The Bertrams

by Anthony Trollope

  CHAPTER VII.

  MISS TODD'S CARD-PARTY.

  Yes. The great Miss Todd had arrived at Littlebath, and had alreadybeen talked about not a little. Being a maiden lady, with no familybut her one own maid, she lived in lodgings of course. People atLittlebath, indeed, are much given to lodgings. They are mostly acome-and-go class of beings, to whom the possession of furniture andthe responsibilities of householding would be burdensome. But thenMiss Todd's lodgings were in the Paragon, and all the world knows howmuch it costs to secure eligible rooms in the Paragon: two spacioussitting-rooms, for instance, a bedroom, and a closet for one's ownmaid. And Miss Todd had done this in the very best corner of theParagon; in that brazen-faced house which looks out of the Paragonright down Montpellier Avenue as regards the front windows, and fromthe back fully commands the entrance to the railway station. Thiswas Mrs. O'Neil's house; and, as Mrs. O'Neil herself loudly boastedwhen Miss Todd came to inspect the premises, she rarely took singleladies, or any ladies that had not handles to their names. Hervery last lodger had been Lady McGuffern, the widow of the medicaldirector of the great Indian Eyesore district, as Mrs. O'Neil calledit. And Lady McGuffern had paid her, oh! ever so much per week; andhad always said on every Saturday--"Mrs. O'Neil, your terms for suchrooms as these are much too low." It is in such language that thewidows of Scotch doctors generally speak of their lodgings when theyare paying their weekly bills.

  And these rooms Miss Todd had secured. She had, moreover, instantlysent for Mr. Wutsanbeans, who keeps those remarkably neat liverystables at the back of the Paragon, and in ten minutes had concludedher bargain for a private brougham and private coachman indemi-livery at so much per week. "And very wide awake she is, isMiss Todd," said the admiring Mr. Wutsanbeans, as he stood amonghis bandy-legged satellites. And then her name was down at theassembly-rooms, and in the pump-room, and the book-room, and inthe best of sittings in Mr. O'Callaghan's fashionable church, inalmost less than no time. There were scores of ladies desirous ofbeing promoted from the side walls to the middle avenues in Mr.O'Callaghan's church; for, after all, what is the use of a Frenchbonnet when stuck under a side wall? But though all these weredesirous, and desirous in vain, Miss Todd at once secured a placewhere her head was the cynosure of all the eyes of the congregation.Such was Miss Todd's power, and therefore do we call her great.

  And in a week's time the sound of her loud but yet pleasant voice,and the step of her heavy but yet active foot, and the glow of herred cherry cheek were as well known on the esplanade as though shewere a Littlebathian of two months' standing. Of course she hadfound friends there, such friends as one always does find at suchplaces--dear delightful people whom she had met some years beforefor a week at Ems, or sat opposite to once at the hotel table atHarrowgate for a fortnight. Miss Todd had a very large circle of suchfriends; and, to do her justice, we must say that she was always gladto see them, and always treated them well. She was ready to feedthem at all times; she was not candid or malicious when backbitingthem; she never threw the burden of her pleasures on her friends'shoulders--as ladies at Littlebath will sometimes do. She did notboast either of her purse or her acquaintance; and as long as she wasallowed to do exactly what she liked she generally kept her temper.She had an excellent digestion, and greatly admired the same qualityin other people. She did not much care what she said of others, butdearly liked to have mischief spoken of herself. Some one once hadsaid--or very likely no one had said it, but a _soupcon_ of a hinthad in some way reached her own ears--that she had left Torquaywithout paying her bills. It was at any rate untrue, but she hadsedulously spread the report; and now wherever she ordered goods,she would mysteriously tell the tradesman that he had better inquireabout her in Devonshire. She had been seen walking one moonlightnight with a young lad at Bangor: the lad was her nephew; but someone had perhaps jested about Miss Todd and her beau, and since thattime she was always talking of eloping with her own flesh and blood.

  But Miss Todd was not a bad woman. She spent much in feeding thosewho perhaps were not hungry; but she fed the hungry also: sheindulged a good deal in silk brocades; but she bought ginghamsas well, and calicos for poor women, and flannel petticoats formotherless girls. She did go to sleep sometimes in church, and wouldsit at a whist-table till two o'clock of a Sunday morning; but havingbeen selected from a large family by an uncle as his heir, she haddivided her good things with brothers and sisters, and nephews andnieces. And so there were some hearts that blessed her, and somefriends who loved her with a love other than that of her friends ofLittlebath and Ems, of Jerusalem and Harrowgate.

  And she had loved in her early days, and had been told and hadbelieved that she was loved. But evidence had come to her that herlover was a scamp--a man without morals and without principle; andshe had torn herself away from him. And Miss Todd had offered to himmoney compensation, which the brute had taken; and since that, forhis sake, or rather for her love's sake, she had rejected all furthermatrimonial tenders, and was still Miss Todd: and Miss Todd sheintended to remain.

  Being such as she was, the world of Littlebath was soon glad to getabout her. Those who give suppers at their card-parties are not longin Littlebath in making up the complement of their guests. She hadbeen there now ten days, and had already once or twice mustered acouple of whist-tables; but this affair was to be on a larger scale.

