Magic and Other Misdemeanors

by Michael Buckley

  “What does that moron want?” a woman asked. Sabrina recognized the grating voice. It was Mayor Heart.

  “He says that you hired a limousine to take you to a bachelorette party,” the second voice said. Sabrina knew that one as well—it was Nottingham, and he was boiling with rage.

  “That’s nonsense,” Mayor Heart cried. “Send him away.”

  “I’m trying, but the little fool won’t listen,” Nottingham replied. “I suspect he may be dim in the head.”

  “Then can’t you cut it off and be done with him? I need my rest.”

  Just then, there was a rush of feet and another man’s voice said, “The driver has departed, Sheriff.”

  “Very good,” Nottingham said. “Go back to your post.”

  “As you wish, sir.”

  When the man was gone, the wicked duo continued their conversation.

  “Nottingham, I’m very distraught over all of this. I doubt that I will ever get to sleep now, unless . . .”

  “Don’t even think about it!” the sheriff said.

  “But my bunions are killing me. Come to my room and rub my feet,” Mayor Heart begged.

  “Absolutely not!”

  “But it’s the only thing that puts me to sleep!” “Try counting tax payments. It eases me to sleep every night.”

  “DO IT OR I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD CHOPPED OFF!”

  There was a long pause.

  “You get fifteen minutes,” Nottingham replied. “Not a second more.”

  “Oh, you’re an angel.”

  Moments later they were gone, and Sabrina crawled out of the fireplace. She scanned the room for Charming and Daphne and spotted them hiding behind a gaudy curtain in the hall. They rushed to her side, struggling to hide their laughter.

  “What?” Sabrina whispered angrily.

  “You seem to have got a little of the chimney dirt on you when you came down,” Charming said.

  Sabrina stepped over to a mirror hanging on the wall. In the moonlight she could see she was completely covered in black soot. Her hair, clothes, and every inch of her skin was as black as coal. Worse, she was starting to itch. She gritted her teeth, did her best to regain her dignity, and then turned back to the pair. Neither had a speck of dust on them.

  “Naturally,” she grumbled. “What now?”

  “Follow me,” Charming whispered. He led the girls through the rooms on the first floor. He opened each door, took a quick peek inside, and then closed it. Whatever he was looking for was not downstairs, so they were forced to climb the steps. Sabrina, who had snuck out of many places in her life, knew that the best place to walk on stairs was on the edges, as that was where the nails had been placed and so was usually the quietest. She gave the tip to Charming who nodded and did as he was told. Moments later, they had climbed the grand staircase and were exploring the second floor. It wasn’t long before they exhausted their search.

  “It’s in her room,” Charming mumbled. “It has to be.”

  “What’s in her room?” Sabrina said.

  Charming ignored her question. “We’re going to have to go in there.”

  “What?” Daphne cried. “Nottingham is in there.”

  Again, Charming ignored them. He walked down a hallway and stopped at a door. Before the girls could argue, he opened it and dragged them through.

  Mayor Heart’s room was a shrine to herself. There were pictures of her in various gaudy outfits, all of which were covered in little red hearts. Hanging over her bed was a huge ax that Sabrina was sure could easily lop a person’s head clean off his shoulders. On the far wall leaned a full-length mirror. Nottingham was slumped in a chair by the mayor’s bed. He was sound asleep with Heart’s corn-covered foot in his lap, mumbling something about “taxes.”

  “This way,” Charming whispered, walking lightly toward the mirror.

  “What are we looking for?” Sabrina grumbled as she watched the sleeping sheriff. She could see his dagger gleaming in the moonlight from the window. A similar sparkle bounced off the ax. She imagined Heart and Nottingham springing from their beds and cutting the intruders to ribbons.

  “Nottingham!” the Mayor shouted, and sat up in bed. She was wearing a sleeping mask and was reaching to remove it when Charming snatched the girls and threw them at the mirror’s reflection. Sabrina cringed, expecting to smash the glass, but instead she and Daphne flew through it and landed on a marble floor. Charming followed them in and turned back to the portal. He watched as Nottingham reluctantly got out of his chair and checked under the queen’s bed and in her closets.

