Magic and Other Misdemeanors

by Michael Buckley

  Today Show Kids Book Club Pick

  New York Times Bestseller

  Book Sense Pick

  Oppenheim Toy Portfolio Platinum Award

  Kirkus Reviews Best Fantasy Book

  A Real Simple magazine “Must-Have”

  New York Public Library 100 Titles

  for Reading and Sharing

  Selection

  “Why didn’t I think of The Sisters Grimm?

  What a great concept!”—Jane Yolen

  “A very fun series . . .”—Chicago Parent

  “The twists and turns of the plot, the clever humor, and the behind-the-scenes glimpses of Everafters we think we know will appeal to many readers.”—Kliatt, starred review

  ALSO BY MICHAEL BUCKLEY:

  In the Sisters Grimm series:

  BOOK ONE: THE FAIRY-TALE DETECTIVES

  BOOK TWO: THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS

  BOOK THREE: THE PROBLEM CHILD

  BOOK FOUR: ONCE UPON A CRIME

  BOOK FIVE: MAGIC AND OTHER MISDEMEANORS

  BOOK SIX: TALES FROM THE HOOD

  BOOK SEVEN: THE EVERAFTER WAR

  BOOK EIGHT: THE INSIDE STORY

  In the NERDS series:

  BOOK ONE: NATIONAL ESPIONAGE, RESCUE,

  AND DEFENSE SOCIETY

  BOOK TWO: M IS FOR MAMA’S BOY

  PUBLISHER’S NOTE: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:

  Buckley, Michael.

  Magic and other misdemeanors / by Michael Buckley.

  p. cm.—(Sisters Grimm ; bk. 5)

  Summary: Fairy-tale detectives Sabrina and Daphne Grimm face their first case without Granny Relda’s help when the future gets mixed up with the past in Ferryport Landing, and because some of the future does not look bright, Puck helps them try to make some

  changes.

  ISBN 978-0-8109-9358-7 (alk. paper) [1. Time—Fiction. 2. Characters in literature—Fiction. 3. Sisters—Fiction. 4.

  Grandmothers—Fiction. 5. Mystery and detective stories.] I. Title.

  PZ7.B882323Mag 2007

  [Fic]—dc22

  2007029429

  Paperback ISBN 978-0-8109-7263-6

  Originally published in hardcover by Amulet Books in 2007

  Copyright © 2007 Michael Buckley

  Illustrations copyright © 2007 Peter Ferguson

  Excerpt of Tales from the Hood © 2008 Michael Buckley

  Published in 2008 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS. All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical, electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. Amulet Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered trademarks of Harry N. Abrams, Inc.

  Amulet Books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use. Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact specialmarkets@abramsbooks.com or the address below.

  www.abramsbooks.com

  For Alison. You put a spell on me.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Many thanks to my editor, Susan Van Metre, whose insight and hard work continues to make this a great series. Special thanks to Maggie Lehrman for her careful editing and extraordinary ideas; Jason Wells at Amulet for making me famous and keeping me on time; my wife and literary agent, Alison Fargis, who’s willing to be the bad guy when I’m too much of a coward. A big thanks to Joe Deasy, who continues to read these stories over and over and give me great advice. Thanks to my Pacific Northwest cheerleader, Stefanie Frank, as well as Ms. Mock and her class at Hammond Hill Elementary. Big shout-outs to Mark Rifkin and Ellen Scordato for their many big shout-outs. And a very special thank you to Donald Scherschligt and his wonderful family. I eagerly await Donald’s first novel and the day I can say, I knew him when.

  PUCK FLAPPED HIS WINGS HARD, but nothing he did could stop his body from being pulled toward the black, gaping hole that hovered above him. He looked like a worm struggling to avoid the hungry jaws of a catfish.

  “Hello! We’ve got a problem,” he cried as he flailed in midair.

