A Mother's Grace

by Rosie Goodwin

  Grace drew herself up to her full height. ‘I can do it,’ she declared with conviction.

  ‘In that case, we shall go back to my office and discuss your wages, which will be paid by the war office, and your start date.’

  Half an hour later, Grace skipped out of the convent with a smile on her face. She was to start first thing the following Monday morning so now she had to make sure that Aunt Gertie didn’t mind looking after Aiden for so long each day, although she didn’t envisage that would be a problem. Her aunt and the Llewelyns had already offered to help in any way they could.

  She found that she was looking forward to it. For a long time she had been confined to the cottage and it would be nice to feel that she was doing something useful again. Aiden’s reaction to her news was everything she could have hoped for. He was delighted to discover that he would be spending more time at Aunt Gertie’s with her and the Llewelyns.

  So, first thing on Monday morning, Grace dropped Aiden off at her aunt’s as planned and Aiden skipped into the cottage. ‘Bye bye, Mammy,’ he called cheerfully, not bothered at all that she was leaving him, and Grace laughed, not sure whether to feel happy or upset.

  On arrival at the convent she was shown to what had formerly been the boot room, but was now used for storing linen and uniforms, by a stiff-faced sister. After glancing at Grace, the nun handed her a mid-blue coloured dress.

  ‘Try that on for size,’ she told her and Grace and did as she was told.

  ‘Hmm, near enough, I should say,’ the woman commented. She began to go through the pile again and handed Grace another identical dress. ‘You’ll need two of everything,’ she informed her. ‘Also, flat black sensible shoes but it’s up to you to purchase them.’ She then gave her two huge white aprons with a large red cross on the front of each of them and two sets of white cuffs along with two white collars and two starched caps, saying, ‘You can get ready in there then come to Ward Three and report to me.’

  It was quite difficult without a mirror but Grace was eventually ready, she just hoped she had fixed her cap on properly.

  When she finally found Ward Three, formerly the day room, she was shocked to see that all the beds had filled up over the weekend.

  ‘You’ll do,’ the sister told her after looking her up and down. ‘But remember, I expect you to look clean and smart at all times. You will be responsible for keeping your own uniform clean. I won’t tolerate shoddiness on my wards. Your dinner time will be from twelve thirty until one, when you can be spared, and your shift will finish at six o’clock. Is that all clear?’

  ‘Yes, sister.’

  The woman nodded approvingly before beckoning to a nurse, who was dressed in a dark blue dress – the uniform of the trained nurses.

  ‘Nurse Mayoll, I shall put Nurse Penlynn with you so that you can show her the ropes and tell her what you wish her to do.’

  The woman nodded and when the sister departed she smiled. ‘Right, we’d best get started. But you might like to take your cuffs off and roll your sleeves up for the first job. I’m afraid there are a number of dirty bed pans waiting to be washed in the sluice. You’ll find another apron in there that you can put over your clean one. Then, when you’ve done that, you can help with the bed baths. After that I shall need you to mop the floors while I change any dressings that need doing.’

  ‘Yes, nurse.’ Grace’s head was swimming already. It sounded like she was going to be kept very busy indeed, but it didn’t trouble her, she was well used to hard work. Even so, she found her stomach rebelling at the first job. The stench in the sluice room was appalling and more than once she thought she might be sick as she emptied one disgusting mess after another. Finally she was finished and after making sure that the room was clean, she went to rejoin the nurse in the ward.

  ‘Ah,’ a fresh-faced young nurse said, smiling at her. ‘Sister sent you to help me with the bed baths, did she? Good, you’re just in time.’ The young woman was pushing a trolley which had a bowl of hot water, clean towels and toiletries on it, and approaching the first bed, she pulled the curtains around it and smiled at the man lying in the bed. His head and eyes were heavily bandaged so it was hard to gauge how old he was.

