Morally Ambiguous: A Dark Mafia Romance (Morally Questionable Book 4)

by Veronica Lancet

  Monday...

  Something is niggling at my conscience, and I can't put my finger on it. I feel like I'm missing something.

  It's only when I get back home and I check Sisi's file that I realize what I've been missing and the reason she's been behaving like this.

  Monday is her birthday.

  Damn it! She probably thinks I forgot, or that I won't remember and that's why she's cross with me.

  Not one to panic, I remind myself that I have two more days to plan something to blow her mind. She'll be so impressed with me that she will bat those pretty eyelashes at me and beg me to kiss her.

  Satisfied with what I'd prepared, I shoot Sisi a text to meet me at the edge of her brother's property. I'd arranged a candle lit dinner for her birthday, complete with a full course meal and one hundred candles spelling happy birthday.

  I'd scoured the internet for ideas that would make her see that I'd put a lot of effort into this and that I had not forgotten. I'd even hired a chef to cook the perfect dinner, and I'd chosen all her favorite foods.

  For her gift, I'd decided to give her the giant teddy bear I'd seen her admire at the shopping center, as well as a custom Cartier necklace with her name on it. That one had been a little trickier to get, since I'd had only two days at my disposal, so I'd settled on threatening the jeweler with a gun to his temples while he'd worked on the necklace. I'd been quite impressed that his hands had not trembled while he'd worked on the necklace. Not even when he'd encrusted the diamonds in the letters. Indeed, I could see why their stuff was so pricey.

  Now I can only hope that she will like it too and that she will forgive me for whatever I did. I'd spend the entire weekend thinking what I could have done to offend her, and I'd concluded that anything was possible. After all, I'm not the best when it comes to dealing with women.

  Not even the advice columns on the internet had been able to provide me with a straight answer. I'd even joined a forum and asked for advice, but another man had replied that women are inherently an enigma, and that I shouldn't take it to heart. He'd recommended flowers, so of course I'd added that to the dinner ensemble.

  Again, it hadn't been that easy to get a thousand roses to strew around on the ground, but a little intimidation does wonders.

  Still, I've learned my lesson. From now on I'll never forget when her birthday is and I will make sure to have everything prepared in advance.

  Sparing a glance at my clock, I realize that she's late. I wait another five minutes, and still, no sign of her, so I try to call her.

  Nothing.

  Is she... ignoring me? The prospect is distressing so I keep ringing her phone.

  Another ten minutes, and a hell of a lot of missed calls later, I abandon the site of the dinner and I decide to confront her in her own home. Surely if I confront her directly she will be able to tell me what I've done wrong and why she's been so cross with me.

  Even during the weekend, she'd been very terse in her replies, and while that had been worrying, I'd bet everything on this dinner and on wooing her with my marvelous planning.

  What the fuck...

  I'm already restless as I imagine countless scenarios coming to play as I confront her, the worst being her saying she never wants to see me again, or that she thinks I'm too much for her.

  Fuck... what if she thinks she can do much better?

  I mean, technically she can, but that doesn't mean I'm about to let her do that.

  As I'm walking—ok more like sprinting—towards the house, I can't help the way my brain is pushing forward the worst possible scenarios.

  Whatever may be the case, I will ask for her forgiveness, and then we'll be able to move on. Surely, she can't be that upset at me, right?

  Even as I scale the walls to her room, I'm still plagued by visions of her saying she hates me now, and I realize that I should probably ban the word hate from her vocabulary, just to be safe in the future.

  Propping the window open, I push myself inside, about to call her name when I realize the room is empty.

  Her phone is thrown in the middle of the bed, but there is no sign of her.

  And as I watch the play of shadows on the wall, I realize that for the first time, I feel truly and utterly lost.

  What if she decided that I'm not worthy after all?

  Chapter Seventeen

  I roll over in bed, and for the second day in the row I can't fall asleep. I sigh in frustration.

  It's all because of him.

  Even now, when I remember his words—that he feels nothing—a deep chasm forms in my heart, and I have to stop myself from sobbing out loud. I'd already done that enough.

