Shameless

by Teresa Mummert

  “How dare you,” I snapped, pacing the floor of my dorm room.

  “He didn’t like the dress?”

  “Cut the bullshit, Lucas. I know it wasn’t some coincidence that your little friend was our waitress tonight. You are taking this too far.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about. We’re even. Okay? This stops now.”

  “Henley, I didn’t mean to upset you by not telling you she worked there, okay? I’m sorry. Let me make it up to you.”

  I shook my head even though he couldn’t see me. “If you want to make it up to me, then just leave me alone. I’m done.” I hung up before he could respond, tossing my phone onto my bed. I knew I was probably overreacting, but in the end, the only person who would be there for me was Rhys and my mother. And I didn’t want to be alone with my mother.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  LUCAS

  “Fuck,” I yelled before sinking down on the couch, the aching in my chest intensifying. My thoughts were racing. I should have told Henley her mother was going to try to set her up with her ex. I should have told her mother that I did have feelings for her daughter.

  “What did you do now?” Noah asked, pulling his Shame U shirt over his head, a scowl on his face. He picked up a trucker hat from the counter and tugged it onto his head with the brim facing backward.

  “I messed things up with Henley.”

  He scoffed as he made his way into the kitchen and pulled open the refrigerator door. “Good riddance,” he muttered.

  “What is your bloody problem with her? She’s been nothing but nice to you.”

  He rolled his eyes. “She follows you around like a fucking puppy.”

  “You jealous?” I asked, and Noah froze, the muscles along his jaw ticking as he clenched his teeth.

  “Jealous I don’t have some little skank following me around?” He scoffed before shaking his head.

  I pushed from the couch, flexing my fist as I fought against the urge to hit him. “Jealous because I’m giving her attention and not you.”

  The color drained from Noah’s face, his head cocking to the side. “What the fuck does that mean?” His voice was gruff, and he swallowed hard. “Did she say something to you?”

  “Like what?” I asked. Now I was the one confused. What did she have on him? Did he do something to her?

  He shook his head as he laughed. “You’re pathetic, you know that? She’s been fucking with your head since the moment you met her.”

  “You don’t know anything about her.”

  “Like you do.”

  “I know she’s making you look like a fool.”

  I laughed, biting the inside of my cheek as I struggled not to resort to violence that was becoming more commonplace with me. “You don’t need a woman to make you look like a fool. That dumbass hat is doing it for you.”

  “Screw you, Lucas,” He grumbled as he made his way back the hall, slamming his shoulder into Beef’s as he came from his room.

  “What the fuck is his problem?” Beef asked, his deep voice echoing off the walls of the empty hall.

  “Me, as usual.”

  “I swear to God if the two of you assholes can’t stop fighting, I’m kicking both your asses out,” he grumbled as he slipped into the kitchen, yanking open the fridge.

  “What the hell is your problem?”

  He stood, draining the contents of the milk jug into his mouth before wiping the back of his hand against his lips. “My mom.”

  “Shit. I’m sorry. What happened?”

  “She called earlier in a panic. I couldn’t even understand what she was saying because she was so upset. I thought maybe my dad had hit her or something. I called my dad and told him I was going to come home and if he wasn’t gone by the time I arrived, I’d kill him myself. You don’t mess with someone’s mom.”

  “Right.”

  “And that’s when he told me that I had it all wrong and that my mom... she has dementia or some shit. Soon she wouldn’t even know who I was.”

  “Why didn’t he tell you?”

  “He said he knew I’d leave school, lose my scholarship... my future. He was just trying to protect me because he couldn’t save her.”

  “I’m so sorry. What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know. If I stay I will lose what little time I have left with my mom, and if I go, I say goodbye to my future.”

  His phone began to ring and he cursed under his breath as he pulled it from his pocket. “I gotta take this. You good, man?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I forced a smile as I watched him disappear down the hall.

  ***

  I needed to clear my head, but before I knew it, I was standing outside of Swank. The car park was nearly desolate aside from a black motorcycle still parked in the corner. The awful news Beef had received had been playing in my head on an endless loop. Time wasn’t promised to any man. All we had were our memories, our connections, and once they were gone, life was meaningless.

  I swallowed against the bile rising in my throat. I came all the way from England for this moment and haven’t been able to go through with it for myself.

  I walked up the path to the door, inhaling a deep breath before pulling open the front door. The owner, Alex was sitting inside at one of the tables, a pen in his hand as he looked over some papers.

  “We’re closed.” His eyes locked onto mine, narrowing. “If you’re looking for Harper, she’s gone. She was fired for spilling a drink on a customer today.” His gaze dropped back to the paper as if to dismiss me.

  Harper had lost her job because of me? Because I had her keep an eye on Henley and Rhys?

  “I’m not here for her, Alex.”

  His eyes slowly met mine again, the angry scowl slipping from his face as he took in the sound of my accent. “Lucas,” my name came out as a whisper of disbelief. The pen dropped from his fingers, rolling across the tabletop and onto the floor as he leaned back in his seat.

  I walked across the room, sinking down into the chair across from him. “Miss me, Dad?”