  Miss Baker she had not yet seen, nor Miss Waddington. The ladies hadcalled on each other, but had missed fire on both occasions; but withSir Lionel she had already renewed her intimacy on very affectionateterms. They had been together for perhaps three days at Jerusalem,but then three days at Jerusalem are worth a twelvemonth in such adull, slow place as London. And Sir Lionel, therefore, and Miss Toddhad nearly rushed into each other's arms; and they both, without anyintentional falsehood, were talking of each other all over Littlebathas old and confidential friends.

  And now for Miss Todd's party. Assist me, my muse. Come down fromheaven, O, Calliope my queen! and aid me to spin with my pen a longdiscourse. Hark! do you hear? or does some fond delusion mock me?I seem to hear, and to be already wandering through those sacredrecesses--the drawing-rooms, namely, at Littlebath--which arepervious only to the streams and breezes of good society.

  Miss Todd stood at her drawing-room door as her guests were usheredin, not by the greengrocer's assistant, but by the greengrocerhimself in person. And she made no quiet little curtsies, whisperedno unmeaning welcomes with bated breath. No; as they arrivedshe seized each Littlebathian by the hand, and shook that handvigorously. She did so to every one that came, rejoiced loudly in thecoming of each, and bade them all revel in tea and cake with a voicethat demanded and received instant obedience.

  "Ah, Lady Longspade! this is kind. I am delighted to see you. Do youremember dear Ems, and the dear Kursaal? Ah, me! Well, do take sometea now, Lady Longspade. What, Miss Finesse--well--well--well. I wasthinking of Ostend only the other day. You'll find Flounce therewith coffee and cake and all that. You remember my woman, Flounce,don't you? Mrs. Fuzzybell, you really make me proud. But is not Mr.Fuzzybell to be here? Oh, he's behind is he? well--I'm so glad.Ha! ha! ha! A slow coach is he? I'll make him faster. But perhapsyou won't trust him to me, I'm such a dangerous creature. I'malways eloping with some one. Who knows but I might go off with Mr.Fuzzybell? We were near it you know at the end of that long walk atMalvern--only he seemed too tired--ha! ha! ha! There's tea and cakethere, Mrs. Fuzzybell. My dear Sir Lionel, I am delighted. I declareyou are five years younger--we are both five years younger than whenwe were at Jerusalem."

  And so forth. But Sir Lionel did not pass on to the tea-tables as didthe Finesses and the Longspades. He remained close at Miss Todd'selbow, as though his friendship was of a more enduring kind than thatof others, as though he were more to Miss Todd than Mrs. Fuzzybell,nearer than Miss Ruff who had just been assured at her entrancethat the decks should be made ready for action almost at once. Alion-hearted old warrior was Miss Ruff,--one who could not standwith patience the modern practice
of dallying in the presence of herenemies' guns. She had come there for a rubber of whist--to fight thegood fight--to conquer or to die, and her soul longed to be at it.Wait but one moment longer, Miss Ruff, and the greengrocer and I willhave done with our usherings, and then the decks shall be cleared.

  But we must certainly do the honours for our old friend Miss Baker.Miss Todd, when she saw her, looked as though she would have fallenon her neck and kissed her; but she doubtless remembered that theirrespective head-dresses might suffer in the encounter.

  "At last, dear Miss Baker; at last! I am so delighted; but where isMiss Waddington? where is the bride-elect?" These last words weresaid in a whisper which was not perhaps quite as plainly audible atthe other side of the Paragon as were the generality of Miss Todd'sspeeches. "Indisposed! Why is she indisposed? you mean that she haslove-letters to write. I know that is what you mean." And the roaragain became a whisper fit for Drury Lane. "Well, I shall make apoint of seeing her to-morrow. Do you remember Jehoshaphat, dearJehoshaphat?" And then having made her little answers, Miss Bakeralso passed on, and left Miss Todd in the act of welcoming the Rev.Mr. O'Callaghan.

  Miss Baker passed on, but she did so slowly. She had to speak toSir Lionel, who kept his place near Miss Todd's shoulder; andperhaps she had some secret hope--no, not hope; some sort of ananticipation--that her dear friend would give her the benefit of hisarm for a few moments. But Sir Lionel did nothing of the kind. Hetook her hand with his kindest little squeeze, asked with his softestvoice after his dear Caroline, and then let her pass on by herself.Miss Baker was a bird easily to be lured to her perch,--or to his.Sir Lionel felt that he could secure her at any time. Therefore, hedetermined to attach himself to Miss Todd for the present. And soMiss Baker walked on alone, perhaps a little piqued at being thusslighted.

  It was a strange sight to see the Rev. Mr. O'Callaghan among thatworldly crowd of pleasure-seeking sinners. There were, as we havesaid, three sets of people at Littlebath. That Miss Todd, with hercommanding genius and great power of will, should have got togetherportions of two of them was hardly to be considered wonderful. Boththe fast and heavy set liked good suppers. But it did appear singularto the men and women of both these sets that they should findthemselves in the same room with Mr. O'Callaghan.