  Sabrina did the only thing she could think to do. She grabbed Puck’s foot as he sailed past, hoping that their combined weight would stop his drift. Unfortunately she, too, was jerked off the ground. She cried out, but her grandmother, uncle, and Mr. Canis were too far away to reach her. Only Sabrina’s sister, Daphne, was nearby. The little girl latched onto Sabrina’s pant leg and was yanked off the ground as well. Now all three of them were caught in the hole’s swirling gravitational pull.

  Puck’s face passed through the black hole and his head disappeared. His upper torso and arms followed, then his waist, and finally his knees. All that was left in this world of the boy fairy were his sneakers. Sabrina clung to them with all her strength, attempting to defy the impossible force.

  “We’re losing him,” Daphne cried desperately.

  “Puck, you have to fight it!” Sabrina shouted.

  But her own words sounded laughable in Sabrina’s ears. How could he fight something with such a powerful hunger? What could any of them do to stop themselves, and soon the rest of the world, from being sucked into nothingness?

  Puck’s shoes disappeared into the hole, though Sabrina could still feel them. She knew if she let go he would be gone forever, but she had problems of her own. The hole was starting to swallow her up. Both her arms sunk into the empty, dark pool. She took a deep breath and said a final silent prayer for her soul, hoping that God would find her on the other side, wherever that might be.

  And then the hole quadrupled in size.

  ’m sure this could be seen as child abuse,” Sabrina groaned as she pulled a pillow over her head. She wondered how many children had grandmothers who woke them up by standing over their beds banging a metal pot with a spoon. She peeked out at the old woman. Granny Relda looked like a member of the world’s most annoying marching band.

  “Up and at ’em!” Granny cried as she continued her obnoxious drumming. Granny Relda was fully dressed, wearing a bulky coat, mittens, a scarf, and boots. She might have looked as if she were going whale hunting if not for her bright pink hat with the sunflower appliqué in its center.

  “I’m up,” Sabrina said.

  “Sorry, liebling,” Granny replied in her light German accent. “But this is the only way to wake your sister.”

  Sabrina rolled over and eyed her seven-year-old sister, Daphne. The two of them had shared a bed for some time now and she was well aware of how soundly Daphne slept. The little girl could doze through a class-five hurricane, so Granny had resorted to finding the loudest, most ear-shattering methods to rouse the little girl. In an effort to save her own eardrums, Sabrina vigorously shook her little sister until Daphne’s eyes opened.

  “Whazzamattawitalllthebangin?” she grumbled.

  “It’s time to start the day,” Granny said, finally setting down her pot and spoon. “We’ve got to get in a little escape training before everyone arrives.”

  Both the girls groaned.

  “Granny, we hate escape training. We’re no good at it,” Daphne complained.

  “Nonsense,” the old woman said, helping the girls out of bed. “You’re both very good at it.”

  “Then how come we’ve never escaped?” Sabrina grumbled.

  Granny did her best to hide her smile. �
��Get dressed, girls. Like I said, we have a big day and there is no time for dillydallying.”

  “What do we wear?” Sabrina said, crossing the room and opening the closet door.

  “Dress warmly,” Granny said as she left the room. “Dress very, very warmly.”

  The girls dressed as quickly as their tired bodies would allow. They had come to understand their grandmother and knew to prepare accordingly. If she said to dress lightly, that meant shorts and T-shirts. If she said bring a towel, that meant bring a dozen. If she said dress warmly, that meant two pairs of long-johns, four pairs of socks, heavy blue jeans, boots, two sweaters, scarves, mittens, and a down coat. Very, very warmly might well mean bringing along a portable space heater. Sabrina added a little wooden sword to her ensemble, shoving it into her coat pocket.

  “What’s that for?” Daphne asked, eyeing the weapon.

  “You never know,” Sabrina said, and she and Daphne went to join Granny Relda.

  The old house was a museum of memories. Every wall was decorated with photographs from Granny Relda and Grandpa Basil’s months of honeymoon adventures. Sabrina saw a picture of the two of them holding an enormous fish near an icy river, another of them white-water rafting, and still another posing in what appeared to be Red Square. There were many more photos of the girls and their father and mother. There was even one wall dedicated to the family dog, Elvis.