  He ran his hand roughly over his beard, and I could tell he was skeptical that he was really looking at the son he’d abandoned so many years before.

  “Is your mother –”

  “She’s fine,” I waved away his worry about her even though if he truly cared he would have never left her like he had. “Amelia is doing fine as well, not that you care.”

  “Amelia?” His eyebrows pulled together before he shook his head.

  “Have you forgotten about her too? That explains why you never came to visit.”

  I watched as the column in his throat moved before he cleared his throat. “Your mother told you about her? What did she say?”

  “Did you expect her to wait for you to tell me?”

  “It’s complicated. Your mother shouldn’t have –”

  “You don’t get a say in what she does. She was the only parent I had, and she did the best she could when you cheated on her and then left us to fend for ourselves.”

  “You have every right to be angry at me, but you don’t know the whole story.”

  I laughed humorlessly. “I know enough. I know my mother cried herself to sleep every night because she was worried she wouldn’t be able to afford food for dinner.”

  “What is this about? Money? Is that it? You in some kind of trouble, son?”

  I winced at his choice of words. “My name is Lucas, and I don’t want your money.”

  He blew out a heavy breath, visibly relaxing. “What is it you want?”

  I had so many questions, but none of it seemed to matter anymore now that we were face to face. My eyes danced around the fancy restaurant that somehow felt less magical than during the daytime when it was filled with patrons. Now it just felt lonely. “A job interview.”

  “You want to work here?” His eyes danced over my tattoos, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  �
�Not for me. For a friend. No special treatment, just give her a chance.”

  Alex rubbed his palm along his beard. “I have a full wait staff right now.”

  “She’s a violinist.” I motioned to the piano that sat vacant in the corner of the room. “You have an opening for that, yeah?”

  “Why are you doing this?” he leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “What are you getting out of this?”

  “Nothing.” I threw my hands in the air as I pushed from my seat, unable now to suppress my anger toward him and the entire fucked up situation. “You know, I thought about this moment for so long... what I would say to you when we finally spoke. I wanted to know how you could possibly walk away from someone you loved.” I looked down at the floor between us before shaking my head. “And I don’t think I’ll ever understand how you did it. Or how I’m...” I let my voice trail off, unable to even say the words. “The least I could do is this for her.”

  “Have her here at nine tomorrow night.”

  I turned to walk out of the restaurant as he called after me, “Lucas.”

  I stopped but didn’t turn back to face him.

  “I regret leaving every day, but I’m not the monster you think I am.”

  I continued out of the restaurant, unable to get out of their fast enough. I’d avoided that moment since I’d come to the states and now that it had finally come to pass, I wasn’t sure what about it I’d feared. I knew there would never be anything he could say that could take away the years of pain he’d caused. No excuse would be sufficient.

  ***

  I went back to my room and grabbed the small black case that sat beside my bed. I’d been working on it for weeks, and now it was finally ready. I tucked a note inside and carried across campus to Henley’s dorm.

  When I reached her room, I couldn’t bring myself to knock knowing I was the last person she wanted to see. Instead, I sat the case outside of her door.

  I made my way back outside into the cool night air. I pulled out my mobile and made the call to Amelia that I’d been dreading.

  “I thought you’d forgotten about me. You never call me anymore,” She said with a yawn.

  “I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been busy.”

  “With that girl?” She asked, and I knew she wanted me to elaborate about the voice she’d heard through the line before, but I didn’t want to talk about Henley now.

  I sighed, my eyes searching the darkness for something to focus on as I walked. “I saw him.”

  She was silent for a moment. “What did he say?” Her words came out in a rushed whisper.

  “Not much he could say.”

  “Did he... did he mention me?”

  “I did.”

  She sighed loudly, and I felt awful that I couldn’t comfort her. “Are you going to talk to him again?”

  “I don’t know. I kind of feel like I need to. I came all this way to find out the truth; I owe him a chance to explain.”

  “What is there to say, Lucas? He left you,” she spat angrily.

  “You mean us. He left both of us.”

  “Can you just come home now?” she asked, her voice wavering. “I want you to come home.”

  “Amelia,” I sighed, my mind reeling with guilt as I thought of Henley.

  “You’re not coming back now... are you? Not ever. I knew it. I knew once you found him you’d have no reason to come home.”

  “You’re reason enough,” I replied, hoping that it would stop her from breaking down completely.

  “I shouldn’t have let you leave.”

  “Is there something you’re not telling me?” I asked. Amelia and I didn’t keep secrets from one another, but I’d been gone a long time. Our conversations had dwindled, and every time we spoke it felt as if she was saying goodbye.

  “I have to go.”

  “Amelia,” I called out but the line had gone dead. I tossed my mobile on my bed as I muttered, “One pod.”

  ***

  It didn’t take long before I’d found my way to a dimly lit bar called The Backroom. I sat hunched over nursing a beer as I watched blurred patrons go on about their night as if I had been stabbed in the heart and was bleeding out before them.

  “Jesus, what happened?” I heard a voice echo beside me. I turned to look at her, but her blurred image was making me sick.

  “Life,” I mumbled as I tipped my bottle to my mouth, nursing my wounds. She laughed, shaking her head as she motioned for the barmaid to bring her a drink.