  Mr. O'Callaghan was not exactly the head and font of piety atLittlebath. It was not on his altars, not on his chiefly, thathecatombs of needlework were offered up. He was only senior curate tothe great high-priest, to Dr. Snort himself. But though he was butcurate, he was more perhaps to Littlebath--to his especial set inLittlebath--than most rectors are to their own people.

  Mr. O'Callaghan was known to be condescending and mild under theinfluence of tea and muffins--sweetly so if the cream be plentifuland the muffins soft with butter; but still, as a man and a pastor,he was severe. In season and out of season he was hot in argumentagainst the devil and all his works. He was always fighting thebattle with all manner of weapons. He would write letters of killingreproach to persons he had never known, and address them by post to--

  "John Jones, Esq., The Sabbath-breaker, 5 Paradise Terrace, Littlebath."

  or--

  "Mrs. Gambler Smith, 2 Little Paragon, Littlebath."

  Nothing was too severe for him. One may say that had he not been aclergyman, and therefore of course justified in any interference, hewould have been kicked from Littlebath to London and back again longsince. How then did it come to pass that he was seen at Miss Todd'sparty? The secret lay in Miss Todd's unbounded power. She was not asother Littlebathians. When he unintentionally squeezed her hand, shesqueezed his in return with somewhat of a firmer grasp. When, gentlywhispering, he trusted that she was as well in spirit as in body, sheanswered aloud--and all the larger Paragon heard her--that she wasvery well in both, thank God. And then, as her guests pressed in,she passed him on rapidly to the tea and cake, and to such generoussupplies of cream as Mrs. Flounce, in her piety, might be pleased tovouchsafe to him.

  "What, Mr. O'Callaghan!" said Sir Lionel into Miss Todd's ear, in atone of well-bred wonder and triumphant admiration. "Mr. O'Callaghanamong the sinners! My dear Miss Todd, how will he like thewhist-tables?"

  "If he does not like them, he must just do the other thing. If I knowanything of Miss Ruff, a whole college of O'Callaghans would notkeep her from the devil's books for five minutes longer. Oh, here isLady Ruth Revoke, my dear Lady Ruth, I am charmed to see you. When,I wonder, shall we meet again at Baden Baden? Dear Baden Baden!Flounce, green tea for Lady Ruth Revoke." And so Miss Todd continuedto do her duty.

  What Miss Todd had said of her friend was quite true. Even then MissRuff was standing over a card-table, with an open pack in her hands,quite regardless of Mr. O'Callaghan. "Come, Lady Longspade," shesaid, "we are wasting time sadly. It is ever so much after nine. Iknow Miss Todd means us to begin. She told me so. Suppose we sitdown?"

  But Lady Longspade merely muttered something and passed on. Inthe first place, she was not quite so eager as was Miss Ruff; andin the next, Miss Ruff was neither the partner nor the opponentwith whom she delighted to co-operate. Lady Longspade liked toplay first-fiddle at her own table; but Miss Ruff always playedfirst-fiddle at her table, let the others be whom they might; and shevery generally played her tunes altogether "con spirito."

  Miss Ruff saw how Lady Longspade passed on, but she wasnothing disconcerted. She was used to that, and more than that."Highty-tighty!" was all she said. "Well, Mrs. Garded, I think we canmanage without her ladyship, can't we?" Mrs. Garded said that shethought they might indeed, and stood by the table opposite to MissRuff. This was Mrs. King Garded, a widow of great Littlebathianrepute, to whom as a partner over the green table few objected. Shewas a careful, silent, painstaking player, one who carefully kept heraccounts, and knew well that the monthly balance depended mainly, noton her good, but on her bad hands. She was an old friend, and an oldenemy of Miss Ruff's. The two would say very spiteful things to eachother, things incredible to persons not accustomed to the card-tablesof Littlebath. But, nevertheless, they were always willing to sittogether at the same rubber.

  To them came up smirking little Mr. Fuzzybell. Mr. Fuzzybell was notgreat at whist, nor did he much delight in it; but, nevertheless, heconstantly played. He was taken about by his wife to the parties,and then he was always caught and impaled, and generally plucked andskinned before he was sent home again. He never disported at the sametable with his wife, who did not care to play either with him oragainst him; but he was generally caught by some Miss Ruff, or someMrs. King Garded, and duly made use of. The ladies of Littlebathgenerally liked to have one black coat at the table with them. Itsaved them from that air of destitution which always, in their owneyes, attaches to four ladies seated at a table together.

  "Ah, Mr. Fuzzybell," said Miss Ruff, "you are the very person we arelooking for. Mrs. Garded always likes to have you at her table. Sitdown, Mr. Fuzzybell." Mr. Fuzzybell did as he was told, and sat down.