  Their uncle Jake stepped out of the bathroom as they went down the hallway. He was a handsome blond man, a bit on the lanky side, with a crooked nose he had gotten in a fistfight. He was still in his pajamas and had a toothbrush in his mouth.

  “Good luck,” he said, giving them a thumbs-up gesture.

  “Easy for you to say,” Sabrina mumbled. “You don’t have to spend your mornings running from a certifiable psychopath.”

  “You say it like it’s not going to be any fun,” Uncle Jake said with a grin.

  Granny met them at a door at the end of the hall. She reached into her ever-present handbag and took out a giant key ring. There must have been a hundred keys—made of gold, silver, crystal, brass—on the ring. There was even a skeleton key that looked as if it had been made from a real skeleton. Granny sorted through the keys, found the one she wanted, and then inserted it into the door. When it was open, she escorted the girls inside. There, Sabrina found herself in a spare bedroom with an ornate, full-length mirror hanging on the wall and a queen-size bed in the middle of the room. On the bed were her parents, Henry and Veronica Grimm. They were sound asleep, as they had been for the last several months.

  “Go on, girls,” Granny said, nudging them forward.

  Sabrina and Daphne walked up to the mirror. Daphne reached out to touch its surface and her hand slid through. The reflection rippled and moved like water upset by a skipping stone. Then she did something most people would have thought impossible: She stepped through the reflection and vanished. Sabrina and her grandmother followed.

  The group found themselves in a brilliantly lit hallway, as big as Grand Central Station, with enormous columns holding up a barreled ceiling. The hall seemed to go on forever and was lined on both sides by doors. A little man in a black tuxedo was waiting for the Grimms. He had thinning hair and a soft, kind face.

  “Look at my little snow bunnies,” the man said as he clapped his hands with glee.

  “Hello, Mirror,” Sabrina said.

  “Are you ready for the escape training?” Mirror asked. He gave her a wink for encouragement.

  Daphne grumbled something under her breath.

  “They’re both a little tired,” Granny explained.

  “Well, I suppose we should get started,” Mirror said as he turned and led the group down the hall. Sabrina looked at the doors on both sides. Some were made from wood, some steel, and others from more unusual substances. Once she had seen one that seemed to be made out of fire. Each door had a little brass plaque that stated the contents of the room beyond: magic carpets, unicorns, enchanted armor, golden fleeces, lions, witches, wardrobes—the rooms went on and on.

  Finally, the group stopped at a door with a little plaque that read “The Snow Queen’s Homeland.” Granny handed Mirror her keys and he went to work unlocking the door.

  “Hey, wait a minute. I’ve read the story of the Snow Queen,” Sabrina said.

  “Indeed,” Granny said. “Hans Christian Andersen wrote about her.”

  “Yeah, and he said she was a nutcase and a killer. She froze some poor kid to death!”

  “Are we going to be safe?” Daphne asked.

  “The Snow Queen doesn’t live here anymore, girls,” Granny explained. “This is just where she was born. Now she lives on Beechwood Avenue near Old McDonald’s farm. I think she drives an ice-cream truck. All right, girls. Let’s get started.”

  The door opened and bitter cold wind blasted the group. Sabrina swore she could feel icicles forming on her back teeth. She looked up at her grandmother. “Are you crazy?”

  “This is going to be fun,” the old woman shouted over the noise as she stepped inside.

  “Good luck! See you when you get back,” Mirror said as he nudged the girls through and closed the door.

  Sabrina glanced around. She had learned that some of the rooms held magical items and others held unusual creatures, but only recently had she discovered that some of the rooms led to other worlds. They’d been to the top of a Mist Giant’s mountain, on an island that seemed to be alive, and inside a volcano—all inhospitable. But this world, this Snow Queen’s Homeland, was the worst. Everything was covered in ice. There were huge boulders of it wherever she looked. The frost-encrusted ground was rock hard. Even the forest that stretched out before them was frozen stiff.

