Awaken

by Katie Kacvinsky

  He looked back at the screen. “So, that’s why they held us hostage?” he asked.

  Scott nodded. “They needed to keep you out of the camera’s view.”

  Justin smirked. “That sounds like ‘justice and freedom for all.’”

  Clare shook her head. “They’ve never gone this far to brainwash people.”

  “In some ways it’s good news,” Molly said. “There must be more people uprising than ever for the media to plan something this elaborate.” She looked over at me. “Nice job, Maddie,” she said. “Thanks for helping us out.” I offered her a single nod. We were never going to be friends, but at least she was starting to see where my loyalties lie.

  Riley looked at me through the rearview mirror and demanded a breakdown of what we did. Clare and I laughed as we filled everyone in on the story. I glanced over at Justin a few times but he was less enthused. He stared out the window, his eyes lost in a world of his own thoughts.

  By the time we got back to Eden it was late and we were all exhausted. Thomas and Elaine were waiting outside for us when we drove up to the house. I was shocked to see how calm they both were. Thomas didn’t even hug Justin, as if he never accepted the idea his son was so close to being arrested. I stared at them and wondered if they truly thought Justin was invincible.

  My eyes and my mind were heavy and Elaine and Thomas told us we could catch up in the morning. Elaine squeezed my hand before I went upstairs.

  “Thank you so much, Maddie,” she said.

  “Justin’s saved me in more ways than I can count. I owed him,” I said.

  I pulled my legs up the stairs and threw myself down on the bed with exhaustion. The adrenaline was wearing off and I felt my eyelids drifting closed. A few minutes later, Justin walked into the room and shut the door behind him.

  A long yawn escaped from my chest. “Knowing you has definitely made my life interesting,” I said, and stretched out on the bed.

  He crossed the room and stood by the window. He watched me but he kept his distance. I stuffed a pillow under my head and closed my eyes. I sighed and felt relief hit me to know Justin was here, in my presence. Safe. It was all I needed to feel complete again. Until now, I hadn’t realized how unsettled I’d felt the last few weeks.

  It was quiet for too long and I opened my eyes to find him still watching me. He slowly walked over to the bed and I scooted over to make room for him.

  He lay down on his side and I squirmed closer but he didn’t reach out for me. He just stared at me, his eyes liquid brown. I grinned sleepily at him.

  “I know why you’re mad,” I said. He raised a single eyebrow and waited. “You’re jealous that I flirted with that security guard.”

  He frowned at me. “Yep. That’s it. I was going to shoot him if you didn’t.”

  I pressed my finger over his warm lips and felt my chest heat up. “Now’s not the time to be insecure.”

  His eyes turned serious and he moved my hand away. “You need to promise me something, Maddie.”

  “Maybe,” I said. He tightened his fingers around mine and pushed me against the bed until he was leaning over me. His chest grazed the top of mine.

  “You must never, ever, put yourself in danger to help me again. No matter what happens.”

  “But—”

  “Promise me. You are worth too much to jeopardize yourself, ever. For me. All right?”

  He looked so upset it made my voice crack in my throat. “Okay, I promise.”

  He took a long, defeated breath. Our eyes lingered over each other.

  “Did you miss me?” I asked with a grin. I ruffled my fingers through his hair. My smile faded at the intensity of his eyes.

  “Miss you?” he repeated. “It’s a little stronger than that.” He leaned into me and kissed my lips softly. I arched my neck to try to deepen the kiss but he pulled back so he could look at me. He slowly ran his hand up my arm and he winced, like my skin burned his fingers. “You’re like fire in a way. You draw me in like fire does.” He traced the outline of my jaw with a single finger. “I can feel heat coming off of you.”

  I nodded because I knew exactly what he meant.

  “You’re perfect,” he told me. He picked up my hand and examined it. “Your fingernails drive me crazy.”

  “My fingernails?” I asked. I hated my fingernails more than anything.

  He nodded. “Isn’t that weird? I can’t even concentrate when I look at your hands.” He kissed each of my fingertips and I stared at him, waiting to wake up from this surreal dream.

  “And these,” he said as he rubbed his thumb against my lips. “Wow,” he said with a shake of his head. “Incredible. Don’t even get me started on the rest of you. I don’t want to freak you out.”

  I searched his eyes. “Why are you telling me all this?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “Because I want you to know how I feel.”

  He brushed his hand along my face and down my neck. My voice was stuck in my throat. I hated how every moment I had with Justin felt like it could be my last.

  “Then why do I feel like you’re always trying to say goodbye?” I asked.

  He let out a long sigh. “Because I won’t let anything happen to you. I need you to be safe. You’re never going to be safe with me.”

  I needed him to know how I felt so I just kissed him as long as he would let me. I used to think talking was all about words. But you can say so much more with your eyes and your fingers and your touch. Words just make us one-dimensional.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  “You shot two cops!” Elaine shouted over the table.

  Everyone helped themselves to breakfast the next morning. We sat at the kitchen table and sunshine streamed through the windowpanes and painted streaks of light across the room.

  “Three,” Clare added.

