by Laura John
“What does the email say?” I mumble, not wanting to make eye contact with either of them.
“She is threatening to share the video if Dustin doesn’t pay her five million dollars,” Leah tells me.
I choke back a sob. “He can’t pay her that. She’ll just blow it all on drugs and then blackmail him for more.”
“Oh, honey, don’t you worry. Dustin won’t be paying a penny, and your mom is going to jail for a long time.”
“How?” I ask her, confused.
I mean, I’m sure blackmail is illegal, but that won’t mean a long sentence. And I could never find the videos, so what makes her think she can?
“Crystal, just her having this video is a federal offense. It’s child pornography. I am going to make sure she rots in jail. How anyone could do this to their own child, I’m not even sure. It makes me sick,” Leah says, shaking her head.
“I tried once to find the videos and send them to the cops, but she always kept everything locked up tight,” I tell them. “She used to hold them against me. Telling me she would share them with the kids at school, and everyone would see what a slut I was.”
The tears are coming harder now, and I feel my body shaking. Leah moves to sit beside me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.
“Oh, honey, I am so sorry,” she says, crying.
Tia comes and sits on the other side of me; I feel like a sandwich. The love pouring from these two is amazing.
“I need to tell you, the FBI is on their way. Child pornography is a federal offense, so it goes to them, not the local police. They are going to have to watch the video, and they’re going to need a testimony from you,” Tia tells me, not letting go of me.
I nod. I’ll happily give a testimony if it means my mother will pay for what she did.
“I think you should tell Dustin about this, though,” Leah says.
I shake my head. “He’ll never look at me the same if he knows about this.”
“Honey, that’s not true. You went through so much, and it wasn’t your fault. You were forced to do things no kid should ever have to do. He’ll understand that, and maybe it will bring you two closer together.”
I contemplate it, but I just don’t know how that would work. Who wants to be with someone who sucked dicks so her mom could get drugs?
“Do you push Dustin away because you’re nervous and scared of different things?” Tia asks.
I nod.
“Well, opening up could help explain why you do that. I’m not saying to show him the video. I think that would be a bad idea. In fact, as soon as the agents get here, I’m deleting it after they get a copy for evidence. But tell him the truth. He could be there for you when you go to court.”
Maybe she’s right. I’m nervous that Dustin will only want to wait so long, and then he’ll leave me. I need to tell him some of it, but if I tell him everything, will he still love me?
If I let him in, if I show him my scars and tell him how broken I really am, will he still want me? Or will that be what pushes him out the door?
I’m with the FBI agents for hours, telling all the stories of how abusive my parents were. They watch the video, and my mom wasn’t as careful as she thought. You can actually see her in the reflection of the microwave.
I only watched it for a moment because it made me want to vomit, seeing myself like that.
The agents told me this would be an open and shut case, and there was already a team on the way to arrest both my parents. They’re also going to run the video through facial recognition software to see if they can identify the man in the video and arrest him too. But knowing my mother, she’ll fight it as hard as she can. She wouldn’t do anything the easy way, like plead guilty. No, she’ll go down kicking and screaming, and I see this going to court.
“I have a friend who is going to represent you. He’s on his way here to have a brief meeting with you,” Leah tells me, handing me a bottle of water. “He specializes in child abuse cases, and he is the best of the best. Not that this is a hard case, but from what you described of your mother, I see her making things challenging.”
I open the bottle and take a sip. “She won’t plead guilty, I can tell you that. I think, in her head, she honestly thinks she did nothing wrong. She’s a messed-up kind of person. And so help me God, if she tries to plead insanity, I’ll lose my mind.”
Leah places her hand on mine. “Gary will be able to walk you through everything. I really wish I could do it, but honestly, it’s not my wheelhouse, and Eddie is making my brain mush. I wouldn’t want to fail you.”
“Thank you for looking out for me,” I tell her before throwing my arms around her neck and giving her the biggest hug.
“I’m always here for you. No matter what,” she assures me.
My brain is mush by the time I get home. I’m thankful that Dustin was able to come over to relieve Katerina, since meeting with everyone and telling my story again and again took a very long time.
Olivia is already in bed, and I feel guilty that I wasn’t able to give her a goodnight kiss. But I’m also thankful that she won’t be around to hear what I’m about to tell Dustin.
Leah and Tia were right. I have to tell him. Especially with this probably going to court, I’m going to need his strength. I’ve told my story so many times today, I almost feel numb to it. What’s one more time?
“Hey baby,” Dustin says, kissing my cheek.
I give him a sad smile.
Please don’t pity me after this, I silently plead.
“I have a lot I need to tell you, and it’s not easy to say. I’m going to try to get through it as fast as possible, so please don’t interrupt me. If you have questions, I’ll answer them when I’m done,” I tell him.
He nods, and we walk to the living room and sit down. Here goes nothing.
“My mother was a whore and a drug addict; she would do anything to get a hit,” Crystal starts, her hands trembling in her lap. “My father didn’t care how they got the drugs as long as they got them. When I was little, I was just neglected and there was a little bit of verbal abuse. It wasn’t right for a four-year-old to ask for food, you know?”
