Dating My Protector

by Kate Swain

  “I don’t know anything about you,” she said. “I don’t even know where you live. In Kansas City, right?”

  I nodded slowly. “Yeah,” I agreed. I had to admit to myself that I felt insulted. Why was she being so weird? Did I look that untrustworthy? I felt on my guard.

  “Okay,” she nodded. “And, well, have you any experience as a nanny?”

  We were almost at the house, and I shut my eyes, willing this horrible drive to be over. Matt wouldn’t be there, but I found a part of myself wishing he might be – I couldn’t handle much more of this interrogation!

  “I have a bit of experience babysitting,” I said. I swallowed hard.

  “And what other jobs did you have?”

  I shut my eyes, wanting desperately to escape. “I was a waitress for a bit at college, and I had an apprenticeship with a photographer – at least, I’d started one.”

  “Oh,” she said, and she looked quite impressed. “You studied at college?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I did a degree in photography.” I wondered if she had guessed how old I am. We were at the house and she’d parked, but she showed no signs of getting out of the car, and so I decided to take a risk. “What is all this about?” I asked.

  “I’m sorry,” she said, and this time it was her turn to look away. “It’s just, I have known Lucas since he was three. I want the best for him. I can’t bear the thought of leaving him with anyone I haven’t got to know properly.”

  I let out the breath that I had not even noticed I’d been holding back. That made sense! At least, I thought with a smile, it wasn’t because I looked like I was into illegal things! I nodded.

  “I get that,” I said shakily. “I don’t know if I’m the best person for this job, to be honest. But I already like Lucas, a lot. He’s a great kid. I want to do my best. If you can help me, I want to learn.”

  I saw her eyes, which had been hard as flint, soften then. She swallowed and nodded. She had a sharp, angular face and gray eyes. I had liked her when I met her, and now I remembered why I had. She blinked and I thought she was trying not to let tears fall.

  “So,” she said slowly. “I am very glad we’ll have some time to work together. Lucas is a sensitive child. He lost his mother at a very young age. It takes him time to get used to new faces, and losing people is scary for him.”

  “I am sure,” I nodded, frowning as I did so. His mother was dead? Surely not! That seemed too terrible. I hesitated to ask more, as it really wasn’t my place. “How old is he now?” I asked instead.

  “He’s eight,” she said slowly. “He’s old for his age in some ways, and young in others.”

  “I see,” I said, thinking about Matt as well as about the boy. He had lost his wife almost five years ago! That was hard.

  I felt my heart fill with tenderness for him. I couldn’t imagine what had happened, but it explained a lot about him. The way he looked so sad, sometimes and his standoffish manner. I wished I could do something to reach him more and let him know I understood how he might feel.

  “So,” Judy said, looking up at me. “I guess that’s everything for the day. Maybe if you come in and sit down for a while, I can explain the routine. I would like to know that as little as possible will change for Lucas.”

  “I understand,” I nodded slowly. She really was dedicated! I was impressed. I followed her into the living room and sat down on the couch, feeling somewhat awkward. I wasn’t altogether sure whether I liked Judy or not – or, more to the point, whether she liked me or not. She went into the kitchen to make coffee.

  “I hope I can do this,” I said to her when she came back. “I mean, it’s a big responsibility.”

  I was surprised when she smiled at me. Suddenly, we were friends again. She took my hand fondly. “I know you can,” she said. “Even the fact that you wonder about that shows you’re just the right person for this job. Now, we should discuss the daily plan.”

  I nodded and felt more relaxed as she went through the day’s tasks. I felt more reassured by the time she had finished the explanation – nothing sounded particularly hard, and I was sure I would be able to do it. It was also a relief that she seemed to trust me.

  “Whew,” I said, as I stood up to leave. “Thanks, Judy. I’m glad I have you here to talk me through it.”

  “Not at all,” she said, smiling at me. “I wish you the best of luck. See you at five, when I go to fetch him.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “See you.”