  Just at this moment, as Miss Ruff was looking out with eager eyesfor a fourth who would suit her tastes, and had almost succeededin catching the eye of Miss Finesse--and Miss Finesse was a silent,desirable, correct player--who should walk up to the table andabsolutely sit down but that odious old woman, Lady Ruth Revoke! Itwas Mrs. Garded's great sin, in Miss Ruff's eye, that she toadiedLady Ruth to such an extent as to be generally willing to play withher. Now it was notorious in Littlebath that she had never playedwell, and that she had long since forgotten all she had ever known.The poor old woman had already had some kind of a fit; she was veryshaky and infirm, and ghastly to look at, in spite of her paint andribbons. She was long in arranging her cards, long in playing them;very long in settling her points, when the points went againsther, as they generally did. And yet, in spite of all this, Mrs.King Garded would encourage her because her father had been LordWhitechapel!

  There was no help for it now. There she was in the chair; and unlessMiss Ruff was prepared to give up her table and do something thatwould be u
ncommonly rude even for her, the rubber must go on. She wasnot prepared at any rate to give up her table, so she took up a cardto cut for partners. There were two to one in her favour. If fortunewould throw her ladyship and Mr. Fuzzybell together there mightyet be found in the easiness of the prey some consolation for theslowness of the play.

  They cut the cards, and Miss Ruff found herself sitting oppositeto Lady Ruth Revoke. It was a pity that she should not have beenphotographed. "And now, Mr. Fuzzybell," said Mrs. King Garded,triumphantly.

  But we must for awhile go to other parts of the room. Lady Longspade,Mrs. Fuzzybell, and Miss Finesse soon followed the daring example ofMiss Ruff, and seated themselves with some worthy fourth compatriot.

  "Did you see Miss Ruff?" said Lady Longspade, whose ears had caughtthe scornful highty-tighty of the rejected lady. "She wanted to getme at her table. But no, I thank you. I like my rubber too, and canplay it as well as some other people. But it may cost too dear, eh,Mrs. Fuzzybell? I have no idea of being scolded by Miss Ruff."

  "No, nor I," said Mrs. Fuzzybell. "I hate that continual scolding.We are playing only for amusement; and why not play in goodtemper?"--nevertheless Mrs. Fuzzybell had a rough side to her owntongue. "It is you and I, Miss Finesse. Shillings, I suppose, and--"and then there was a little whispering and a little grinning betweenLady Longspade and Mrs. Fuzzybell, the meaning of which was, that asthe occasion was rather a special one, they would indulge themselveswith half-a-crown on the rubber and sixpence each hand on the oddtrick. And so the second table went to work.

  And then there was a third, and a fourth, and a fifth. Miss Ruff'sexample was more potent than Mr. O'Callaghan's presence in thatassembly. That gentleman began to feel unhappy as there was no longerround him a crowd of listening ladies sufficient to screen from hisnow uninquiring eyes the delinquencies of the more eager of thesinners. The snorting of the war-horse and the sound of the trumpethad enticed away every martial bosom, and Mr. O'Callaghan was leftalone in converse with Mrs. Flounce.

  He turned to Miss Todd, who was now seated near enough to the doorto do honour to any late arriving guest, but near enough also to thetable to help herself easily to cake. His soul burned within him toutter one anathema against the things that he saw. Miss Todd wasstill not playing. He might opine that she objected to the practice.Sir Lionel was still at her back; he also might be a brand that hadbeen rescued from the burning. At a little distance sat Miss Baker;he knew that she at any rate was not violently attached to cards.Could he not say something? Could he not lift up his voice, if onlyfor a moment, and speak forth as he so loved to do, as was his wontin the meetings of the saints, his brethren?

  He looked at Miss Todd, and he raised his eyes, and he raised hishands, but the courage was not in him to speak. There was about MissTodd as she stood, or as she sat, a firmness which showed itself evenin her rotundity, a vigour in the very rubicundity of her cheek whichwas apt to quell the spirit of those who would fain have interferedwith her. So Mr. O'Callaghan, having raised his eyes considerably,and having raised his hands a little, said nothing.

  "I fear you do not approve of cards?" said Miss Todd.

  "Approve! oh no, how can I approve of them, Miss Todd?"

  "Well, I do with all my heart. What are old women like us to do? Wehaven't eyes to read at night, even if we had minds fit for it. Wecan't always be saying our prayers. We have nothing to talk aboutexcept scandal. It's better than drinking; and we should come to thatif we hadn't cards."

  "Oh, Miss Todd!"

  "You see you have your excitement in preaching, Mr. O'Callaghan.These card-tables are our pulpits; we have got none other. We haven'tchildren, and we haven't husbands. That is, the most of us. And weshould be in a lunatic asylum in six weeks if you took away ourcards. Now, will you tell me, Mr. O'Callaghan, what would you expectMiss Ruff to do if you persuaded her to give up whist?"

  "She has the poor with her always, Miss Todd."

  "Yes, she has; the woman that goes about with a clean apron and fourborrowed children; and the dumb man with a bit of chalk and no legs,and the very red nose. She has these, to be sure, and a lot more.But suppose she looks after them all the day, she can't be lookingafter them all the night too. The mind must be unbent sometimes, Mr.O'Callaghan."

  "But to play for money, Miss Todd! Is not that gambling?"

