by Hanna Peach
Holy shit…
Her heart lurched. She couldn’t do this. Even if she couldn’t be with Israel, she couldn’t do this.
“Hello, Alyx? Are you there?”
“Yes.” She spun on the sidewalk, her heart beginning to race in her chest. “I’m here.”
She remembered what Israel had said to her in the Dream.
“Just because it doesn’t last forever, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it.”
She knew what he was talking about now. Even though it hurt to know that Israel was never coming to find her, she should be glad that she got a chance to spend the little time that they had together in this life. She had to let it be worth it. She felt her bitterness beginning to fade.
“Well, Alyx?” the voice in her ear said. “Will you accept the job?”
“Yes. I’m saying yes to the job.”
“That’s great. When can you start?”
As soon as Alyx got off the phone she broke into a run. She needed to pack. But first there was something else she needed to do.
* * *
“I don’t understand this,” Daniel said, his hands running through his combed hair. “This makes no logical sense.”
Alyx stood in Daniel’s well-decorated living room in his uptown flat. This was the only grim spot in her whole plan; telling Daniel.
“I know it might not seem to make sense, but it does. To me.” Instead of looking at him, she stared around at the black leather couch, the cream carpets, the blank white walls where he refused to put up paintings because the nail marks would “deface the plaster”. This would be where she would move into if they got married. Everything was ordered and had its place.
But there’s no place for me here.
There had never been room for her here. It took Israel to make her realize that.
“This is just cold feet.” Daniel grabbed one of her hands and peered at her, a slight crease between his brows. “We’re well matched. We make sense.”
It was true. They were matched intellectually and could spend hours talking about history and politics. They confided in each other, to a point, and she was comfortable with him. But she and Daniel never felt the depth of love that she knew was out there. They had never shared a deep and fiery passion that would ignite the coals to keep a marriage burning for all their lives. They were friends, great friends…but…
There is more than this.
That was it, wasn’t it? The crux of why they couldn’t get married. She could never marry him when deep down within her, her soul was whispering that there was someone else who was out there waiting for her. Someone who would be everything to her. Best friend. Lover. Teacher. Soulmate.
Her mind turned back to the kisses she had shared with Israel, all of them, in the Dream and before it.
“Daniel, don’t you want to be with someone who makes you feel?”
He blanched at her. “How ridiculous. I feel. Of course I feel.”
“I mean, to feel passion.”
“I feel passion.”
“For me?”
“Of course, for you.”
“But look at us, Daniel. I just told you I’m not marrying you and you’re just trying to calmly talk me out of it. You should be furious. Crying. Throwing things.”
“Throwing things?” His eyes widened and she saw the first real sign of horror from him. God forbid anyone threw anything in his apartment.
“At the very least, you should be yelling.”
“I can yell if you want. Will that make you stay? If I yell?” His voice rose the loudest she had ever heard it, but even then she knew it was born out of frustration and not passion.
She pulled her hands from his grasp. She took the ring box from her pocket and pressed it into his palm. “I’m sorry. I just…I have to go.”
Daniel stared at her for a long moment. In that long moment, she swallowed, the clock continued to tick loudly on the wall and the slight crease in his brow deepened a touch. “Okay, go. I’ll be here. When you realize you’ve made a mistake and come back.”
The mistake would be staying. She said nothing more. She just gave him a kiss on the cheek and left.
* * *
Israel ran into the grand entrance of the Saint Joseph museum. He knew this was the one place he could find Alyx. He pulled up short at the security guards, x-ray machines and turnstiles. He ran up to the friendliest looking security guard, an older man with a white moustache. “I’m here to see Alyx Urban.”
The guard raised an eyebrow and picked up the phone. “Is she expecting you?”
“I—”
“Sorry, buddy, but she’s gone,” one of the other guards called out as he walked over to them.
“You mean for the day? But it’s only…10 a.m.”
“No, I mean, gone gone. She took another job. She just came in to clear out her desk this morning. You just missed her by like…five minutes.”
I just missed her.
“Where is she working now?”
The guard shook his head. “Sorry. Couldn’t tell you even if I knew.”
She must have taken that job. Good for her. But she’d never told him where it was, just that it was out of town. Shit. He had no way of finding her now.
He just wanted to see her again and give her back her mother’s ring and tell her that he was sorry for running away in the hospital. That he wasn’t bitter anymore. That he was happy for her and Daniel if he was the one for her. He wanted to tell her thank you for making him want to be a better man. He wanted her to be proud of him.
This was his last day here in Saint Joseph. He was leaving too. So if he didn’t find her…what would be the chance that they’d ever see each other again?
Five minutes. He just missed her by five minutes. She must be close by.
Israel ran out into the street. He couldn’t see her anywhere. But she couldn’t have gone far, right? He had to find her. He picked a direction and began to run, his eyes darting around, searching for her face in the crowd.
Surely his instincts would take him to her. Right?
