Kate's Forever (Thistle Do Flowers Book 1)

by Christina Butrum

  “I know.”

  She had hated the thoughts she had on her flight to Arizona. The thought of never returning to Iowa. Leaving Jordan behind had been for his own good, as well as hers. If she decided to stay here in Arizona, the last thing she would want was Jordan here with her, insisting she go back with him—to a place that offered her everything at one time, but had also taken that away from her just as quickly.

  “I’m sorry for being so selfish,” she apologized softly. She hadn’t been fair to him. This whole situation wasn’t fair. She had never been a person who depended on another person for help along the way. She had always managed just fine on her own. She hated the fact that she had said too much to him the other night, but hated it more because he was so damned sweet and sensitive—almost as though he understood what she was going through.

  “Selfish? You think you’re being selfish?” his question was innocent, but demanding. “Because you’re not. You’re doing what’s best for you right now. I’ll be here when you come back.”

  As the cab pulled up to the assisted living home entrance, she watched as the nurses brought patients out in wheelchairs to enjoy the sunshine and fresh air. Her heart ached at memories of wheeling her mother outside on nice days—when both the weather was warm and her mother had felt good. Before she had decided to leave for Iowa there weren’t many days that her mother felt well. It pained her to think of what might have been if she had never left Arizona. If she had simply stayed put—not for herself, but for her mother.

  “Kate? Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m really not okay,” she mumbled as she swiped the tears from her cheeks.

  “What do you want me to do, Kate? Do you want me to come there?”

  The thought of Jordan arriving in Arizona seemed almost too good to be true. Having him here with her would help keep her sanity in check. But there was always the fear of the past. She wasn’t willing to risk what they had in case her past showed its ugly face again. “I’ll be okay,” she said, pulling her emotions together. She had things she needed to get done. The sooner she could make arrangements, the sooner she could get back to Iowa and bring her mother back with her. “I gotta go. I’ll give you a call later.”

  * * *

  She hadn’t really planned ahead with what she was going to do once she arrived in Tuscan. She knew she needed to go to the place her mother had lived for the last two years of her life, but she hadn’t thought about her baggage.

  Hauling her bags in tow behind her, she entered the building where she was greeted and welcomed by a crowd of nurses and patients. The place was friendly—a bit too friendly, as one of the residents walked up to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders and asked if she cared to dance. It hadn’t taken but a minute for a nurse to take a hold of his hand and direct him away from Kate. With a faint smile, Kate mustered enough energy to tote her bags towards the counter in the lobby.

  It had been more than six months since she had come back home to visit. She wouldn’t have expected them to recognize her now, with her hair darker and missing the dark circles under her eyes. So, when the receptionist greeted her by name, it surprised her and created a sense of ease.

  “Kate, how are you doing?” the nurse held out her arms, welcoming Kate into them. “I’m so sorry about your mother.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered, choking on her words as she fought back the tears. She had done enough crying since she had heard the news; it was time to be strong.

  “We have made arrangements with the funeral director,” the nurse said, motioning Kate to follow her into a quieter area. “The funeral...”

  “There won’t be a funeral,” Kate said, watching the shock appear on the woman’s face. Shaking her head and offering a faint smile, she said, “She didn’t want a funeral. She doesn’t have anyone here, but...”

  The word was stuck in her throat. A throb of emotion choked her as tears stung before making their appearance. “Me. All she had was me.”

  “Kate, I’m sorry,” the woman apologized for what seemed to be the tenth time within five minutes. “If you’d like me to call the funeral home and let them...”

  “I’ll call them, thank you,” Kate said, wanting nothing more than to gather her mother’s things—or what was left of them anyway—and get the heck out of here. “I’m only here to get my mother’s things.”

  Without hesitation, the nurse nodded and motioned for Kate to follow her down the hallway. She led Kate to an empty office, which contained only a shelving system filled with boxes and totes. Kate’s heart broke at the thought of her mother’s things being tossed into a box and left on a shelf for whoever cared enough to come and retrieve them. That person was her and only her.

  Her father had divorced them years ago, leaving them to fend on their own, but had later passed away due to a heart attack from drinking too damned much and eating nothing but late night gas station meals. Kate hadn’t shed a tear for him. She figured it was karma at its finest.

  Handing Kate a covered box from the shelf, the nurse asked, “How long are you sticking around?”

  Not caring to make small talk, Kate shrugged and said, “Not long.”

  The nurse left the room with a few more apologies and reminders to give her a call if Kate needed anything. “Take your time in here, there’s no rush,” she said, walking out into the hallway.

  She didn’t have a choice but to take her time. She needed to figure out where she was going next. She would have to call for a cab and the wait time for it to arrive would be determined by the city’s rush hour traffic. She had plenty of time.

  * * *

  Knowing Kate was in Tuscan didn’t ease his mind much more than not knowing. When he didn’t know, he had wished that he did. Now that he did, he wished that he knew if she truly needed him there. And not just needed, but wanted. He had to be a hundred percent sure that she wanted him there.