  ‘Right, Mr Johnson,’ the nurse said cheerfully. ‘We’ve just come to freshen you up. Just relax now, this shouldn’t take long.’ Then without further ado she whipped his pyjama bottoms down, making Grace flush to the very roots of her hair. As she began to wash his most private parts she instructed Grace to wash his top half and Grace felt sorry for him. If she was feeling embarrassed how must this poor soul be feeling? she wondered. Perhaps it was just as well that he couldn’t see what they were doing.

  ‘Your wife is coming to see you today, isn’t she, Mr Johnson?’ the little nurse said.

  He nodded. ‘Aye, she is but I wish she wasn’t. I don’t want her to see me like this,’ he said piteously. ‘What use am I going to be to her now if my eyesight doesn’t come back?’

  ‘Now, we’ll have none of that silly talk,’ the nurse scolded him gently. ‘I dare say your wife is just relieved that you’re still alive. And didn’t the doctor say that there’s every chance you might regain some of your sight once the burns start to heal? You just have to be patient. You’re doing very well. I’m going to change your dressings in a minute and then you’ll feel a lot more comfortable.’

  After they’d washed him from head to toe, Grace helped the nurse change him into clean pyjamas and once he was settled against his pillows, the nurse trotted away to return minutes later with a second trolley with dressings of various types.

  ‘You should stay and watch me,’ she told Grace as she carefully began to unwind his bandages. ‘This is one of the jobs you may have to do if we get really busy.’

  Grace gulped. She didn’t fancy that at all. In fact, she thought she’d rather be emptying the bed pans, but she didn’t say so, she merely stood and watched. Her heart went out to the man once all the soiled dressings were removed. The top half of his face was terribly burned and she could only begin to imagine how much pain he must be in. His eyes looked as if they had been welded shut and it was already apparent that even when he healed he was going to be hideously scarred. Seeing the horrified look on Grace’s face the nurse smiled at her sympathetically as she gently and deftly placed clean dressings over the wounds.

  ‘There, that’s better, isn’t it?’ She patted the man’s hand and swished the curtains aside instructing Grace to go and refill the bowl with clean water for the next patient. And then they slowly and methodically worked their way about the ward.

  ‘All the men in here have suffered varying degrees of burns,’ the nurse informed her. ‘In the ward next door are the patients with missing limbs. That’s pretty grim, I don’t mind telling you.’ She shook her head and sighed sadly. ‘And it’s so frightening the way they are arriving now. More and more of them every day. The nursing nuns tend to stay on Ward Five. That’s where the patients who aren’t expected to survive are put.’

  Grace shuddered at the thought and hoped that she wouldn’t be expected to work in there. Not for a time at least. What she had seen up to now had been bad enough.

  At last all the patients were washed and Grace was instructed to start the cleaning. She fetched a mop and bucket and slowly cleaned the ward from top to bottom before washing all the tops of the lockers down. It was already past her lunchtime by the time she’d finished and the ward sister told her that she might go and take half an hour.

  After collecting a cup of tea from the large kitchen, Grace carried it outside with the sandwiches she had brought. There was a distinct nip in the air and the wind had blown up but Grace settled on a bench, glad to feel the breeze on her face as she reflected on her first morning at work. It had been a lot harder than she’d expected, but she wasn’t daunted. And surely it will get easier? she thought.

  The Reverend Mother stopped her as she was just about to leave that evening. ‘The ward sister tells me that you’ve done r
eally well today. You’re a hard worker, Grace, and I think you’ll be an asset to us.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Grace smiled and hurried on her way.

  By the time she arrived at her aunt’s to pick up Aiden she was feeling worn out but satisfied.

  ‘I bet you’re feeling dead on your feet,’ Cerys Llewelyn greeted her. ‘Sit yourself down. I’ve saved you some hotpot so you don’t have to cook when you get home. Aiden’s already had his. He’s outside with Aled and your aunt putting the chickens in the coops for the night.’

