Leading With Intention
Page 14
Two ways to reframe a conversation include removing negative language, like in the previous example, and moving the language away from positional statements to statements more focused on interests. For example, “I don’t think that is the best way to approach this problem” becomes, “It seems like you may want to look at other ways to solve the problem. Do you have any ideas for next steps?”
The key to reframing is to listen carefully for what the speaker is really saying without getting lured into negativity or self-interest. Sometimes the speaker just needs another perspective because he or she is full of emotion and can’t see past personal feelings.
Closing Your Mind to Other Thoughts
Think about what it feels like when someone is only half listening to you. It’s not a great feeling. You can tell when someone is distracted and focused on other things. On the other hand, it feels great when someone is focused on what you are saying. It’s easy to tell because he or she is actively engaged in the conversation. As we discussed previously, good listeners ask questions and reframe or paraphrase to gain clarity. If you allow the thoughts swirling in your head to take over, it will be difficult to truly immerse yourself in what the speaker is attempting to communicate, and the communication will break down. If you are struggling to stay focused, it can help to mentally repeat the speaker’s words as he or she is saying them. This can help you stay in tune with the speaker instead of being sidetracked by the thoughts racing through your mind.
These strategies can be extremely helpful in your efforts to build relationships and a sense of community. These skills will help you work to understand before jumping to conclusions, taking action, or offering a solution when you really don’t understand the problem.
Deep Understanding
During a typical day, you are asked to make many decisions, and they all require your ability to understand deeply before you provide direction or solve the problem. Best-selling author Stephen R. Covey’s (1989) first of seven habits of highly effective people is “seek to understand” (p. 42), and it is first for a reason. Consider where you are with this habit in your leadership practice. Use the tool in the example in figure 7.1 (page 142) to reflect on your current reality. Do you spend time in focused and intentional conversations? As we mentioned previously, where and how you spend your time speaks volumes to others about what you prioritize. The same is true about your ability to be present in conversations. Seeking clarity may be difficult for you because you want to solve the problem or move on to action quickly. What might you do to bring more focus to your school day?
FIGURE 7.1: Reflection template—seeking understanding.
Visit go.SolutionTree.com/PLCbooks for a free reproducible version of this figure.
If you have ever walked away from a conversation wishing it had gone differently, that you had asked questions for clarification or listened with more focus, you can use the tool in figure 7.1 to collect your thoughts. We find that by taking a few minutes to reflect after these types of conversations, it is possible to truly improve one’s listening skills. As you seek first to understand the current situation or problem, you can analyze what has been done so far, and determine how to be more intentional in your actions.
Both examples in figure 7.1 show how the ability to be patient and understanding with others while listening is necessary. With Mr. Shaw, for example, the leader has walked away from the initial conversation feeling frustrated that this teacher is refusing to meet with parents, even though it was quite clear that it was a directive and not a choice. Taking the time to go back to the discussion again to seek clarity on why this is such a challenging situation for Mr. Shaw is a respectful way to demonstrate your strong communication skills as a leader. It will also require you to be prepared to have crucial conversations that are sometimes difficult.
Crucial Conversations
Every day, school leaders face situations that make it necessary for them to have crucial conversations with staff members. A crucial conversation is “a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong” (Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, & Switzler, 2002, p. 3). This type of conversation often puts school leaders in a human resources role, and many leaders find these communications to be difficult. Patterson et al. (2002) remind us that when we face crucial conversations, we can do three things: (1) we can avoid them, (2) we can face them and handle them poorly, or (3) we can face them and handle them well. As leader of both adults and students, we know that it is really important that you develop the skills to do the latter—handle them well. Pretending not to notice human-resource issues in a school is a recipe for disaster. Every school is a diverse community of students and adults. The diversity of the student population often receives more attention than the adult-created culture in the building. We have yet to find a quality education program that supports principals’ need for exceptional human-resource management skills. Let’s look at those skills.
In Covey’s (1989) book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, we can see the foundation of human-resources management in the seven habits he outlines. For the sake of our discussion, we focus on the third, fourth, and fifth habits, which are highly applicable to communication (Covey, 1989).
