by Hanna Peach
Israel woke up with a start, clutching his chest and gasping for breath. He pushed himself up to sitting on his couch.
Jesus Christ. He had dreamed that he died. He dreamed that a creature had torn him apart.
More of his dream came back to him in flashes. He had dreamed about Alyx, the woman he had taken to hospital. They’d journeyed across a strange land together. They had kissed and he had remembered a past life…
What a crazy dream. There were no such things as past lives. What an absolute lunatic dream. It was so real and so vivid. He raised his fingers to his mouth. He swore he could still taste her lips on his, he could still feel her soft tongue, her gentle fingers. An ache grew in the pit of his belly. Trust him to fall in love with a dream. What would his therapist say about that? If he ever went back.
His head spun a little as he stood. Did he drink last night? He felt lightheaded but not hungover.
He ambled to his bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. It felt so good on his skin, waking the rest of him up. He looked into the bathroom mirror as he wiped his face with a cloth and froze. What the hell?
There, on his chest, was a necklace, a silver ring on the end of a silver chain.
Alyx’s necklace.
How the hell did he get this?
“What if you do forget me? What if we step through this door and this becomes just a dream? I can’t forget that…this…us.” How do you hold onto a dream?
“Here.” She pulled her necklace from around her neck and placed something cold in his palm. “It was my mother’s.”
It was a silver ring at the end of a matching chain. It must have been her mother’s wedding ring. “I can’t take it.”
“You can. I want you to. I don’t know how this works. I don’t know whether you can take this back into the real world with you, but I hope you can. I hope you wake up with it…”
Oh my God. The force of the realization caused him to stagger back from his own reflection. It was all real.
Alyx. His Alyx.
She was…
His soulmate. In this life and the last.
He had to get to the hospital. He had to be there when she woke up.
Israel ran into the hospital elevator and pressed the button for Alyx’s floor, clutching a bunch of sunflowers in his hand. His heart was jittery as he watched the doors sliding close. Hurry the hell up.
Just before they shut, a hand stuck in between them, making them open again with a chirpy ding. Israel ground down his annoyance.
A tall guy wearing a pinstripe suit stepped in carrying the largest bunch of bright pink roses he’d seen in his life. The elevator filled with their cloyingly sweet smell.
Israel could feel the newcomer’s eyes on him as the doors closed.
“Nice flowers,” Suit Guy said.
Israel wasn’t sure whether Suit Guy was being a dick. His sunflowers were probably a tenth as expensive as a huge bunch of roses, but that wasn’t what mattered.
For some reason he couldn’t muster up the energy to pick a fight. Maybe the old Israel would have, but right now he just felt too damn nervous to hate anyone. “Your roses are pretty impressive too. Visiting someone?”
“My fiancée. You?”
The love of my life. No, the love of all my lives. “My…girlfriend. Sort of.”
“Sort of?”
“Well, I hope she’ll be my girlfriend. We only just met,” sort of, “but we have this connection.”
Suit Guy wrinkled his nose. “Connection?”
“This…rightness.”
He raised an eyebrow at Israel.
“I can’t explain it.” In that moment, Israel would not have changed places with Suit Guy. Even with all his money—that fancy tailored suit, polished leather shoes and two dozen long-stemmed roses that didn’t come cheap—this guy didn’t understand what it was like to connect with someone like he had with Alyx. The elevator dinged and Israel was glad he didn’t have to try to explain.
“Well, this is me.” Suit Guy strode out of the elevator. “Good luck with that…er, connection,” he called over his shoulder.
“Thanks.” Israel stepped out of the elevator too. “Hope your fiancée’s okay.”
Israel walked towards the direction of Alyx’s room, his head a whirl. What would he say to her when she woke up? What do you say to someone when you just remembered that they were your soulmate?
What if she didn’t remember him? How would he explain his presence?
That didn’t matter if they were meant for each other, right?
