by Anne Mercier
I nod again. She’s right. Of course she’s right. I know it.
“There’s more to this worry.”
“There is. Summer’s not feeling well. She’s heading out to see Dr. Mack. Kiki is being naughty… actually freaking people out. I didn’t believe in it before I met Lucy, but I believe in that mojo stuff now,” I admit, shuddering a bit.
Joan smiles. “Kierah is definitely spirited.”
I snort. “That’s one way of putting it. Linc scared himself shitless the other day, thinking about us having a kid like Kiki. That wasn’t even funny.”
Joan snickers.
“The girl gives her parents issues.”
“But she never picks on anyone who doesn’t show weakness. Did you notice?”
I consider this a minute. “She doesn’t give me problems.”
“You show her love, fondness—you don’t let her see you’re afraid. Now Linc, he may be big and strong, but they’re the ones who go down the easiest and hardest,” Joan informs me.
“Jesse lives in fear of the, and I quote, She Devil.”
Now Joan laughs. “I love it. Karma at its finest.”
I nod.
“Now tell me what’s going on with Summer.”
I get up and begin to pace without realizing it. “I don’t know, really. She and Jace ran off and eloped—”
Joan gasps. “Mama Russo is going to be very unhappy.”
I look at Joan wide-eyed. “I don’t want to be anywhere around when they tell her.”
“I wouldn’t either.”
“They got back early this morning. Kadi said Summer wasn’t feeling well.” I look at the clock. “They should be seeing Dr. Mack right about now.”
“Likely she over did it. She’s in her third trimester so she’s going to tire out much faster, and she needs to follow doctor’s orders as far as restrictions.”
“She does. She’s good about it—like Tera. They’re both getting so big so fast. It’s really pretty awesome to see.”
“Miracles,” Joan offers.
“Yes. Miracles.” I stare off into the distance, thinking about family and future. “Is it selfish for two gay men to adopt or hire a surrogate? What will that child go through? Is it right for them to put their child through that when what they’re supposed to do is protect them and try to make the world a happy place for them?”
“Selfish?” Joan shrugs. “Maybe. But do you think you and Lincoln would be better parents to a child that’s say, born to a drug addicted mother who’s given the baby up for adoption? Do you think you could love a child like that? One that starts out in such poor circumstances.”
“Anyone who couldn’t is a prick.”
She nods. “Do you think a child you adopt and love completely, would think you’re selfish parents? Do you think that child would be selfish for wanting you as parents? I mean, you’d be the ones to offer more stability and love?”
“What the fuck? No. Any kid deserves the best of everything. They deserve stability and love. They don’t deserve a crackhead mom who…” I trail off as I look at Joan who has a smug look of satisfaction on her face, her legs crossed, her arms resting on the notepad on her lap.
Now she grins.
“I see what you did there.”
“Well, you were being obtuse. Weigh it out. Crackhead mother or loving gay parents. It’s a no-brainer, Ethan. Why do you always sell yourself short?” Joan questions.
I sigh and shrug. “I’m not—”
“—yes you are,” she interrupts. “You wonder why Lincoln loves you.”
“Every day,” I admit. “He could do better.”
“I don’t think he’d agree with you. You’re the best in his eyes. Just as he’s the best in yours.”
“I’ve always felt like this.”
“And that’s why you’re here. Why do you feel this way? Because your mom was addicted to drugs? Because of the sexual abuse you suffered? I, personally, believe you’re an amazing young man. You’re resilient and one of the most loving people I’ve ever met.”
“But…”
“But just as you wouldn’t want Linc to decide he’s not good enough for you, you don’t get to decide that for him. The heart is your guide just as it’s his.”
I let out a huff of frustration. “Why are you always right?”
She snickers at this. “I’m not always right.”
“From what I’ve seen you are.”
She waves a hand. “Now. Are you bringing Lincoln with you to the next session?”
“Yeah. We talked about it. I just want him to be able to speak freely about anything he wants or needs to. I think we’re doing much better… I think I’m doing much better. It helps to have him around all the time.”
