Vengeance Road

by Christine Feehan

  Czar nodded. “I went over everything in detail with the others. I believe you got him out of there just in time. Does Breezy realize that?”

  “She knows that it was bad, Czar, but she has no idea just what the Swords were doing to young kids, boys and girls. I don’t particularly want her to know. Already, she spends time just sitting and holding him. Rocking him. She cries when she’s doing it. She goes to sleep peaceful and then wakes up quite often. I think the trauma of having her child taken was enough.”

  “If she doesn’t know, and she doesn’t comprehend the enormity of what could have happened to her son, how is she going to understand that you need to hold them both a little tight right now?”

  That sounded good, and maybe he could get away with it, but Steele doubted it. He shook his head. This was Czar. They could bring anything to Czar—almost anything.

  “I’m not holding her a little tight. Breezy’s a prisoner. The house is beautiful and includes just about anything she could want, but it’s still a prison because she can’t go anywhere without my knowledge or one of the others with her. She’s living her life in a glass bowl. She doesn’t realize that yet, but she is.”

  “I had the feeling you bought that house with the idea that your woman would want to spend most of her time there.”

  Steele nodded. “I knew I’d find her again. I had to find her again.”

  “You should have told me she was the one for you.”

  “I couldn’t. You would have sent me away. In any case, I’ve got her and my son, and I’m not losing them again.”

  “There is such a thing as holding on too tight, Steele. You know you could lose her just by doing that. Women don’t like a man controlling them or, for that matter, being jealous . . .”

  “It’s not that. It’s never entered my mind, since she’s been with me, that she would cheat on me. Breezy’s too open. She’d tell me if she wanted to leave because of someone else. I don’t want to control her just because I could—and I could. She’d let me. I have to know she’s safe.”

  “That’s an impossibility, Steele, and I think you know that. Safety is as big an illusion as control is. You’re going to have to get a handle on this.”

  Steele nodded. “I’m very aware.”

  Czar switched gears. “You know that while you were gone, I met personally with each of the men who want to join Torpedo Ink and had Absinthe talk with them. I like them. I like the idea of having others like us sticking together. We’ll take a vote after you have had a chance to vet them.”

  “Have they given you their reasons for wanting to join us? I read everything Code had on them, and they seem to be doing well for themselves. No other club harasses them. They followed protocol. What made them decide to ask us?” Steele asked, all business.

  Czar knew he was asking if individually any had differed on their reasons. “The brotherhood,” Czar said simply. “They’re misfits the way we are. They might have a slightly better understanding of the rules living outside the schools, but how do any of us fit anywhere? We can’t. We never will entirely. If they’re part of us, they have more brothers. They have a place to come to where they’re welcome, brothers who understand them, places to bring their women occasionally. We’ll have their backs. It adds to our strength.”

  Steele nodded. It made sense. Torpedo Ink was a closed community. Every member had been tortured as a child. They’d been trained to be assassins. They’d been trained in the art of seduction. They knew all kinds of ways to kill or seduce, but their rules, rules they’d made as children and lived by, weren’t the same as those of everyone else in the world. Half the time they didn’t even understand the way the outsiders thought. Those trained in the other schools would feel the same way, and they needed a home. A community. Brothers at their back.

  “I talked to Fatei, and he wants to stay with this chapter,” Steele said.

  Czar nodded. “He’s a good man. He’ll make a good brother. We’ll give him his patch before we patch over the others if the vote goes that way. They’re coming Friday night with their women to party with us. Alena has the food under control. We’re set, but I’d like you here. You’re the only one now who hasn’t signed off on them. I want you to really check them out, Steele. Your opinion matters. You see things I don’t. Let Darby babysit Zane at your house or bring him to mine so you and Breezy can come.”

  Steele sat back in the chair, his heart doing that strange pounding again. Split them up? Zane in one place, Breezy in another? The idea of spending an evening with his brothers, relaxing with his woman, sounded like what he needed, but could he actually leave Zane somewhere else?