  How am I supposed to continue being with him knowing that my own feelings for him deepen every day? It's a set recipe for heartbreak, no matter how I look at it.

  The more I thought about it the more I realized I have to detach myself somehow. Especially since we've seen each other almost every day for a while now. How can I stop myself from falling for someone who treats me like a princess? Who respects me and showers me with attention, always showing me that I matter.

  How can anyone resist that?

  Baring his murderous side and his lack of emotions, Vlad is pretty perfect.

  As someone who's never been made to feel important, he certainly made me feel like I was the only one for him. And I'd hopelessly fallen down the rabbit hole knowing that he was only mine, too.

  But he isn't. Not really. Because he can never be. How can he truly be mine when he cannot offer me the one thing I want the most?

  I'd rationalized everything. Lord, I'd thought about him day and night, trying to come to terms with my emotions and what is to be done to protect my heart. I've had enough people snubbing me in the past, and I never want to see him to that.

  It would break me.

  And yet knowing he can never give me what I most desire, why is it that I can't let go? He's on my mind twenty-four seven. Logically, I know I should stay away, but I can't help myself when my thoughts stray to him... to his scars and his bad attacks. How can I leave him alone when I know there's no one there to care for him? To help him through his crises? To show him that he matters too?

  It seems that for the first time, my mind is at war with my heart.

  I go through the motions the rest of the day. Funny how I thought I'd get some sleep these days, but my restless thoughts simply won't let me.

  I miss him...

  Shaking myself, I focus on the current conversation with Claudia.

  "She told me I could skip to the more advanced stuff," she says proudly, a small smile appearing on her face.

  "I'm so happy for you." I squeeze her hand.

  Marcello had hired a governess for Claudia and Venezia and had suggested I attend some of the lessons too, to complement the (not so great) education I'd received at Sacre Coeur.

  For Claudia this is the perfect arrangement, as she's starting to come more into herself, no longer held back by dogmatic old hags. Suddenly, she can tap into her full potential and study to her heart's content.

  As for me... it would have been great if I'd been able to focus. But seeing that my mind is on a certain someone at all times, it's a little difficult to concentrate on the lessons.

  Claudia continues to tell me about her studies, being extremely lively as she describes everything the new governess had given her to read. I nod and try to listen attentively, until out of nowhere, she jumps in my arms, kissing my cheek.

  "Happy Birthday, Aunt Sisi," she whispers, a blush appearing on her cheeks.

  "Thank you," I answer, a little shocked that she'd remembered. I return her hug, my arms wrapping around her.

  "I'm not supposed to say anything," she starts, her voice low, "but mamma said she has something prepared for you."

  "For me?" my eyes widen in surprise.

  She nods, a sheepish smile on her face.

  Now that she's sown the seed in my head, I can't help but look forward to whatever Lina has prep
ared for me, the prospect of someone remembering and trying to do something special for me exciting me to no end.

  It's only later in the evening that Lina comes to get me, telling me to get dressed and that we're going somewhere. Already inferring this might be the surprise, I'm entirely too giddy as I choose a dress to wear.

  Coming down in the foyer, I see everyone already dressed, including Marcello and Venezia.

  "Where are we going?" I ask as Lina takes my arm, a secretive smile on her face.

  "You'll see," she whispers in my ear.

  We split ourselves among two cars, and as I look out the window, I realize we're going into the city.

  The journey takes about thirty minutes, the car stopping in front of a fancy restaurant.

  Getting out of the car, we all gather at the entrance before being ushered inside by a staff member.

  "Surprise!" Lina says when we get to the back of the restaurant, where a big sign spells happy birthday, balloons and gifts everywhere.

  I still, my eyes greedily roaming about the room, unable to believe this is for me.

  "For me?" I croak in disbelief, needing verbal confirmation that this is indeed for me.

  There are balloons in every color suspended to the ceiling and hanging around the walls. In a corner, next to the main table, neatly packaged gifts are placed one on top of the other.