3. Put first things first
4. Think win-win
5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
Put First Things First
One of the most common problems we see when school leaders have human-resource issues is avoidance of the situation. Perhaps there is a feeling that something will naturally happen to take care of the problem. Sometimes that is the case, and things work themselves out. In our experiences, however, school leaders mostly live by the first things first habit when it comes to difficult communications with staff members and others in the school community. Knowing a collaborative team is ineffective because of one teacher’s negative attitude and not having a conversation about the issue is a poor leadership decision. Avoiding a poorly managed classroom because the climate necessitates a difficult conversation is not a strategy for continuous improvement. Putting first things first means you take care of critical issues and address what needs to be addressed, including difficult situations that require uncomfortable conversations with staff.
Reflection
Is this area of leadership difficult for you? What kind of support do you need with these kinds of conversations?
Think Win-Win
Covey’s (1989) fourth habit, “think win-win,” is also helpful as leaders focus on creating intentional conversations to address difficult issues. Entering a difficult conversation with positive intent is important for your mindset when dealing with challenging issues with staff or students. Some of the strategies we find the most helpful with staff include the following.
• Scripting notes and listing key points you want to include before the conversation
• Establishing a respectful and private time and place for the discussion
• Approaching the conversation with an assumption of positive intent—assuming that the person you are speaking with is well-meaning and did not intentionally cause the issue
• Establishing a calm, respectful, and direct approach with your body language, tone of voice, and choice of words
• Making very good use of your listening skills
• Basing your conversation on evidence and facts—not opinion, and especially not hearsay from others
• Ensuring all parties leave the meeting clear on the purpose and next steps
• Making commitments of support, guidance, and follow-up
Reflection
Consider the list of strategies we offer as win-win opportunities. Is there one that is more difficult for you to apply? What next steps could you take to increase your impact in this area?
Seek First to Understand, and Then to Be Understood
As with all leadership skills, communication requires an intentional focus. Nowhere is this
more evident than when you apply Covey’s habit of seeking first to understand, then to be understood. As shown in figure 7.1 (page 142), many times we leave a conversation feeling more frustrated and confused than when we started the discussion—often without any understanding of the other person’s feelings, opinions, or why he or she is so emotional about the issue. As Karen’s water cooler story demonstrates, it is really easy to assume and to make mistakes when we do not clarify and seek understanding.
When we are doing onsite coaching, one strategy we like to suggest to leaders is what we call the “art of walking in someone else’s shoes.” In other words, if you find it difficult to understand another person’s position or opinion, does it help if you actually try to see the situation from his or her perspective? Personal and professional experiences, values, and how people feel they are perceived and understood by others impact their communication skills. Developing a strong sense of empathy for others will help you in your ability to seek understanding of others’ thoughts and needs. Of course, as the leader, at some point you have to decide how to create collective ownership and responsibility for what is tight, which requires crucial conversations. If you take the time to first understand the why behind the conversation, you will have more success with your ability to impact successful change.
Reflection
What are some strategies you can use to remind yourself to seek first to understand, then to be understood? If this is difficult for you, what will you do to create intentionality around this practice?
Communication Beyond the School
The next chapter focuses on developing relationships in your community and with parents. The first important step with this is to understand that the same skills that will create more understanding and clarity with staff and students also apply to your school community. Great leaders develop the same habits with parents and visitors to their school; they understand the need to listen and to develop win-win situations. When we conduct our comprehensive needs assessments and parents tell us that they do not feel valued in the school, we probe for more understanding. Almost every single time, the root cause of these feelings lies in how someone on staff has communicated with them, including leaders. They notice if conversations are one-sided, and they frequently tell us that they do not feel listened to or that their opinions do not matter. Sometimes, when parents are asked for their opinions and suggestions in a focus group or direct conversation, they become excited to see their suggestions come to life. They look for change or implementation—or at least that someone validates their thoughts by recognizing that they either can or cannot be implemented and explains why. Being transparent about not being able to provide exactly what is asked for helps build stronger communication skills with others. People appreciate knowing that leaders have at least heard and understood them. We talk more about this in the final chapter.
Wrap-Up
Leaders who pay attention to and work on being thoughtful, respectful, and considerate communicators are often the most effective leaders. In schools with leaders who communicate well, we hear things like, “He listens to us,” “She understands what we need and does her best to ensure that we get it or communicates why we can’t,” and “I always know where he stands, there is rarely confusion, and the school runs smoothly.” What would your staff say about your communication skills? Since we can never be sure that we have completely understood the views and feelings of others, it is imperative for you to continue to ask clarifying questions, listen carefully and attentively, take the time to truly understand before acting, and be as clear as possible in all communications. Wrap up your examination of fostering communication by completing the “Making an Impact in Eight: Fostering Communication” reflections (pages 148–150).
