REFRAIN: A ROCKSTAR ROMANCE

by Anne Mercier

  36

  ETHAN

  “So, the nightmares,” Joan begins. “They started again from the attack?”

  I nod. “Yeah. I think it’s because they grabbed me from behind pulled me into the darkness that way. I was helpless with my arms twisted behind my back.”

  “Did that happen to you? The twisted arms?”

  I nod. “Only once.”

  I pick at my sweatpants, Joan waits and Linc remains silent next to me. A therapy session in our bedroom. Some might see it as strange. We see it as family.

  “It was the last time,” I admit. “He’s the one I stabbed.”

  Joan nods. “He was the one who hurt you the first time.”

  I nod. “He was the one who hurt me every time. No one else. Just him. And she didn’t stop it. She knew.”

  “She was a deplorable human being,” Joan tells me. “And she’s dead. He’s gone and can’t hurt you anymore.”

  “I know that.”

  “You have Lincoln by your side.”

  At that I smile. “I do. He’s always there. He brings me back from the dark dreams.”

  She nods. “How do you feel knowing you can do that for him, Lincoln.”

  “Damn good. I’ll do anything to help him out of there. I wish I could prevent those dreams from finding him from time to time,” Linc says honestly.

  “It’s hard, not being able to protect him from that,” Joan says.

  “It is. But I know I can help him find the light again,” Linc answers.

  “Do you want to talk about the dream, Ethan?” she asks.

  He shakes his head. “You both know the one. It’s always the same one.”

  “How long has it been since the last one?” Joan questions.

  I pause, then look at Linc. “I’m not sure. Before Linc got here. I think it was when Summer was attacked.”

  “Babe,” Linc soothes, rubbing my back with a gentle touch.

  “Don’t feel bad for not being here. It was the way it had to be then,” I remind him.

  “Then,” he replies. “No more.”

  I shake my head. “No. No more. No matter who needs what. We come first now.”

  Linc kisses my neck.

  “I love seeing this from you both,” Joan begins. “You’re finally putting yourselves and your relationship above everyone else. You had to wait a long time to really be together, and all because you are two very understanding men who knew Tera needed you, Linc, and Xander needed, you, Ethan.”

  I open my mouth, then close it. “I was going to say plus we weren’t ready, but that’s not true at all. We were always together when I went to New York. We hid it from no one. Out on the streets, in the restaurants, at home. While Tera thought she knew, she wasn’t sure. We didn’t do it to hide anything, it’s just how we were then.”

  Linc leans forward. “We don’t want that anymore. We want to be together, and to love one another, without anyone interfering. It’s not that we don’t care the same for them, it’s just we matter more now. We’ve waited too long as it is.”

  I nod. “We’re rounding thirty. I want as many years with Linc as I can get. That’s why we’re getting married.”

  Joan’s eyes pop out and she laughs. “I am so happy for you both. This… this is the step I was hoping you’d take, Ethan. You’ve been ready for this for a very long time. And you, Linc. I don’t even have words. Does he finally realize you accept him as he is?”

  Linc smirks. “He does.”

  I nod. “I do.”

  “Ethan brought something up to me last night,” Linc begins. “He thinks he’s not normal because we don’t, pardon my French, fuck like, and I quote ‘normal people’. All I can think when he worries about that is, since when are we normal? We’re us. We love how we love. We define us.”

  “I couldn’t have said it better,” Joan tells me. “Ethan, you know your worth. You know. Don’t let some stigma or stereotype be something that makes you doubt.”

  “We don’t need to do it that way,” Linc tells me. “Not unless you want to. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. You give me everything.”

  I feel like a pussy right now. I want to cry. I can’t fight the one that slips from my eye.

  “You’ll never feel unloved again,” Joan reassures me.

  I nod. “After the attacks, I don’t want to worry about my past anymore. Life’s too short. I want to look to the future. Granted, I’ll have setbacks like last night.”

  “You were triggered,” Joan tells me.

  I nod. “I don’t think they’ll happen very often. I feel safe when Linc’s with me.”