  “I don’t know, Czar,” he said reluctantly. “It’s probably a little too soon for Breezy to be that far from Zane, and no way is she going to like me going to a party without her, especially after the disaster when she first arrived.”

  Czar nodded. “I thought you might say that. Alena has a room right off the kitchen in the private wing. Darby could watch him there. It’s completely closed off and protected. There’s a security alarm, and all of us will be here. We could move a crib in and get it set up. You and Breezy could sleep in your room when you get tired or take Alena’s room, and I’ll get Darby home.”

  It was a perfect solution. Steele nodded. “We’re in. We’ll get everything and come back. I’ll bring Breezy early. She’s going to want to help the girls get the food ready.”

  NINETEEN

  “You’re not making any sense, Steele. None.” Breezy swung around and glared at him. “It’s been the best time. We have such fun together. You. Me. Zane. Even Maestro and Keys. And then you act like this.”

  “I act like this because you’re sneaking around—”

  She cut him off. “What do you think is going to happen if I get up and go to the bathroom without waking you up and telling you first? You always wake up anyway. Do you think I’m sneaking out to meet someone?” Breezy threw her hands into the air. “Enough is enough.”

  Steele knew it was enough. He knew he was acting crazy. He’d woken the moment she moved. She slid from the bed, out of the protection of his arms. He’d watched her go out the door, but she hadn’t headed to the bathroom.

  “You didn’t go into the bathroom.” He knew he sounded like a nut. He knew it. Still, he couldn’t stop. The words kept tumbling out of his mouth no matter how hard he tried to be calm and sane. He had no idea what was happening to him, but he knew Breezy couldn’t be a saint forever. She’d had more patience than any woman would have under the circumstances.

  “Because I was checking on Zane. You have your app. Look at it.”

  “I shouldn’t have to look at the fucking thing. You should tell me where you’re going,” he snapped. His chest hurt like hell. His skin felt clammy, but he was sweating. It had started the moment she’d slipped from the bed.

  He was getting worse. The physical symptoms were becoming as bad as the mental—or emotional—ones. The monster, always so close, always so ready to protect him, opened his eyes and stared at his woman. Furious. She had no right to be upset, not when she insisted on doing the bullshit things she did.

  “How the fuck do you think I know what you’re doing when every time I turn around you’re doing some bullshit move to protect your man?”

  He watched her face, there in the moonlight. She was gorgeous standing in nothing at all but her bare skin. He loved her like that. Her breasts were round and full, high on her body so that the temptation to cup them and feed on them was always present. She’d shed the silk kimono he’d gotten her when she’d returned to their bedroom. He didn’t like her sleeping in clothes, and the few times she’d tried, saying it was more convenient, he’d just stripped them off, rolled her under him and forestalled any argument.

  There wasn’t going to be putting this one off, and he didn’t want to. She had a look on her face that told him, nearly for the first tim
e ever, she was ready to battle with him.

  Breezy jammed her fists on her hips. “What are you talking about? I thought we put that to rest. I didn’t tell you about Bridges beating me and I should have. I’ve admitted that. Are you going to keep bringing it up every time you get upset over something stupid, so you have something else to divert attention from the fact that you’re acting crazy? Because you are.”

  He took a step toward her. Savage was right. She wasn’t getting the message no matter how much he talked to her about it. A jackhammer began pounding at his brain, a terrible thudding that wouldn’t quit. “You can insult me as much as you want to, Bree. I get that’s your only defense, but you don’t get a pass on this. I’m not having you stepping in front of me when you think someone’s attacking me.”

  “Well too damn bad, Steele. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m in love with you. Love to me means protecting you along with taking all the things you give me. I can’t give you beautiful things, so I’ve given you me. All of me. That includes the way I love. Which is protective. I already admitted to you I was wrong and should have told you about Bridges. I was scared for you. And I was young, maybe too young to see you for who you really are. You were hiding yourself from everyone, including me.”

