Shameless

by Teresa Mummert

  “I knew that boy was going to break your heart.” She shook her head.

  “Do you want a prize or something, mom?”

  “I want you to see that sometimes I know better and you should listen to me every once and a while.”

  “If I listened to you I would never leave this place.”

  “What’s so wrong with this place, Henley May? You too good for home now? You too good for Rhys?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “No, it’s not. It couldn’t be more simple. He loves you, and he wants to take care of you.”

  “Because that worked out so well for you.”

  “How dare you!” She shoved to her feet sending her chair falling to the floor behind her.

  “I don’t want someone to take care of me. I can take care of myself, mom.”

  ***

  I laid on my bed for hours, staring up at the plastic stars I’d hung there years ago. The smell of the fresh blue paint on my walls was causing my stomach to turn, but I didn’t want to be around my mother. I needed to clear my mind, but all I could think about was Lucas. His lips against mine. His hands gliding over my skin. Him choosing Harper.

  I rolled to my side and curled into a ball as I let the emotions consume me. Everything Gigi had said to me was right. I never stopped to think about what was going on in her life. I hadn’t even asked her how she’d felt about Beef. I’d just assumed it was a meaningless fling. But that feeling of sadness for the friend I lost quickly turned to anger as I thought about her with Lucas. Had they slept together... in my bed of all places?

  Wrapping my arms around my stomach, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to remember when everything began to fall apart. I wanted to teach Lucas a lesson, and I was the one with something to learn. I played with his feelings, and it was my heart that was shattered. I couldn’t blame him for wanting to get back at me for the things I’d done, but I never would have thought he would be so cruel.

  Even knowing that Rhys was setup, I still couldn’t ignore the sting of betrayal from seeing him with Payton. We didn’t speak as he drove me home and I couldn’t bring myself to invite him in to hash out everything that had happened. It was too fresh, too raw. If I was honest with myself, my heart was hurting too much from Lucas to even care what Rhys had done.

  “Henley May?” My mother’s muffled voice called from the other side of my bedroom door. I rolled toward my window, not wanting to have to deal with her craziness. “Henley?” Her voice wavered, and I sighed loudly as I flopped back onto my back.

  “What?”

  “I made chicken for Thanksgiving dinner.”

  “I thought Thanksgiving was supposed to be a turkey.”

  “I um... I couldn’t afford one and I didn’t know you’d be coming home. You never come home.” She fell silent for a moment. “I made those cheesy potatoes you like. Remember that time you ate the entire dish by yourself,” she called out with a giggle.

  And just like that, just like always, I forgave her for any part she had in screwing up my life, because, in the end, she was my mother. She was all I had. I was all she had.

  “Did you make gravy?” I asked as I pushed from my bed and traipsed across my room, pulling open the door.

  “Of course,” she replied with a smile. “Are you hungry?”

  I shrugged as I walked by her and down the hallway to the kitchen. The table was covered in random dishes of food. There was no rhyme or reason to what she prepared, but I knew why she did it. She wanted it to feel like a grand meal.

  I sank down in my seat as she joined me and began to dish a little bit of everything onto my plate.

  “I’m thankful you’re here.” I watched the flicker of sadness pass over her face, and I knew she was struggling not to think of my little brother.

  I forced a smile knowing I was always going to end up back here one way or another. But I had been unfair. My mother just didn’t want to be alone, and I couldn’t blame her. She did her best or at least, what she thought was best. And regardless of what happened between us, her heart was always in the right place.

  “Me too, mom.”

  Chapter Fifty

  LUCAS

  I sat in my father’s home surrounded by his things like he’d just stepped out for coffee. A shirt was tossed over the arm of his recliner, a glass of orange juice was on the counter. I startled when Harper’s hand landed on my shoulder.

  “It’s a lot to take in.”

  I nodded, forcing a smile. All of these years, I wanted to know who he was. Not his name or where he’d lived but who he was as a man. What made him run away from the people who needed him. But the closer I got to the truth, the more I realized everything I knew was a lie.

  “I don’t even know where to start,” I replied as I stepped further into the room.

  “Maybe he has an office or something. I can help you look.”

  “Do people even keep wills around the house? It’s kind of morbid if you think about it.”

  “I dunno. I mean, he owns businesses. They have to go to someone if... you know.”

  “Businesses? He owns something else besides Swank?”

  “You didn’t know that?”

  I sank down on the edge of the couch and hung my head. “We aren’t exactly close.”

  “Maybe that will change now.”

  “Yeah,” My eyes danced around the house. “Maybe.”

  “I know you may not want to hear it, but Alex is a good man. I know he seems like kind of a jerk, but he helped me out when no one else would.”

  “Why did you need his help?” I asked knowing I had no right to her secrets but she was the only person who knew my father.

  She looked down at the old wooden floor that had been scuffed by what looked like years of boots tracking across the surface.

  “I live with my grandma. She takes care of me, but she can barely even afford her medications. So I was making money however I could.” She glanced up at me with her wide eyes.

  “What does that mean? Did you sell drugs or something?”

