Whatever the Impulse

by Tina Amiri

  ****

  Andrew was not surprised that Lila didn’t answer her phone throughout the evening, but he didn’t expect to find her driveway empty when he arrived at her house in the middle of the night. He knew she had no family in the area, or even in the country, so he assumed that she made the smart move of taking Night to the next most logical place.

  Back at home, he finally replaced his telephone’s mounting cord, got comfortable in his armchair and opened the Oregon Coast Travel Guide that he’d picked up with Lila on their last day trip. Inside it, he found a list of every hotel, motel, B&B and hostel in the region, and beyond—each represented as a numbered dot on a map so he could see their proximity to one another. He decided he would start by calling roadhouses along the 101, but not any too close to the Emerald Shore. He thought he’d start at the southern end of Lincoln County.

  “Yeah…” Andrew began on his first encounter with a motel clerk. “I seem to be a little lost. I’m supposed to meet my wife and son at the motel and I can’t remember if she said ‘The 101 Inn’ or ‘The Dream Inn’ on the 101… Is there a chance you’ve seen them…an attractive blond woman—?”

  The clerk cut in with a cough, or it could have been a laugh. “I wish. You might want to try that other place you mentioned.”

  “Thank you for your time.” Andrew hit the shallow disconnect button above the mouthpiece. He called a neighboring motel and repeated his story. His eyes wanted to cross by the fifth call, but he kept trying.

  “They would have checked in…maybe around dinner time or later?”

  “A blond woman came in with a kid…well, he was older…but she treated him like a kid.”

  Andrew laughed. “Stupid me… Once again, I’ve probably made them sick with worry, but I don’t want to wake them up. Just give me their room number and I’ll call them in a few hours.”

  ****

  Sunshine filled the streets of a nearby town where Lila took Night, early the next morning.

  The scenery no longer shocked Night, so his scattered thoughts now converged on the one diamond that had surfaced from the hell of last evening.

  “Does anybody actually know if my brother’s alive?”

  “He could be alive. I know he had an extremely rough start, but I also know he was discharged from the hospital in guarded health.”

  “Well, what does that mean? What happened to him? Maybe we should try to find him. I wonder what he’s like.”

  Lila grinned. “If he’s alive, I would suspect that he’s very much like you. But don’t get ahead of yourself. That’s something you can do when you have your own life sorted out.”

  Night gazed at the apartment balconies above the stores along the sidewalk before he wandered into the middle of the street and turned in a full circle with a resurgence of awe. “You said he’s probably like me. But he can’t be like me. Nobody’s like me.”

  Lila stepped off the curb and pulled him back. “That’s only true for now, Night. Just give it some time.”

  ****

  They arrived back in their motel room with a few items of clothing, socks, underwear, and one purchase of casual footwear. Lila had bit her tongue when Night went for a pair of designer label hikers that resembled the ones he’d left behind at the house. She could accuse Andrew of many things, but not of being cheap. Lastly, she’d bought Night a duffel bag to carry all his things, wherever he went. It had occurred to her, at the first checkout, that one of them should have taken the money from the bar instead of leaving it all behind to burn.

  While Night used the shower in the tiny bathroom, Lila glanced at her watch and turned the radio on beside her bed. She realized she’d tuned in seconds too late to hear the latest on the Emerald Shore fire when the newscaster quoted some phenomenal property damage before moving onto a minor story. She’d hoped to find out if a cause had been determined and, at the same time, she dreaded the truth. For a few minutes, she half listened to the gibbering as she considered her next move. That’s when the telephone rang.

  “Lila…” demanded a voice, even before she could say hello. “I wish you’d show more consideration for me. I’ve been trying you all morning.”

  “Andrew?” Her hand on the receiver tensed. “How did you…?”

  “You’re such a smart woman, Lila. You’ve proven that, so figure it out. Now, please, put my son on.”

  When she couldn’t find any words, Andrew continued to speak in the same monotone voice.

