by S. Moose
“So, about that break room.”
Alex has a football in one hand and uses his other hand to hold mine. Damn, it feels good to see him again and having them visit me.
“I got you breakfast.” Ashley hands me a brown bag, and I can smell the breakfast sandwich. My mouth immediately waters. “It’s just a smoked salmon bagel sandwich.”
“Extra capers?”
“Yes. Extra capers.”
“Thanks, baby.” I lean over and kiss her cheek. “I didn’t get a chance to get breakfast. Again, sorry for running out this morning. We had an issue, and I had to deal with it with Nolan.”
“I get it. It’s okay.”
When we get to the break room, and Alex rushes inside, looking at all the technology and gaming system.
“I need to live here. Dad, can you hire me? Mom, I don’t need to go to camp. I can live here. Holy cow. This is awesome.”
“This is your break room?” Ashley looks around.
“Well, this is a tech company. We have a gaming department and developers who are creating games and testers to test. I’m a kid at heart.” I shrug my shoulders. “It’s a great way for our employees to let loose a little and break up the day.”
“Wow.” She whispers and looks at me. “I’m proud of you. This is incredible.”
“Thanks, baby.” My chest tightens. It feels good to hear she’s proud of me. Swallowing hard, I find it hard to take a breath. Her long brown hair flows, and I notice the simple outfit she has on – black leggings and a flowy light blue tank top. When I finish taking in every gorgeous inch of her, I lift my eyes to meet hers. “You’re beautiful, Ashley.”
“Thank you,” she replies and slides her hand into mine. “I should get Alex to camp. If you can pick him up today, I’d appreciate it.”
“Not a problem. I’ll buy a booster seat for my car, so we don’t have to transfer it from your car to mine.”,
“That works. Good idea.”
“I can have dinner ready for you if you’d like.”
Her grip on my hand tightens. “Yeah, that’ll be nice.”
“Thanks for the surprise visit. It was nice, baby.”
“Of course.”
I walk Ashley and Alex back to the car and look at Ashley, admiring how she’s holding our son’s hand and imagining more children with her.
“Alex.” He stops and turns to look at me. I take a few steps so I can get close to him and kneel. “I have something I want to talk to you about.” I look at Ashley, and she instantly smiles, knowing where I’m going with the conversation. “Are you okay with mommy and daddy starting to spend more time together?”
“What? Yeah! I want you and mommy to be together. I want us to be a family.”
“We want that too, honey.” Ashley chimes in. “As long as you’re okay with that, then we will start as a family. Daddy will come over more, and we’ll put you to bed and wake up with you in the mornings.”
“This is the best day ever.”
“We’re glad that you think that, buddy. I hope you have a great day at camp.”
“Thanks, Daddy. I love you.”
I smile and hug him. “I love you too.”
Chapter 30
Ashley
For the past month, Clayton’s been coming over and spending the night. Since his place is a one-bedroom, spending time at my house makes the most sense.
Having Clayton with me, spending time with us, makes me believe this is truly our second chance. The walls are down. My heart’s ready to love him and keep him in our lives. The doubts are gone. I believe in Clayton.
I believe in us.
It’s Saturday morning, and we’re outside, hanging out with Leigh and my mom. Dana and Jesse are coming over with my nephew, Axle Jamison.
“Dad, I’m glad you’re here more.”
“Why’s that?”
I lean in and listen to their conversation. I love hearing them talk.
“Mommy’s not sad anymore. She doesn’t cry, and she’s happier. You make her happy, and you make me happy.”
Clayton and I start laughing. I tug on his side and pull him over, so he sits on my lap.
“Smile, you guys!” Leigh pulls out her phone and snaps a picture of us. “This is so cute. The three of you are so perfect.”
My mom looks over and smiles. “I agree.” She comes and sits down at the table. “I have something to talk to you about.”
“Sure, mom. What’s going on?”
She smiles before speaking. “I’m going to move out and move in with Dana, Jesse, and Axel. Honey, your life is coming together, and I’m so proud of you. I think it’s time you build your family, and I can help Dana and Jesse.”
I’m not sure how to feel. I hate the idea of my mom leaving, but I understand what she’s saying. “Mom, that’s great.”
“Aw, Grandma. You’re leaving me?”
Alex leaves my lap and goes to my mom.
“I’m never leaving you. It’ll only be for a little while so I can help watch your cousin. You have Mommy and Daddy. This will be okay.”
“Yeah. My camp teacher said we have to share, so I guess I’ll share you with Axel.”
Everyone starts laughing, and I feel Clayton reaching over and grabbing my hand. I turn and look at him.
“I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you too.”
I can’t sleep. It’s another restless night. My mind is circling around the idea of my mom not being here with us and Clayton moving in. Alex loves the idea, and I think we’re going in the right direction.
I glance at the clock – six a.m.
The light sun rays shine into the room, and I turn on my side and see Clayton peacefully sleeping. The drama at work is slowly coming to an end. Instead of being sued, they’re counter suing, and things are looking good.