  “Which is why I’m going to discuss with Cage and Gio the possibility of joining Russo Security,” Linc tells Joan.

  Joan frowns. “You know what that entails?”

  Linc nods. “I do. I’m good with all of that.”

  “That should be an interesting meeting. Should you need to discuss anything, don’t hesitate to call or stop by—one or both of you. It’s a change and a risky one.”

  “Thank you, Joan, for going out of your way for us today,” I tell her. “It means a lot that we didn’t have to venture out. I don’t think I could have if I tried. I’m so stiff and sore.”

  “Take a long soak in the hot tub or jacuzzi. You’ll feel better afterward,” she informs me.

  I nod.

  “You’re a good woman and an amazing therapist, Joan Wathey,” Linc tells her, hugging her lightly.

  “We’ll talk soon,” she says, leaving the room and closing the door behind her.

  “Just one more meeting,” I remind Linc.

  “We’ve got time. Let’s take a soak before the big men show up,” Linc offers.

  I groan. “Yes, please.”

  37

  LINC

  The hot tub was just what we needed. Mama hovered as the hot tub is out near the pool and she saw us heading that way. She worries too much, but I get it.

  Kennedy and Ben joined us. We hung out and shot the shit. They compared mine and Ethan’s bruises and injuries. His facial bruises beat mine, but my torso bruises won out. Like it’s a competition, I chuckle to myself.

  Giovanni Russo is a scary man. He’s very composed, dressed to the nines in an expensive suit and shoes, not a hair out of place. He’s a good-looking older man, and I can see the resemblance in Lucy—Joey not so much.

  Cage Nichols has his own level of scary. He is controlled, intelligent, and classy. He always looks so well put together. If I weren’t in love with Ethan and Cage swung my way, I’d totally bang him—if he’d let me, that is.

  Sera Manzini-Nichols is dressed professionally today in a lavender pantsuit, white silky shirt, and heels. Her hair is up in some sleek twist. This isn’t the Sera I’m used to seeing. This is a completely different level.

  We meet in the conference room just off the studio at the back of the house. It’s set up with water and coffee, and a fruit, crackers, and cheese platter.

  Giovanni sits at the head of the table and Sera and Cage each sit next to him. Then Ethan and I—me next to Sera, Ethan next to Cage.

  “I’m curious what this meeting is about,” Giovanni begins.

  “Mr. Russo—”

  He waves a hand. “Call me Gio.”

  I swallow. I’m sweating a bit. Hell. “All right. Gio. After what happened to both myself and Ethan, I’ve done a lot of thinking. I’m going to step back from fighting.”

  Sera doesn’t gasp aloud, but her body tightens.

  “I’m hoping you might have an opening for a guy like me in Russo Security. A position where I can be around Ethan and the family to help protect them.” I laid my cards out on the table. Let’s see if I’ve got a winning hand.

  Giovanni pauses and looks to Cage.

  Cage meets my gaze. “I had a feeling this is how it would go. There are a lot of things that go with being a member of Russo Security. You know it’s part of Russo Famiglia, correct?”

  “I do.”

/>   “It goes without saying this conversation is confidential,” Sera adds.

  “Of course,” I reply, and she nods.

  “Thank you, Fee,” Cage says. “Russo Famiglia has many different levels. The level you’re suggesting is pretty deep in the ranks, and it’s not just protection.”

  I nod.

  “I’m just going to lay it all out for you. No sugar coating it.”

  “Please do.”

  “Security also includes dealing with those who wish to harm us. Meaning, if we give the order, it’s either torture or elimination or both,” Cage says.

  “I can handle that.”

  “But what if it’s someone you know?” Sera asks. “Say it’s a fellow fighter, a friend, would you be able to torture them for information, then shoot them in the head when you’re done?”

  I blow out a breath. “If they hurt someone I love or part of the family, then yeah, I could do it. I don’t like being betrayed on any level.”

  She nods. “Could you kill a stranger just because you were ordered to? No explanation? Just a name, a face, and a bullet?”