  When I got back to my room in the hotel again, I sat down on my bed, my eyes shut. I was so grateful for everything that had happened. I had a job! I at least got along well with the current nanny, who would be training me for the next week or two. And, I thought with my cheeks lifting in a smile, I was working for a man who I wouldn’t mind getting to know better.

  Even though I doubted that would really happen.

  9

  Matt

  I couldn’t focus. It was ridiculous, but when I thought about Tessa being in my house, I got distracted. I imagined her sitting on the couch, those lovely legs pulled up beside her, or maybe sitting at the kitchen table, her sweet smile brightening the drab space more.

  “Matt?” Carter called out.

  “Um, yeah!” I looked up from where I had been trying to fasten a screw. I had, if I thought about it, been sitting putting wheels on for an awful long time. “What’s new?”

  “Matt, we have another bike to work on today,” he reminded gently. “That one should be out of the way by now. You basically finished it a day ago already.”

  I swallowed, feeling chastened. I had been taking a terribly long time at work. I just couldn’t concentrate. Part of me wanted to go back home and find out what was going on.

  I had a mix of anticipation and foreboding. I was sure Tessa was everything I thought she was, but at the same time, I could have made a horrible mistake. If she was unkind or untrustworthy…

  Stop it, Matt! She’s going to be just the babysitter you wanted.

  I shut my eyes. I couldn’t carry on tormenting myself with this.

  “Matt,” Carter said gently, coming to sit down at my side, where I was still crouching by the wheels. “Would you like to go back early?”

  I swallowed hard. “Yes,” I said.

  He nodded. “I get it. You don’t want to leave a stranger at home with your kid. Okay. Why don’t you finish at five? That’ll give you time to get back and check things out.”

  “Thank you,” I breathed. “That would be amazing.”

  He grinned. “I get it. Finally, I understand. If you’d talked to me last year, I would have thought you were silly.”

  I laughed. “I’m glad you know what it’s like,” I agreed. “I know you’d be just the same if it was your son and your babysitter.”

  “Absolutely,” he grinned. “Now, since that one’s done, you can start with the Honda. When you’ve finished cleaning off the old paint, you can go.”

  “Thanks,” I said, relieved.

  At five, I hurried to the showers, eager to get ready and head off. I rinsed the water down my body and I couldn’t help being aware that part of the excitement wasn’t about seeing if everything was going off well.

  “Matt, stop it,” I told my reflection strictly. She was my babysitter, and I was going to be professional with her. Very professional.

  I got dressed, aware of the fact that I’d chosen a sort of grayed blue shirt that suited me best. I raised a brow at my reflection and grinned in self-mockery.

  “Matt, she’s the babysitter.”

  I sighed and got onto my bike to ride back home again.

  The traffic was heavy, and it was already six P.M. by the time I got to my house. I parked the bike in the underground-parking and headed swiftly up the stairs. When I let myself into the apartment, I was aware of a twisted knot of anticipation inside me.

  “Hello?” Judy said, as I came up the hallway into the kitchen.

  “Hi.” I was instantly washed through wi
th disappointment, the magnitude of which surprised me. She wasn’t here! I was too late. She’d fetched Lucas from school and she’d already gone home. I wondered, as I hung up my scarf by the back door, where Lucas was – he usually came to say hi to me right away.

  “How was work?” Judy asked me as she finished washing the dishes. I noticed there were two coffee-cups in the sink and I felt hopeful again. Maybe she was still here?

  “It was good,” I replied cautiously. “How was your work?”

  “Great,” Judy nodded. “And that new girl is really friendly.” She spoke in a soft tone, and I looked around, wondering if that meant that she was still here.

  “Oh?” I nodded, feeling my tummy tighten with the peculiar sensation of talking about Tessa without knowing whether she was actually there. “Did Lucas like her? How did it go?”

  “Go have a look,” Judy said, and I felt a touch of satisfied appreciation in her voice. I frowned.

  “Where?”