“That’s fantastic. Now, sexually…” she leads.
I nod.
“Have you tried the position that triggered you so badly you never tried it again?”
I look at my hands. They’re shaking and sweating. I lift my gaze to meet Joan’s. “No. We haven’t. But I’d like to. I’d give anything to feel his body cover mine, surround me, as I completely surrender myself to him.”
She nods. “But…”
“But I’m afraid the memories will overwhelm me,” I confess—not that she doesn’t already know this.
“Then this is something we’ll discuss when Lincoln comes with you next week.”
My phone beeps with a text. I normally don’t bother with it during my sessions, but I’m worried about Summer.
“I apologize,” I tell her as I look at my phone.
“Everything okay?”
I nod. “Summer’s back from her appointment.”
“And?”
“She’s okay but put on bedrest for two weeks.” I look up at Joan. “We can help cover for her absence at Harmony House.”
She waves me off. “I’ve got more than enough help. Ernesto and a few of the wives have been helping.”
“Let us know, for sure. We’ll all be here to help whenever you need us.” I’m fidgeting now. I want to get home and see Summer for myself. I need to see she’s okay.
“You should go, Ethan. I can see you already left mentally. I’ll see you next week, same time.”
“Thank you, Joan. I’m looking forward to the next session with Lincoln.”
“As am I. Tell Summer I hope she’s well. I’ll check in on her tomorrow. It’s already late afternoon and she’ll be surrounded by family, today,” Joan says.
“I promise.”
I head out to my car. On my way home, I’ll pick up some of Summer’s favorite ice cream, candy, and snacks. I’m sure Jace hasn’t had a minute to even think about it. I’ll grab some magazines, too. Bedrest for two weeks. Summer’s going to hate that.
19
SUMMER
“Would you all stop hovering?” I say with a laugh. The bedroom hasn’t been empty since I got home from seeing Dr. Mackenzie.
“Well, tell us what’s going on,” Xander prods.
“I’m waiting for Eth—oh. There he is!”
“And I brought you goodies,” Ethan tells me with a smile. I can see the worry in his eyes and yet he took the time to stop and get me things he knows will make me feel better.
“Oooh, what did you bring?” I can’t help it. I always get excited about gifts.
“Your butter pecan ice cream, about ten different candy bars, Funyuns and Cheetos, and Pineapple Crush.”
I instantly melt. “All my favorites.” He’s so sweet, and I’m so emotional. I start crying.
“Hey,” he says panicked, “no crying. You’ll freak me out.”
That puts a smile on my lips. “You’re so sweet.”
“I’m the sweetest,” he teases back as he pulls a stack of magazines out of the bag.
“Oh my God, you totally are. That’s it. I’m throwing Jace over for you. Linc will just have to deal,” I tease.
“You can’t throw him over,” Ethan tells me. “You’re married now.”
“Hey! It wasn’t me!” Xan defends.
I give him a skeptical look.
“It really wasn’t. It was Kadi.”
Kadi glares. “You are such a tattletale.”
I snicker. “I love this family.”
“So, what’s the verdict?” Ethan asks.
I let out a huff of frustration. “I’ve been experiencing low blood pressure, so sometimes when I stand up, I get super dizzy.” Jace comes to sit next to me on the bed, Kadi already on the other side. “Also, I’ve had a lot of lower body and backaches. It got so bad one night I couldn’t sleep. Apparently, there are these ligaments that hold the uterus I place, so as the baby grows and the uterus expands, the ligaments do as well. The worst are the ones that affect my back. It’s like I can’t even move.”
“Jesus,” Xander blurts out, rubbing Tera’s back.
I nod. “It’ll ease up soon. It’s just my body’s way of adjusting, but it’s taking a toll. Dr. Mackenzie thought it’d be best if I take a couple weeks off of work for rest and relaxation, and Jace is completely on board.” I grit my teeth.
“She hates the idea,” Jace announces. “She wanted to redecorate these two weeks.”
Lucy steps forward, rubbing my feet.
“You’re hired,” I tell her, closing my eyes.