  “Honestly, that’d be a whole lot easier than someone I gave a shit about,” I admit.

  “You say that, but what if the person is married with children?” Sera questions.

  “An order is an order and it’s being delivered for a reason. Whatever this person did or didn’t do, it has nothing to do with the family left behind.”

  “Why?” Cage asks.

  “Because they didn’t give a shit when they did whatever they did to piss off the family, betray the family, or hurt the family,” I tell them frankly.

  Gio nods. “You understand, then.”

  “I do.”

  Gio leans forward. “There will be no refusing orders, but we won’t give you orders you can’t handle.”

  “All right.”

  “Cage and Sera will go over the nondisclosure and binding family agreement with you. If you choose to sign, you can never unsign. Understand?” Gio asks.

  I nod. “Yes, Sir.”

  “Good. I’ll leave you to handle the business while I go help my wife deal with Kiki,” Gio says with a smirk. “Jesse’s correct. She’s a She Devil.”

  I look at Gio. “She scares the shit out of me.”

  He nods. “Me as well. Rest up, gentlemen, and I wish you a speedy recovery.”

  “Thank you,” Ethan mumbles.

  When Gio leaves the room, Ethan’s eyes get wide and he looks at Sera. “If I sign the NDA, can you tell me about some of the wicked shit you’ve done? I always knew you were a badass.”

  Sera laughs. “I can tell you a little, but no names.”

  “No…” Ethan says, hands up. “No names. I don’t want any names.”

  Cage’s lips twitch. “You’re safe, Ethan. I can promise you that.”

  “Thanks, man,” Ethan answers.

  My brow furrows. “Do you know something about what happened?”

  Cage nods. “I’m not one hundred percent certain, but as soon as I am, you’ll be the first ones to know.”

  “Will I be allowed to handle it?” I ask, nostrils flaring.

  Cage nods. “Yes, but you’ll keep your cool, and Sera will be by your side.”

  Sera winks.

  The papers are laid before me, and Cage begins explaining each and every point.

  “Some of this stuff is in the Falling Down contract,” Ethan interrupts.

  Cage nods. “You all just had to see where that black elevator went. I knew you would. There’s no stopping Lucy, Xander, and Meggie when they get something in their heads.”

  Ethan chuckles. “They’re still convinced you have a bat cave.”

  Sera smirks. “That’s our bedroom.”

  Now, Ethan laughs and so do I. We both wince at the rib pain.

  “We’ve got some things that will help with the rib pain,” Sera tells us, pointing to her rolling suitcase.

  “Thank fuck,” I announce. “It’s the worst of my pain—well, besides the head lacs.”

  Cage nods. “That won’t happen again.”

  I nod in return.

  “Ever,” he states plainly, but I hear certainty along with a bit of rage.

  Ethan nods this time.

  “Next point,” Cage says, pointing to the papers.

  It takes two hours, but when we’re done, I feel better about things.

  “This doesn’t make you a ‘made man’,” Sera tells me. “You have to earn that if it’s what you’re looking for.”

  “I’m undecided,” I admit.

  “Sometimes the decisions are made for you,” Cage tells me.

  “However it goes, I’m in.”

  I sign the papers and Ethan signs a new NDA.

  Russo Security. Russo Famiglia.

  Safety.

  38

  LUCY

  “Nana,” I sigh, giving her a hug.

  “I see we have some issues with Kierah.”

  “Me no like Kierah. Me Kiki!” Kierah shouts.

  “Don’t you take that tone with me, young lady,” Nana starts, and Kiki crosses her arms over her chest. “You don’t frighten me child. Not with your look, your attitude, or your posture. I’ve got more mojo in my little finger than you do in your entire little body.”

  Kiki looks at Nana now, curiously.

  “Me see?” Kiki asks.

  “What do you want to see?” Nana asks in return.

  Jesse books it out of the room. “I don’t want to see shit. I didn’t hear anything. I didn’t see anything. I don’t know anything. Good luck.”

  I laugh.

  “Can you bring the flower lady?” Kiki asks, and Nana falters. Lily. She means Lily.