  “We’re in a magic mirror!” Daphne said as she helped Sabrina get to her feet.

  Sabrina was too surprised to respond. She had been in a magic mirror many times, of course. The Hall of Wonders was a breathtaking place, but this magic mirror was simply beyond belief. Instead of a long hallway lined with doors, they were standing in the lobby of a posh hotel. The floors were covered in beautiful Persian rugs. There were plush leather sofas and chairs scattered about and spectacular chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. A wall of windows revealed a beautiful sun-soaked beach just outside with palm trees swaying in the breeze. Sabrina and Daphne approached the windows and gawked at the beautiful scenery. It had been a long time since the sun had shined so brightly in Ferryport Landing.

  “Is that real?” Daphne said as she gazed out at the crystal blue ocean.

  Charming didn’t respond. “Hello?” he said loudly. He stepped up to a long reception desk and leaned over it. “Hello?”

  Just then, Sabrina heard a loud bell, and an elevator door opened behind them. A chubby Asian man wearing a Hawaiian shirt stepped out. His face was tanned and his eyes were lined with crow’s-feet. A big grin filled the man’s face and he hugged Charming.

  “Boss! I knew you’d come back to rescue me. Where have you been?”

  “I’ve been out of town, Harry,” Charming said, pulling himself away from the man and fussily straightening his clothes. “These are Relda Grimm’s granddaughters.”

  Harry clapped his hands. “Aloha,” he said. “Welcome to the Hotel of Wonders. I’m your host, Harry. Checking in?”

  “I’m afraid not,” Charming said. “I’ve just come for a few things in my room.”

  “Right away, sir,” Harry said. He raced around the reception desk and opened a drawer containing a collection of oldfashioned hotel keys, each attached to a bright red key chain with a number printed on its front.

  “You own a magic mirror?” Sabrina said.

  “There is more than one, child,” Charming said.

  “There is?” Daphne wondered. “Mirror never told us that.”

  “Found it!” Harry said, as he came around the desk and gestured for the group to follow him. They stepped into an elevator and Harry pushed a button that read PENTHOUSE. The elevator had glass walls, allowing the girls to look out on the beach as they rose into the sky.

  “Boss, you have to get me out of here,” Harry continued. “Every day Heart gets dressed in front of me. A mirror can only take so much.”

  “You’ll be leaving with us,” Charming said.

  “Very good, sir. It’s good to have you back.”

  “It’s good to be back.”

  Harry turned to the girls. “So, I heard you mention you have a mirror of your own?”

  Sabrina nodded. “Yes, his name is Mirror.”

  “Hmm, interesting. Odd that he doesn’t have a name,” Harry replied. “Must have been one of the earlier models.”

  “Their mirror was originally the Wicked Queen’s personal mirror,” Charming explained.

  “Ah, that explains it. The prototype,” Harry said when the elevator stopped and the doors opened.

  “I’m confused,” Daphne said. “How many magic mirrors are there?”

  Harry led them down a hallway decorated with beautiful paintings. “Oh, that’s hard to say! The Wicked Queen made all the magic mirrors. She would create mirrors like this one to fill the particular needs of
her customers. She called us the deluxe packages. There are mirrors that are deserted islands, ski resorts, and even one that looks like a Polish restaurant in Cleveland, Ohio.”

  Charming shrugged. “Everyone has their own taste.”

  “The prince needed a retreat, a place where he could get away and relax, so naturally the Hotel of Wonders was perfect for him,” Harry said proudly. “It’s a full-service luxury hotel fit for a prince.”

  Daphne looked up at Charming. “I always wondered how you stayed so tanned.”

  “Masters can choose to give their mirrors names. I suppose your Mirror didn’t get a name because the Wicked Queen didn’t feel it was necessary,” Harry explained. “She was never big on personalization. Oh, here we are.”