  “What are you doing out so late. Don’t you have a bedtime?”

  “I was just going to step outside. You want one?” she asked, holding out a pack of cigarettes. I shook my head, rubbing the heel of my hand against my eye before blinking back against the black spots in my vision.

  “Come on. You look like you could use some fresh air,” her hand slid over mine before intertwining our fingers and helping me from the stool. I stumble-stepped behind her as we made our way out into the muggy night.

  “Thanks,” I smiled as I took a cigarette and placed it between my lips. Leaning forward, I allowed the end to slip into the dancing flame of her lighter. I took a long drag, exhaling audibly as my eyes fell closed. “I haven’t had one of these in years.” I coughed out a laugh.

  “It’s a terrible habit,” she replied, exhaling a plume of smoke.

  “Do we know each other from somewhere?” I asked, as I raised the smoke to my lips and inhaled another drag. “Are you friends with Henley?”

  “You don’t remember me?” She asked, her eyes narrowing playfully as her tongue ran out between her lips.

  “Do we have a class together?” I leaned back against the building, brick digging into my flesh but I was too drunk to care.

  “We slept together,” she replied.

  “I think I would remember that,” I said with a laugh, shaking my head. “Maybe...”

  “Well, that’s what you told my boyfriend before you hit him.”

  I narrowed my eyes, studying her blurry face. Visions of fighting Seth in the hall of the dorm flickered through my mind. I’d never even known his girlfriend, only seen her in passing.

  “My names Addy.”

  “Fuck,” was all I could mumble before I felt something slam into my temple sending streaks of blinding light flashing before me and the taste of copper filling my mouth.

  “What the fuck,” I yelled, stumble-stepping until my shoulder pressed against the brick façade.

  Seth pulled off his hoodie as he bounced from one foot to the other, the brim of his hat pulled low above his eyes. “Not so tough now, are you asshole?”

  “You got me, mate. I’m legless, and you blindsided me. You’re a real fucking –”

  He swung again, and I rolled to the side causing his fist to collide with the wall.

  “Ow, Shit!”

  Addy wrapped her arms around her boyfriend while he gripped his wrist, lurched over in agony. I couldn’t help but laugh, my filter evaporated with each shot I’d drowned my sorrows in.

  “You just kicked your own arse.”

  “You need to apologize to my girlfriend,” he snapped, blood dripping from his fingertips onto the stones below.

  “For what? You want me to apologize for not sleeping with her?”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Wait... maybe you meant your other girlfriend,” I joked before taking a drag of my cigarette.

  “What the hell are you talkin’ about?” Addy asked as her eyes snapped to mine. They never were good at trusting each other.

  I shrugged, taking another drag. “Seth knows what I’m talking about, don’t you, Seth? That’s a nice hat, by the way.” My eyes danced over the hat with fancy script across the front reading Fucking Classy.

  “I got him that hat. I had it made for him,” Addy shot back but Seth’s eyes widened, and he knew exactly where I was going with the conversation.

  “Why don’t you go back to London,” he yelled, swinging at me again. I ducked out of the way and hit
him with a right hook, causing him to twist backward before hitting the ground with a thud.

  The look of fear in Addy’s eyes made me wince. She really loved this wanker and as much as I wanted to ruin his day, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her he’d been shagging Noah.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  HENLEY

  I pushed myself from my bed, barely able to keep my eyes open. It was Monday, and I was taking on more hours in an attempt to make some extra cash. Milo was going to let me collect tips for drink running and helping behind the bar. I hoped the fact that it was Halloween meant people would be out drinking. I tried to ignore the sinking feeling of all of my friends hanging out at Lucas’ tonight for the party.

  I gathered my hair in a messy bun and pulled on an old pair of jeans that had worn threadbare at the knees and a form-fitting black t-shirt that read Dive Bar in white letters across the chest.

  After slipping my bag strap over my head and slipping on my sneakers, I pulled open my door, nearly tripping over a black case that sat propped against the wall. I looked up and down the hallway, only seeing one girl wrapped in a towel and returning to her room from the showers.

  I picked up the case carefully, plucking the handwritten note from the side.

  Swank

  9pm tonight

  Good luck, love.

  I took the case inside of my room and slowly opened it, struggling to see the contents through the glistening in my eyes. Inside was the drawing Lucas had done called Journey to the Truth and below it rested a violin with intricate black swirls and patterns in ink that were filled in with vibrant colors. It was a work of art, much like Lucas. I clasped my hand over my mouth to keep a sob from escaping. But there was an awful twisting in my gut.

  “What’s that?” Addy asked from her bed as she stretched.

  “It’s a gift... from Lucas.” I couldn’t contain my smile.

  “Don’t you have a boyfriend?” she asked, my good mood deflating.

  “It’s not like that.”

  “Well,” she shrugged before her eyes narrowed. “That’s probably a good thing because I saw him pick up some girl at the bar last night.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, he went outside with some chick and her boyfriend kicked his ass. It was so pathetic. Good thing you have a boyfriend, right?” Her lips twisted up in an evil smirk.