Creative Matchmaker (The Inscrutable Paris Beaufont Book 6)

by Sarah Noffke

  Paris nodded. “How do we get the drawbridge down?”

  “There’s a switch,” Rudolf answered.

  “Where is it?” Paris questioned.

  “Well, I don’t quite know,” he stated.

  “But you’ve been here before.”

  He pursed his lips. “Do you think Tiffer is one to keep the switch in the same place for each visitor to find?”

  “I’m guessing no,” she answered. “Can we yell really loudly for this fairy to open up? I mean, we did catch the Mystery Train and solved the murder and paid the troll. I feel like we’ve done enough to find Tiffer.”

  “One would think,” King Rudolf stated. “She knows that her services are in high demand and makes us pay for them. No, you can yell until you’ve woken up the sea monster in the moat and Tiffer still won’t answer the door. We have to bring down the drawbridge.”

  Paris leaned over the side of the bridge, staring at the murky waters of the moat around the castle. “Sea monster. Got it. So that’s why we don’t want to risk jumping or using another means to cross then?”

  “I tried that the first time,” King Rudolf related. He pointed at the side of the castle where there was a patch of shore. “I pole-vaulted to the land over there, intending to scale the castle walls.”

  “It didn’t go well, I guess.”

  “I still have the teeth marks on my bum,” he replied.

  “Okay, this switch,” Paris began, searching the area around them. “Is it on the bridge somewhere?”

  “It’s on the castle,” the fae answered.

  Paris nodded. “Of course it is. First, how are we supposed to find that?”

  From the inside pocket of his jacket, King Rudolf pulled out a compact set of binoculars. “It’s going to be small if it's like the last time. The switch will blend into the castle walls.”

  Holding the binoculars up to his face, Rudolf searched the area in front of them, squinting around.

  “So that’s why you brought the binoculars.” Paris was sort of impressed but wished the fae had given her a heads-up about all this.

  “Oh, there’s the switch.” King Rudolf pointed at the pinnacle to the side of the drawbridge. “It’s to the right of that tower. Do you see it?”

  Paris narrowed her gaze in that direction and noticed a little red circle on the castle wall. “Yeah, I think I see it. It’s tiny though.”

  “I wouldn’t be able to see it without the binoculars,” he replied. “I guess you can see it because of your demon powers. At least your father gave you something of use.”

  Paris laughed. “Yeah, I forget that I have enhanced senses, speed, and power due to the demon blood.”

  King Rudolf withdrew a slingshot from his jacket pocket and handed it to Paris. “I think you are naturally the choice to aim at the switch. I won’t be able to see it without these binoculars.”

  “Again, that’s why you brought the slingshot,” she stated, somewhat impressed.

  “Also in case I’m napping, and there’s a noisy bird nearby,” he replied.

  Paris gawked at him. “I can’t believe you’d hit a bird.”

  He returned her look of offense. “Of course I wouldn’t. I’m no bird killer. I’d shoot in their direction, thereby making them quiet down so papa can nap.”

  Paris knelt and picked up a stone from the bridge and lodged it into the slingshot. “I don’t have a lot of practice with using one of these, not having been a young boy who liked to aim at things.”

  “It’s easy enough,” King Rudolf explained. “Pull it back, and once you’ve lined it up on the switch, fire away.”

  Paris did as he instructed, but the stone made a high arc, missing its target. She leaned over and grabbed a few more rocks, thinking she’d adjust her aim more on the subsequent attempts. Thankfully she picked up the technique fairly quickly, and with each successive effort, Paris got a little closer. On her sixth try, Paris hit the switch, and to her surprise, a loud clanging from the bell tower on the far side of the castle rang out.

  In front of them, the drawbridge creaked and slowly lowered.

  “Nice job,” King Rudolf commended, taking the slingshot from her and placing it and the binoculars back in his jacket pocket. He then pulled an umbrella from the same pocket.

  Paris shot him a confused look—dumbfounded for a couple of reasons. “First off, are you Mary Poppins?”