  They stopped at a door with a bronze plaque that read THE ROYAL SUITE. Harry inserted the key into the lock and let the group inside. It was a beautiful room with a king-size bed and satin sheets. There was an enormous Jacuzzi and a fireplace in the bathroom, and in an adjoining room a few chairs surrounded an oak bar.

  Harry opened two double doors, revealing a walk-in closet filled with expensive suits and shoes, and many drawers and small nooks. Charming selected a long white jacket, which he laid on the bed. Then he picked out a clean black suit, some socks and shoes, and a tie. He lay these on the inside lining of the jacket and they magically sank into it and disappeared.

  “Cool! I want one,” Daphne said.

  Charming nodded. “It’s called the Hungry Jacket. It acts like a locker until I want things, then I just reach in and take them.”

  “It would come in real handy when we get the secret weapon,” Daphne said.

  Sabrina flashed the little girl an angry look.

  “What secret weapon?” the former mayor asked.

  Daphne looked around and whistled innocently.

  “What secret weapon?”

  Sabrina knew there was no use hiding it any longer. “Show him.”

  Daphne took the necklace out of her shirt and showed Charming the key. “Sheriff Hamstead gave it to us. He said it unlocked a safety-deposit box that held a secret weapon we could use in case Mr. Canis lost control of the Wolf. We’re not supposed to get it unless he does, and we’re not supposed to tell anyone that we have it.”

  Charming held the key in his hand for a moment, then gave it back to the girl. “Interesting,” he murmured.

  “Everything in order, boss?” Harry said. “I had the Cap of Wisdom cleaned, but those rust stains on the Sword of Sharpness are impossible.”

  “I won’t be taking those, Harry,” Charming said. He laid some more clothes in the center of the jacket and pulled the four corners together. Then he dropped two of the corners and shook it out. The clothing was gone. “But I’ll be needing the magic detector.”

  Harry nodded and rushed to a drawer across the room. From inside it he removed a small black ball, no bigger than a marble. It was identical to the one Sabrina had seen the future Daphne use. Charming took it from Harry and handed it to Daphne. The little girl marveled at it for a minute. “I feel funny,” she said, “like I’m vibrating.” And then she did just that. It was disturbing to see the little girl shaking so hard. Sabrina wondered if it hurt.

  “You’re detecting magic,” Charming said. “That should help you find the missing magic items.”

  “This town is filled with magic items,” Sabrina said. “How do we narrow it down?”

  “Daphne will feel things of great power automatically,” Charming explained. “But if she concentrates it will lead her to specific objects. You’re going to have to practice. Now, let’s go. I’ve got to get you home before you’re missed.”

  “No time for a break, boss? The spa is offering hot-stone massages,” Harry said as he closed the doors of the closet.

  “Not today, Harry,” Charming replied.

  Harry led them out of the room, down the elevator, and into the lobby, where they found the portal that would take them back into the real world. Sabrina looked through it. Nottingham was gone and the mayor was sound asleep.

  “I think the coast is clear,” she told the others.

  “Good luck, folks,” Harry said. “It was a pleasure having you here in the hotel. Perhaps you two could come for a longer stay sometime.”

  Charming flashed Harry a warning look.

  “Or maybe not,” Harry said. “Well, Aloha and happy surfing.”

  Charming was the first to step through the portal. Sabrina and Daphne followed, and the sounds of surf immediately disappeared, replaced with Heart’s heavy snoring. Charming gestured for the girls to be still, then draped the white jacket over the mirror. When he pulled the garment away, the mirror was gone, just as the clothing had vanished.

  “Nice trick,” Sabrina whispered.

  With the jacket over his arm, Charming crossed the room and carefully opened the door. He craned his neck to look into the hallway and then gestured for the others to follow. Soon they were directly in front of the fireplace.

  “I’ll go first,” Sabrina said, crawling into the fireplace. She searched the space for the rope but couldn’t find it. “The rope is gone,” she whispered, climbing out quickly.

  “Of course it’s gone,” a voice said from the darkness. The group spun around, but all they could see was a dark figure lurking in the shadows. “I can’t just let people break in and out of the mayor’s house whenever they want.”

