Damn those first few strokes were somethin’. She was a dancer, so her sleek hips were grinding on me, playing with my dick inside her like it was a joystick and her pussy was a tournament level gamer hand—up, down, forward, forward, circle, down, down, up, this girl was a consummate fuckin’ expert at making me roll my eyes back, feelin’ that sweet pressure buildin’ in me. As she squirmed into me, her long tattooed arms ran all over my neck, opening up my shirt so she could kiss all along my clavicle. Her hair brushed against me, only adding to the sensations. For a moment I imagined that this broad had a beauty mark below her eye, that she was wearing huge tinted sunglasses, had fuller hips, heavier tits. “Ty...” I muttered, a groan of pleasure breaking my words. There was something real primal about her riding me like that, her horns and hair twisting with her movements, like she was a damn bull bucking. I knew I wasn’t gonna last long, I was already more than ready to go when I walked in the fuckin’ door of the joint, so I looked up at the stripper ridin’ me and after a few minutes told her I was about to bust.
“Okay! Shit!” She grinded down hard on my dick a few more times, buckin’ her pussy against me. “Such good dick!” She was bitin’ down on my ear, then she slipped herself up and off of me before quickly, almost seamlessly kneeling down and taking my dick into her mouth, causin’ me to nut intensely into the back of her throat.
“Fuck!” I growled as my dick cleared her lips, breathin’ hard and puttin’ myself back into my pants. “That was...”
“That was hot, Teek.” The stripper, Glasha, snatched the cash next to me as she quickly stood up. “You wanna have a drink at the bar, then I can take you to the champagne room…?”
I shook my head, the brief joy experienced courtesy of my orgasm giving way to the cold reality that she was just hustlin’ me, and then bitterness and frustration once more.
“I gotta hit the road. You were great.” I stood up, buckled, and gave her an awkward hug, went to kiss her on the cheek but decided against it, then quickly hurried passed her, leavin’ her standing there naked and dripping and slightly confused. I shoved passed the bugbear bouncer who was askin’ me if I was comin’ back in or not, which made me stop and think a moment.
“I’m done for the night.” I waved quickly then dicked it out to my car, sweating as I dropped into the driver’s seat of the Mustang, feelin’ drained and nauseated.
The purple neon sign flicked on and off briefly in the rearview mirror. I had been sittin’ out in the parking lot of the strip club for a few minutes now, gettin’ anxious. Was it worth it? Spendin’ cash you barely even got on some strange tiefling pussy? I lit up a cigarette and watched a drunken orc stumble outta the front doors of The Purple Rose, bumbling into his equally drunk buddy, laughin’ raucously as they made their way to their car. Granted, the bitch was sexy as hell, but still, you couldn’t even be in the moment with her. I rubbed my eyes, puffed on my cigarette. Your goofy red ass was thinkin’ about another girl entirely! Fuckin’ Tyzee!
Shaking my head and starting up the car, I reached over and flipped the radio on. I was feelin’ kinda low and grimy, I had effortlessly used my natural charms on a stripper girl to get my rocks off. I got her to fuck me for that old friend rate even though we just met, but gods it was a necessary evil if there was one, especially for a hobgoblin like myself, who in the prime years of his life is often afflicted with intense virility, and he’s gotta do what he’s gotta do to get that nut out and keep it fuckin’ pushin’.
I felt a little guilty for some reason as an image of the two girls sittin’ on the futon back at the apartment briefly flashed before my mind’s eye, especially as Tyzee was the one more in focus. The clock on the dash was tellin’ me it was gettin’ late, and my belly was grumblin’ with hunger, so I pulled outta the strip joint parking lot, hittin’ route 13 and driving towards the apartment. Those big yellow arches leered out at me from my right after I had been on the road again for a few, so I turned off into the McDonald’s and parked up, figurin’ I’d have a meal in peace and alone with my thoughts before finally returning to the apartment and turnin’ in for the night. Walking into the Mickey D’s, I felt a strange sense of shame, thinkin’ about what I’d just done at the strip club, knockin’ that tiefling whore’s screws loose, then I’m headin’ home and lookin’ Tyzee in the face, Alelicia? It wasn’t sittin’ right for some reason, I mean, these weren’t even my girls so why should I feel some type of way if I go smash some bitch on the side? I shoved open the doors and made long strides over to the counter, orderin’ a couple double cheeseburgers, some fries and a large Coke.