  He shook his head. “How much cognac did you have? Do you not remember that I’m Uncle Rudolf? Oh, you poor dear, can’t handle your liquor.”

  “No, it’s because you’re pulling objects out of your jacket that shouldn’t fit in there,” she explained.

  “You’d be surprised what I have in this jacket,” he said proudly, opening the umbrella over them and stepping close to her.

  “Second, why exactly do we need an umbrella, and why are you standing so close?” Paris asked.

  A high-pitched wail drowned out any reply that King Rudolf could have made to her question. Paris tensed, looking at the side of the moat as a huge green sea serpent lunged out of the water. Thankfully it didn’t try to attack them but instead jerked wildly back and forth in the water, slapping its body against the surface like an out-of-control large snake.

  Dirty water from the moat sprayed into the air and rained down on them. However, thanks to the umbrella, Paris and Rudolf remained dry.

  She smiled up at the fae, again impressed by his genius. “Wow, you thought of everything.”

  “I wish that were true,” he replied. “If it were, I would have brought sushi. Seeing that eel-looking monster always gives me a craving for raw fish.”

  The drawbridge had lowered all the way, showing a grand entrance into the castle. Offering her his arm, King Rudolf said, “Are you ready to meet the most powerful fairy in the world who also happens to be the biggest pain in my ass?”

  “When you put it that way, I don’t know how I could resist.”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  The interior of the castle was extraordinary. Paris had heard that castles were usually dank and dark places meant to protect queens and kings and not the luxury fortresses that many thought. However, Tiffer’s castle was an exception and constructed with all the finer things in mind.

  After striding across the drawbridge, King Rudolf and Paris entered an expansive courtyard filled with flowers and singing birds. Plants dripping with lush flowers filled the curtain walls surrounding them. Ivory covered the flanking and corner towers. Paris only got a hint of the fancy and regal furniture in the castle's interior that winked at them through the neighboring archways. She didn’t expect that she’d get an opportunity to run her hands over the fine furniture since a woman was standing in the middle of the courtyard beside an elegant table that appeared set for a fine feast.

  Paris assumed the woman with pink fairy wings and wearing the velvet robes was Tiffer. She better be or after all the hoops she had to jump through to get here, she was going to murder this person.

  The woman gave King Rudolf a calm look when he broke away from Paris and strode in her direction.

  “Well, Tiffer, you look quite well.” Rudolf took her hand and kissed the back of it. “And like the complete pain in the ass that you are.”

  The fairy forced a smile. “You look like you’ve lost a few hundred new brain cells. How are your wife and the Captains?”

  “They’re my reason for breathing every single day.” He released her hand. “As Serena says, my life makes hers possible.”

  “I don’t think you understand what that phrase means.” Tiffer glanced at Paris. “You’ve taken a mistress. I knew it was only a matter of time.”

  King Rudolf gasped, looking over his shoulder at Paris. “Really! That’s my niece. Tiffer, it’s only been a minute, and you’ve already offended me.”

  The fairy nodded. “It’s a gift of mine.” She looked Paris over with a discerning eye. Tiffer didn’t appear young or old but was definitely beautiful. “You’ve gone to great lengths to
see me.”

  Paris nodded, taking the position next to Rudolf. “Yes, we solved the murder, found the switch, hit it, and survived the sea monster.”

  “I meant dealing with this one.” Tiffer indicated Rudolf.

  “Two times you’ve offended me,” Rudolf muttered.

  “I will make it an easy dozen by the time you leave here in approximately two hours,” Tiffer stated in a dignified manner.

  “We can’t stay that long,” Paris cut in. “I’m in a hurry, and trying to get to you has taken longer than I expected. You see—”

  “You need an invitation for your father to enter FGA, Matters of the Heart office, and Happily Ever After College,” Tiffer interrupted.

  “Well, yes,” Paris answered. “Because—”

  “He’s a demon hunter for the House of Fourteen as a Warrior, and there seems to be an infestation at these three locations,” Tiffer stated.

  “If you know all that, why haven’t you helped or made it easier for us to see you?” Paris was confused.

  King Rudolf rolled his eyes. “Because she’s a complete pain in the ass.”