  “Don’t you dare try to turn this on me and try to make me feel guilty.”

  “I wasn’t doing that.” She took a step toward the dresser, moving at an angle away from him. Every step sent her breasts and ass swaying. “I was stating a fact. We’ve already talked this over, right? I don’t understand why the subject keeps coming up.”

  “It keeps coming up because there was no resolution. If there had been, you wouldn’t have taken any chances in that motel with Lizard and Candy. But you couldn’t help yourself. You just had to try to make them believe I was dead. That Czar, the others and me were all killed in the massacre with the rest of the Swords who had been there. You did, didn’t you, Breezy, after we’d already had the discussion? I let it slide—”

  “You let what slide? You didn’t let anything slide, we’re still talking about it. I got up in the middle of the night to check on our child and go to the bathroom. That’s normal, Steele, in case you aren’t aware of it. It isn’t a big sin, and it isn’t being sneaky.”

  “Don’t try to change what we’re talking about here.” He ran both hands through his hair in agitation. Where was all his calm? Where was his ability to stay in complete control? Breezy was destroying him bit by bit. Piece by piece.

  “Steele”—Breezy clearly made every effort to sound calm—“I had my own father break into my home and kidnap my child. He was taken from me. I wake up scared and have to reassure myself that he’s here and he’s okay. You do the same thing, so don’t tell me you don’t. I see you. You don’t sleep for more than an hour anymore. I have trouble as well. It’s that simple, so stop blowing this out of proportion.”

  She actually scowled, something he wouldn’t have thought her capable of. He’d never seen that particular expression and it scared him. She was really upset. She was most likely thinking of leaving him, and that wasn’t happening. He’d warned her. Straight up, he’d warned her.

  “That’s bullshit, Bree. Total bullshit.” It was the absolute truth and he knew it. She had nightmares. He was worried enough that he’d put in a call to Blythe, asking her what he could do for his woman, yet he couldn’t stop himself even though he knew everything he said and did was wrong. There was so much pressure on his chest he could barely breathe through the pain.

  Her hands went into the air as an exclamation point. “There’s no talking to you when you’re like this. You don’t even make sense. I have no idea what we’re doing. How this even got started.”

  Breezy turned toward the door and he was on her, catching her up in hard arms, all but tossing her onto the bed, that monster in him surging to the surface, threatening to swallow him. “You fucking don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.”

  She lay there, her eyes wide, but there was no real fear on her face. There should be. He wanted her to be afraid so she’d never walk out on him. The anger receded from her eyes and then there was only his woman looking at him. Compassionate. Knowledgeable. Seeing too much. He wanted to hide from any truth she might see. It was too dangerous. Too terrible. His heart felt as if it might explode. Sweat trickled down his body. Beads of it. He was fucked. So fucked because she saw too much every time.

  “Baby.” She paused, her hand cupping the side of his jaw gently. “You have to tell me what’s wrong. What’s really wrong. Whatever it is, I need to know. I can’t say I can help you, but I want to, and maybe sharing with me will somehow ease it.” Her fingers rubbed gently. Soothingly.

  He caught her hand and ripped it from his face, stepping back away from the bed. His lungs burned and for a moment there was no air. The room was too hot. So hot. His skin was clammy. “Don’t touch me.” He pointed a finger at her and took another step back. “There’s nothing to tell. Just don’t fucking touch me.”

  To his absolute horror, his hand shook. He dropped it quickly to his side, pressing his fist against his thigh. Sweat dripped down his face, ran in beads down his chest. He had to gasp for breath. The air felt thick. His skin was clammy. He took another step back.

  Breezy sat up slowly and her fingers touched the kimono she’d folded so neatly and stuck on the chair. She drew it to her, every movement slow. “Steele, do you need me to call Czar?”