Reflection
What are your strengths and areas for improvement regarding listening skills?
Making an Impact in Eight: Fostering Communication
The following eight ideas provide opportunities for further reflection and action. We provide five reflections on what great leaders do and avoid doing to gain focus, as well as three considerations for how to make an impact in eight minutes, eight weeks, and eight months to guide your leadership planning and practice.
Chapter 8
Developing Community and Relationships
No significant learning can occur without a significant relationship.
—James Comer
Which leader would you rather work with—a leader who tells you what to do, when to do it, and what will happen if you don’t do it, but says little about why to do it and the value of the work? Or, would you prefer a leader who takes time to build a relationship with you and understand you, and supports your understanding of why the work is necessary? Would you prefer to work in a school with an obvious disconnect between families, staff, and community, or a school that works as one entity along with the entire community? We hope the obvious choice is to desire to work with a leader who builds community and relationships.
In his book Community: The Structure of Belonging, Peter Block (2008) reminds us:
The shift we seek needs to be embodied in each invitation we make, each relationship we encounter, and each meeting we attend. For at the most operational and practical level, after all the thinking about policy, strategy, mission and milestones, it gets down to this: How are we going to be when we gather together? (p. 10)
In the spirit of collaboration and community-building in your school, let’s examine successful strategies for developing community and relationships. In this chapter, we discuss levels of leadership; putting the why before the what in leadership; community-building strategies with staff, parents, and the community; and strategies for reaching out to the community. First, we invite you to reflect on your current practice.
Reflection
Are you a strong community builder? Are relationships in your work life important to you? Are you modeling this intentional focus in your daily practice?
Levels of Leadership
In his book The Five Levels of Leadership, John C. Maxwell (2011), author of several books on leadership, describes the first level as leading based on position and the second level as leading based on permission. Maxwell (2011) explains that for leaders to move from positional leadership (having leadership authority based on the position one has) to leadership based on permission (gaining the respect and confidence of others by gaining their permission to lead), it requires the ability to build relationships with people.
Leadership by Position
When you walk into Principal Allan Walton’s office, the first thing you notice is a sign on his desk that reads, “I am responsible.” When Principal Walton describes his role as a school leader, he is quick to communicate the responsibility he feels by being in charge of the school. His list of duties includes overseeing the schedule, curriculum, facility, discipline, and many more tasks that take up much of his day. Principal Walton isn’t comfortable with face-to-face communication, so he finds himself using email more often than not to communicate with his staff. He doesn’t spend much time in the school’s public areas, preferring instead to handle paperwork in his office rather than making himself seen engaged in conversation throughout the school. Leaders who lead by position have the following characteristics. They:
• Place more importance on tasks, purchases, facilities, paperwork, and so on, rather than relationships
• Work from an “I directed you to do this because I am the boss” attitude rather than taking the time to understand and respectfully develop a win-win attitude
• Intentionally or unintentionally assume that people will want to follow them just because they are the leader—not because of what they believe in or what actions they take
• Define leadership as a noun (a thing), rather than a verb (an action) that represents something you do—lead
• Devalue people by often assuming a negative mindset about their abilities and believing that the only way something will be done is
if the leader states it and requires it rather than creates positive intent and mindset
Leaders who rely on their position to influence people rarely develop positive relationships with them. If their subordinates do what they are asked, it’s usually because they think they must to receive their pay, keep their jobs, avoid being reprimanded, and so on (Maxwell, 2011). Principal Walton functions very well in his role as positional leader, getting things done around the school that are tasks and management responsibilities, but he really has not had a positive impact in creating collaborative, collective ownership of student learning with his staff. When you are in the school, there is a feeling that people are working there because they have to and are doing what they are asked to do; however, there is little evidence that staff are moving forward with meeting the needs of all students and increasing overall student achievement. Teachers meet as collaborative teams, but their discussions do not go deep enough to really gain an understanding of student needs. You seldom hear them sharing instructional strategies or planning together. They have a template they are required to complete during the meeting, and they appear to be more focused on the template than their discussions. Very few staff members share in leadership opportunities at the school. There is a guiding coalition that meets regularly, but the agendas are set by the principal and the discussions are more “sit and get” than genuine conversations with collaborative problem solving. It appears that many of the items presented in meetings are for information only and not really to create community thinking. Principal Walton is able to describe the work that his staff need to do to create a different kind of school, but unfortunately, he has not been able to lead the changes and have a positive impact. He hasn’t been successful at moving into leadership by permission.