  “Just go,” Howard said, taking another drink from his giant coffee mug. The guy drank coffee like water and still remained calmer than Jordan ever could. “Do what’s best for the both of you.”

  Running a rough hand through his hair, he shook his head. “No, it’s not about what’s best for me. It’s about what’s best for her.”

  It had never been about him. He didn’t care about himself. He would continue to put himself behind all others in the line of love. He always had, always would—there was no changing that.

  “Then you do what you feel is best,” Howard said, taking yet another gulp of coffee and offering Jordan an understanding nod. “You’re a grown man and you know what you’ve got to do.”

  Taking a break to chat had been his brother’s idea. Deciding his brother had been right about a lot of things lately, he owed it to him to meet up with him at the little corner café, down the street from Thistle Do. Now that he was here, he realized he hadn’t eaten or drunk much since Kate left.

  “I don’t think she’s planning on coming back,” he said, the words were out before he had time to think twice about saying them. Lately, he didn’t have a filter. His brain was a jumbled mess, with his only thoughts encompassing Kate and how she was holding up—in Arizona without him.

  “You’ve got it bad, man,” his brother said, confirming what Jordan already knew. It hadn’t taken a genius to know that he had long since fallen for her and he was in deep with no way out—something he was definitely okay with.

  Scooting his chair away from the table, he slammed his drink back, pulled a five out of his billfold and laid it on the table. Grabbing his jacket off the hook by the door, he saw his brother’s knowing grin before he jerked the door open and headed for his business.

  “Kate, it’s me.”

  She listened to the message for a second time since leaving the assisted living home. She had decided to grab a hotel room for the night and would decide in the morning what she would do as far as the funeral director was concerned. She had to get the courage to call him and tell him that her mother would be crem
ated.

  “Kate, it’s me.”

  His voice was enough to send her into a bad mood. She hadn’t changed her number after the divorce and was now realizing why she should have. Her ex was a creep, and for the whole last year he hadn’t tried to contact her, which had led her to believe she was off the hook of all connections with him once she had signed the papers.

  “I hadn’t heard the news until now, but it makes sense now, why you’re here.”

  She had never wanted to punch someone in the face before today. Even going through the divorce, she had kept her cool. It had helped to know that she would no longer be tied down by this inconsiderate jerk, but still...

  Clicking a number in order to delete the message from the voicemail’s memory before she chucked the phone had been a smart move. She didn’t want to hear from her ex-husband. She didn’t care how sorry he was about the loss of her mother. If it was up to her, he had no right to care. He burned that right when he had broken his side of the marriage vows.

  Grabbing the bottle of wine from the fridge, she poured a wine glass full to the rim. Tonight was the night she needed to let loose and let go of all of the nagging thoughts and worries that had weighed her down in the last two weeks. The only thing she wanted to think of was how much of this wine she could drink in one night.

  The ringing of her phone dismissed her thoughts of relaxation. She reached across the bed hoping that this time it wouldn’t be the creep, but someone worth her time.

  Disappointment was an understatement when she realized for the third time that night, it wasn’t Jordan who was calling her, but the creep who couldn’t take a hint.

  Hitting the answer button hard enough to nearly knock the phone out of her hands, she shouted, “What do you want?”

  If she had neighbors in the next room on either side, they might have thought she had lost her mind tonight. She had been running through the emotions of just losing her mother and then drinking this amazingly aged wine, along with receiving never ending phone calls from the last person she wanted to talk to.

  “Kate, I was just making sure you’re okay,” her ex said. She could tell he was tiptoeing around the situation, but she couldn’t care less. No interest in what he had to say. Zilch. Zero. Nada. Not a single damned care in her body. “I had no idea your mom had passed away. I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah, okay, you’ve said that on several voicemail messages you’ve left in the last two hours.”

  “Kate, come on,” he said, pleading with her without taking a hint that she wasn’t in the mood to deal with him. He had always been one to think he had a way with words, but he was wrong. He may have been a smooth talker at one time, but that time had long since come and gone, and though she had once fallen for it, she wouldn’t this time. That train left that station the day she filed and signed along the dotted line. “What do you say we go out for a few drinks?”

  She couldn’t believe the nerve of this guy. Swishing around what was left of the wine in her glass, she took the last gulp and refilled. “I’m perfectly content on my own.”

  “Kate, come on.”

  “Like I said, I’m content,” she repeated. “I have everything I need.”

  In all honesty, she didn’t have everything she needed. Jordan wasn’t there with her and neither was her mother, or her job. The list could go on forever, it seemed.

  “Then let me take you out for lunch tomorrow?” he said, more of a demand than a question.

  “I’m here taking care of family business, not to deal with pleasantries from an ex-husband I couldn’t give two shits less about.”

  “Kate...”

  “Don’t Kate me. Just take no for an answer and move along. It’s not as hard as you’re making it out to be.”

  “You have someone else back in Iowa?”