She laughs. “You need to rest. All of this is your body’s way of telling you to slow down. Trust me, I know how much it can suck.”
I look at her. “You’re skinnier than you were before the KQuads. How is that possible?”
She looks down at her body. “I wouldn’t say skinnier as my hips are wider.”
“Curvier,” Jesse corrects, his voice husky.
“By the way,” Lucy says, “my mom is going to be so pissed about you eloping. Jace, you better tackle this head-on. If she hears it from someone else…”
Jace pales. “Shit. I’ll call her.” He pauses. “No, I’ll invite her over tomorrow. If she sees Summer not feeling well, she won’t hurt either of us.”
Lucy smirks. “Sneaky. I like it.”
Jesse leans forward. “You gotta be sneaky when you’re dealing with Mama Russo.”
Xan nods. “That’s a fact.”
20
LINC
We’re trending on Twitter again. It’s getting ridiculous. We haven’t been anywhere other than to the grocery store. Do I tell Ethan? Or do I just let Cage handle it?
I think I’ll wait for Cage. There’s no sense in upsetting Ethan if it’s not something that’s actually news-worthy.
“What’s on your mind?” Tera asks.
“Twitter.”
She cringes. “I wish they’d just stop with the gay-shaming.”
And that’s when Mama starts ranting under her breath—in Spanish. “Cómo se atreven, esos cabrones. Mis hijos, como hablan tanta mierda de ellos. Si los oigo, Corto a esos putos!”
Cut a bitch? Did my mom just say that?
Ethan and Xander walk into the kitchen and get something to drink from the fridge.
“Idiotas! cualquiera que no ame a mis hijos!”
Xander’s eyes pop open. “Whoa. What’s going on?”
Ethan sits down and cuts his eyes over to Xander. “Obviously they’re talking about you—again.”
I smirk.
“But—what’d I do?” Xander asks, starting to panic.
“Estupidos degenerados! Juzgan a los demás cuando ellos son los repugnantes.”
“What’s Mrs. M saying?” Xander whispers to Ethan. “I don’t understand what she’s saying.”
Ethan nods. “I do. She said something about you being stupid. Then I heard disgusting.”
“Dude,” Xander asks, his voice shaky. “Mrs. M never…”
Tera starts in. “¡Sí, mamá, son idiotas estúpidas! Si quieres que lo haga, haré que Xander comience a responder.”
Mama looks at Xander and shakes her head, scoffing. "No haría ningún bien. No puedes luchar contra la ignorancia."
“Dude,” Xander whispers. “My name and ignorance, idiot, stupid… What the hell did I do?”
Ethan looks at Xander and smirks. Xander looks at Ethan, eyes narrowing.
“You fucker!” Xander shouts, shoving Ethan’s shoulder.
Ethan chuckles.
“If they’re not talking about me, then what?” Xan asks.
I look over. “Twitter. We’re trending again, and we didn’t even make a public appearance.”
“Then what the fuck’s trending?” Xander asks.
Ethan sighs. “I didn’t see it, but I can guess. I bet it’s about the show we have coming up, and likely something about the fight Linc has coming up.”
“Ding, ding, ding,” Tera says, “we have a winner.”
"Los intolerantes estúpidos. No les prestes atención. Mis hijos aman a quienes aman. La felicidad es todo lo que importa. ¡Idiotas!” Mama rants.
Ethan walks over and hugs my mom. She’s kind of a surrogate mom for him, too. She was there for us all growing up and no one could love us more.
“Don’t get so upset, Mrs. M,” Ethan murmurs.
She hugs him fiercely. “It’s not right.”
“No, it’s not, but it’s the way it is. Words won’t break me, or Linc, or us together.”
Mama kisses Ethan’s cheek. “Such good boys. Such love. I’m so proud of you both.”
“What about me?” Xander asks.
Mama gives him a look, one I know is teasing, but he doesn’t know it.
“Idiota!”
Xander runs over and hugs her. “I love you, Mrs. M. Whatever I did, I’m sorry.”
She starts to laugh.
Xander pulls back from the hug and looks down at her with the same look he gave Ethan.
