Second Chance With Me: A With Me in Seattle Universe Novel

by S. Moose

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll text you soon. Thank you for the chance, Ashley.”

  “Yep.”

  I hurry inside and rush to my bedroom, closing the door and sliding down against it.

  This can’t be happening. Clayton Turner isn’t back in Seattle. He didn’t come to my house and see Alex. It’s all in my head.

  I cover my face with my hand and pinch my leg, feeling the instant pain and realizing I’m not dreaming and this is reality. For whatever reasons he’s back, I know it’s not a good reason. Something’s going on and I refuse to allow him to come into Alex’s life to take him away or break his heart the way he broke mine.

  Chapter 10

  Ashley

  “Ashley?” Scott’s little voice snaps me into the present.

  “Hey, kiddo. What’s up?”

  “I’m checking on you. You’re quiet today.”

  I look around his small hospital room and see his friends’ pictures and the albums of his family.

  A year ago, I transferred from the NICU to the Pediatric Cancer Unit, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made. This position is difficult, and I deal with emotionally draining cases but also cases with so much joy and triumph.

  “I’m doing okay, buddy. Thank you so much for worrying about me. Now it’s my turn to worry about you. How are you feeling?”

  He shrugs. “My mom came by earlier today. It’s Nathan’s tenth birthday. They wanted to bring him by to see me, but I told them no. He’s my big brother, and I want him to have the best day ever. When it was my birthday, Nathan made my day a big deal. I want that for my brother.”

  “That’s so sweet. You’re a great kid.” I finish the exam and pull the blanket to his chest. “You sure you’re feeling good?”

  “I’m a little tired.” He yawns and sinks deeper into his bed. “Will you come by later?”

  “Of course. Get some rest.”

  I walk out of the room and finish my rounds before heading to the nurses' table to complete a few notes and follow-ups.

  The day goes by fast, and I haven’t felt my phone vibrate. Alex is at camp, and I need to pick him up in a few hours.

  My heart is pounding, my mind racing, and all I can do is think about him. I’m not sure why he’s here and it’s bothering me. So many years have gone by. I didn’t think he’d ever come to me and stand on my porch. I thought by now he’d have a girlfriend or wife. Then my mind does something bitchy and brings me back to happier times. Us in his bed, he’s holding me in his arms, kissing the top of my head, and whispering how much he loves me.

  I shut down the memory and quickly finish my notes. I won’t disappoint Alex.

  But is this real life?

  Shaking my head, I fight back the tears and try to put myself back together.

  Being outside is exactly what I need. The day's commotion should take my mind off things, and I should be focusing on work and my patients. This is what I went to school and worked hard to achieve. I refuse to allow Clayton to distract and frustrate me while I’m at work. My full attention needs to be on the people who need me the most.

  Not Clayton and not what’s going on in my life.

  “Hey.” A gentle voice gets my attention, and I turn to see Meg Montgomery sit next to me. “I wish I had more time to talk. We’ll have to grab lunch soon.”

  “It’s okay. Thanks for coming. I didn’t know what else to do, and I know you’re so busy, so I appreciate you coming to see me.”

  “Of course. I’m always here for you. So, I talked to Will.”

  “You know.” That’s all I manage to say in a whisper before the tears stream down my face. “He’s here, and he saw me. He saw Alex. He knows where I live. When I saw him, I don’t know, I felt my chest constricting. I felt my world crashing. We’ve done so well without Clayton. I’m fine without him, but now that he’s here, I feel like I can’t breathe because I’m afraid he’s going to cause issues for us. What am I supposed to do?” I look at Meg, hoping she’ll have an answer for me.

  “You need to do what’s best for you and Alex. Listen to your heart and ignore what everyone else is saying.” All I can do is nod. “I need to head out, but I’m here if you need me.”

  “Thank you.”

  I watch Meg walk away, and I sit up straighter, take a deep breath, wipe my tears, and shake off the overwhelming emotions of knowing he’s here.