Israel only registered Suit Guy when he barged into Alyx’s room. Israel froze in the middle of the hallway, nurses grumbling as they had to veer aside in order not to run into him. He mumbled his apologies but he was still staring at her hospital room door, now swinging shut.
There was some mistake. Maybe they had moved her?
Israel walked to the door with lead in his shoes and peered inside the square glass window.
There was no mistake. Alyx was there, eyes closed, hair like a dark fan around her head on her pillow and Suit Guy was standing by her bed.
Suit Guy was Alyx’s fiancé.
Alyx had a fiancé?
She never said anything to him about it. In fact she said she didn’t have a boyfriend. Why would she lie to him? His heart refused to accept what his eyes were seeing. He felt totally numb.
The fiancé slid his bouquet of roses into a vase on her bedside and spent a few moments arranging them. Even as Alyx lay there.
Israel couldn’t help the snarl pulling at his top lip. Doesn’t he know that sunflowers were her favorite flowers?
Alyx couldn’t marry someone who didn’t even know what her favorite flowers were.
She should be with me.
Adere’s voice from inside the Maze of Whispers repeated in his mind. “Do you think she’d still want you if she knew the truth? What you failed to do? Who you have become?”
The bottom dropped out of his stomach. Who was he kidding? Alyx was an intelligent, fierce and passionate woman. He was just a lowlife. He didn’t deserve her. The sunflowers slid out of his grasp and fell to the floor with a soft patter, each one containing his happiness. He turned robotically and walked away, sunflower petals crushing underneath his feet.
* * *
Alyx felt the presence beside her and she floated up towards it like a diver rising up to the surface after being underwater too long.
Israel.
Her heart skipped a beat. She could actually hear it skip then back into a regular series of beeps. A smile pulled at her face as she opened her eyes and the man before her came into focus. Shock poured all over her like ice water. It wasn’t Israel staring down at her but Daniel.
Where was Israel?
“Hey, honey.” Daniel flashed a white, toothy grin at her. With boyish features and honey-blonde hair parted precisely and swept to one side, she had always thought that he looked too polished.
“Hey.”
“You were hit on your head by a falling stone. Do you remember?”
Alyx nodded. The flashes of the last four seasons in the “dream” hurtled through her head. She remembered, alright. She remembered everything. Where was Israel?
“How are you feeling?” Daniel asked.
God, stop asking such stupid questions. “Like I was hit on the head by a falling gargoyle.”
“I wasn’t able to come in last night when they told me; a deadline, you know how it is, but they said you hadn’t woken up anyway. You understand, right?”
“Sure.”
“But I thought I’d stop in today on my way to work. Just in time to see my darling wake up. They were a little concerned about you for a while. I bought you flowers.”
She spotted the mass of pink by her bedside table. “Roses. Pink roses. Thanks,” she said limply.
“Hey,” Daniel said with a frown, “your mother’s ring. Where is it?”
“What?” Her hand flew up to the empty space agains
t her chest where her mother’s wedding ring used to sit. I gave it to Israel. For him to remember me. But…he’s not here. Did he not remember me?
Or maybe he was on his way now? Her eyes flicked to the door. She couldn’t see anyone through the small glass window.
“What are you looking for?”
“What?” She jerked her gaze back to Daniel.
He frowned and gave her a funny look. “You keep glancing over to the door. Are you expecting someone?”
She licked her lips. She had been expecting Israel. Any second now. But if Israel came in and saw Daniel…
I should have told him.
“I’m just really tired,” she lied and felt terrible for it. “Do you mind coming back later?”
“Of course.” He leaned in to kiss her mouth and her heart remained a placid beat, the machine by her bed announcing the unchanging rhythm. Her body didn’t light on fire. Her mind didn’t dissolve to nothing except his kiss. The only thing she could think was how hurt Israel would feel if he saw this.
The door opened. Her heart gave a thud as she pushed Daniel away to look past him.