  His entire body jerked. Czar was the last person he wanted called. Czar couldn’t know. No one could know.

  “Why not? Honey, just talk to me.”

  He’d said it aloud. His ears hurt, the roar in them loud. Chaos reigned in his mind.

  “Steele, you’re a doctor. Let me call Maestro or Keys to help. I can see something is wrong. Let me help you.”

  “Don’t call anyone. I mean it, no one.” No one could see him like this. Shit. He was having a breakdown. He should have seen it coming. He was a doctor, for fuck’s sake. “Stay away from me, Breezy.” He gave her the warning, praying she’d obey him. He was dangerous in this state. He recognized it even if she didn’t. Breezy had to be protected at any cost. He backed out of their bedroom and hurried down the hall, away from Zane’s room. He couldn’t take chances with their lives.

  It was getting worse, not better. Steele paced from room to room, looking up at the cameras, making certain each was working. Even in his paranoid, physically-destroying-him state, he had to know Breezy and Zane were tracked and looked after.

  He put his hands on the counter in the kitchen and tried to drag in air. When he couldn’t, he opened the thick glass door and stepped outside, pulling air into his lungs in desperation.

  “Steele?”

  He didn’t turn around. He closed his eyes briefly, thankful and terrified at the same time. The emotions were polar opposites. He was so grateful she cared enough to follow him, that she recognized something was really wrong. He was also aware he was dangerous, that she was treading on very thin ice.

  Steele walked outside onto the spacious back patio, out toward the pool. Steam rose from the hot tub as well as from the surface of the pool. There was a sliding automatic cover for both so neither would lose heat at night, but he hadn’t covered them, thinking he would swim later with his woman.

  He heard her close the door to the house and knew she was outside watching him. The fog was no more than a fine mist he couldn’t hide behind. Those green eyes of hers had always seen too much. She noticed the finest details, and she was looking at him when he was at his most vulnerable and at his absolute worst.

  “I don’t understand why you can’t tell Czar what’s wrong because all of you tell him everything.” She had that gentle note in her voice that always turned him inside out. “It’s okay. Tell me, Steele. I’m your partner. You asked for my trust, and now I’m asking you for yours.”

  “Breezy
.” He pushed warning into his voice. He didn’t look at her but sensed her moving toward him, and he held up his hand to stop her. He couldn’t go back there for a number of reasons. He couldn’t explain to her because if he did, she would leave. They all would leave him. He couldn’t live with himself as it was. If he revisited that time, he would have no way out but a gun to his head.

  “I’m not leaving you, Steele. Not ever. We work things out, that’s what you said. I’m trying to understand your need for all this security around us, but you aren’t giving me anything to work with. You know it isn’t normal. You know that. Every time we start down this road it gets twisted into something else.”

  He didn’t reply, holding himself very still, terrified she’d moved within striking distance. What if he hit her? What if he did something like Reaper had done to Anya? He shook his head.

  “Honey.” Breezy was closer. Her voice was a soft whisper in the night. “It isn’t going to go away. You’re an intelligent man. You’re showing classic signs of PTSD.”

  “How the fuck would you know that, Breezy?” he sneered. “You didn’t even finish high school.” The harsh accusation burst out of him. His chest felt so tight it might explode any moment. His heart pounded so hard he was afraid it would burst. “Don’t pretend you have brains, baby. You have a killer body, just stick with what you know.”

  There was a long silence. His ugly retort taunted him, echoing in his ears over and over. Finally, finally, he looked at her. He had to. He had to see how much damage he’d done. He kept pushing her away, back to self-sabotaging his relationship. He’d make her leave him if he kept this up. Was that what he was trying to do? Why couldn’t he stop?

  Breezy’s green eyes were on him. There was hurt showing on her face, but she hadn’t retreated. His woman didn’t retreat. She waited until his eyes met hers and then she shook her head, holding him captive just by the look on her face.