“Trickery!” Xander shouts. “I’m getting a complex.”
“You’ll get over it,” I tell him.
“There’s nothing to get over. Now I know for sure I’m made of awesome. Mrs. M loves me.” Xan struts.
“Yes, I love you, Xander,” Mama admits. “I was talking about the Twitter idiots.”
Xan continues to strut.
Kiki comes into the kitchen, runs right past Xander, and beelines for Tera. Tera picks her up as Xander looks on. His smug expression deflates.
He falls to his knees in front of Tera and Kiki. “Why you gotta do me so wrong, Kiki? I thought you loved me. You’re breaking my heart.”
“Kiki love you,” Kiki tells him. “Kiki love RaRa too. She gives me piggies.”
“Piggies?” I ask.
She pulls on her pigtails. “Piggies.”
“But I teach you how to play the drums,” Xander argues.
“Kiki love drums! But RaRa shares her lip gloss,” Kiki tells him.
Xander stands up and dusts off his knees. “Well, there’s no topping that.”
Tera laughs. “Especially when the lip gloss is flavored.”
“You cheater!” Xander scolds.
Tera laughs some more and Kiki claps.
This kid. She’s two going on twenty. I’m starting to like her. I look over and Ethan’s smirking. Damn it. Busted.
21
ETHAN
We’re setting up for the private charity event at the Staples Center and it’s hot as hell out today. Sweat rolls down my back, catching on my sleeveless shirt just before it would’ve run down my ass crack.
“I’m going to need a fucking shower before we go on,” I tell Jesse between songs at our soundcheck.
“Right on. Fucking heat wave,” Jesse replies.
“Where are the Santa Ana’s when you need them?” Xander asks.
“I think either el Nino or la Nina have fucked with Mother Nature, and she’s not gifting us any Santa Ana winds this year,” Kenney answers.
Xander frowns. “That fucking sucks. How the hell are we supposed to surf when there’s no surf?”
Kennedy shrugs. “Take it up with the big man upstairs,” Kennedy points to the sky, “and Mother
Nature.”
“They have their own agenda,” Xander snips.
“That they do,” I agree.
“Think Linc’s gonna beat some ass tomorrow night?” Jesse asks.
“Never doubt Knox. Ever,” I remind him.
“I never do,” Jesse answers.
“Who’s he fighting?” Kennedy asks.
“I don’t know. He said it’s a random matchup thing like they did last summer.”
“Hmm. We missed that. Definitely something I want to see,” Jesse tells me.
“We’ll make the next one.”
Cage comes walking up looking cool and perfectly put together. How the guy does it, I don’t know. We’re standing here sweating like pigs, and he’s cool as a cucumber.
“Batman,” Xander says with a nod.
“Everything all set?” Cage asks.
“We’re gonna do one more, then we’re all set,” Jesse replies.
Cage nods. “There are showers and air conditioning in the back. I insisted. You can’t very well go on stage with heat exhaustion.”
“That’s a fact. We can hang out on the bus, too,” Ben says. “Maybe take a nap.”
“Nothing short of an hour or you turn into a prick,” Jesse chides.
“Fuck off, bro,” Ben sneers.
“Temper, temper,” Sera says as she walks out to where we’re standing. “I’ve never been so glad to not have to perform. This weather is disgusting.”
“Imagine living in Florida,” Kennedy throws out there.
Sera looks at him in horror. “No. I had to model there more than once. Frizzy hair, air so thick you can barely breathe, and so hot and humid it feels like a sauna. I’ll pass, thanks.”
Kennedy nods. “Right on.”
“We’ve got tight security tonight. The show is sold out and with this heat, I imagine the crowd will get a bit unruly,” Cage informs us. “They’ve got the cool mist set up for you guys.”
“Thank fuck,” Ben replies. “I hate this heat.”
“Dude, when we get playing, you won’t even realize it’s hot,” Xander reminds Ben.
When we play, nothing exists but the instruments and the music… and the crowd’s cheers and singing along. There’s nothing better than hearing thousands of people singing a song you wrote.