  “I know he’s with you, and he can’t stay hidden forever.”

  “No,” Lila granted, “nineteen years is plenty.”

  Night stepped out of the bathroom wearing his new jeans and an undershirt, carrying his duffle bag under one arm.

  “Don’t get too cocky, Lila. You’ve already made a few mistakes.”

  “Is that a threat, Andrew?”

  Night dropped his luggage where he stood, between the two beds, with his back to Lila.

  “It doesn’t have to be a threat.”

  Lila missed her chance to respond as some red flecks on Night’s white undershirt moved her to latch onto the base of it. He quickly twisted and pulled free, but this granted her a hardy glimpse of the bloody marks before the fabric released and fell.

  She slowly put the receiver down, and Night looked at the wall.

  “Rightfully, you should press charges,” she managed, her voice thin.

  “What do you mean?”

  She began flipping through the telephone book that she’d borrowed from the front desk. “I mean, he’s a soulless criminal. I had no idea what I was sleeping with,” she added, more to herself.

  Lila started making another call, and Night sat down across from her.

  “I have to tell you about Andrew Shannien,” she told the deputy who answered at the Lincoln County Sheriff’s Office, after being transferred by the operator. “…Yes, the restaurant owner. I have to warn you that he’s looking for his son.”

  “We’re all looking for his son…us, the OSP…specifically because he’s wanted for questioning in regard to the fire that completely destroyed the Emerald Shore.”

  Lila groaned indignantly. “Trust me when I tell you that things are not as they seem and you should know who the—”

  “What you should know is extremely plain, Ma’am. Night Shannien is more than just suspected of arson. Is he with you right now?”

  She paused, aware that she had to change her course immediately. “No. But you have to understand, that kid cannot be held responsible for what happened at the restaurant. He’s the victim in all this. Andrew Shannien has committed acts that go against every human right and now he’s even threatening me!”

  “Ma’am, we can talk about these charges of yours, but right now it is very important that we get Night Shannien into our custody so we can sort this whole thing out. Now, do you want to tell me where we can find him?”

  “Uh…” She couldn’t decide whether to hang up or make something up.

  “What did you say your name is, Ma’am? We’d like to meet with you as soon as possible.”

  She rattled her head. “I suppose I can go to the station. I’d be happy to tell you everything I know…in person.” The receiver missed the cradle on her first attempt to set it down and a pair of desperate eyes met hers when she looked up. “If even one employee of the restaurant saw you leave with me, the law will be at my door when I get there, and I will do everything I can to slant things in your favor, but Night…you need to disappear.”

  It startled both of them when the telephone rang again; each successive ring sounded more aggressive. Lila drew in a deep breath and slowly brought the receiver to her ear.

  “Yes?”

  “Who were you on the phone with, Lila? The police?” Andrew gibed. “I was talking to them too, not so long ago, when I made that generous donation to their department and pleaded with them to do everything they could to find my son.”

  “Andrew, isn’t this game a bit pointless? You can’t possibly claim
to care what happens to Night—”

  “That’s all I’ve ever cared about! But there’s something else I care about now—restitution—and Night will damn well pay me every last cent!”

  “Night will pay you, even a penny, over my dead body.”

  Andrew cackled as though she’d presented him with an enticing dare. “Come on, Lila. We both don’t want the police to find Night. Just bring him back here, to what he knows.”

  “Really? Why, Andrew, so you can cut him into little steaks and serve him to the guests of your new restaurant?”

  “Tempting,” he quipped, “but I’m still more forgiving than that—”

  Lila slammed the phone down.

  “Time to go, Night.”

  “What did he say? Is he coming here?”

  She rubbed her face. “I don’t think so or he would have already. I’m sure he’s aware that would create quite a scene, but I’m more concerned about the police. I’m not going to leave it to chance that you might end up in prison, or worse…back at home. “Make sure you have everything. We’re leaving.”