  “I’ll see if she’s around.” Nana sits in the chair, closing her eyes, her fingers twitching occasionally. Then I smell it. Flowers.

  “Sera. I should get Sera,” I mutter.

  “I already reached for her,” Nana tells me.

  A tear runs down my cheek.

  Kiki’s mouth is shaped with a tiny O. “You smell pretty.”

  Lily must talk to Kiki somehow. I watch as Kiki nods.

  “I not a bad girl. It funny,” Kiki defends.

  Silence. It’s like Kierah is entranced.

  “I wish I could see her,” I whisper to Nana.

  She nods. “I can’t see her either. I just feel her.”

  “Does she talk to you?”

  Nana nods. “In dreams.”

  “Me too,” Sera says from the doorway. “Thanks for calling me, Nana.”

  Kiki looks at Sera.

  “You mama smell pretty.”

  Sera nods. “Does she talk to you?”

  Kiki nods.

  “Does she know I’m here?”

  Kiki nods again. “She touch your hair.”

  Sera smiles, and tears fill her eyes.

  “She say she love you.”

  “I love you too, mama. I miss you so much,” Sera says softly. “But I know you’re always here with me.”

  Kiki nods.

  “What do we do?” Nana asks. “If I bind her further…”

  We may lose our connection to Lily. She doesn’t have to say it for all of us to know it.

  Kiki looks sad. “Mama?”

  “Yes?”

  “I promise I be good. Me no want Sera sad. She need her mommy.”

  I look at my daughter. My daughter who knows too much for her age, and I nod. “If you promise Nana, then we’ll agree. If you break the promise, you’ll make us very sad and Lily won’t be able to visit.”

  Kiki’s lip trembles. “I promise.”

  I look to Nana. Her face is anguished.

  “She say no be sad, Nana,” Kiki announces.

  Nana smiles softly. “Thank you, Kiki. I love you, Lily Darling. We’ll keep the connection open for now. No more scaring the men.”

  Kiki nods then shakes her head. “No, Nana say not funny.”

  “Lily,” Nana scolds.

 
Kiki giggles. “You in trouble.”

  The scent of flowers gets heavier before slowly fading away.

  Sera sits down on the floor, legs crossed, back against the wall, tears falling down her cheeks. “She might be a She Devil, but Mama likes her. I think Mama will keep Kiki in line now.”

  Nana clucks her tongue. “Your mother laughed and thought it was funny.”

  I look to Kiki where she sits on the sofa, and she’s sound asleep, a smile on her face.

  “In dreams,” I murmur.

  Nana smiles. “Let me know if she oversteps again. There’ll be no second chances.”

  I nod. “None.”

  Kadi comes walking in. “Flower lady and mama came.”

  I hug her tightly. “And they will again soon.”

  Kadi nods. “I guess Kiki being bad made something good happen.”

  Sera sighs. “Kiki knows now what being naughty can do. She doesn’t want to lose any of her friends.”

  I look at my sister. “Do you think she sees more than just Lily, Tommy, and Sydney?”

  Sera nods. “I do. I just hope she can block out the bad.”

  I still, fear flowing through me. “I never thought of that.”

  Nana stands up. “I did. She’s protected.”

  I hug her. “Thank you, Nana.”

  “You’re welcome, sweet Lucy. Your husband needs to get some spine. If he can face Regina, he can handle one little girl,” Nana teases.

  “He fears the mojo,” Sera announces.

  Nana smirks. “And so he should.”

  Gampy stands in the doorway. “I’m really glad I missed whatever happened here.”

  I laugh and hug him. “You should be.”

  He sniffs and his arms tighten. “Lily.”

  I nod as he lets go, turning to Sera.

  “Come, Serafina.” He holds his arms out to her and she falls right into them. “You do your mother proud.”

  “She wouldn’t like me being part of things,” Sera admits.

  “If circumstances were different, neither would I. But this is something you need, and I think she’d understand that,” Gampy says.

  “I hope you’re right,” Sera whispers.

  “You dare question me, child?” he teases.