  I took a long, exasperated breath. “For the millionth time, I didn’t shoot anybody. I stunned them. And they were staff security. Appreciate the difference.”

  “I think you’ve earned yourself a gunner nickname,” Pat told me. “How about Mad Hand Maddie?” I tightened my lips together and glared but it only encouraged him. “Magnum Maddie? Madeline the Barbarian?”

  “How about we change the subject?” I suggested. “I’m not exactly proud of what I did.”

  “I was watching the news this morning,” Thomas said. “According to the report, Oregon state will be surveying students this year to get their feedback on digital school.”

  “It’s about time,” Justin said.

  “Justin,” Elaine said, “when are you going to tell Madeline the good news?”

  I looked over at Justin and raised my eyebrows. He took a bite of his waffles, obviously in no hurry to tell me anything. Clare tapped her foot on the floor next to me.

  “It’s almost time. Aren’t you going to tell her?” Clare asked.

  I looked around at a table of grinning faces. It appeared everyone was in on this except me.

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Tell me what?”

  A corner of Justin’s lips curled up.

  “What are you two plotting?” I asked.

  “Justin’s been working on it for a few weeks,” Clare said.

  He stood up and motioned for me to follow him. I scooted my chair back and Clare and I both walked through the pantry door and headed downstairs, to the corner of the basement. He picked up a flipscreen off the table and typed something into it.

  “What’s the surprise?” I asked. Clare sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to her.

  “You’ll see,” she said. I creased my eyebrows and sat down. Clare clasped her hand in mine and her wide eyes focused on the wall screen. Justin pressed a few more buttons on the computer and suddenly the giant screen turned on and cast a blue glow across the room.

  “Somebody wants to talk to you,” Justin said. He stood up and walked over to the wall screen and pressed a code into a panel on the wall.

  “Can you hear me?” he asked, and a vo
ice responded.

  “Loud and clear.”

  Justin nodded and pressed another button and my brother’s face filled the screen.

  “Joe!” I said. I jumped off the couch until I was kneeling on the floor, in front of the screen.

  He smiled back at me. His face was a perfect mix of my mom and dad—he had my dad’s dark hair, which he spiked at the top, and he had my mom’s light blue eyes and smile.

  “Hey, little sister. Or, convict should I say?”

  I rolled my eyes and decided to ignore his comment, since he could always beat me at the insult game.

  “I can’t believe it’s you,” I said. I hadn’t web-chatted him since Christmas. But, no matter how long we went without talking, we naturally bounced back to a joking rhythm.

  I studied his spiky hair. “You’re so Hollywood now,” I said.

  “You think?” he asked.

  “You look good,” I said.

  Joe looked down at his shirt and nodded. “I know.” He grinned back at me for a second but then his face fell and his eyes turned serious. “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m fine,” I said, which was my programmed response to everything. It was still taking time to remember I didn’t always have to react that way.

  “You left quite a big mess for us to clean up,” he said.

  “Has Dad announced my prison sentence yet?” I asked, not entirely joking.

  He shook his head. “You’re lucky. Dad’s connections always pay off.”

  “What connections?”

  “You might not be as bad off as you think. Since the only people that know you ran off were Paul and Damon, and since they happen to worship Dad like he’s a man-god, they’re willing to negotiate keeping your escape private.”

  “What? You mean—”

  “You’re not off the hook yet.” Joe fought a smile. “You broke probation, and then you managed to escape and run away from your parole officer. That’s a big no-no. Then you left Paul to get his ass kicked by two hillbillies.”

  “He pushed me down on the ground,” I pointed out.

  “You probably had it coming,” Joe replied.

  I frowned at this. “Sorry I wasn’t more submissive about being hauled off to a detention center.”

  My brother shook his head. A small smile curved on his lips. “I can see the repentance you feel for what you did. Anyway,” he continued, “Dad and the Thompsons worked out a deal, probably involving a little money under the table. Conveniently for you, there’s a detention center in Los Angeles. Dad and Damon worked it out so you’ve been reassigned here.”

  I thought over what he said and frowned. “So, I’m supposed to agree to live in a detention center in L.A.? How is that any better than Iowa? What, will there be celebrities at this one?”

  Joe leaned forward. “Just listen. Since when did you get so feisty?”

  Since forever, I wanted to say.

  “We’re only going to make it look like you’re at the detention center. You can appear to be anyone, anywhere these days with Dad’s contacts. But what’s really going to happen is you’ll come down to L.A. and live with me. You can finish DS and even look for an internship down here. As far as the law goes, you’ll be in L.A. in case they need to track you down. You just won’t be in the detention center, exactly.”

  My mouth fell open. “I’m going to live with you? In Los Angeles?”

  “I know, sibling rivalry rears its ugly head. If you’d prefer the detention center, I totally understand.”

  “Joe, I’d love it. Do you have room?”

  He shrugged. “Sure, I have a two-bedroom.”

  “And you’re okay with this?”

  “Well.” He thought this over and rubbed his chin between his fingers. “You might have to clean my apartment every day and do all my laundry and run all my errands. But I’m willing to let you crash as long as you vow to be my personal slave.”