“Will that be all tonight?” The shifty eyed human workin’ the counter, with the scuffed name tag pinned on his chest readin’ Rayon, looked up at me expectantly, waitin’ for me to peruse the menu again real quick and then add somethin’ else on, like so many schmucks did. He spoke with a sort of accent you didn't hear much round these parts, Jamaican or somethin’.
“Yea.” I nodded, handing him a crumpled twenty.
After waitin’ for my number to be called, I took my grub over to a table near the window, so I could see my car while I ate. There was somethin’ about that guy that took my order, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. When I tried to look at him directly or recall what his face looked like, for some reason there was a certain uncanny vibe to it. I mean, he seemed like a regular human, dark skinned, strong cheekbones, thick lips, wore his oily, curly hair back in a tiny ponytail, had huge eyes with slanted eyebrows. But there was something off about him. Fuck it, it’s probably the booze from the strip club talking.
While I was sittin’ there, chowin’ down majorly on the hot, greasy cheeseburgers and stuffin’ salty limp french fries into my gullet, I thought about how the fuck I was possibly gonna go about gettin’ those fuckin’ scumbag deadbeats outta the Dozen Diamonds townhouse. I got a sneaking suspicion from the way Big Fat was talkin’ earlier that this Dozen Diamonds situation was a real pain in the balls, a hot potato that he wanted to stuff in his mouth but didn’t wanna get caught doing so. But, I thought, finishin’ up the rest of my meal, if I can pull this off, if I do pull this off, he’d lose face in front of his own people if he didn’t reward me adequately. That was somethin’ I could appreciate about the orcs, they had a real mind for business, not high level corporate shit like the elves, but... a low cunning you might say. And to Big Fat’s own crew, if he was willing to speak with me and offer me the job in the first place, then that meant I was associated with the crew, and had to be looked out for, commensurate to the status of the job initially offered, which was clearly no easy pickings. Sure ain’t a plum he dropped into my fuckin’ lap. I bitterly sucked down the rest of the Coke.
I lit up a cigarette, since back in those days you could actually smoke in a fuckin’ restaurant, and turned to look at my reflection in the glass. The moon was bright that night. It was practically bathing me in light makin’ me look almost otherworldly in the glass, the cigarette smoke swirlin’ around me, the bright silvery white light of the moon almost seeming to shimmer around me. There was a shitty old convenience store across the street, an old sign flickering Open 24 Hours! in the dingy front window catching my attention, and suddenly I remembered passing a liquor store when I followed Mikey up to the Diamonds complex; it was practically down the fuckin’ street. That might just be the ticket to solve this whole townhouse bums problem, I pondered. Tossing my trash out and poppin’ the tray up on top of the sticky trash can lid, I looked around to spot the guy at the register, but he was nowhere to be seen, there was just a chubby human girl standin’ there lookin’ bored out of her fuckin’ mind. I decided that I should grab Skreech and the girls’ dinner, somethin’ to make them both happy, so I went back over to the counter.
“Hi welcome to McDonald’s,” the chubby girl droned, “would you like to hear our new dollar menu specials today?”
“Yea, no.” I shook my head. “I just ate here. Let me get two chicken sandwich meals to go, throw in a apple pie,
some of them cookies.” I pointed towards the picture of them on the menu behind her. I pulled out another crumpled twenty dollar bill, that stripper must have really been grindin’ that sweet tight ass into me somethin’ strong to have crumpled up a wad of cash like this.
“And where’d the guy go, the one who was at the register before you? Rayon I think his name was.”
The blonde girl, her shirt collar hiding some acne growin’ on her neck, looked at me stupidly for a moment before issuing a “huh?” followed by a shrug of the shoulders and a mumbled, “I just clocked in for my shift.”