  I want to puke.

  I had a feeling we’d cross paths. It was bound to happen eventually. I never thought I’d see him with Alex by my side, though. All I’d dreamed about was Clayton meeting his son and us trying to navigate life as a family. Those were dreams, though, and I never thought it would come true.

  Now part of it is, and I have no idea what to do.

  The look on Clayton’s face when he saw Alex and realized who he was broke my heart. He didn’t come after us when we stormed out. Granted, I’m sure he was going to faint, and it didn’t register that I was standing before him holding our son’s hand, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. It still didn’t make things easy. I had to come up with a plan.

  I pull myself together and back into work. The elevator ride is quiet, and it gives me a few more minutes of peace. Getting off the elevator, I continue down the hall before walking into a room.

  “Hi, little man. How’s it going today?”

  He shrugs and turns to his side. I walk over and sit down, placing my hand on his and waiting until he says something.

  “Brandon. Is everything okay?”

  He coughs into his little hand and then looks at me. “My mom’s working all the time, and my dad’s out of town. I know they miss me, and I miss them. It sucks they have to work so much. It’s my fault.”

  Heartbreak number three of the day.

  Brandon’s little sister was in the NICU for a few months, and during that time, I got to know him and his family well. Belle, Brandon’s little sister, is doing so well, but now Brandon’s back in the hospital. I feel for his family and pray good news will come because they need to believe again and to feel like things are getting better.

  If there’s a God, then why did he create a disease that took the lives of innocent children?

  These were questions I often battled with and wondered about. I hated not having the answers and felt lost on most days.

  “I’m so sorry they’re working a lot. Did your grandparents and Evan stop by?”

  “Yes. They did. Evan stayed for a while. Even though he’s my half-brother, I call him my real brother. He’s the best. He said when I turn eighteen, he’s going to take me to Miami where all the hotties live.”

  This makes me burst out laughing. It’s the first time I’ve laughed since seeing Clayton.

  “Well, mister, you have eight more years until that happens. I’m glad you had some visitors today. How’s Belle?”

  “Mom and Dad tell me she’s doing good. She’s too young to be here in the hospital, but they got on FaceTime with her for me, and I talked to her. My little sister is the best.”

  “She is, but you’re awesome too. Is there anything I can do for you? What do you need?”

  Brandon squeezes my hand. “You seem sad, Ashley. What can I do for you?”

  Even though Brandon has leukemia and has been in the hospital for over a month with no hope of returning home, but he’s the kid with the biggest heart. He’s always asking us if we’re okay and if there’s anything he can do to make our days better.

  Bless his heart.

  “Nothing, honey. Thank you for asking.” I squeeze his hand back and get up from the chair. “I’m going to check your vitals now. Think about what I can get you.”

  “Thank you, Ashley. You’re my favorite nurse.”

  I wink. “I bet ya say that to all the nurses.”

  “No. Only you.”

  Chapter 11

  Clayton

  I park my car in the lot at the hospital with a perfect view of her car. When I get out, I check the time and
see I have five minutes before she gets out of work, and then we’ll have about ten minutes to talk. I need to make sure I use every precious second.

  Unbuttoning my suit jacket, I put my hands in my pockets and wait. My mind is rolling with things I want to say to her. Things I should’ve said to her when we saw each other this morning.

  Everything was rushed when I saw her earlier, but I caught her off guard. I guess it’s what I do best since I’m doing it again.

  “Clayton?” I look up and see Ashley coming my way. “What are you doing here?”

  I put my hands up in defense. “I know you don’t have a lot of time. I just want to apologize for this morning. I didn’t mean to come at you the way I did. I saw an opportunity, and I had to take it. Please don’t think I’m trying to be disrespectful.”

  She sighs and rubs her hand down her face. “I don’t know what you want me to say. You’ve been gone for so long. Alex is five now. Do you know you have a five-year-old?”