  ‘Oh, but you shouldn’t do that,’ Grace said in dismay. ‘It’s more than enough that you’re willing to have Aiden for me without having to cook for us as well.’

  ‘Rubbish, it’s no harder to make a little extra when I’m cooking for us anyway,’ Cerys assured her.

  Grace was secretly relieved. Her feet felt as if they were on fire after rushing about all day.

  Shortly after, she and Aiden set off for home. He was clearly happy with the new arrangement and skipped almost all the way back.

  When she reached the cottage she found a nice fire burning merrily in the grate. Mrs Gower must have come round especially to light it for her. Grace smiled. Some people were kind, there was no doubt about it, and for the first time in some long while she felt slightly more optimistic about her and Aiden’s future.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  November 1916

  ‘Not more patients?’ The ward sister groaned as she looked wearily around at the rows of full beds on either side of the room.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’m sure we can fit another couple of beds in,’ Grace told her.

  ‘Perhaps you could ask the porter to fetch another two from the store room and get them made up for me, Nurse Penlynn? Meanwhile I’ll go and see if there’s any room in any of the other wards. I have a horrible feeling we’re going to need it, although thankfully some of the patients will be going home this week. That will free another few up.’

  ‘Of course, sister.’ Grace had been working at the convent hospital for over two years now and there was little that could shock her anymore. She was highly regarded by all the staff, for she managed to remain calm in the direst of circumstances. During that time, she had held the hands of young men until they died. She had mopped the tears of men who’d had limbs blown off and written letters to the loved ones of those who’d been blinded. She’d become used to the cheeky ones who flirted with her and could now give as good as she got without flushing crimson, and she was loved by patients and staff alike.

  Aiden was now five years old, leggy as a colt, and a constant source of joy to her. Over the last couple of years, she’d received the odd letter from Dylan, but she never showed them to her son. He was clearly happier with Dylan out of his life and she sometimes wondered how he would react when the war was over and Dylan came home. But then, she told herself, she would face that bridge when they came to it; there was nothing to be gained in worrying about it for now.

  Within half an hour the two extra beds had been squeezed into the ward and Grace had them neatly made up. Minutes later they were full. The two new patients were young men who had been the victims of the deadly mustard gas and Grace sighed when she saw them. The effects of the gas on its victims was horrendous. It not only caused horrific burns to the skin but it also affected their lungs, making breathing difficult, and it also made them nauseous. Sometimes, it even left them blind. She very soon saw that these two men had been badly affected and hurried away to find the doctor.

  ‘Oh, Nurse Penlynn, were you looking for Dr Shaw?’ the ward sister asked. ‘I meant to tell you, he’s been transferred to another military hospital further along the coast but his replacement arrived this morning. He’s in with the Reverend Mother but I just left word for him to come and examine the two new patients in Ward Four as soon as he’s able to. May I leave you to ensure that he has everything he needs?’

  ‘Yes, sister.’ Grace turned back to the ward. The last months had been hellish, ever since the endless battle at the Somme, which was being described in the newspapers as a bloodbath. The soldiers there were forced to live in horrendous conditions and reported having to tramp through mud that was so deep it actually drowned the injured who were unfortunate enough to fall into it. Thousands upon thousands of young men were being slaughtered each day and Grace despaired at the thought of it. But all she could do was her best for the ones that filtered through to the hospital and, like everyone else, pray that there would be an end to it.

  Now she hurried back to the two new patients. One of them, a young boy who looked to be no more than seventeen or eighteen, was crying piteously.

  ‘Is me mam comin’, nurse?’ he asked croakily. The gas had affected the muscles in his throat and he was having difficulty in breathing. Grace had seen others like him and doubted very much whether he would survive.

  ‘She will have been informed where you are so I’m sure she’ll be here very soon,’ she soothed, lifting a glass of water and holding it to his swollen lips. Yellow blisters had erupted all over his body and she felt heartsore for him, poor little soul.