I looked back at her somewhat confusedly, but figured it wasn’t worth pressin’ this broad for information, the guy probably went to hit the shitter or somethin’. It ain’t like he just poofed and vanished into thin air, I mean the double cheeseburgers were alright but they weren’t that hypnotic, and she looked troubled enough rememberin’ how to tie her fuckin’ shoes before she walked out of her house. I nodded to her after she gave me my change, then waited a few by the counter for her to bring over the hot brown paper bag crinkled up at the top to seal in that hot McDonald’s stink, a little grease stain already appearing at a bottom corner. I thanked the acne girl and jumped in the car, deciding I’d hit that Elven-Greek fusion joint right around the corner. The way I surmised it, if there was any joint in this fuckin’ city that was gonna have a dish to put a smile on that beautiful hybrid elf girl’s face, it was gonna be that one.
I swore loudly turning into the parking lot of Heleven Bros., the side of my car dipping into a monstrous pothole I assumed to be a fuckin’ puddle. Throwin’ the gear into park, I peeped up and saw The best Elven and Greek cuisine this side of the Atlantic since 1799! proudly proclaimed on an old tattered banner under the ‘Heleven Bros.’ decal emblazoned on the building. The scent wafting out of the place smelled funky to me at first, but after a few moments I began to appreciate the exotic notes, and before I knew it I had followed my nose right through the front doors. I was greeted immediately by about fifty elves and humans eye fucking the shit out of me. When I had walked in through the doors there was a great din and clatter, the usual sound of the hustle and bustle of a lively and busy restaurant, but the moment I had crossed the threshold and was in sight of those inside, it got very quiet as those around me quickly assessed my red hide to determine if I was some sorta threat, since clearly a hobgoblin had never set foot in this restaurant before.
“Can I… help you with something…?” A delicate voice with a thick accent that I couldn’t place right then asked from beside me.
I jumped a little in surprise, turning to face the little elf girl with long thick dark hair done up in tresses and tiers who had snuck up on me. I opened my mouth to speak but then closed it again, enchanted by the incredible beauty of this little elf girl. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she was gettin’ impatient and I was taking too long in a place that I already wasn’t welcome.
“Yea, maybe,” I muttered, tryin’ to get a hold of myself.
“What is it you want? You want to dine… with us…? At a table…?” She nodded over in the general direction of the tables and booths dotted around the room, all the while an eyebrow was raised incredulously higher than the other.
I thought from somewhere to the right of me I heard an elf say somethin’ about red skinned devils, but shaking my head, I replied to the gorgeous little elf girl, “no, thanks. I just wanted to pick up a little dinner for my girlfriend. She’s an elf, you know, delicate, likes this sort of food.”
“You… have an elf girlfriend…?” She asked loudly in shock, drawing the attention of some elves eatin’ big platters of fishes with assortments of olives and salads, big jugs of sweet smelling wine at a table nearby.
Taking note that I was vastly outnumbered and it’d be foolish to get snippy with this rude elf bitch, I tried to play it cool, thinking the self deprecating route would probably be best here.
“Yea, what can I say, what a lucky guy I am.” I chuckled especially mirthlessly, the mostly brief and cold encounters I’ve had with Alelicia flashin’ through my mind. “But hey, young love is young love, right?” I flashed a big shit eatin’ grin at the elf girl, taking some small pleasure in the repugnance showin’ on her face. “Besides, I’m sure it’s just a phase anyway, after all, her father would never approve…”
“Yes.” The elf girl nodded vigorously at this last bit. “Yes, I see. This is true.” She looked at me for a moment then quickly produced a small pen and a little pad of paper shaped like a tree leaf, and grumbled, “what would you like?”
I was about to snarl how the fuck should I know, but again, feelin’ way too many elven eyes on me, I tried to keep it cool, shruggin’ my shoulders, lookin’ around ‘til I located a menu. I spotted one at a nearby table and quickly reached over an elf’s shoulder, snatchin’ up the menu and sliding back over to the elf girl. I studied the menu, not understanding a fuckin’ word of it, on account of it was in this real fancy elf script which I think was supposed to be english still, but I noticed there was some little pictures of the food next to certain items, so, sliding a red finger down the page, I looked over at the elf girl and pointed at one of the little pictures that looked like some crazy monster salad, and said simply, “this one.”