It wasn’t Israel. It was the doctor who was shaking her head as she walked in.
“What’s wrong?” Alyx asked.
“Someone’s dropped a bunch of sunflowers just outside your door.”
Her heart crammed up to her throat. Sunflowers. Israel must have been here. He must have seen Daniel.
Oh God.
She should have told Israel about Daniel.
Now it was too late. And she had no way of finding him not now that she was sure he wouldn’t want to be found.
He promised her that he would come for her. He promised her that she wouldn’t be alone.
He said he’d never leave.
He lied.
* * *
Alyx had spent the rest of her hospital stay staring at the door, begging Israel to walk back in so she could apologize and explain everything.
But the days came and went and he never came.
She had not wanted to be released, the hospital her last link to Israel. Once she left, he would not know where to find her and she didn’t know where to find him.
She was silent as Daniel walked her out the hospital lobby and in the car on the way home she kept her eyelids shut so she wouldn’t have to talk.
Her stomach churned with guilt, over Israel, over Daniel. Her insides tumbled with what the hell she should do now. She wished so hard that it hurt that she and Israel could still talk into each other’s minds through their bond. It didn’t stop her trying.
Israel, if you can hear me, come find me. I’m sorry. Please, find me.
Chapter 21
Israel slumped at the bar of his local dark basement tavern. He wasn’t sure what day it was or what number scotch this was that he was nursing. A tall man in a thick black coat pulled up to his chin, slid into the stool next to him. It took one glance for Israel to recognize who it was. “Want do you want, Jordan?”
Jordan didn’t flinch. He kept his pale jade eyes forward. “Thought you might want some company.”
Israel snorted into his glass. “My old nemesis pities me enough to keep me company. How far I have fallen.”
Jordan made a motion to the bartender, pointed to Israel’s glass, then indicated the empty space in front of him. The young bartender ambled over and poured Jordan a glass of scotch. Jordan took a slow sip and smacked his lips. “I see you’ve decided not to pursue Alyx.”
Israel let out a growl and repressed the urge to strangle Jordan. “Is this your way of asking me if you can go after her?”
Jordan let out a small laugh and shook his head. “You’re still such a boy, even in this life.”
“And you’re still such an asshole.”
“Firstly, if I were to pursue Alyx, I’d hardly ask for your permission. Secondly, believe it or not, I’ve found my Forever. But I’m not here to talk about my love life. Alyx—”
“I don’t want to talk about her.”
“Okay, let’s not talk about her.”
Israel drained his glass, the remaining ice cubes cold against his lip. He slammed the empty glass down. “She has a fiancé.”
Jordan nodded. “And he’s a good guy from what I hear.”
The edges of him felt fuzzy, but not fuzzy enough. He called out to the bartender, who refilled his glass. Israel took a large gulp of his fresh scotch, reveling in the burn of his throat, and hissed. “She deserves better than me. Maybe we’re just not meant to be together.”
“Maybe not.”
Israel stared at Jordan in surprise. “Aren’t you here to make me feel better? To encourage me or something?”
“No, I’m here to tell you the truth.” Jordan’s eyes slid over to meet Israel’s. There was no maliciousness to his demeanor or tone. “Let’s face it. You gave up on yourself before your life even really began. You don’t deserve someone like Alyx. Not yet. But you could one day, if you made some changes…”
“You don’t know—”
“I know because I gave up on myself once too.” Jordan’s face softened. “It took…Alyx to show me just how I had to change. That, we have in common.”
Israel looked over to Jordan and saw himself reflected in Jordan’s eyes.
His heart wailed. Why didn’t he put in the effort to get over his issues with Adere earlier? Why had he avoided it, by drinking, with women, by taking on dangerous and illegal work just to feel alive? Painful as dealing with it would have been, it was nothing compared to the stark, naked realization that he had lost something truly beautiful because of it. He only had himself to blame.