  "Well, I don't know. I can't say what gambling is. But do you sitdown and play for love, Mr. O'Callaghan, and see how soon you'll goto sleep. Come, shall we try? I can have a little private bet, justto keep myself awake, with Sir Lionel, here."

  But Mr. O'Callaghan declined the experiment. So he had another cup oftea and another muffin, and then went his way; regretting sorely inhis heart that he could not get up into a high pulpit and preach atthem all. However, he consoled himself by "improving" the occasion onthe following Sunday.

  For the next fifteen minutes Sir Lionel stood his ground, saying softnothings to Miss Todd, and then he also became absorbed among therubbers. He found that Miss Todd was not good at having love made toher in public. She was very willing to be confidential, very willingto receive flattery, attentions, hand-pressings, and the like. Butshe would make her confidences in her usual joyous, loud voice; andwhen told that she was looking remarkably well, she would reply thatshe always did look well at Littlebath, in a tone that could not failto attract the attention of the whole room. Now Sir Lionel would fainhave been a little more quiet in his proceedings, and was forced toput off somewhat of what he had to say till he could find Miss Toddalone on the top of a mountain. 'Twas thus at least that he expressedhis thoughts to himself in his chagrin, as he took his place oppositeto Mrs. Shortpointz at the seventh and last establishment now formedin the rooms.

  The only idlers present were Miss Baker and Miss Todd. Miss Baker wasnot quite happy in her mind. It was not only that she was depressedabout Caroline: her firm belief in the grammatical axiom beforealluded to lessened her grief on that score. But the conduct of SirLionel made her uncomfortable; and she began to find, without at allunderstanding why, that she did not like Miss Todd as well as sheused to do at Jerusalem. Her heart took Mr. O'Callaghan's sidein that little debate about the cards; and though Sir Lionel, inleaving Miss Todd, did not come to her, nevertheless the movement wasagreeable to her. She was not therefore in her very highest spiritswhen Miss Todd came and sat close to her on the sofa.

  "I am so sorry you should be out," said Miss Todd. "But you see, I'vehad so much to do at the door there, that I couldn't see who wassitting down with who."

  "I'd rather be out," said Miss Baker. "I am not quite sure that Mr.O'Callaghan is not right." This was her revenge.

  "No; he's not a bit right, my dear. He does--just what the man saysin the rhymes--what is it? you know--makes up for his own littlepeccadilloes by damning yours and mine. I forget how it goes. Butthere'll be more in by-and-by, and then we'll have another table.Those who come late will be more in your line; not so ready to peckyour eyes out if you happen to forget a card. That Miss Ruff isdreadful." Here an awful note was heard, for the Lady Ruth had justput her thirteenth trump on Miss Ruff's thirteenth heart. WhatLittlebathian female soul could stand that unmoved?

  "Oh, dear! that poor old woman!" continued Miss Todd. "You know onelives in constant fear of her having a fit. Miss Ruff is horrible.She has a way of looking with that fixed eye of hers that is almostworse than her voice." The fact was, that Miss Ruff had one glasseye. "I know she'll be the death of that poor old creature some ofthese days. Lady Ruth will play, and she hardly knows one card fromanother. And then Miss Ruff, she will scold. Good heavens! do youhear that?"

  "It's just seven minutes since I turned the last trick of the lasthand," Miss Ruff had said, scornfully. "We shall have finished thetwo rubbers about six in the morning, I take it."

  "Will your ladyship allow me to deal for you?" said Mr. Fuzzybell,meaning to be civil.

  "I'll allow you to do no such thing," croaked out Lady Ruth. "I candeal very well myself; at any rate as well as Miss Ruff
. And I'm notthe least in a hurry;" and she went on slobbering out the cards, andcounting them over and over again, almost as each card fell.

  "That's a double and a treble against a single," said Lady Longspade,cheerfully, from another table; "six points, and five--the otherrubber--makes eleven; and the two half-crowns is sixteen, and sevenodd tricks is nineteen and six. Here's sixpence, Mrs. Fuzzybell; andnow we'll cut again."

  This was dreadful to Miss Ruff. Here had her rival played tworubbers, won them both, pocketed all but a sovereign, and was againat work; while she, she was still painfully toiling through hersecond game, the first having been scored against her by herpartner's fatuity in having trumped her long heart. Was this to beborne with patience? "Lady Ruth," she said, emitting fire out of herone eye, "do you ever mean to have done dealing those cards?"

  Lady Ruth did not condescend to make any answer, but recommenced herleisurely counting; and then Miss Ruff uttered that terrific screechwhich had peculiarly excited Miss Todd's attention.

  "I declare I don't like it at all," said the tender-hearted MissBaker. "I think Mr. O'Callaghan was quite right."

  "No, my dear, he was quite wrong, for he blamed the use of cards, notthe abuse. And after all, what harm comes of it? I don't suppose MissRuff will actually kill her. I dare say if we were playing ourselveswe shouldn't notice it. Do you play cribbage? Shall we have a littlecribbage?" But Miss Baker did not play cribbage; or, at any rate, shesaid that she did not.