  Her stomach flipped at the mention of Iowa. How had he found out about her moving to Iowa? She hadn’t told a single person other than her mother. The realization backhanded her. Why would her mother tell him about her move?

  “Is that a yes?” he asked, a chuckle echoed through the phone. “I kind of figured that was the reason for the divorce and why you chose Iowa when you had so many other options here.”

  Was he seriously turning this back on her? Pissed beyond measure, she swung her feet off the edge of the bed and sat up. “You really want to go there?”

  “There’s the Kate I remember,” he said, provoking her just like he used to. “The Kate I remember, not the fake perfect Kate you’re portraying yourself to be in Iowa. Does your boyfriend know who you really are?”

  As much as she should have hung up, she held tightly to the phone, quickly thinking of a remark to his absurd accusations.

  “I take that as a no,” he taunted, knowing all too well that he was pissing her off and he was enjoying it. That’s the kind of person he was and had always been—a manipulator. Using her as a pawn. Getting her where he needed her for his own benefit. “Well maybe I should call him?”

  Without anything else to say, she said, “I’m not sure who you’re referring to.”

  A sick feeling flopped in her stomach as she swallowed the acid that churned its way into her throat. She had never feared him, never had a reason to. He had always been all talk. He had never given her a reason to believe that he truly was crazy or that he would follow through with the crazy outbursts about finding her and watching her if she ever left him. Why now, though? Almost two years after their divorce?

  “He owns that flower shop that you filled in at, doesn’t he?”

  “No.”

  The thought that he knew far too much already sent her brain into adrenaline mode. She wanted nothing more than to grab her mother’s remains and head back to Iowa where she’d be safe—or at least hoped so.

  “You’re lying,” he said. “Your mother told me everything.”

  He confirmed what she had already figured out—staying one step ahead of her. She still couldn’t figure out why her mother would tell him anything about her life, especially since her mother knew how rotten he had been during their marriage.

  “Whether you like to admit it or not, your mother actually liked me,” he said, taunting her with his words, yet again. “She never failed to tell me she wished we had stayed married, because I was the perfect son-in-law and there could never be anyone better.”

  “She never said that and I know it,” she sneered. She had long set down her bottle of wine and was now pacing the length of her hotel room. “She hated you for what you put me through.”

  She wasn’t so sure about that now. She wasn’t sure about anything. This whole situation was out of control and she had no idea what would stem from it. She just wanted him to leave her be and go on with his own life.

  “Why not meet up with me and I’ll tell you what else she said?” he asked, his tone back to normal, but she could still hear his smirk through the phone.

  “I’m not interested in anything else you have to say.”

  “I think you would like to know what I know, Kate.”

  The thought of him sitting with her mother in her room during visiting hours, when she wasn’t there, made Kate sick to her stomach. There were so many things she regretted, and if he was telling the truth, she now regretted not visiting her mother more often.

  * * *

  Boarding a plane in the middle of the night had never been his favorite thing, but knowing that she needed him there left him with no choice. He had called just after nine that night and the sound of her voice had alerted every receptor of adrenaline in his body. She didn’t need to tell him that she needed him there; he had listened to his gut and had headed for the airport as he was still talking to her on the phone.

  When he had been questioned by her of where he was going in his truck, he cursed the dual exhaust on his truck under his breath before he made the excuse that he had to run to the store for something.

  Wanting nothing more than to make sure she was okay, he waited impatiently for his flight an
d was even more annoyed when it canceled, causing him to book another flight which wouldn’t take off for another couple of hours.

  He had tried to call her shortly after arriving at the airport, and hadn’t had second thoughts until she didn’t answer his call. He had not only heard the slur in her words as she tried to tell him she was better than she had been, but he had also heard the panic in her voice when she told him everything was fine. That’s what had alerted him. She no longer sounded upset over the loss of her mother, but about something else entirely different.

  Thankful that she had told him where she was, whether she really had wanted to or not, he landed at the Tuscan airport six hours later—having no idea which hotel she was at. He had failed to ask her where she had ended up for the night. While it hadn’t been smart on his part, it was probably a good idea he hadn’t, because that would have given him away.

  Sitting in the busiest airport he had ever been in, he googled surrounding hotels. Only after writing down the numbers of each one, he decided to call each and every one until he found the one she had chosen to stay at—starting with the most highly visited.

  It had taken less than four calls, and waiting for a taxi, for him to be on his way to her. He wasn’t sure what he expected to do when he arrived there, but like everything else in his life, he would go with the flow and hope that she would be relieved to see him at her door—that was only if the desk person would tell him which room she was staying in.

  He would find out soon enough. The cab’s meter said less than twenty-five minutes until their destination. Keeping his anxious thoughts to a minimum, he decided to call his brother—not caring that it was after midnight and his brother would be asleep.

  * * *

  The knock at her door startled her from a dead sleep. Blinking against the bright lights she had forgotten to shut off before passing out, she threw the covers off and swung her legs over the edge of the bed.