  Night climbed into the car a few seconds after her. “I thought you said the police were people who could help me?”

  “Yes, perhaps if you hadn’t lit up the Emerald Shore.” She huffed. “I’m sure the law would eventually recognize that you weren’t completely responsible for what happened, but there are no guarantees. And I don’t want to see what will happen to you until it’s all sorted out. Right now, the police are all about arresting you for arson.” She paused before delivering what she thought would be a shocker. “Night, I have to get you far away from here—and you don’t have to tell me that it’s too soon.”

  He didn’t even blink; in fact, he looked relieved.

  “Help me find my brother. If we’re so much the same, like you said, wouldn’t he want to help me?”

  “Yes, I’m sure, but we don’t have a lot of time.” She now grasped that Night’s mystery brother would never leave his mind until he found him, or his headstone.

  “Where else can I go, then? That would be the only place.”

  Lila tried not to lose sight of the road as a possibility sprang up right in front of her. “Indeed.”

  ****

  Lila seemed to be accelerating to nowhere, until she swerved off the road and brought her wheels to a halt on the gravel shoulder, past a phone booth. She turned off the engine and faced him.

  “I do have an idea. Finding out the truth about your brother may not be such a difficult thing. I didn’t have time to turn the pages, but I saw some key names in your brother’s hospital file.”

  Night batted his eyelids to hurry her point.

  “I know that your young mother, Aileen, got in touch with Brigitte Morgen after she brought your brother into the hospital. She named Brigitte as her guardian, and there were a lot of notes. But Doctor Gardner took the chart out of my hands as soon as he’d made his point about Aileen Coleman.”

  Despite feeling some relief at this lead, he felt even more resentment. “So, Brigitte, who left my father like I did, might know what happened to him. Why didn’t you tell me? Nobody wants me to know anything…even you.”

  “I wanted to wait until… I don’t even know.” She flicked her hand dismissively and opened her door. “We don’t have time for this. Just trust me.”

  Night almost vomited at those words, but he did trust Lila. Even so, he followed her to the glass enclosure and held the door open to watch her every move. She didn’t object either. She shared her view of the page with him while she looked for the last name “Morgen” in the telephone book.

  Lila found only one listing for that particular spelling of the name. She explained that it wasn’t likely that Brigitte would have retained her maiden name for the last nineteen years, but it had to be a lead.

  “Yes, hello,” she said, mimicking the soft greeting of an elderly woman. “I’m looking for Brigitte…she used to be Brigitte Morgen?”

  “Brigitte doesn’t live here, dear, but this is where she grew up.”

  “Oh,” Lila chirped. “Well, I’m an old friend of Brigitte’s, from school, and I was hoping to get in touch with her again. Would you be able to help me?”

  Night could faintly hear the woman’s response.

  “Brigitte got remarried quite some time ago…to a Mister Frederick Dahlsi. She’s been living in California for, oh, almost twenty years now. But I could give you her number if you’d like… Just wait ’til I find it…”

  Lila flashed Night a broad smile. She took a pen and paper out of her purse and, after an excruciating minute, began scribbling a phone number down, and then a name that Night hadn’t heard yet. “Thank you, Mrs. Morgen. Thank you so much. Also, if you don’t mind giving me her address, I might start by mailing her a letter.”

  ****

  Lila’s request to speak with Brigitte was answered by Brigitte herself.

  “My name is Lila Hughes. We’ve never met, but we’re connected, in a way, through someone: Andrew Shannien.”

  “What is it you want, Ms. Hughes? For twenty years I have not been connected, in any way, to Andrew Shannien.”

  “It’s precisely something about that time, twenty years ago, that I want to ask you about. I’m trying to assist someone who is with me at this moment. I’m sure that you remember a girl named Aileen Coleman. I understand she felt quite a trust—”

  “Ms. Hughes, please remind Aileen Coleman that we had an agreement when the adoption was finalized. She forfeited a part of her life when she signed those papers and she was more than happy to do it back then. Please do not call here again.”