  "And do tell me something about dear Caroline," continued Miss Todd."I am so anxious to see her. But it has been a very long engagement,hasn't it? and there ought to be lots of money, oughtn't there? ButI suppose it's all right. You know I was very much in love with youngBertram myself; and made all manner of overtures to him, but quitein vain; ha! ha! ha! I always thought him a very fine fellow, and Ithink her a very lucky girl. And when is it to be? And, do tell me,is she over head and ears in love with him?"

  What was Miss Baker to say to this? She had not the slightestintention of making Miss Todd a confidante in the matter: certainlynot now, as that lady was inclined to behave so very improperly withSir Lionel; and yet she did not know how to answer it.

  "I hope it won't be put off much longer," continued Miss Todd. "Isany day fixed yet?"

  "No; no day is fixed yet," replied Miss Baker, blushing.

  Miss Todd's ear was very quick. "There is nothing the matter, Itrust. Well, I won't ask any questions, nor say a word to anybody.Come, there is a table vacant, and we will cut in." And then shedetermined that she would get it all out from Sir Lionel.

  The parties at some of the tables were now changed, and Miss Bakerand Miss Todd found themselves playing together. Miss Baker, too,loved a gentle little rubber, if she could enjoy it quietly, withoutfear of being gobbled up by any Ruff or any Longspade; and with MissTodd she was in this matter quite safe. She might behave as badly ashad the Lady Ruth, and Miss Todd would do no worse than laugh at her.Miss Todd did not care about her points, and at her own house wouldas soon lose as win; so that Miss Baker would have been happy hadshe not still continued to sigh over her friend's very improperflirtation with Sir Lionel.

  And thus things went on for an hour or so. Every now and again asavage yell was heard from some ill-used angry lady, and low growls,prolonged sometimes through a whole game, came from different partsof the room; but nobody took any notice of them; 'twas the manner atLittlebath: and, though a stranger to the place might have thought,on looking at those perturbed faces, and hearing those uncourteoussounds, that there would be a flow of blood--such a flow as angrynails may produce--the denizens of the place knew better. So therubbers went on with the amount of harmony customary to the place.

  But the scene would have been an odd one for a non-playing stranger,had a non-playing stranger been there to watch it. Every person inthe room was engaged at whist except Mrs. Flounce, who still remainedquiescent behind her tea and cakes. It did not happen that the partywas made up of a number of exact fours. There were two over; twomiddle-aged ladies, a maiden and a widow: and they, perhaps morehappy than any of the others, certainly more silent for neither ofthem had a partner to scold, were hard at work at double-dummy in acorner.

  It was a sight for a stranger! It is generally thought that a sad_ennui_ pervades the life of most of those old ladies in England towhom fate has denied the usual cares and burdens of the world, orwhose cares and burdens are done and gone. But there was no _ennui_here. No stockjobber on 'Change could go about his exciting work withmore animating eagerness. There were those who scolded, and those whowere scolded. Those who sat silent, being great of mind, and thosewho, being weak, could not restrain their notes of triumph or theirnotes of woe; but they were all of them as animated and intense asa tiger springing at its prey. Watch the gleam of joy that lightsup the half-dead, sallow countenance of old Mrs. Shortpointz as shefinds the ace of trumps at the back of her hand, the very last card.Happy, happy Mrs. Shortpointz! Watch the triumph which illumines eventhe painted cheeks and half-hidden wrinkles of Lady Longspade as shebrings in at the end of the hand three winning little clubs, and seeskings and queens fall impotent at their call. Triumphant, successfulLady Longspade! Was Napoleon more triumphant, did a brighter glowof self-satisfied inward power cross his features, when at Ulm hesucceeded in separating poor Mack from all his friends?

  Play on ladies. Let us not begrudge you your amusements. We do nothold with pious Mr. O'Callaghan, that the interchange of a fewsixpences is a grievous sin. At other hours ye are still soft,charitable, and tender-hearted; tender-hearted as English old ladiesare, and should be. But, dear ladies, would it not be well toremember the amenities of life--even at the whist-table?

  So things went on for an hour or so, and then Miss Baker and SirLionel again found themselves separated from the card-tables, alonely pair. It had been Sir Lionel's cue this evening to select MissTodd for his special attentions; but he had found Miss Todd at thepresent moment to be too much a public character for his purposes.She had a sort of way of speaking to all her guests at once, whichhad doubtless on the whole an extremely hilarious effect, but whichwas not flattering to the _amour propre_ of a special admirer. So,_faute de mieux_, Sir Lionel was content to sit down in a corner withMiss Baker. Miss Baker was also content; but she was rather uneasy asto how she should treat the subject of Caroline's quarrel with herlover.

  "Of course you saw George to-day?" she began.

  "Yes, I did see him; but that was all. He seemed to be in atremendous hurry, and said he must be back in town to-night. He's notstaying, is he?"

  "No; he's not staying."

  "I didn't know: when I saw that dear Caroline was not with you, Ithought she might perhaps have better company at home."

  "She was not very well. George went back to London before dinner."

  "Nothing wrong, I hope?"