I lay on the bed for a few more minutes before trying to get up. Clayton reaches over and pulls me to him. This causes me to laugh, and I bury my head into his chest. His lips touch my forehead, and I lift my head, seeing his sleepy look, and tracing a trail along his cheeks and to his lips.
“I want to wake up to you every morning.” He smiles and leans in to kiss me. “This is perfect. There’s a reason you’re in my arms right now. I don’t want to do anything that’ll cause any problems for us. I’m not going to mess up anything, Ashley. Please know that.”
“I know. I want everything to go well for us.” I lean back down on his chest and let out a breath. “You really need to sleep. Are things okay?”
I hear Clayton breathe out and sigh. “It’s a shit show. It’s getting better. Having you and Alex by my side makes things better.”
I listen to his heart beating and close my eyes, relishing this moment of feeling beyond love and so safe. This is how I want to spend the rest of my life. A few minutes pass and I hear Clayton lightly snoring.
“I love you.” Slowly, I get out of bed so I don’t wake up Clayton and head to the kitchen to get the coffee made and breakfast started.
It’s my first day off in a few days, and my body is sore, and it aches. As much as I love being a nurse and helping my tiny humans, these are the days I look forward to.
I head to the kitchen and see my mom standing at the stove cooking breakfast. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, honey.” She turns to look at me. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh. Same old, same old.” I blow up my breath to get the hairs out of my face. “I’m surprised you’re here. Did something happen?”
She finishes cooking her eggs and plates it and gets whatever’s cooking on the stove. My stomach rumbles when I see it’s a tater tot casserole. How can something so simple be so delicious?
“Jesse’s parents are spending the weekend there, so I decided to start the move after they leave so they have ample time with Axel.”
I nod. “Ah, gotcha.” I grab a cup of coffee and sit back down at the table.
“I think me moving out is a good idea, and you and Clayton have the chance
to start your lives. You’re a very smart woman, Ashley. I know life hasn’t been easy for you. You’ve come a long way, and I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom.” She sees me eyeing the casserole and puts some on a plate before sitting down with her breakfast. “That means so much to me. I’m glad everyone’s getting along, and for once, things are going well.”
“I’m very happy about that too. At first, I admit, I was scared. After seeing how he is and talking to your sisters, I think you’re making the right decision. A young boy needs his father. You’re the happiest I’ve seen you, and I know this will be great for everyone.”
I agree. We continue talking about how Dana’s doing when Alex walks in with Clayton.
“Let me get your plates ready.” My mom says and attempts to get up.
“Don’t worry about that, Kelly. I’ll get the breakfast. Alex, have a seat, and I’ll get your plate.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
The four of us enjoy breakfast and listen to Alex talking about camp and how excited he is for school to start again.
Chapter 31
Clayton
Looking around our bedroom, I know she’s going to freak out when she sees the new bedroom furniture I had delivered and set up. We’re starting our lives, and I want everything new for our room and Alex’s room.
The door opens, and I hear Alex laughing. I walk out of the bedroom and walk to the two people I love more than anything. Giving Ashley a kiss, I lift Alex in my arms, and we walk into the living room. Ashley gasps.
“What is this?”
I laugh. “I know you probably want to kill me, but I changed the house and bought new furniture for us. I want us to start with new things, and I hope you’re okay with it.”
“This is amazing. I don’t know what to say.”
“Tell Daddy you love it!” Alex jumps up and down and claps.
“Yes, I love it. Thank you for doing this for us.”
“I’ll do anything and everything for us. I hope you know that.”
She nods and rests her head on my shoulder. “I do now.”
We lay in our new bed, wrapped in each other’s arms after making love a few times tonight. It’s nearly three in the morning, and we’re finally catching our breaths. I want new things in our home because this is the only bed I want us to share. I bend my head forward and take in her scent, listening to her fall asleep in my arms.
The next night, Alex is spending an overnight with Dana while we spend more time together. I’m thankful for how supportive and flexible they are, and with my parents coming to visit soon, it feels like everything’s coming together.
“I’m ready,” she says and places her hand on her hips. “Will you tell me where we’re going?”
“No.” I laugh and pull her so we can get going.
“Come on. Tell me, please.”
“I’m putting my foot down and not telling you. This is a surprise, and you love my surprises.”
Laughing, Ashley nods in agreement and follows me.
The drive, to my surprise, is quiet. I’m a little nervous, and I hope she loves everything I’ve set up for her.
When I park the car and open the door, she lifts herself up and looks at me. I lean down and kiss her nose.
“What are you up to?”
“It’s a surprise.” I smile, and we walk toward the picnic I’ve had set up for us. With Leigh and Gina's help, they make it look like a fairy tale, and I get to spoil her and give her a night to relax and forget about what’s going on in the world. For tonight, it’s us, and nothing else matters.
When we get to the site of the picnic, Ashley gasps and covers her face. “This is so beautiful. Why do you do these things for me?”
“Because I love you and I want you to be happy. Seeing you like this is worth it. I love the smile on your face. I love the laughs that come through your lips.”
A large blanket covers the group with large pillows and candles surrounding the area. There are rose petals on the blanket and a basket with our dinner. Champagne glasses are next to the basket with a champagne bottle chilling in a bucket.