* * *
Alyx sat in the small space underneath the bell tower at Saint Paul’s Cathedral. She had been friends with one of the sisters who worked here and she had shown Alyx the secret staircase that went all the way up to the bell tower. Alyx came here to think. It was quiet and the view across the city of Saint Joseph calmed her. Her problems never felt so big up here.
Except for today. Today her heart broke when she thought about Israel and that she’d never see him again.
Israel, wherever you are. Know that I won’t ever go a day without thinking about you. Know that I’ll treasure all our memories in this life and the last. Even if we didn’t get our afterlife.
* * *
Israel was out of breath as he burst through the gates of Saint Paul’s Cathedral.
She had to be here. She had to be. His eyes roamed over the front steps of the church, the very place where they had met in this life. He just expected her to be standing there. Idiot.
She wasn’t.
The front door opened and his heart almost stopped. But it wasn’t Alyx who stepped out, it was one of the priests, dressed in black with a rosary hanging from his belt. He waved at Israel and Israel waved back.
Israel walked across the lawn and jogged up the steps. “I’m looking for someone,” he said to the priest, who was smiling at him.
He looked faintly familiar, a soft, wise look on his face. “Whether they shall be found, remains to be seen.”
Israel brushed off the priest’s strange response and entered the cathedral. He studied the backs of the heads of the few parishioners who were in here. He couldn’t see Alyx in any of the pews. He could have sworn that he would find her here.
Israel wandered the streets of Saint Joseph, his eyes searching every face for the one face he desperately longed to see. But Alyx wasn’t anywhere.
When it started getting late he gave up and went home. He needed sleep. He had a tr
ain to catch first thing the next morning.
Of course, at home in bed he couldn’t sleep. He just kept staring up at his ceiling wondering…
If only he had been faster getting to the museum. If only he had gone back to her hospital room. If only he had done…something… But he had been too late. And sometimes not even fate could help.
Chapter 22
The next morning, Israel shrugged the bag onto his shoulder as he walked through the bustling Saint Joseph’s train station, an old pre-war relic, domed main atrium with sandstone walls decorated with statues of angels, leading into platforms lined with old ornate benches under iron and glass ceilings. The only things that broke the spell were the new high-speed trains waiting at the platforms. Like the one he was boarding.
He checked his ticket. Compartment number 13, seat A. Something about this number always made him smile. This city may have all but wiped out the number 13, but they couldn’t do anything about the intercountry railways. Most people in Saint Joseph thought the number 13 was unlucky. But not him. He was always fascinated with the number. It was his lucky number.
He tucked his bag in the storage compartment above and settled into his seat. Compartment number 13. Maybe his luck was finally turning?
“Oh my God.” The familiarity of the feminine voice carrying through the compartment made him leap to his feet, his heart hammering in his chest.
He was dreaming. She couldn’t be real.
Alyx was standing at the compartment entrance, a suitcase on wheels behind her and a bag slung on her shoulder.
“Alyx?”
“Israel?”
“What are you doing here?” They both spoke at once.
“This is my seat…compartment 13, seat C,” she said.
On autopilot, because he had gone totally numb, he helped her push her suitcase into the bag rack above them. Her scent of soft jasmine was the most amazing thing he could have smelled.
With nothing else to do they took their seats facing each other. Israel’s heart was thudding uncontrollably in his chest. She was here. Right in front of him. He had been searching for her and had given up but now she was here. Don’t waste this moment. Seize it, Israel. “I came to see you. At your work. Yesterday.”
Her face lit up. “Really?”
“But I missed you by five minutes. You had already left. They wouldn’t tell me where you’d be going.”
“I took that job I told you about.”
“I’m so glad you decided to listen to me and take it.” He grinned and she smiled back at him.
“I suppose sometimes you do give good advice.”
He laughed, his heart pattering along happily in his chest. “I am kinda amazing like that.”
“Yes. Yes you are.”
His heart beat up into the back of his throat. “I got a new job too. In Prague.”
“You’re kidding! That’s where I’ll be working. At the National Museum of Prague. You?”
“As a security consultant at Layne & Burrows. They advise companies and galleries on theft prevention. In fact, the National Museum of Prague is one of our clients.”
She laughed softly, shaking her head. It seemed neither one of them could believe it.
He reached out to touch her knee. Just to make sure she was real. Images from the Dream slammed through him. He drew a sharp breath and he heard her inhale too.
Their eyes locked. He saw their past and their present reflected in her eyes. But…not their future. Where did they go from here? Should he pretend that he didn’t remember? Should he confess everything to her? That he remembered. That he missed her like she was a piece of his soul. That he loved her. Still.
Say something, anything.
She spoke before he could. “Before you say anything, I need to thank you. If it wasn’t for what you taught me, to not be scared of living, I wouldn’t have taken this job. I wouldn’t be here in this train right now.”
“That’s so funny.” Israel swallowed back his impatient confessions. “I need to thank you too. If it wasn’t for you making me want to be a better man, I wouldn’t have taken this job. I wouldn’t be here in this train right now.”