  She laughed, tucking her long chocolate colored hair behind her ear. “No. Nothing like that.”

  “Then what was it?” It hit me that she could have meant prostitution and she must have noticed my reaction because her mouth popped open.

  “No! Oh my God. No! I didn’t mean anything like that.”

  I laughed for the first time in as long as I could remember. “Are you going to tell me or should I just keep guessing?”

  Harper bumped me with her shoulder playfully. “I was a busker. I’d sing and hope people would leave me some change.”

  “You can sing?”

  She nodded, clamping her teeth down on her lower lip.

  “I don’t believe you,” I teased. “Sing something.”

  She shook her head, backing away.

  “You won’t sing for me, but you’ll sing for strangers?”

  “I never have to see them again. It’s different.”

  My smile slowly fell as I thought about my impending trip back home. I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere anymore. “When I leave then?”

  “Are you going to wait until he recovers? He doesn’t have anyone.”

  “That’s his doing,” I snapped before apologizing to her. She didn’t ask for any of this, and she was the only one who’d been here for me when I needed someone the most.

  “You can change that. You can change everything.”

  ***

  I poured over paperwork until I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. Before finally succumbing to my exhaustion, I called the hospital to check on Alex. There was a minor complication and his surgery ran longer than expected, so we didn’t need to hurry back to his side.

  I was only able to sleep a few hours before my mind was racing once again. I decided to use the time to clean and hopefully keep myself busy enough I wouldn’t think of Henley, but that was nearly impossible.

  It wasn’t until I came across my father’s checkb
ook that I was finally able to focus on the task at hand. In my father’s handwriting, there was a payment every month made in my mother’s name. At least once a month I had crossed his mind. That offered me little comfort when I thought of the birthday wishes gone unanswered for so many years. There were other payments, more recent and it took me a moment to realize that he must have been helping pay for uni. Did he know that I’d been here for years? Did he know why I’d come to a school so close to him?

  Under the noise of water rushing through the pipework, I could hear the faint sound of Harper singing quietly to herself in the privacy of the shower. The aching pain in the word hallelujah as she belted it out caused goosebumps to erupt down my arm. Why hadn’t Alex hired her to sing in the restaurant instead of waiting tables?

  The water cut off and after a moment the bathroom door hinges whined as Harper stepped out of the bathroom in an oversized gray towel, water droplets that clung to her long hair fell to the wooden floor below.

  “I don’t have clothing,” she realized before letting out a small laugh.

  “You can borrow some of mine. They’re in my bag,” I pointed to my father’s bedroom door that still sat ajar.

  “Thanks,” she mumbled before disappearing into the room, the door shutting behind her. When she emerged a few minutes later, the oversized towel was now wrapped around her hair like a turban, and it looked like she was struggling to keep her head upright.

  “Are you hungry?” she asked.

  “Starving.”

  “I can make us something. I’m not sure what food your father... Alex has here. He usually eats down at Swank.”

  “We can go down there. It’s probably a good idea to check with the staff and see how they’re doing.”

  I slid on my trainers as Harper’s mobile began to ring, she answered it, her voice lowering as she spoke before she turned back to me, her eyes glistening.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s the hospital,” she held the phone out for me to take. I stood slowly, hesitating before I took it from her hand. My eyes stayed locked on Harper as she paced the floor, chewing nervously on her thumbnail. The woman on the other end of the phone was talking, but my mind was spinning so fast with all of the possibilities for the call that the only thing I heard was that I needed to come in.

  I ended the call and handed the phone back to Harper. “We need to go to the hospital.”

  “Is he alright?”

  “I don’t know,” I replied as I walked over to the front door.

  “What do you mean you don’t know? What did they say?”

  “I don’t know,” I snapped before scrubbing my hands over my face. “I’m sorry. I just... I don’t know.”

  ***

  Before I knew it, I was standing at the entrance to the hospital, sirens wailing in the distance, slowly drawing nearer. People around me were in panic mode as the smell of rubbing alcohol and cleaning products assaulted my senses.

  Harper grabbed my clammy hand, squeezing it. I wasn’t sure if she was trying to comfort herself or me, but I knew at that moment it would be easier to deal with whatever was happening if I was focused on helping her and not my own worries.

  “It’s going to be alright,” I said, my voice sounding flat and unconvincing.

  “They always say that,” she replied, staring ahead.

  “They?” I glanced down at her at me side.

  “The doctors, specialists, the overly optimistic cancer specialists or whatever they’re called.” She glanced up at me, her eyes glistening. I wanted to ask her who she was remembering, but in this moment where the world was standing still, it didn’t feel right to delve into the past or even ask the what ifs of the future. This moment had to be lived in its entirety, no matter how painstakingly slow each second was ticking by.

  “We should go in.” I stepped forward, tugging at her hand gently and she followed me in through the automatic double doors that parted for us.

  The halls were bright, and everyone was shuffling past each other with hurried purpose. I found my way to a woman sitting behind a desk with her thick glasses perched on her nose.