Jordan tilted his glass, letting the light catch the amber liquid. “Someone very wise once told me that sometimes you need someone to come along who shakes you up, who forces you to look at yourself, to make you see how you need to change to become a better person. The One Before The One. Then only when you’re that better person can you deserve The One.”
Israel stared at his drink. As much as he wanted to hate Jordan, he couldn’t. He knew what Jordan was saying was true.
He rubbed his eyes with his palms. Here he was again just drowning his sorrows. He had to pull himself together, get back into life instead of wasting his days in here.
It took Jordan to help him see that. “Hey man, thanks for—” He cut off when he saw Jordan’s seat was empty and he was nowhere to be seen, his nearly full glass of scotch and a few bills the only sign that he’d ever been there.
The one that makes you see how you need to change to become a better person…The One Before The One.
If Israel couldn’t have Alyx, then he was sure as hell going to work his ass off to deserve someone like her. If they ever came along in his life again. Next time, he’d be ready.
Israel threw some cash on the bar, grabbed his coat off the back of the barstool, suddenly feeling sober and renewed. The feeling became clearer as he walked along the chilly streets, the city on the cusp of spring’s end.
On his way home he pulled out his phone, Jordan’s words still ringing in his head. “Hey,” he spoke into his phone when the man on the other end picked up.
“You ready to take that job yet?”
“No.”
“What? Dude, you’re crazy for turning this down. It’s a big payday.”
“I’m getting out of the business. Permanently. Going legit.”
The laughter and snort at the other end of the phone didn’t deter him. “Yeah I’ve heard that before. You’ll be back. I’ll be waiting for your call.”
You’ll be waiting forever.
After Israel hung up he made another call to his friend Anton, who he had been friends with on the force. Anton had left Saint Joseph recently to start work for a company that specialized in stolen goods retrieval. “Hey, Anton,” he said into the phone when his friend answered. “Any chance there’s a job going at your company?”
* * *
“Hello, National Museum of Prague. How may I d
irect your call?”
Alyx chewed on her nails as she walked the streets of Saint Joseph, clutching her light jacket to her body. This was it. The call she’d been dreading. She had put it off long enough.
“My name’s Alyxandria Urban. Can I talk to Dante Pierre, please? It’s about the job I was offered.”
“Certainly. Hold, please.”
This was for the best, right? Giving up this job wasn’t giving up her dreams. It was making a choice to put all this Israel stuff behind her and get her relationship with Daniel back on track. Security was important, right? More important than silly passions. And who believed in soulmates anyways?
“Hello Alyx, it’s Dante. How are you?”
“I’m well, thanks. I’m sorry for the late call back. I was actually hospitalized for a few days.”
“Oh, goodness. Nothing serious, I hope.”
“No. I’m fine.” Just a broken heart.
“Have you reached a decision on the job offer?”
She stopped on the street in front of a shop display window filled entirely with snow globes. There were globes filled with Christmas trees and snowmen, others with tiny buildings. There was even one containing Saint Paul’s Cathedral. She remembered leaning in with Israel in the Mapmaker’s shop, watching the butterflies flitter around under the glass, sharing the same breath, his warm hand over hers as they cupped the base of the globe together, their eyes meeting in the reflection of the orb. Would she ever be able to look at snow globes without thinking of him?
Something yellow caught her eye. There in the center of all the globes was one containing a bunch of sunflowers.
The sunflowers grow when I touch you.
Alyx let out a wistful sigh and brushed a fingertip on the glass window as the memory of their kisses flickered like a ghost inside her. She missed Israel. And she didn’t just miss him…she missed who she was around him. With him by her side she felt like she could do anything. Look at all those things they overcame in the Dream together. He made her feel like life might not be so terrifying with him beside her.
Look at what she was doing without him. She was about to accept Daniel’s plans for her life and turn down her dream job. The right person would support your dreams, not stifle them. The right person would set your life on fire.