She lets out a small laugh, but there is no humor behind it. I already want to get her parents in front of me and punch them.
“As I got older, my mother started conditioning me to do things for her. At first, it was robbing a store for food when I was seven, and it got worse as time went on.” She closes her eyes and takes a ragged breath.
I place my hand on hers for emotional strength.
“I was thirteen the first time my mom asked me to perform sexual favors on her ‘friends,’” she whispers her voice breaking.
I fight back the rage bubbling in my chest. What kind of sexual favors?
“She coached me on how to give the perfect hand job, said she would buy me some nice clothes. The men paid more for me because I was young and pretty.”
I reach forward to wipe a tear from Crystal’s eye.
“The nice clothes never came. She told me I only had to do it once, but that was a lie. My first blow job was when I was fifteen. My mom held a knife to my throat, saying I had to do it or she’d kill me. I should have chosen death. I didn’t know at the time that she was videotaping me, but she showed me not long after.”
I want to throw up. Who does that to their own flesh and blood? I want to find her parents and kill them myself.
“I was always afraid of when I was going to have to do more than just a blow job. I didn’t want to have some gross old man’s dick inside me. But I knew it was coming.”
Crystal is shaking now, and I pull her into my arms. I have no idea what to say.
“My mother told me that she was waiting for someone who would pay ‘top dollar’ for my virginity. I don’t know what magic number she was looking for, but I knew it wouldn’t be long before she found someone willing to pay it. When Olivia’s father started showing me that he cared for me, it was an easy decision to have sex w
ith him. My mother would no longer be able to sell my virginity. I could lose it on my own terms. But I didn’t expect to be discarded like garbage the next day. I didn’t expect to find out that he slept with me on a bet,” she sniffles.
I can feel anger pulsating through my body, and I take some deep breaths to calm down. I knew life wasn’t easy for Crystal, but I had no idea it was this bad.
“I should have been terrified to raise a child in the household I grew up in, but when I found out I was pregnant with Olivia, it was like something was saying she was my way out. I couldn’t give her up. I needed her. And, in a way, she saved me. Without her, I never would have met Tia and I never would have gotten out.”
She pulls out of my arms and stares into my eyes.
“Today, you got an email from my mother. She was demanding money, or she was going to release the videos she had of me.”
I shake my head. “I’ll pay her whatever she wants. She can have all my money; you don’t need those videos going out.”
“You don’t have to do that. Leah called the cops, and they called the FBI. My parents are finally getting what they deserve. That’s why I was so late today. I had to tell my story a million times. I thought that by the time I told you, it wouldn’t even affect me anymore. But it still hurts, so bad.”
She looks down again, but I place my thumb under her chin and make her look into my eyes. I feel emotionally drained, so I can only imagine how Crystal is feeling.
“No one should have gone through that. Thank you for opening up to me. I know it hurt, but it means so much to me that, even after you told your story so many times, you were still willing to go through the hurt again and let me in. You are so strong to have survived everything you went through. Hell, you didn’t just survive it; you rose above it. You’re breaking the chain. You’re giving your daughter a world you knew nothing about. And I am in awe of you.”
“You don’t pity me?” she asks with sad eyes.
I shake my head. “I’m pissed that you had to go through what you did, but, baby, I look up to you. You went through hell, and you are living proof that your past doesn’t make you who you are. You got out. You’re making a life for yourself and your daughter. You didn’t let your past hold you down. You are the strongest person I know.”
She starts to cry harder and collapses into my chest.
“You have no idea how much that means to hear,” she mumbles.
I run my fingers over her back. “I mean every single word.”
She stays buried in my chest for a while, and I feel her sobs slow.
“Please say you’re staying the night,” Crystal says when she’s calmed down.
“I wouldn’t dream of going anywhere,” I tell her.
Not even thinking, I stand up and pick Crystal up, covering her protests with my lips. She’s been through enough. The least I can do is pamper her. I bring her to her en-suite and start a bath for her, pouring some of her scented bubble bath into it.
“You really don’t have to do that,” she says, staring at me.
“I know, but I want to. You’ve had the day from hell, and I’m here to make it all better.”
Once the bath is full of bubbles, I walk out and tell her to call me once she’s in. She grumbles a little, but finally agrees.
“Okay!” Crystal shouts after a couple of minutes.
I smile and walk in. Of course, all I can see are her shoulders, knees, and head. I would love to crawl in her giant tub with her, but we’re not there yet, and this isn’t about sex.
I grab a bottle of oil from Crystal’s cabinet and move behind her to start massaging her shoulders. I’m very happy that her tub is freestanding and I’m able to do this for her.
As I work my fingers into her muscles, she starts to moan. Fuck, that’s hot; my dick is popping up to say hi.
Not the time, I mentally scold myself.
But I’m a man, and when your woman is moaning in pleasure, it’s almost impossible not to feel aroused.
“That feels amazing, Dustin,” she whispers.
“I’m glad,” I tell her, leaning down to kiss the top of her head. “Am I making everything better? At least for the moment?”