  Harper spoke for me as I stared at the smudge on the left lens of the woman’s specs. Their voices sounded like low humming at the end of a tunnel.

  The woman got up, and we followed behind her through another set of doors, slowly getting lost in the maze of corridors before she dumped us in an empty room, closing the door behind her as she left.

  Leaning forward, I propped my elbows on my knees as I stared at the speckled tiles on the floor. I didn’t need anyone to say a word. I could tell by the way they passed me from one person to the next, how they looked at me with pity, my father was gone.

  After what felt like an eternity, someone had joined us. She was using a lot of medical jargon, and none of it really made sense.

  “I’m sorry for your loss, Mr. Young.”

  I nodded, my left hand rubbing over by purple, swollen wrist.

  “While we wait I’d like to order an x-ray for your hand.”

  “I’m fine,” I lied.

  “It’s clearly broken, and if we don’t put a cast on it, it may not function properly when it heals.”

  I glanced down and my swollen busted knuckles. I could barely bend my fingers, and I knew I wouldn’t be able to tattoo anyone for a long while. That was the only way I knew how to make a living, sealing my fate. I would have to go back to London.

  Chapter Fifty-One

  HENLEY

  Days had passed since I’d seen Lucas and although the pain hadn’t lessened, I was getting back into my routine.

  “Henley?” I glanced up from my book, yanking my earbud from my ear as my eyes landed on Gigi.

  “Hey,” I whispered, closing my book and leaning back in my chair. I should have known better than to leave my dorm room.

  “Can I sit?” She motioned to the seat across from me, and I nodded as I picked up my cup of coffee and took a sip.

  “How’s Beef?” I asked.

  “He’s okay. Kind of sad since Lucas left.” Her eyes met mine, and I could tell she was hesitant to talk about him.

  “He left? Where’d he go?”

  “He came and got his things the other day, said his father had died.” The last word came out as a whisper like she couldn’t believe it herself.

  “His father?” I thought back to the one time he’d mentioned him. He’d said he hadn’t told his father that he’d come to America for college and I got the impression they weren’t very close. “What happened?”

  “I’m not sure. Beef and Lucas had gotten into an argument, so they didn’t really talk to each other.”

  I chewed on my lip. “I wish I had been able to be there for him.”

  “Even after what he did?”

  “I wasn’t exactly innocent in all of this.”

  “Well, at least now he is gone, and you won’t have to face him.”

  I shook my head, not realizing I’d said that out loud. “I’m sure Harper is with him.”

  Gigi shook her head as she took my coffee from my hand and drank a sip. “We saw her over at Swank. Beef took me out for a real date.” She smiled broadly as she let out a little squeal. “She said nothing ever happened with Lucas. She just had an emergency and didn’t know where else to go.”

  “Do you think that’s true?” I asked, the heavy feeling in my gut subsiding slightly.

  Gigi shrugged. “What reason would she have to lie?” Her eyes met mine for a moment, and I knew she was thinking of all the deception we’d tangled ourselves in over the last few months.

  “It doesn’t change anything.”

  Gigi sat back in her seat, her mouth open. “Doesn’t change anything? She wasn’t sleeping with him, Henley.”

  “That doesn’t matter. I screwed everything up, and now I’m supposed to just show up? What am I going to say? Sorry for screwing with your life and your dad dying. I just wanted to complicate everything for you again.”

&
nbsp; “Yes. Well, maybe not so self-loathing and it wouldn’t hurt to put on some makeup or something,” she teased. “Just tell him you messed up, but you want to fix it. He’s messed up a lot too.”

  “I can’t. It would never work anyway. He lives on the other side of the world.”

  She sighed but didn’t say anything.

  “Gigi, I’m really –”

  “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have said all of those things to you.”

  “No. I needed to hear it.”

  “No, you didn’t. Not like that. And for the record, Lucas never wanted me. We were both wasted, and it was long before he’d met you. I threw up everywhere, and he took care of me before leaving. You were right. It kind of stung when he was sober, he didn’t choose me.”

  “I get it. Guys never seemed to notice me when I was standing next to you.”

  “I think I’m really falling for Beef.”

  “I’m glad you’re happy.” I tried to force a small smile, but I could tell by the look on Gigi’s face I was unsuccessful.

  “You can be happy too, you know. You don’t have to settle for some douche like Rhys just because he’s safe.”

  I nodded as I bit the inside of my cheek. “Rhys and I are over. I realized that I didn’t care about him the way I cared about Lucas and even if he was setup, he didn’t have to take the bait. Not to mention he only came here because of my mom.”

  I glanced up at the sound of Payton’s shoes on the hardwood floor of the Green Bean.

  “Ugh. That girl is like herpes. You can’t get rid of her.”

  I laughed as I took another drink from my coffee. “I owe her. She saved me from spending my life with Rhys.”

  “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Payton is a predator.”

  I glanced over my shoulder as I watched Payton order, her eyes dancing around the room, looking for a place to sit. She smiled at a table of girls who rolled their eyes and looked the other way.

  I groaned as I looked to Gigi who was already shaking her head. “You know I have to do it.”