  “Because it isn’t my job to intervene in such matters,” Tiffer corrected. “I’ve always been willing to help those who ask, though.”

  “Only if they derailed their entire life, riding the rails of the Mystery Train. Solved a murder and traveled to freaking Wales,” Rudolf stated. “Then figured out the riddle that is your castle to gain entry.”

  Tiffer harrumphed. “I admit I only help those who know how to help themselves, finding me by using their mind. My assistance isn’t cheap or handed out to just anyone.”

  “Well, we made it here, and since you know why we need your help, maybe we can cut to the chase,” Paris offered, impatience seeping into her voice. Not only was she exhausted from all the adventures, but she was starving, not having eaten in…well, she’d forgotten how long.

  “Although I’m a master of efficiency, there are certain things that do take time,” Tiffer began. “For starters, your stomach is growling so loud that we won’t be able to negotiate the terms of my conditions over that noise.”

  Paris’ hands went for her stomach as it rumbled on cue. “Terms of your conditions?”

  “Pain…in…the…ass.” Rudolf paused after each word. “What did I tell you?”

  “Although I’m happy to offer help,” Tiffer began. “I really can’t do it willy-nilly. If you need an invitation to those three places, it will come with stipulations.”

  “Oh, okay,” Paris said. “Well, let’s get to negotiating.”

  Tiffer turned to the table set with fine china, embroidered linens, and fresh flowers, holding out a presenting hand. A moment later, covered dishes and a tea service all appeared. “First, we dine. I believe Rudolf brought me a single blueberry scone because he’s an unthoughtful jerk who knows I’m allergic to berries.”

  “You’re welcome,” he mumbled. “That was three times you’ve offended me. I forgot about the allergy and thought you loved them.”

  “Because you’re a dimwit.” Tiffer pulled out a seat.

  “Four times,” he chirped, also trotting over to a chair.

  “Regardless, I have to take my tea so you all can join me.” Tiffer waved at Paris. “Now, please pull up a seat and fill your stomach. Then we’ll discuss what I require from you.”

  Chapter Forty-Four

  King Rudolf pulled the smashed blueberry scone from the inside pocket of his Mary Poppin’s-like coat and held it up. “So you don’t want this then?”

  Tiffer shook her head, taking a seat. “No, I’d prefer for my face not to swell up to the size of a watermelon, but thank you, donkey’s butt.”

  “Five times,” the fae muttered, also taking a seat.

  “You’ll still help me even though I didn’t bring something to trade with you?” Paris asked. “King Rudolf said the pastry was necessary.”

  “Making your niece call you by your title,” Tiffer said to the fae with a disapproving look. “How very pompous of you.”

  “Six times,” he chirped, starting to look amused by the insults at this point. “And no, I don’t make Paris do anything.”

  “I call Rudolf all sorts of things,” Paris remarked, thinking of her mother’s name for him of Ru.

  “I do too,” Tiffer agreed. “None of them are appropriate to say at a dinner table though.”

  “Seven times,” he sang, slathering a plain scone with clotted cream.

  On a three-tiered stand were the most scrumptious-looking sandwiches Paris had ever seen. That was impressive since she was no stranger to seeing Chef Ash’s food, and he always made things look delicious. She grabbed a couple of sandwiches and put one on her plate and the other in her mouth, hunger overwhelming her.

  Tiffer picked up a teapot covered in floral print and poured for everyone. “No, Paris, I’ll still help you even though you didn’t bring me a gift, which is standard.”

  “I’m sorry,” she replied through a mouthful. “My reason for seeing you is an emergency, and I’ve been going nonstop since this demon problem started.”

  “Understandable,” Tiffer stated. “Now, the terms and agreement of me offering an invitation to Stefan Ludwig to three private fairy locations are quite simple.”

  Paris blinked at the fairy in disbelief. Nothing about getting to Tiffer had been simple or easy so she doubted the agreement would be.

  Rudolf added cognac to his tea before sipping. “Yeah, you probably have to give this witch your firstborn or chop off a finger.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Tiffer spat. “What use would I have for a finger?”