  Charming clamped his hands on the girls’ mouths and pulled them close to him.

  “Who are you?” Nottingham asked. A ray of moonlight caught the silver dagger he held in his hand.

  Charming moved the girls through the room, careful to stay away from any light that might reveal their identities while also avoiding Nottingham’s blade. It wasn’t easy. The sheriff was fast and nimble. He lunged forward, slashing the air, and they leaped back.

  “Whoever you are, you’re either brave or stupid,” Nottingham seethed. “Not many would break into the Queen of Hearts’s home. I’ll give you credit for being clever, too. Crawling down the chimney was brilliant. I’ll have to post a guard on the roof from now on.”

  Nottingham lunged again. This time Charming threw a punch that caught the sheriff in the face. While he was recovering from the blow, Charming ushered the girls to another part of the room.

  Nottingham roared with indignation. Sabrina guessed his pride was hurt more than his face. He leaped at them, swinging his deadly blade in every direction. The girls stumbled backward, avoiding the sheriff the best they could. Unfortunately, the dagger clipped Charming’s arm. There was a tearing sound and the prince let out a little groan.

  “Aha!” Nottingham cried. He chased Charming around the room, knocking over tables and lamps. Glass crashed to the floor, furniture was overturned, and in the mad, savage assault, the sheriff caught his boot on an upturned rug. He stumbled forward, falling on top of Daphne and knocking her to the ground. Without hesitation, Sabrina leaped on top of him, kicking and punching as she tried to free her little sister. Nottingham, however, seemed undisturbed by Sabrina’s attack and held his shiny dagger up to Daphne’s face. She cried out, terrified.

  “Why, you’re just a child,” Nottingham said. “Perhaps I should leave you with something to remember me by.”

  He raised the dagger high over his head, but before its blade could scar Daphne’s face, Charming kicked the sheriff in the ribs. The blade flew out of Nottingham’s hand and skidded across the floor. As the sheriff clambered to his feet, Charming landed another painful punch to the sheriff’s face. Sabrina heard a bone crack, and the villain bellowed in pain, then fell over a chair and hit his head on the floor. After that, he was silent.

  “That’s for Daphne Grimm,” Charming said, standing over the fallen villain, “present and future.”

  ell, we’ve already changed a number of things about the future,” Charming said when Mr. Seven dropped them off outside of Granny Relda’s house. “For one, I have my mirror back and two, Daphne has the magic
detector earlier.”

  “And three, I fought with Nottingham and didn’t get a scratch,” Daphne said, flashing a smile. “Look at me, I’m still mucho hot-o!”

  “I am sorry to have to put you into danger, but—”

  “Children, go inside,” a voice said from behind them. Sabrina looked up and found Mr. Canis waiting on the porch. “I need to have a word with the prince.”

  Sabrina could see the anger in the old man’s face. “Mr. Canis, we were—”

  “Children, go inside,” Canis roared.

  Sabrina and Daphne started to do as they were told, but the argument began before they were through the door.

  “You had no right to take them from the house,” Canis said.

  “I got them back safely,” Charming argued.

  “You dare to stand there and be flippant,” Canis said. “You snuck them out without permission.”

  “I did what I had to do, Canis.”

  “And what exactly was that?”

  “I can’t tell you.”

  Canis seethed.

  “You’re just going to have to trust me,” the prince continued.

  “Trust you!” Canis said. “Who are you to deserve anyone’s trust?”

  “That coming from a man who is slowly turning into a killer,” Charming bellowed. “Listen, mutt, you want something to trust? Then trust this! I will always work in my own interests, and right now it is in my interest to protect those girls. It is not because I care for them, or have deluded myself into believing that I am part of their family, like you! It’s because their well-being serves my current interests.”

  “Take them from this home one more time and I swear I will kill you,” Canis said.

  Charming marched up the porch stairs and into the house.

  “Do you wish to explain?” Canis asked the girls.

  They looked at each other. They had promised not to tell.

  “I’m sorry,” Daphne said.