  “I know, Ashley. Trust me.”

  “Trust you?” She scoffs. “I did that before, and look what happened. I trusted you with my heart and soul, and you broke it. You killed me. All the promises you made were lies. You’re a liar and an asshole. You don’t deserve a single moment of my time.”

  I grab her arm and stop her from leaving. She swings her bag at me, and I place my hands up again.

  “Don’t you dare touch me, Clayton.”

  Slowly, I say, “I know. I know I shouldn’t have grabbed you, and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to leave. Please hear me out. That’s all I’m asking.”

  She sighs, placing her hands on her hips. “I’m going to have to answer his questions. Before you came into the picture, he asked why he didn’t have a dad. Do you know how hard it was for me to tell him that his daddy was busy, but he loves him?”

  “I do love him. Not one day passed when I didn’t think about you or our child.”

  “Lies!” she yells and takes a few steps back. “If you thought about us, then you should’ve come to see us. I never left Seattle. You could’ve gotten any information you wanted from Meg or Will. You let me walk away. I was nice to you this morning, but now, no. You need to stay the hell away from me and from us, Clayton. I won’t allow you to hurt Alex the way you hurt me.”

  I step closer, careful that I don’t startle her. “I know that, Ashley. I live with that regret, and I’ll always be sorry for doing that to you. Please know, I was stupid. So fucking stupid. I let you go. You were perfect for me. You saved me, and I was too stubborn to go after you. I know it’s not much, and I hope one day it will be, but I am here. I am not going anywhere, and I won’t stay away.”

  Ashley’s eyes meet mine, and fuck, I’ve missed her.

  “I will never forgive myself for letting you walk away and hurting you. It’ll stay with me until the day I die.”

  “You didn’t hurt me. You killed me. That’s in the past, and I’m living in the present and for the future. I have a little boy who needs me to be strong. You can’t come back. Don’t come near me again, Clayton. You don’t have any rights to Alex or me. Leave us alone.”

  “I can’t do that.” I let her know. “I’ll do whatever you need, but I won’t let this go. I’m back in Seattle, and I’m going to find a way to get you and our family back together. All I ask is if you can find it in your heart, please give me another chance. Another chance to be your friend. To be a father to our son. All I need is another chance.”

  When I look at Ashely, it reminds me of a time when we lived an easy life.

  We had it all—passion, love, trust, and hope. The passion ignited our souls. The love was pure and true from the start. I trusted her with my life, and she trusted me with hers. The hope was there for us, and I let it go when I watched her walked away. I still saw the girl I fell in love with.

  I fell in love with the girl.

  And I’m still in love with the woman.

  Tears well in her eyes, and I see her bottom lip tremble. Without thinking, I pull Ashley into my arms and hold her against my chest. She fights me for a few seconds before giving up and wrapping her arms around my waist.

  “I’m not going anywhere. I know I need to gain your trust again, but I’m telling you the truth. I want another chance. Whatever chance you’re able to give me, please find it in your heart. I’ll take it. I’ll take anything.”

  Ashley lets me go and pulls away from me. We stand in the middle of the parking lot, some distance between us, and I watch her watch the pavement below her shoes.

  “I need time. That’s all I can ask for right now. That’s all I can give you.”

  “And I’ll give that to you.”

  “Thanks,” she mutters and walks to her car, and all I can do is watch her drive away.

  After she’s out of the parking lot, I get back into my car and head to the grocery store nearby to grab dinner. When I park my car and head inside, I look around to see if there’s anything worth getting.

  “You’re really back.”

  I turn around to the familiar voice and see a very pissed Gina standing a few feet from me.

  “She told me you were back. I didn’t think I’d see you around here. What are you doing, Clayton?”

  “Good to see you too, Gina. You’re right. I’m back, and I don’t plan on leaving. I can’t leave her again.” I want to tell her more, but I don’t know how close we would still be.

  While I was with Ashley, I became close to Gina. She confided in me about things, and I was there for her.