We stand before our picnic for a few minutes, holding hands and simply embracing our night to come. I’m pretty sure Ashley’s crying, and as much as I hate seeing her cry, I like seeing tears of joy.
Once we’re seated and have our plates filled with dinner, I watch Ashley taking slow bites.
“What’s on your mind?” I ask her.
“I’m just happy.”
A slow feeling comes over my chest. “I like hearing that I can make you happy.”
When we were together before, Ashley used to talk about going on dates. She wasn’t into the glitz and glamour. Her idea of a perfect date was dinner, like a picnic, and that’s what I wanted to do for her tonight. I knew showering her with expensive gifts wouldn’t make her as happy as a picnic with the both of us.
“Next time, we’ll have Alex come with us.”
She smiles and nods. “I love that idea. Maybe we can plan a vacation. I have some time off I need to use. He’s never been to Disney.”
“Whatever you and Alex want, I’ll give to you both.”
Chapter 32
Ashley
Gina sits down next to me. “Hey, you.”
“Hey! How are you doing?”
Marcy didn’t have a good morning, and Grant’s a mess. Gina said she needs to work so she’s not obsessing and thinking about Marcy’s prognosis.
“I’m trying. Just saw Grant, and he’s a mess. I don’t know what to say to him. I hate to ask you…”
“Yes. Gina, I’ll go in and talk to him. Don’t worry.”
She lets out a breath and rolls her chair over to hug me. “It’ll mean so much to me. Thank you.”
I hug her back. “No problem. Can you check on Niles for me?”
“On it.”
I pat Gina’s shoulder and make my way to Marcy’s room.
When I worked overnight, I was with her and Grant and saw the start of the complications. As much as I wanted to stay and make sure she was okay, I knew I had to get back to my floor and get my work done. One of the nurses kept me updated and said during her feeding, she became fussy and coughed hard, causing herself to vomit the formula. Gina walked by the room and saw what was going on. She became frantic, and once Marcy was better, I was able to focus on my patients.
I get to the room and knock on the door before walking in. Grant looks up, and my heart breaks. His eyes are bloodshot, and his hair’s disheveled along with his clothes.
“Hey.” I walk over and hug him. “I know this is hard for you, but we’re all here rooting for her and here for you.”
“Thanks. It means a lot. I don’t know what to do. I just feel lost. My baby girl is fighting for her life, and there’s nothing I can do. I want to switch places with her. Hell, can I give her my life?”
I rub my hand against his back. “I know this is hard for you. When Alex was here, I felt the same way. I wanted to give him my life. There was so much I wanted to do but knew that wasn’t possible. The best thing you can do is be here for her. Talk to her. Read to her. Tell her how much you love her.”
Grant breaks down, pressing his forehead against the incubator. “Please. Baby girl, be strong and know Daddy’s right here. Daddy’s not going anywhere. I need you to be okay.”
“Shhh,” I try to comfort him.
“Oh, God, Ashley, please help her.”
“I will, Grant. I’m going to watch over her and ensure she gets the best care. She’s in good hands. We love her, and all of us are doing everything we can.”
“Thank you so much, Ashley.” Grant begins yawning and rubbing his eyes.
“Go lay down and sleep. I’ll be with her. Gina’s helping me out with my babies so I have time to be with her.”
“Thank you. I hate to admit it, but I need sleep.”
“It’s perfectly normal. Go lie down, and I’ll be here.”
“Alright. Daddy will
be back, baby girl. Stay strong. I love you. Daddy loves you.”
When Grant sits down on the reclining chair, I check Marcy’s vitals, and everything looks good. Better than last night. I look over at her and smile. “You got this, Marcy. Keep fighting.”
I don’t get out of work at six like I planned on. Clayton’s putting Alex to bed when I get back and place my bags on the floor. I hurry into his room and sit on the other side of the bed, listening to Clayton finish the story he’s reading.
“Hi, Mama.” I lean down and kiss his forehead. “I had fun with dad today.”
“That’s good, honey. I’m sorry I got out of work late. It was very busy. I have off tomorrow so I can pick you up, and we can go to the park.”
“Sounds fun.” Alex yawns and slowly closes his eyes. “Good night, Mama. Good night, Dad. Love you.”
“I love you.” Clayton and I both tell him and slowly get up and walk out of his bedroom.
“Thank you so much for tonight.” I walk ahead of Clayton and to the kitchen. “It’s been such a hard night.” I feel my voice breaking.
Being a nurse is hard, and I know things happen. I know death happens. It’s a part of life. I can’t stand seeing my patients be alone. It kills me to leave them.
Then knowing what’s going on in the NICU with Marcy and all the other babies who are fighting for their lives. It doesn’t seem fair.
But how is it fair when a baby who has lived a few days die? How?
Nina was with us for four days. Her organs were failing, and there was nothing else we could do. I tried everything I could to prepare her parents. We thought we could save her, but tonight she gained her wings and soared to heaven. I held her mom, Kim, when she broke down and cried. Her husband, Mike, collapsed on the ground. The young couple screamed and cried, and the only thing I could do was hold Kim. No words were said.