  ‘Ah, good morning. I’m Dr Hughes. So, who have we here?’

  Grace heard the doctor lift the clipboard from the end of the bed and gently laid the patient back against the pillows. And then she turned and just for a moment the floor seemed to rush up to meet her.

  ‘Luke!’

  As his eyes flew to hers she watched the colour drain from his face like water from a dam.

  ‘Grace!’

  They stood as if they had been turned to stone for what seemed like an eternity but then Grace noticed that the young patient had picked up on the tense atmosphere and was plucking at the bedclothes and she croaked, ‘I … I’ll leave you with the patient, doctor.’

  She hurried away and when she came to the sluice room she ducked inside to try to compose herself. Her heart was hammering so loudly she was sure he must have heard it and she felt sick. Seeing him again had brought back all her old feelings and she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she still loved him, despite the way he had treated her. But she was married to Dylan now, till death did them part, and it was useless!

  The last time she had seen him he had been clad in his vestments and now here he was a doctor, which had been yet another shock. Somewhere along the line he must have left the church. But why? she wondered.

  It was some minutes before she had pulled herself together enough to venture out into the ward again and she was relieved to see that Luke had gone. With a sigh, she returned to work but she found it hard to concentrate.

  It was late afternoon when she saw Luke again as she was taking some medical records down to the Reverend Mother. They came face to face on the stairs. There was no way she could avoid him without looking like some lovesick schoolgirl so she raised a weak smile and made to pass him.

  ‘Grace … Please, we need to talk.’

  He had placed his hand gently on her arm and she stopped reluctantly. ‘I don’t think we really have anything to talk about.’ Her voice was composed, giving no sign of her inner turmoil.

  She saw the hurt on his face. ‘But we do.’ As he ran his hand through his wonderful thick hair, her heart gave a little lurch. ‘Perhaps you could spare me just a few minutes at lunchtime?’

  She shrugged. ‘I might have to work through it but I’ll see what I can do.’ And then she shrugged his hand from her arm and clattered away down the rest of the stairs while he stood staring sadly after her.

  She managed to avoid him for the next two days but on the third day, as she was snatching a hasty sandwich in the staff rest room, he quietly slipped inside.

  ‘At last,’ he breathed as he closed the door behind him and she instantly stiffened as he came to sit beside her.

  ‘I think I have some explaining to do and also some apologies to make.’

  She dropped the half-eaten sandwich into her lap, thinking what a state she must look. She’d just been working in the slui
ce room and was sure that she must smell.

  ‘The thing is …’ he began. ‘Firstly, I should apologise for what I did to you, it was unforgivable. And also for the cowardly way I ran away.’

  ‘It was a long time ago and we were both to blame for what happened, you didn’t force me to do anything.’ But then her curiosity got the better of her and she blurted out, ‘But how come you are a doctor now?’

  He grinned. ‘Actually, I’d already done half my medical exams before I decided to join the Church. But then after you and I … Well, as you probably know I requested a move to another parish but the damage was done and I had to question if I was really cut out to be clergy. After a lot of soul searching, I was forced to admit that I wasn’t, so I left the Church and went back to my medical training. I suppose the rest is fairly self-explanatory and here I am. But I want you to know that I did come back to try and see you about a year after I left. The Reverend Mother told me you’d gone so I went into the village to find you. While I was there making enquiries, a woman in the marketplace told me you were married and had just had a baby so I thought it best I kept away from you. I’m glad you met someone who could make you happy, Grace.’

  Grace bit her lip to try and stem her tears. Happy! If only he knew the truth. And yet she felt elated to think that he’d taken the trouble to try and find her. Perhaps he had cared for her after all? But even if he had, that was all in the past now.

  ‘I hope you’re happy too in your new vocation,’ she said quietly. ‘But now I really should get on. You know what Sister Marsh is like. She’ll have my guts for garters if I’m late.’