  “My eyelids are sticking together,” Daphne said as she rubbed her eyes.

  “Go on, girls,” Granny said, pointing to a path that led up a hill bordering a dark wood. “You know how this works. Walk ahead. When you hear my whistle, you’ll know you’ve gone far enough. Then turn around and try to make it back to me. Easy as pie!”

  Sabrina knew arguing was pointless, so she took her sister by the hand and started down the path. They hadn’t gone more than a few yards when they heard laughter echoing through the woods.

  “He knows we’re here,” Sabrina said.

  “This is all your fault,” Daphne replied.

  “My fault?” Sabrina cried. “How is this my fault?”

  “You called him an ugly freak baby at dinner last night. Now he’s out for revenge.”

  “It was a term of endearment.”

  “Well, he’s going to make this extra hard on us today.”

  After a while, the girls heard their grandmother’s whistle.

  “There it is,” Sabrina said. “Time to head back.”

  They stopped, looked around, and started back down the path. A moment later they heard more laughter and the sound of flapping wings.

  “The ugly freak baby is on his way,” Daphne said.

  The ugly freak baby in question was named Puck. He was a four-thousand-year-old fairy who looked like an eleven-year-old boy but acted much younger. The Trickster King, as he called himself, was a master of obnoxious pranks, vulgar manners, and dirty tricks. He was also the bane of Sabrina’s existence. He had taken a particular interest in humiliating her whenever possible, which was most of the time. Unfortunately, Granny Relda felt Puck was the right person to help the girls think on their feet and escape from unpredictable situations. So he had become a sort of teacher to them as they trained for their futures as full-fledged detectives. Unfortunately, his teaching strategy was somewhat disturbing, so now when they heard a loud explosion on the path next to them, they knew that school was in session.

  Frightened, they darted behind an enormous snow-covered tree and peered around the trunk. Puck was nowhere in sight, but they could hear the beating of his wings over the chill wind.

  “Puck booby-trapped the path,” Daphne said, shivering. “We should head for the forest.”
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  Sabrina peered at a bank of fir trees several yards off the path. They were thick and would make good cover, but Sabrina was sick of hiding. Puck always caught them in the woods. He could fly over and see where they were. It wasn’t fair.

  “He’s expecting us to run into the woods. We do it every time.”

  “Hiding is good,” Daphne said. “I’m a big fan of hiding.”

  “I bet that first explosion is the only one on the path. Why would he booby-trap the rest of it if he assumes we’re going to hide in the forest?”

  “Then what should we do?”

  Sabrina furrowed her brow and thought, searching through her mental filing cabinet from her year and a half in foster care. Puck wasn’t the only clever one in the Grimm household. Sabrina could get in and out of a house undetected, pick a few simple locks, and run like the wind before anyone knew she was gone. Puck might have called himself the Trickster King, but Sabrina had a name for herself—the Queen of the Sneaks.

  “Let’s just stay on the path and run real fast,” Sabrina said.

  Daphne’s face crinkled as if she’d bitten into a sour pickle. “You want to stay in the open?”

  “And run real fast,” Sabrina repeated.

  “What if you’re wrong?” Daphne asked.

  “Then Granny Relda is going to wake us up early again tomorrow,” Sabrina said. “It’s worth a shot.”

  Daphne peeked around the corner, then turned back to her sister. “I don’t know about—”

  But Sabrina didn’t give her sister time to think about the plan. She snatched her by the hand and dragged her back to the path, which led down a slight hill lined with pricker bushes. Each icy thorn sparkled like jagged glass, so they went slowly and paid attention to their steps. Sabrina’s plan seemed to be working. They hadn’t set off another booby trap. Could they have actually out-tricked the Trickster King?

  Soon they came across a chunk of ice as big as a car. They stopped to catch their breaths and hid behind it with their backs pressed against its chilly surface. Sabrina took the opportunity to make sure the little wooden sword was still in her pocket.