  "Happy Birthday!" Everyone calls out, individually coming to congratulate me.

  "I don't know what to say..." I feel a little out of my depth as I look around, taking in everything they'd prepared specifically for me.

  God, but I'm getting teary.

  I dab at my eyes, feeling incredibly overwhelmed.

  "Sisi," Lina takes me in her arms, "don't cry," she pats my back.

  "We wanted to," Marcello coughs, "do something special for your birthday. Lina's told me that you couldn't do much at Sacre Coeur. I hope you like this," he says, looking a little out of his depth.

  "I love it," I immediately assure him. "Thank you so much!"

  "Do you want to open the gifts now, or after dinner?" Lina asks.

  "You didn't have to get me anything... this is already so much," I sniffle, and more tears fall down my cheeks. "Thank you." I repeat.

  "Sisi..."

  "Open the gifts!" Claudia says, and Venezia nods.

  A little unsure, I go to the back, opening one gift after another. They'd thought about everything, from books to clothes, even to some make up. And as I look at the personal notes attached to each gift; I can't help but feel a warmth in my heart.

  So this is what it feels like to have a family.

  "Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me," I add after I'd managed to gain some control over my tears.

  "I'm glad you like it, Sisi," Marcello replies, looking a little uncomfortable.

  We sit down at the table, and two waiters come around to serve us. I'm placed between Claudia and Venezia, with Lina and Marcello sitting next to each other.

  It doesn't escape me the glances they share, or the hidden touches under the table. I may not have been as present in the house, but it's clear that Lina and my brother are getting along just fine.

  More than fine.

  Marcello looks at Lina as if the world begins and ends with her, a tenderness so unlike the man I'd gotten to know. And Lina doesn't seem immune either, if her blushes are any indication.

  "Your mother seems happy." I whisper conspiratorially to Claudia, and she gives me a wide smile.

  "She does, doesn't she? I like Marcello too. He's nice to me."

  "I'm happy." I say, ruffling her hair.

  While Marcello doesn't necessarily seem inclined to emotive displays, at least he has emotions. Unlike a certain someone..

  Not going there.

  "He's been helping me with my studies too," Claudia says, and for the first time I note a hint of happiness on her features.

  I'm so glad she got out of Sacre Coeur before they did any lasting damage to her, like they did to me. Lina has pushed very hard to get her professional help after the Father Guerra incident, and looking at her carefree expression, it has definitely paid off.

  More chatter, and the conversation flows comfortably, everyone contributing to the overall atmosphere of the table. Even Venezia, who is usually closed off, participates and even banters with Claudia.

  "Have you thought what you want to do, Sisi?" Marcello asks, and I blink rapidly, his question taking me by surprise.

  "Marcello! It's her birthday! Sometimes you're too tactless" Lina lightly punches his shoulder, shaking her head at him. He grimaces, quickly amending that it wasn't his intention to make me uncomfortable.

  "I'm curious if you have any interests you'd like exploring. We can arrange for you to go to college if that's something you'd like," he continues, and I get a little awkward at being put on the spot.

  Truth to be told, I hadn't given much thought to what I want to do. Back at Sacre Coeur, I'd had a million ideas, dreaming up countless scenarios of what I'd do if I could. But now that I actually can, none of them seem even remotely appealing.

  It's all his fault.

  "I like investigative work," I finally say.

  Accompanying Vlad everywhere while he'd been looking for clues for his sisters had been exhilarating. Finding clues and putting them together to get a big picture is oddly satisfying and I wouldn't mind doing that in the future too.

  "Really?" Marcello smiles, "what did you have in mind?" he asks, taking a sip of his wine.

  "Maybe detective work," I shrug, "I've been reading up on the FBI," I continue, and Marcello chokes on his wine.

  "Detective work," he repeats, giving Lina a side glance. "Lina, have you explained to Sisi what our family does?"

  Lina nods. "Yes, she knows."

  "Then don't you think it would be... a conflict of interests so to say?" He asks, forcing a smile.