  Lila held the dead receiver on her ear as she turned to Night. For a moment, she couldn’t free her jaw from her gaping grin. “I didn’t think it would be so easy,” she remarked with a giggle. “You will have your wish, Night. It looks like you’re finally going to meet your brother.”

  ****

  “No reason I couldn’t make it in for my shift tonight…with time to spare,” Lila announced proudly as she steered the car to another undisclosed location. Yet, her tone was fragile, and all at once it flattened. “They will know that we were both at that motel, so when they question me, I’m going to tell them that you disappeared. I’ll tell them that you probably got scared when your grandfather called the motel. It’ll reinforce my story, that you had reason to run from him. In any case, you’ll be long gone. …It will all work out, Night. Just remember everything we talked about.”

  He sat quietly, beside Lila, and tried to organize all her instructions.

  Lila pointed to a taxi driving in the opposite lane. “See that…there will be many of those when you get off the bus in Los Angeles. And you can always ask others for help once you’re there, but it would be best if you didn’t go into any bus terminals along the way.” She glanced to her right. “How are you feeling, Night?”

  His nod became increasingly explicit. “I can do this. I’ll never be like I was before, and I wish my father…grandfather could see that.”

  Lila grinned. “He already sees that. That’s what’s making him crazy.”

  Night let his head fall into his hand against the window as he felt his confidence sliding down the crag of reality. At the same time, Lila pulled into a picnic area, a stone’s throw off the highway.

  “You’ll walk ahead a little bit and I’ll wait here to make sure you got yourself on the bus without a problem. The bus from Portland should be passing through here in the next half hour.” She handed Night the rest of the money that she’d stopped to withdraw from her bank and he put it in his pocket. She also gave him a paper that contained both her home and work telephone numbers. “In case of an emergency…and only from a payphone.”

  They walked together in silence before Lila aired some final advice. “I put sunglasses in your bag. I would put them on if I were you. You can be anybody you want to be now—but you cannot be Night Shannien. You should think of a new name while you’re sitting there for the n
ext twenty-three hours.”

  He nodded and took a step back.

  “Oh gosh…” she breathed. “This is the most irresponsible thing I’ve ever done, but if they find you, it’ll be hell. They won’t understand where you came from, that you’re…”

  “A freak,” Night supplied. He nodded for her, then stared at the folded paper containing Lila’s telephone numbers as though he wanted to call her already.

  He welcomed her embrace, and she even kissed him, but not like Daphne. Walking along the highway, he imagined there would have to be others in the world waiting to show him real love…now that he knew exactly what that was.

  Part Two

  California

  Chapter Ten

  Several witnesses, many of them employees of the restaurant, remembered seeing Night leave the scene with Lila. A Lincoln County Sheriff’s Office vehicle greeted her in the driveway when she arrived home, after dropping Night off to catch the California-bound bus.

  “I didn’t want to get into it over the telephone,” she explained calmly in the presence of two uniformed men, one being the officer she’d hung up on earlier that day. “The truth is, Night disappeared on me while I was taking a shower in the motel.”

  “Why didn’t you report his disappearance the minute you realized he was gone?”

  “Well, at first, I had no reason to think that he didn’t plan to come back. I mean, it would be totally within his character to slip out for a walk rather than sit around in a stale motel room. And I did call the station before he disappeared, but truly, nobody seemed interested in what I had to say at the time.” She crossed her arms.

  “We’re very interested, ma’am. That’s why we’re here. Can you tell us where you went for the rest of the day?”

  “I tried to find Night, of course. I drove up and down the highway and I even looked for him in town. To tell you the truth, I didn’t want to be alone…and I wasn’t keen on being harassed by Andrew if I came home before my shift—which I’m going to be late for, by the way, if I don’t start getting ready, soon.”