“How’s that for a coincidence.”
Israel shook his head. He could barely believe what was happening. But then again, perhaps he could. They both had to make changes to deserve each other. They both had to make their decisions apart so they could be on this train. Right now. Together. “Do you really believe in coincidences?”
A smile pulled at the corner of Alyx’s beautiful mouth. “No.”
Israel remembered something. He stuck his hand into his shirt and pulled out the silver ring he still wore around his neck.
She gasped. “My mother’s ring.”
“Do you want me to…?” He indicated her neck.
She nodded. And turned in her seat.
Israel pulled the necklace off him and slid into the seat next to her. He lowered the necklace over her head and did up the clasp, his fingers shaking at her proximity. It took all of his willpower not to lower his mouth onto her neck and kiss it or to bury his nose in her hair to breathe in her scent. “There. Done.”
She turned and stared at him, her fingers brushing at her charm. “Do you remember how you got it?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“Yes.”
“It was all real, wasn’t it?”
It is real. Except… “Alyx, if you and your fiancé—”
“We broke up.”
“What?”
“I broke up with him. He wasn’t the right guy for me. I was…settling if I stayed with him.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
“I mean, that’s terrible that you broke up. I just mean that it’s great that you refuse to settle.”
He smiled at her, his pulse speeding up as she stared right back at him. This moment could not have been more perfect. Destiny, pure dumb luck, whatever it was had brought them back together despite everything. Except there was one thing about this fateful moment that was weighing on him. If there was any time for him to tell her the truth, it was now.
“I’m sorry—” they both began to say, then cut off. Nervous laughter filled the compartment.
“Ladies first.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Daniel. I…I was embarrassed. Afraid you’d judge me for being with a man I didn’t love. Afraid you’d think I was weak.”
He shook his head. None of that mattered. Not to him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Adere. I guess I was embarrassed too.”
“Tell me now.”
He took a deep breath. “You know I used to be a police officer. About six months ago, I got involved with a domestic abuse victim. It was a stupid thing for me to do. And she paid the price. Her husband found out and killed her before coming after me.”
Her eyes widened, her only movement.
“The guilt ate at me,” he continued before he could lose his nerve. “So much so that I left the force. So I shouldn’t have been surprised when she appeared to me in the maze.”
“It’s not your fault, you know. What happened to her.”
Israel nodded. “That’s what everyone says. It only seems to matter coming from you.” His voice cracked. “I’m not proud of what I’ve been doing since…to try and cope.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Devil worship?”
He laughed, a nervous gesture. He couldn’t stop until he’d told her everything. “Booze, women…illegal work.” His heart stopped as he watched her face for the judgement that would surely come.
“Oh.” She pursed her lips. “Is that all?” She had a wicked glint in her eye.
He watched her face for a sign of judgement. But there was none. What game was she playing?
“Israel,” she began slowly, “whatever wrong you think you’ve done, it doesn’t matter. Because I know who you are.”
His head spun. She couldn’t mean that. “You don’t understand what I’ve done. What I’ve—�
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“My mother used to tell me that a true mark of a man is how he acts when he doesn’t have to. You could have left me in the Dream. You could have let me fall on that mountain. You could have left me to face that Heartless creature on my own, but you didn’t. Through all that… Even after I pushed you away again and again.” Her eyes blazed into his. “You never left me.”
His soul grew wings and he felt like he was flying. “And I won’t. Ever. If…” He grabbed her small beautiful hands and he prepared his heart for the most important question of his life. Of all his lives. “Alyx, will you…” His throat clogged up.
“Yes?”
He cleared his throat and tried again. “Will you…”
“Israel?”
“Let me kiss you?” It tumbled out.
Her mouth opened then shut. She frowned. “Should you ask before you do it? Doesn’t that ruin the mood?”
“It’s not just this kiss I’m asking for. I want all of them… In this life.”
She didn’t move.
His hands began to sweat. Maybe he’d taken this one step too far. After all, they had only just been reunited. And he was asking her for forever? Idiot.
She slowly licked her lips. “On one condition.”
She looked so deadly serious. He was almost afraid to ask. “What…condition?”
A smile crawled across her face. “That I get all yours.”
He couldn’t contain the laughter that spilled from his lips, his happiness like a field of butterflies rising to the sun. He took her face in his hands. “I’m not ever letting you go. Never again. The Lord himself would have to pry my soul from yours. Even then, I’d find a way back to you.”
Her autumn eyes were wet as she looked back at him, her hands fisting in his shirt. “I’m counting on it.”
“I love you, Alyx.”
“I love you. In this life and the last.”
“And for whatever comes next.” He closed his mouth over hers and his entire being blazed with a soul-deep warmth. The delicate thread that had joined their two souls since they had separated in their last life weaved around them like a Maypole braid. He felt, for the first time in this lifetime, like he had finally come home.