She nods her head and moans again. “Yes. I don’t know how I got lucky enough to have you here with me.”
She starts to whimper lightly.
I stop my massage, but don’t remove my hands. “Hey, stop it. No thinking of your past right now. Stay here with me.”
She nods and takes a deep breath.
“I think I’m ready to get out,” she murmurs.
I stand to walk out of the bathroom.
“I’ll meet you in bed,” I tell her with my back to her.
I’m painfully hard as I’m lying in bed, and I think I should go take a cold shower. I don’t want to risk upsetting Crystal. But every time I think of how her skin felt under my fingertips, or those amazing moans leaving her lips, my cock decides it’s the perfect time to pop up and say hi.
I sigh and stand to go to the guest bathroom when Crystal enters the bedroom. Again, she is in just a t-shirt, and my dick bobs against my boxers. I quickly place my hands over my erection and lower my head in shame.
“I’m sorry, Crystal,” I mumble, and head toward the door.
“Why are you sorry?” she asks.
I pause with my hand on the door handle. “Because I’m sick for having a hard-on for you after everything you’ve been through. I’m going to take a shower; I’ll be back soon.”
“You don’t have to go. I’m not offended.” She comes up behind me and places her hand on my shoulder. “I was actually thinking that I wanted to thank you for everything.”
She kisses my back and runs one hand up and down my side. It feels so good, but this is not going to be how our first time is. I turn around and kiss her lips gently.
“You don’t need to do anything to thank me. This is what you do for the people you love.” I reach down to pick her up and place her in bed. “I’ll be right back.”
I let the cool water rush over my skin, needing to get my head straight. Crystal needs me, and she’s obviously confused with everything she’s been through. Of course, I want to have sex with her, but I won’t do it until she is really ready. Until there is only love there, not confusion and guilt.
I quietly open the bedroom door. At first, I think Crystal is asleep…until I hear her quiet whimpers.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, quickly rushing to her side.
“Why are you pushing me away?” she asks through her tears.
Oh, shit. I never thought she would think that. I want her so badly that my dick was ready to explode just from giving her a massage, but I won’t take advantage of someone in a vulnerable state. I lean back against the headboard and pull her into my arms.
“Crystal, I want you more than I can even say, but we need to wait,” I tell her. “I want you to sleep with me because you are in love with me, not because you think you need to repay me. I know you weren’t shown real love growing up, but my love for you doesn’t come with strings. It’s there always, without expectations.”
She cuddles into my chest some more.
“Are you real?” she asks, her voice muffled against my skin.
“I’m real, baby, and I’m not ever going anywhere”
I lie there with her in my arms, petting her hair until she falls asleep.
She’s so peaceful when she sleeps, like all her worries are gone. I need to do everything in my power to keep her happy. After all the hurt she has been through, I need to protect her from any more pain. She’s let me in now, and I will do everything in my power to keep her heart safe.
“Are you nervous that the case is going to court?” Shae asks after taking a drink of her wine.
Of course, as expected, my mother is pleading not guilty.
I nod. “A little, but it’s still not even set in stone. My mom’s lawyer is trying really hard to get her to take the plea agreement, to avoid going to cou
rt, because he knows they’ll lose. But my mom’s crazy, so she’ll probably fight it. I know I’ll have Dustin with me, so that makes it a lot better.”
“You two are so cute together,” Damon says, making me blush.
“I think I’m in love with him,” I say, staring at my drink.
I look up at my best friends, and they are both giving me a look.
“What?” I ask, feeling ganged up on.
“Are you seriously just realizing this now?” Damon asks.
“Well, I knew I loved him. We’ve been close for so long. But I love the both of you too.”
Shae places her hand on mine. “You were never shown real love growing up, so it’s easy to see why you confused your feelings for Dustin.”
“I tried going all the way with him the night my parents went to jail. He was so kind, and I wanted to thank him for being there for me, but he stopped me,” I admit.
“Because he didn’t want you to think you owed him anything. That’s actually really sweet,” Damon says, picking up the cherry from his drink.
I nod. “He’s been so kind to me through everything. I want to tell him how I feel, but I’m scared. I feel like the moment I do that and sleep with him, then…” I take a breath. “Then he’s going to leave me.”
“Honey, he will never leave you. He waited for you for over three years and he loves you. He’s already told you that. When you feel like it’s the right time, just go with it. Don’t do it because you feel guilty. Do it because you want to,” Damon says.
I smile. My friends are the best, and they are right. I know Dustin loves me. When I’m ready, he won’t hurt me.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask Dustin, looking around at the pink unicorn decorations.
It’s Olivia’s fourth birthday, and I know it’s going to be a crazy day with a lot of kids. Dustin keeps showing me he loves me, and I believe it, but I keep waiting for him to give up on me. Or to think this step-parenting thing isn’t for him.
I still haven’t had sex with him, and it’s been over two months since we started dating. I’m just scared, but the more he shows me his love, the less scared I get. I’ve been letting him touch me more, and it’s getting harder to stop. Honestly, I don’t want to stop anymore. I need to push these feelings aside and trust that he’s not going to hurt me.