  Gina comes closer and sighs. “You can’t think this is okay. You let her go. You have no idea what she went through when you let her go. She cried every day, and I thought she was going to lose herself. Alex kept her alive and strong. She found the courage to live again, and she’s been doing great. She’s an amazing mother and puts Alex before her own life.”

  “I don’t doubt that. I know she’s an amazing mother. She’s an amazing woman, and her heart knows no hate. I’m going to get her back. I don’t care how long it takes. I don’t care if I have to show her how much I love her and Alex. If I have to go to the ends of the earth to show her, then I will. If I have to walk through fire to let her know how serious I am, then I will. There’s nothing I won’t do for her and our son.”

  Gina’s eyes go wide in shock, and she becomes speechless. I know she wants to say more and has more opinions about his.

  “I need this, Gina. I need to make her understand where I am standing and how I am not letting her go.”

  “You can give me this amazing speech, but it doesn’t mean anything. I can tell her all this, and she’ll take it for what it’s worth, but you need to show her. You have no idea how hard it was for her to lift herself back up.”

  “I know,” I whisper under my breath, shutting my eyes and pushing out what she’s had to go through. “I’m trying.”

  “Yeah. I get that. She’s trying too. Don’t rush her.”

  “I won’t. It was good seeing you. I’m sure I’ll see you again.”

  Gina smirked. “You will. Don’t fuck up, Clayton. If you want her and Alex, then be there. But it needs to be on her time, not yours.”

  “Noted.”

  Chapter 12

  Ashley

  When I pick up Alex from camp, he stays quiet until we get home, and I get him out of his booster seat. I’m trying to figure out what I want to say to him. How am I going to answer all of his questions?

  Does he have questions?

  This isn’t something I want to happen. Not now. I didn’t think we would have this kind of conversation while he’s so young. He should know Clayton is here, and he’s his father.

  “Alex, can I talk to you for a second?”

  “Sure, Mom.”

  Kneeling to his level, I place my hands in his hands. This is like a Band-Aid. I need to pull it off and get it over with. I don’t want to lie to him. Yes, he’s only five years old, but our relationship is built on trust and communication. He need
s to know what I know, and I don’t want any regrets later in life. I don’t want him blaming me for the fact he doesn’t have a father. I’ve seen many situations where this happens. I see the pain in the eyes of the parent trying to protect their children.

  Then again, this is what I watch on the television. How it’s my reality, I honestly don’t know.

  “That man who came today, do you remember him?”

  “I think so. Auntie Leigh was talking to Auntie Dana, and she kept saying he’s back. I tried not to listen because you said that’s not nice. She talks loudly, and it was coming out of the radio. They were saying more, but it’s hard to remember. She was using a lot of words and talking fast. I wanted her to slow down, but Auntie Leigh didn’t hear me.”

  “Well, I am glad you get to hear this from me and not your aunts.” I pause, taking in his soft features. He reminds me so much of Clayton. Like a Band-Aid, I remind myself. I know if I don’t do this now, it’ll be harder later. “That man this morning is your daddy. I know you’re going to have a lot of questions. We can talk about anything you want.”

  “My daddy?” He gasps, and his face lights with happiness and glowing emotions. “My wishes came true.”

  “What, honey?”

  “My wishes. When I blew out my birthday candles, I wished for my daddy to come back.”

  My face falls. I had no idea he wished for Clayton. Guilt washes over me, and I hang my head low. These are the type of things I should know. I’ve always made sure Alex is around family. My sisters play a huge role in Alex’s life, but I guess it doesn’t replace a parent.

  “My daddy is here. I don’t have only a mommy. This is amazing.”

  I muster a smile and tell myself this is for Alex. “He’s here. Do you want him to come around?”

  “I do, Mama. I want to get to know my dad.”

  This isn’t going the way I want it to. As much as I want to keep Alex safe and away from Clayton, a part of me knows that’s not the right thing to do.