  "Well, no; I hope not. That is--you haven't heard anything about it,have you, Sir Lionel?"

  "Heard anything! No, I have heard nothing; what is it?"

  It may be presumed that such a conversation as this had not beencarried on in a very loud tone; but, nevertheless, low as Miss Bakerhad spoken, low as Sir Lionel had spoken, it had been too loud. Theyhad chosen their places badly. The table at which Lady Ruth andher party were sitting--we ought rather to say, Miss Ruff and herparty--was in one corner of the room, and our friends had placedthemselves on a cushioned seat fixed against the wall in this verycorner. Things were still going badly with Miss Ruff. As Sindbadcarried the old man, and could not shake him off, so did Miss Ruffstill carry Lady Ruth Revoke; and the weight was too much for her.

  She manfully struggled on, however--womanfully would perhaps be astronger and more appropriate word. She had to calculate not only howto play her own hand correctly, but she had also to calculate on herpartner's probable errors. This was hard work, and required that allaround her should be undisturbed and silent. In the midst of a mazeof uncontrollable difficulties, the buzz buzz of Miss Baker's voicefell upon her ears, and u
p she rose from her chair.

  "Miss Todd," she said, and Miss Todd, looking round from aneighbouring table, shone upon her with her rosy face. But all theshining was of no avail.

  "Miss Todd, if this is to be a conversazione, we had better make itso at once. But if it's whist, then I must say I never heard so muchtalking in my life!"

  "It's a little of both," said Miss Todd, not _sotto voce_.

  "Oh, very well; now I understand," said Miss Ruff; and then sheresumed her work and went on with her calculations.

  Miss Baker and Sir Lionel got up, of course, and going over to thefurther part of the room continued their conversation. She soon toldhim all she knew. She had hardly seen George herself, she said. ButCaroline had had a long interview with him, and on leaving him hadsaid that all--all now was over.

  "I don't know what to make of it," said Miss Baker, with herhandkerchief to her eyes. "What do you think, Sir Lionel? You knowthey say that lovers always do quarrel, and always do make it upagain."

  "George is a very headstrong fellow," said Sir Lionel.

  "Yes, that is what I have always felt; always. There was no beingsure with him. He is so wild, and has such starts."

  "Has this been his doing?"

  "Oh, yes, I think so. Not but that Caroline is very spirited too: Isuppose somehow it came about between them."

  "He was tired of waiting."

  "That might have been a reason twelve months ago, but there was to beno more delay now; that is as I understood it. No, it has not beenthat, Sir Lionel. It makes me very unhappy, I know;" and Miss Bakeragain used her handkerchief.

  "You mustn't distress yourself, my dearest friend," said Lionel. "Formy sake, don't. Oh, if you knew how it pains me to see you sufferingin that way! I think more of you in the matter than even of George;I do indeed." And Sir Lionel contrived to give a little pinch tothe top of one of Miss Baker's fingers--not, however, without beingobserved by the sharp eyes of his hostess.

  "But, Caroline!" sobbed Miss Baker, behind her handkerchief. She wasnicely ensconced in the depth of a lounging-chair, so that she couldturn her face from the card-tables. It is so sweet to be consoled inone's misery, especially when one really believes that the misery isnot incurable. So that on the whole Miss Baker was not unhappy.

  "Yes, dear Caroline," said Sir Lionel; "of course I can say nothingtill I have heard more of the matter. But do you think Carolinereally loves him? Sometimes I have thought--"

  "So have I, sometimes; that is I used. But she does love him, SirLionel; that is, if I know anything about it."

  "Ah, dearest friend, do you know anything about it? that is the veryquestion I want to ask you. Do you know anything about it? SometimesI have thought you knew nothing. And then sometimes I have thought,been bold enough to think--" And Sir Lionel looked intently at thehandkerchief which covered her face; and Miss Todd looked furtively,ever and anon, at Sir Lionel. "I declare I think it would do verywell," said Miss Todd to herself good-naturedly.

  Miss Baker did not quite understand him, but she felt herself muchconsoled. Sir Lionel was a remarkably handsome man; as to thatshe had made up her mind long since: then he was a peculiarlygentlemanlike man, a very friendly man, and a man who exactly suitedall her tastes. She had for some weeks past begun to think the daytedious in which she did not see him; and now it was driven in uponher mind that conversation was a much pleasanter occupation thanwhist; that is, conversation with so highly-polished a man as SirLionel Bertram. But, nevertheless, she did not quite understand whathe meant, nor did she know how she ought to answer it. Why need sheanswer him at all? Could she not sit there, wiping her eyes softlyand comfortably, and listen to what might come next?

  "I sometimes think that some women never love," said Sir Lionel.

  "Perhaps they don't," said Miss Baker.

  "And yet in the depth of many a heart there may be a fund ofpassion."

  "Oh, there may, certainly," said Miss Baker.

  "And in your own, my friend? Is there no such fund there? Are thereno hidden depths there unexplored, still fresh, but still, perhapsstill to be reached?"

  Again Miss Baker found it easiest to lie well back into her chair,and wipe her eyes comfortably. She was not prepared to say much aboutthe depths of her own heart at so very short a notice.