  “In the living room,” she said, and touched her finger to her lips, as if suggesting I should be quiet as I went through. Frowning, I nodded. I tiptoed through, glad my boots were already left by the door, where they should be – an old habit.

  I stopped in my tracks. There, on the couch, opposite me, sat Tessa. In her arms, his head on her shoulder, almost asleep, sat Lucas. She had a book open and her eyes were on the page, reading aloud to him. It was one of his favorite books – one about exploring the world.

  “…and then the explorer went into his tent,” she read. She tensed, then, and she seemed to sense that she was under scrutiny. She looked up, straight into my eyes.

  I felt my body go numb. I had no idea if she knew it, but those eyes were intense. Like those of a predator, but startled and big, they locked with mine. I looked into them and I felt my body go weak. She was so beautiful, her eyes tawny and her hair in a soft, floating cloud around her. She looked more beautiful than I could imagine, just then.

  “You’re back early,” she said, though she didn’t move or attempt to shift Lucas, who looked up at me sleepily, then grinned and twisted in her arms to get off her knee.

  “Um, yeah.” I nodded, managing after a moment to rediscover my power of speech.

  “Daddy!” Lucas yelled, wrapping his slim arms around my legs. “You’re here! Come on! Tessa was reading me a story about the explorer! It’s my favorite part, the one where he meets the lion. Come on.” His little face was lit up and his gray eyes shone.

  I grinned as he insisted that I sit down with them. I looked over at Tessa, smiling somewhat apologetically.

  “I think you should finish the story,” I said.

  I was sitting far too close to her – my leg was almost resting on hers, and I felt like my body might actually explode if she moved any closer at this point. But my son came and obliviously sat down between us, his head resting first on my shoulder, then on hers.

  “…and the explorer went to sleep,” she read.

  The story went on to relate how the explorer woke up to the sound of a lion roaring outside the tent, and my son howled in mirth – as he always did, whenever I read it – at the antics of the man as he tried to escape his fate. I wasn’t really listening – I was listening instead to the sound of her voice. She had a low voice, with a nice accent – a slightly softer one than the way people spoke around here. I like the way it sounded. I started to wonder about her past, and how she got here.

  “Mr. Brand?” she said.

  I looked up. I had been so lost in thought, in the sound of her words, washing like sweet music around me, that I had barely noticed that she had reached the end of the story, or that she had asked me something.

  “Sorry,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat and wondering if I was blushing. “What was that?”

  “I said,” she repeated slowly, looking a little puzzled at my reaction, “that I should probably go now, right?”

  My son looked up at her, his little face stricken. “Not yet,” he pleaded.

  I smiled. “Tessa, would you like to stay for dinner?” I asked. “It’s about time we all ate, and I’m sure there’s plenty – Judy always cooks enough for two days.”

  I heard Judy laugh in the kitchen, and I smiled. Beside me on the couch, Tessa looked up at me with big eyes.

  “Are you sure?” she asked. She looked so amazed that I had to grin. It was just dinner – it was no big deal, was it?

  “Sure,” I nodded. “We’d like it if you stayed.”

  “Yeah!” Lucas interpolated. “And I can show you my action figures! I have all of them.”

  I bit my lip and ruffled his hair. “Great, Lucas,” I replied lightly. “But, after supper, huh? I think Tessa wants to eat too.”

  She nodded. It was only as we stood up to go to the kitchen that it occurred to me that this might be the first proper meal she was eating in days. I glanced across at her as Judy started to get the supper out.

  “Potato bake! And fish! My favorite!” Lucas opined.

  I smiled absently, but it was on Tessa that I was focused. She was looking at her plate of food as if it was the best thing she’d ever seen, almost afraid to touch it. I swallowed hard, and thought what an idiot I was that day in the diner. I could have invited her to lunch then! I made a note to speak to her after dinner.

  Lucas chatted to everyone while we ate, which was unusual for him. When he met people, it usually took about a week for him to feel this comfortable. Besides Judy, who he had known for almost his whole life, I had never seen him take this instantly to anybody.