  “Do I have to give you my firstborn then?” Paris sipped her tea and wished that Rudolf would share his cognac.

  “You’re a hybrid,” Tiffer stated plainly.

  “I’m not sure how that’s relevant.” Rudolf popped a grape into his mouth and chewed.

  The fairy glanced at him with pure disdain. “Well, I realize that you have the brains of a marshmallow and therefore have forgotten that mules can’t breed.”

  “Eight times.” Rudolf drained his tea. “Again, I’m not sure how that’s relevant.”

  “Paris is a mule,” Tiffer stated.

  To her surprise, Paris blinked in offended surprise. “I’m sorry, what?”

  Tiffer offered a polite smile full of an apology. “Obviously, I don’t mean that you’re an actual mule. You’re beautiful and quite the unique specimen, full of so much untapped and tapped potential. You’ll go on to do many extraordinary things. Unfortunately, like a mule that is the offspring of a donkey and horse, you can’t breed.”

  Something invisible hit Paris in the chest suddenly, knocking the air out of her.

  “That’s nine times,” Rudolf said.

  “I wasn’t talking to you,” Tiffer stated.

  “I’m offended for my niece,” Rudolf retorted, anger flickering to his face for the first time that Paris had ever witnessed on the fae. “How dare you tell her something like that so casually over afternoon tea.”

  “Well, I think it’s better than me telling her on an empty stomach,” Tiffer replied. She turned to Paris. “Would you like some sherry?”

  Unable to swallow or respond suddenly, Paris nodded. She hadn’t seen this coming, but it did make sense.

  The fairy snapped her fingers, and a small glass and bottle of sherry appeared on the table beside her.

  Rudolf reached over and poured Paris a glass, pushing it in her direction when he finished. “Don’t listen to Tiffer. Serena and I weren’t supposed to have children since she’s a mortal and I’m a fae, but we did.”

  “Serena was also dead for the better part of a hundred years before King Rudolf married her,” Tiffer explained casually, picking up a cream puff. “So you might not want to use him as an example of what’s possible.”

  “You should,” Rudolf urged to Paris. “I don’t limit myself, and you shouldn’t either. If you want to have children, then you will.
I’ll help you. Well…not like that. But I’ll find an expert, or I’ll become one. If my niece wants an offspring, she will have one.”

  Paris smiled, draining the glass of sherry. “Thanks. For now, I’d like to focus my energy on helping get rid of the demons plaguing the fairy godmothers.”

  “Right,” Tiffer stated with enthusiasm. “And I was saying that I wasn’t going to require your firstborn child as part of the terms and agreement to help because you won’t be having one or any.”

  “That’s ten times.” Rudolf poured more cognac into his teacup.

  Tiffer glanced at her watch. “Maybe you won’t be here two hours then. Anyway, all I require is that you chaperone your father at all three locations, Paris.”

  She blinked at the fairy in confusion. “You mean I have to go with him when he hunts the demons at FGA, Matters of the Heart, and Happily Ever After College?”

  “That’s right,” Tiffer affirmed.

  “That doesn’t seem like such a big deal,” Paris countered, raising an eyebrow and wondering what the catch was.

  “You’ve obviously never been around demons.” Rudolf scrunched up his nose. “They smell like rotting flesh.”

  “That won’t be the hardest part,” Tiffer explained. “You see, demons don’t go down without a fight or trying to flee. So there will be violence. There will be chaos. They will run.”

  Paris shrugged. “My father is fast. He’ll run after them. His job is to kill demons.”

  “Then you better run after him,” Tiffer stated. “While at these locations that I’ll grant him and you access to, you must keep your father in sight at all times. If you don’t, the binding spell I’ll put on the portals will break, and your father will magically find himself somewhere else that isn’t a fairy godmother location.”

  “Wait, what?” Paris asked. “I have to have my eyes on him at all times? Why?”

  Tiffer took her time answering, chewing on the cream puff first. “You’re a fairy in training to be a godmother. Even as such, you don’t have portal access to FGA and definitely not Matters of the Heart.”