  Sir Lionel was again about to speak--and who can say what might havecome next, how far those hidden depths might have been tried?--whenhe was arrested in the midst of his pathos by seeing Mrs. Gardedand Mr. Fuzzybell each rush to a shoulder of Lady Ruth Revoke. Thecolonel quitted his love for the moment, and hurried to the distanttable; while Miss Baker, removing her handkerchief, sat up and gazedat the scene of action.

  The quarrelling had been going on unabated, but that had causedlittle surprise. It is astonishing how soon the ear becomes used toincivilities. They were now accustomed to Miss Ruff's voice, andthought nothing of her exclamations. "Well, I declare--what, the tenof spades!--ha! ha! ha! well, it is an excellent joke--if you couldhave obliged me, Lady Ruth, by returning my lead of trumps, weshould have been out," &c., &c., &c. All this and more attracted noattention, and the general pity for Lady Ruth had become dead andpassive.

  But at last Miss Ruff's tongue went faster and faster, and her wordsbecame sharper and sharper. Lady Ruth's countenance became verystrange to look at. She bobbed her head about slowly in a mannerthat frightened Mr. Fuzzybell, and ceased to make any remark to herpartner. Then Mrs. Garded made two direct appeals to Miss Ruff formercy.

  But Miss Ruff could not be merciful. Perhaps on each occasion sherefrained for a moment, but it was only for a moment; and Mrs. Gardedand Mr. Fuzzybell ceased to think of their cards, and looked only atthe Lady Ruth; and then of a sudden they both rose from their seats,the colonel, as we have said, rushed across the room, and all theplayers at all the tables put down their cards and stood up in alarm.

  Lady Ruth was sitting perfectly still, except that she still bobbedher old head up and down in a strange unearthly manner. She had aboutten cards in her hand which she held motionless. Her eyes seemedto be fixed in one continued stare directly on the face of her foe.Her lower jaw had fallen so as to give a monstrous extension to hercadaverous face. There she sat apparently speechless; but still shebobbed her head, and still she held her cards.

  It was known at Littlebath that she had suffered from paralysis, andMrs. Garded and Mr. Fuzzybell thinking that she was having or aboutto have a fit, naturally rushed to her assistance.

  "What is the matter with her?" said Miss Ruff. "Is anything thematter with her?"

  Miss Todd was now at the old lady's side. "Lady Ruth," said she, "doyou find yourself not well? Shall we go into my room? Sir Lionel,will you help her ladyship?" And between them they raised Lady Ruthfrom her chair. But she still clutched the cards, still fixed hereyes on Miss Ruff, and still bobbed her head.

  "Do you feel yourself ill, Lady Ruth?" said Miss Todd. But herladyship answered nothing.

  It seemed, however, that her ladyship could walk, for with her twosupporters she made her way nearly to the door of the room. Thereshe stood, and having succeeded in shaking off Sir Lionel's arm, sheturned and faced round upon the company. She continued to bob herhead at them all, and then made this little speech, uttering eachword very slowly.

  "I wish she had a glass tongue as well, because then perhaps she'dbreak it." And having so revenged herself, she suffered Miss Todd tolead her away into the bedroom. It was clear at least that she had nofit, and the company was thankful.

  Sir Lionel, seeing how it was, left them at the door of the bedroom,and a few minutes afterwards Miss Todd, Mrs. Flounce, and Lady Ruth'sown maid succeeded in getting her into a cab. It is believed thatafter a day or two she was none the worse for what had happened, andthat she made rather a boast of having put down Miss Ruff. For themoment, Miss Ruff was rather put down.

  When Miss Todd returned to the drawing-room that lady was sittingquite by herself on an ottoman. She was bolt upright, with her handsbefore her on her lap, strivin
g to look as though she were perfectlyindifferent to what had taken place. But there was ever and again alittle twitch about her mouth, and an involuntary movement in her eyewhich betrayed the effort, and showed that for this once Lady Ruthhad conquered. Mr. Fuzzybell was standing with a frightened look atthe fireplace; while Mrs. King Garded hung sorrowing over her cards,for when the accident happened she had two by honours in her ownhand.

  When Miss Todd returned some few of her guests were at work again;but most of the tables were broken up. "Poor dear old lady," saidMiss Todd, "she has gone home none the worse. She is very old, youknow, and a dear good creature."

  "A sweet dear creature," said Mrs. Shortpointz, who loved thepeerage, and hated Miss Ruff.

  "Come," said Miss Todd, "Parsnip has got a little supper for usdownstairs; shall we go down? Miss Ruff, you and I will go and callon Lady Ruth to-morrow. Sir Lionel, will you give your arm to LadyLongspade? Come, my dear;" and so Miss Todd took Miss Baker underher wing, and they all went down to supper. But Miss Ruff said notanother word that night.

  "Ha! ha!" said Miss Todd, poking her fan at Miss Baker, "I see allabout it, I assure you; and I quite approve."

  Miss Baker felt very comfortable, but she did not altogetherunderstand her friend's joke.