  She must be a nice person.

  I sampled the potato-bake, trying to ignore the fact that Tessa was across the table from me and that, if I reached out with my one foot, I would be able to lay it atop hers.

  Eating was hard – I couldn’t help looking across at her every now and again, and I never realized before how sexy someone could be. I couldn’t risk watching her, or I would be sitting here with an erection.

  “I should go,” Tessa said as she finished her plate of food, pushing back her chair.

  “You can stay longer,” I said gently, seeing how worried she looked. Judy looked from her to me, and then Lucas cleared his throat.

  “You don’t have to go yet, do you?” he asked. “Judy always stays until seven.”

  Tessa looked straight at me, looking panicked. “I need to take the bus,” she said, reaching for her coat, which hung up on the hook near my scarf. “That line stops running at eight.”

  “Let me drive you back,” I protested, pushing back my chair. “It’s no trouble…”

  “No,” she said firmly. “I mean, thanks. But really, it’s okay. I’m going to have to do something about the transport problem,” she added with a grin.

  “Yes,” I said, frowning. “At least let me talk a moment?”

  Ignoring Judy’s questioning glance, I went into the hallway with her. “Tessa,” I said softly. “Listen… I want you to work here. As far as I’m concerned, you’ve got the job. But, listen – are you having a rough time?”

  She looked up at me, and those big green eyes were wide and filled with a mix of emotions I couldn’t fathom. One of them was fear, one gratitude.

  “Mr. Brand, I…” she shook her head, and her eyes dropped to her shoes. I noticed they were scuffed and dirty, and I didn’t want to consider the possibility that they were the only ones she owned. “I’m okay,” she said. “And, thanks.”

  “I would like to pay you an advance,” I said, wondering what the heck I thought I was doing. Normally I was more careful than anybody, never trusting people straight away. But, with Tessa, I already felt as if she was somebody I could trust.

  “No, Mr. Brand…” she said slowly. I felt weird, with her calling me that. I wanted to ask her to call me by my name.

  “Please,” I said, and took fifty dollars out of my wallet, almost unable to stop myself. “Take this. Consider it a sign of goodwill. And, you’re starting part-time tomorrow. Okay? Judy can have the after
noons off from now on.”

  That, I thought, would suit all of us well. Judy would have time to arrange her own travel, Lucas would have a chance to become accustomed to Tessa, and she to us both. And I, I thought with a frown, would get the chance to have Tessa here more often.

  Stop it, Matt.

  I shut my eyes, trying to get a grip on myself. I smiled down at her.

  “Have a good night,” I said. “And if something goes wrong with the bus, or anything… call me. Please.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Brand.”

  I watched her go out of the door, my hand lifted in a wave. When she had gone, I felt strangely bereft.

  I would have to learn how to be more professional, but right now it was the last thing I could imagine.

  10

  Tessa

  I couldn’t believe it. I had a job! The first few days passed in a haze. I turned up for work at four-thirty when Judy was leaving. I drove Matt’s car to the school, and picked up Lucas. Then, while I cooked dinner, he read from his school-books or drew pictures and colored in. I went to read to him for half an hour, and then his father would arrive and I would go home. We had figured it so I could always leave by six.

  When the end of the week arrived, I felt as if I had been doing this for ages. I was in the kitchen, preparing the dinner, while Lucas drew pictures at the table. He was trying to make a picture of the tree through the window, and I was advising him while I cooked onions.

  “I don’t have enough greens,” he told me, reaching for the small collection of colored pencils that lay strewn all over the kitchen table.

  “Yeah,” I nodded. “I guess. You can try mixing green and blue,” I suggested, taking the two crayons out of the stack. “That might do for the leaves that are in the sun like that. See?” I got down beside his chair, pointing up. The tree was something with glossy, bright needles. It was a pleasure to see in the winter landscape. I pointed to the branches that caught the evening light. “See, those ones are almost white, aren’t they?”