when I get back from the bathroom.

  “Sure. Want to do dinner?” I ask, hopeful that she’ll let me take her out.

  “I have to go home to Olivia, but you’re welcome to come over if you like.”

  Baby steps, I remind myself.

  Seeing Dustin with baby Edward made my heart melt. I try to tell myself that I need to keep my guard up, but when he was holding that baby, it was so easy to let myself imagine what it would be like if that was our baby.

  I shake the thought off. That’s getting way ahead of things. Right now, I still don’t even know where we are in this “relationship.” We have been seeing each other for about three weeks, but I don’t even know what’s happening with us.

  I said I wanted to give it a shot, but we haven’t really talked about anything since then. Honestly, things don’t feel all that different, besides the fact that we kiss and he sleeps in my bed. But does that make us boyfriend and girlfriend, or just closer friends? Ugh. I know I’m overthinking it, but it’s hard not to.

  “Do you want another glass of wine?” Dustin asks, cutting off my thoughts.

  I smile and nod. “Yes, please.”

  Olivia is in bed and we’re sittin
g on the couch watching TV. It feels nice. Comfortable. Nothing with Dustin feels forced. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I don’t have to dress up and act like the perfect girl.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Dustin says, handing me my glass of wine.

  I feel a heat come over my face, and I look down.

  “What do you think about us going public with this relationship?” he asks.

  I almost drop my glass, shocked.

  “How so?” I take a sip of my wine, trying to calm myself.

  “Let’s take a selfie and post it. That way everyone will know I’m off the market. I only have eyes for you, Crystal, and I know it’s not always going to be easy in the public eye. But I want to share my life with you, and that’s part of it.”

  I’m overwhelmed with emotion. And I feel a couple of tears slipping down my face.

  “Crystal, I really care about you, and I don’t want you to have any doubts about where we stand. This isn’t a fling. You mean so much more than that to me,” he tells me.

  I place my hands on the sides of his face and lean my forehead against his.

  “I care for you too, Dustin.” More than you know. I press my lips to his gently, then pull away. “Are you sure this is what you want?”

  I need this to be real. I can’t have my feelings being dragged through the dirt again. I never let people get this close to me, and if I let down my walls for him, I need to know I won’t fall.

  “I’m sure, baby. You and Olivia are my world, and I won’t ever do anything to hurt you,” he insists.

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  I swear to God, Dustin’s face lights up. He pulls out his phone to take a selfie, but I push him away.

  “Not right now!” I shriek. “I look like shit. Wait until morning so I can take a shower and put makeup on.”

  He smiles and kisses me. “You look amazing, but we can wait until morning if that makes you feel more comfortable.”

  “Thank you,” I kiss him back, then yawn and quickly cover my mouth. “Sorry about that. I guess I’m tired.” I bite my lip before I continue. “Would you like to spend the night?”