  I hold myself still, trying not to laugh at the euphemism.

  "You were a lawyer." I point out.

  "Yes, but lawyers can be..." he trails off, glancing uncomfortably between Claudia and Venezia, "on the other side of the law too."

  "Well, can't detectives be on the other side of the law, too?" I retort cheekily, watching Marcello try to find a reply, especially as he seems to be concerned about Venezia and Claudia hearing his answer.

  I'd watched Vlad's interactions with the law enough to know there are dirty cops everywhere. Why, he even has a game he plays with NYPD, as he'd happily recounted to me. Every time there's a new detective in town, Vlad likes to taunt them and test their loyalties, offering them temptation and waiting to see if they crack. More than half the time, they do, which speaks volumes to people's integrity when incentives are involved.

  "You'd like to be a detective on the other side of the law?" Marcello raises an eyebrow at me.

  I look at him intently, not knowing how much to reveal.

  "I don't particularly care which side I'm on," I admit, "it's still investigative work. Truthfully, I am interested in murders," I add tentatively, "and seeing that both good and bad people die, does it really matter what side I'm on?"

  "Interesting approach. Does any of this have to do with what happened at Sacre Coeur?" He continues, and Lina purses her lips, giving him a look that says drop it.

  "Partly," I reply. This is the first real conversation I've had with Marcello, and while he is putting me on the spot, I can't help but be happy that he's at least treating me like an adult. "It's certainly awoken my interest," I say, taking a sip of water.

  "If you're serious about it, then I can point you in the right direction. Adrian, my best friend, has experience on the force," he comments just as the next course arrives.

  As we're about to dig in, the sound of someone clapping draws our attention to the entrance.

  "What a big happy family." Vlad claps his hands, slowly nearing the table.

  My hands still on my cutlery, my expression one of shock as I see the one person I
did not expect here tonight.

  "Vlad," Marcello mutters, his jaw clenched, his entire body stiff with tension.

  "A party," he whistles, reading the birthday wish on the wall, "and you didn't think to invite me? 'cello, 'cello, you ought to read up on friendship etiquette," he tsks at my brother, looking around the room disinterestedly. "And whose birthday are we celebrating?" He smiles, plopping himself on a chair at the table, right next to Marcello.

  "It's Sisi's birthday." Lina replies, her hand on Marcello's arm.

  "Is that so..." he narrows his eyes, his gaze sweeping around the table until it finds mine. "Happy birthday," he takes a glass, pouring himself some red wine. Holding it forward in a toast, he gives me a smile as he downs it, his eyes never leaving mine. "I have to say, my dear Marcello, you have spared no expense. Vintage, 1996. Not bad."

  "Since when are you such a wine expert," Marcello snorts at him.

  "It's red," Vlad shrugs, barely taking his eyes off me as he's talking with my brother, "like blood."

  "Vlad," Marcello doesn't look too happy to have Vlad here, and suddenly I worry about a potential conflict.

  "Why don't we eat?" I interject, hoping this would give everyone something to do.

  A waiter comes to bring Vlad a plate, and for a moment everyone is quiet as they start eating.

  "How did you find us here?" Marcello asks, his fist on the table.

  "The same way I can find you anywhere," Vlad winks at him. "Haven't you told them that we used to be soulmates?" Vlad asks, an innocent expression on his face. I narrow my eyes at him, not understanding the purpose of his visit.

  Did he come here just to ruin my birthday dinner?

  "Soulmates?" Lina asks curiously, "what do you mean?"

  "Ahh, good question! You see, Marcello and I go way back. What is it, twenty years?"

  "Vlad, enough," Marcello grits his teeth, looking at Vlad as if he'd like nothing more than to shoot him.

  "Come on, old pal, you've forgotten our golden days?"

  "Wow, you've known Marcello for that long?" Catalina doesn't seem to pick up on the tension between the two, her usual good-natured disposition shining through as she tries to include Vlad in the conversation. "What can you tell me about him?" She smiles, oblivious to the undercurrent as she laces her fingers through Marcello's.