Making a point to not get too close to me, she peered over, saw what I was pointin’ at, and a brief ghost of a smile touched her lips as she wrote down the order, murmuring, “ah, yes… this one is my favorite. She’ll love it.” She looked up at me after she finished writing, curtly said, “wait here.” Then turned and walked back towards the kitchen, passing the little slip of paper to the sweaty elf waiter who was blatantly tryin’ to get a look at me, in pure disbelief that some asshole hobgoblin had strolled into the restaurant he worked at. He’s probably thinkin’ he can’t wait to get home tonight, I mused, tell the wife and the guys about how some fuckin’ hobgoblin walked in earlier tonight, guy was talkin’ all sorts of crazy, sayin’ he needed a dinner for his alleged elf girlfriend, can you believe that shit…? I felt foolish for having even said she was my girlfriend, it was a slip of the tongue for expediency’s sake but I’d inadvertently become the butt of every joke that an elf jerk off who happened to be in the restaurant at the time I came in would tell for the next week at least.
“Forty nine, ninety five,” the elf girl said bluntly, walking up and holding out a bulging white plastic bag to me.
“What?”
“I said forty nine, ninety five,” she repeated in irritation, slipping the handle of the bag onto my hand.
“Hold up.” I shook my head, gettin’ angry ‘cause it felt like I was bein’ hustled by this cold little elf broad. “You’re tellin’ me this salad is fifty dollars?”
She nodded, her thick tressed up hair moving with her head. “Yes… Forty nine, ninety five. Is there a problem?” She raised an eyebrow at me.
I reached into my pocket reluctantly, pulled out a bunch of crumpled ones and fives, a crumpled twenty, counted out fifty bucks, squished it together into a ball in my hand to make it even more crumply, thinkin’ fuck you, too as I shoved the wrinkled, balled up dollar bills into her little white hand, her face contorting like I just dropped a turd into her mitts. I abruptly turned and left, shovin’ the doors open hard on my way out, wonderin’ why every elf I met had to be such an asshole.
Pullin’ into the back of the kobold sushi joint, I cut the car off and grabbed the food for the girls and Skreech. I headed up the backstairs, feelin’ a little chilly from the cold night air, and as soon as I walked in the door it was fuckin’ mayhem.
“Boss! Boss, we saw ya on the T.V.!” Skreech was yellin’, hoppin’ around, fuckin’ practically bouncin’ off the walls. “I nearly shit myself when I saw ya wing that bag of bangers at the news van!” The little goblin started laughin’ hysterically. “They zoomed back in on that elf with the microphone, the one in the suit.” He looked over at Tyzee, who was lookin’ at me with a sly grin, then turned back to m
e. “His pants was wet!” Skreech doubled over. “The fuckin’ jerk pissed on himself!”
Tyzee was giggling, coming over to me and grabbin’ the bags of food from my hand. She went and placed them on the table then turned to me, still grinnin’. “Looks like you’re riding around having fun when you’re not at home.”
Alelicia appeared from the bedroom, eyes wide, walking towards me. “Did you really have to do that? You terrified those poor people…”
“Come eat!” I announced to the room, ignoring Alelicia.
Skreech and Tyzee dove into the McDonald’s, both makin’ loud noises of contentment. I walked over to the table and pushed the bag of over priced salad over to Alelicia.
“Hope you enjoy that, sweetheart.” I grinned.
She cocked an eyebrow at me briefly, smiling a little quizzically as she cautiously looked into the bag, suspecting a trap or a joke. Her eyes immediately widened as she lifted the salad out of the white bag, a big ass tin pan stuffed with salad and an assortment of toppings that would make any elf girl smile.
“Wow!” Alelicia sat down, lookin’ at the salad, then up at me. “Really?”
I nodded. “Yea, really. I found a place I think you might like.”
“Thanks!” She had a forkful of salad and peppers crossin’ her lips, having torn the lid of the tin pan off.
“Yea, thanks,” Tyzee grumbled. “Listen Teek, we need to talk.”
Thinking she was mocking me, I turned to her, smilin’. “Okay. About what?”
Tyzee and Alelicia shared a quick glance, then Tyzee spoke up again, slurping on the straw of her soda. “We need to get out and go to the store.”
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