  “Done!” I agreed. He raised an eyebrow.

  “Maddie, I’m kidding.”

  I looked over at Justin. He stood against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest watching me.

  “You better have a couch for me to crash on,” Clare suddenly spoke up.

  He nodded at her and looked back at me. “If you can manage to behave until you’re eighteen, you’re a free woman. Then you can go wherever you want.”

  My heart was hammering in my chest. “When can I come?”

  Joe smiled. “Is tomorrow too soon?”

  I clasped my hands over my mouth.

  “Tomorrow?”

  He nodded. “You’re supposed to already be in the detention center, so we can’t have you swiping your fingerprint on any public transportation. I’m meeting you halfway to pick you up.”

  I dropped my hands to the floor. “Joe, thank you so much. I can’t believe you arranged all this.”

  Joe frowned. “I didn’t do anything. No offense, but fixing your yearly felony charges isn’t my top priority. This was all set up by Mom and Justin. I got a phone call two weeks ago and had to say yes or no.”

  “What?”

  “Justin called Mom the day after you escaped. We always knew you were safe.”

  “Dad knew where I was?”

  Joe shook his head. “He didn’t know where. He just knew you were all right. Believe it or not, he does care about you.”

  “But he was banishing me—”

  “Yeah, and he probably would banish you again if you show up at his doorstep. He’d lose his job if he didn’t. But Mom and Justin worked out a way around it.” Joe’s face turned serious again. “Personally, I think Dad’s relieved you’re not going to a detention center and I swear Mom’s proud of you. Even though she’d never admit it. Dad would flip out. Do you ever wonder how they stay married?”

  I looked down at the ground and shook my head.

  “Joe, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I nodded.

  “Try and stay out of trouble until then.” His eyes flickered over to Justin for a moment and his image disappeared from the screen. Clare joined me on the floor and I wrapped my arms around her. All the heavy thoughts in my head evaporated knowing I’d be with my brother, I’d be safe again, and that there was a chance my parents forgave me. Justin stood against the wall, his arms still crossed. He was staring at the screen, where the image of my brother had been seconds before. Clare looked between the two of us and stood up, making the excuse that she had to call Noah to tell him the news. She went upstairs and left us alone. I stood in front of the couch and stared at Justin.

  He finally spoke. “So this sounds okay?” he asked.

  “Okay? This is—”

  I threw my hands up in the air because it was too good to be true. I was getting a second chance. I was being handed my life back.

  “I can’t believe you called my mom.”

  Justin nodded as if I should have expected this. “I wanted your parents to know you were safe.”

  “And my dad went along with all of this? He doesn’t negotiate with anyone.”

  “Well,” Justin said. “Technically your dad can’t prove I assisted in your escape. As far as he knows, I’m innocent on that end. He thinks you’re the one that came to us that night. And it helps that your mom’s the one that did the talking. I never spoke to your dad.”

  “What about yesterday?”

  He shrugged. “I honestly don’t think he knew you were at the rally. There were no cameras around the security gates. No one got your picture or scanned your fingerprint. You dropped the gun in the ocean. You’re a natural, I guess.”

  “But your fingerprint was scanned, Justin. My dad’s going to find out you were there.”

  He took a step toward me. “Let me worry about that. I have a few connections of my own. My record will be cleared before people trace anything back to me.”

  I nodded. “That’s right, your dad.”

  He nodded. “He’s a good person
to know.”

  I took a step closer to him but his eyes quickly narrowed with an edge that was too familiar. He was being cautious again.

  “I need to do some work, but plan on leaving early tomorrow.”

  His face was emotionless as he turned away. The shields were back up. I could already feel him distancing himself. Maybe seeing me so happy hurt Justin. Or maybe he was starting to distance himself already, to avoid hurting me.

  The rest of the day Justin was nowhere to be seen. I got through the hours in a daze, the idea of moving to L.A. still a dream. I went through the motions of thanking Elaine and Thomas for their hospitality, of saying goodbye to Clare and promising to call her as soon as I got to L.A. But it all felt scripted, as if this wasn’t really my life. I went up to my bedroom but it only took a few minutes to pack. I shook my head at what little possessions I had, shocked that what I thought was so necessary only months ago was now a lifetime away. It was the people in my life, the real, physical presence of people that I needed, so much more than material things. I couldn’t believe I had settled for so long being satisfied with a partial existence.

  When the house quieted down from motion and people and noise, I sat next to the window and looked out at the ocean. I noticed my journal on the bed and stared down at it. I was starting to see it as a friend, like someone I could always open up to without being judged or questioned. I sat down in bed and curled up, turning to a blank page.

  August 11, 2060

  My life has become consistently inconsistent. And I’m okay with that because my one consistency is how I feel about you. All you need is one safe anchor to keep you grounded when the rest of your life spins out of control.

  But are you right? Can love really expand so you can always carry it with you? Because I don’t want to leave you behind.

  You make me want to get my fingernails dirty. You make me want to see life raw, for what it is, not the digital makeup we paint over life to make it what we want it to be. You make me want to be freezing cold and blazing hot. You make me want to feel.