by S. Moose
I vehemently shake my head. “No. I’m not leaving. I left you once, and I’m not doing it again. This is my family.”
“Look at our son.” Ashley tries to remain calm, and I don’t blame her for how she’s feeling.
“I know. I see him, and I feel like a piece of shit. If I didn’t come back, then this wouldn’t have happened. Don’t you think I know that?”
“What are you talking about?”
I let out a breath. “Me coming back caused you and Alex pain. Fuck.” I walk away from her and turn around, not wanting her to look at me. “I get that you want me to leave. I can’t leave you. I can’t leave Alex. This isn’t right. Please. Don’t do this. We can work it out and talk it out.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Her voice is low, and it’s hard to hear. “I don’t know. This is a mess. My head’s all over the place. I’m trying to hold it together, but when you’re here, I can’t. I can’t think straight. Clayton, all I am asking for is a few days. I’m not breaking up with you. I’m not taking Alex away from you.”
I turn back to her, so we’re facing each other. “Okay. I can see that my being here is stressing you out, so I’ll leave. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on you. I’ll be back. Don’t think for one second I’m giving up on you or our family. You and Alex are my world. This isn’t over, Ashley.”
I look at Ashley once more, waiting for her to say something, to say anything.
Anything.
Nothing comes so I head out the kitchen and out the door.
Chapter 35
Ashley
Hours pass, and it’s morning. I look at Alex, and he’s peacefully sleeping. When he wakes up and doesn’t see Clayton, I know he’s going to freak out. I don’t know what I’m going to do or say to him.
This is the best decision.
It has to be.
It makes sense.
We need space.
When I get up and head toward the kitchen, I hear a knock on the door. I’m not sure who would be here early in the morning, so I go to answer the door.
“Good morning.” Michelle Turner looks at me with a smile. She’s holding a large bag from a nearby diner. “I brought breakfast.”
I open the door wider and let her in without saying anything. I didn’t know what to say. I’m sure she’s pissed at me for kicking her son out of here.
“Thank you for bringing breakfast. I appreciate it.” I lead her to the kitchen, and she places the bag on the table. “I’m sorry that I told Clayton to leave.”
“Can we sit?”
I nod. I watch her slowly sit down and stare at her, waiting for her to start the conversation.
“I know this is awkward. I didn’t know how else to approach the matter so I’m just going to say it.”
“Okay.”
“You’re an incredible woman, Ashley. Your strength is admirable. I know what you’re going through. When my boys got hurt because of my husband, playing too rough, or doing what boys do, it hurt my heart. I hated seeing them cry. I hated seeing them with an injury. As mothers, we want to protect our children, and I see that protection in you for Alex.”
“Thank you for saying that.”
“Of course, dear. Now, I know Clayton has hurt you, and this accident hurt Alex. I want you to know something. Clayton loves you, and he’s always loved you. When Thomas had his stroke, it destroyed me. It destroyed Clayton and Nolan. I know Clayton leaving wasn’t ideal. He should’ve been there for you and should’ve told you what was going on. For that, I am truly sorry.”
“Michelle, I know all of that, and I know Clayton will always be sorry. We’re finding our way, and we’re becoming a family. It’s hard to see him, knowing the accident happened and seeing Alex in pain. I don’t know what else to say. I need space, and I need to gather my thoughts. I’m not saying it’s the end to us.”
“I know. I see it in you. You don’t give up. You’re a fighter. I want you to know I understand, and I hope you know we’re here for you. We’re here for Alex.”
I smile and nod. “Thank you. I appreciate it. Alex should be up soon. Do you want to help me set the table before he wakes up?”
“I’d love to.”
A long pause goes by before Gina turns off the television and turns to look at me. “I know this is hard for you. I can see how you are and what you’re going through. Then I remember how you were when Clayton was back in your life. Babe, you’re missing him something fierce.”
“Of course, I miss him. I love him so much, but I need time. The accident is messing with my head. So much could’ve happened. When you’re driving, especially with a child in the backseat, you need to take all the precautions. In a split second, disaster can happen. He’s never been hurt with me.”
“You’re right. A lot could’ve happened, but it didn’t. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you’re surrendering. It doesn’t mean you’re letting him get away with what he’s done. I think he’s learned, and he wants to be in your life. To be in Alex’s life. I can sit here and tell you what I think you need to hear, but I think you need to make the decision on your own.”
“Gina…” I start.
“Babe, don’t fight it. You miss him. Alex misses him. I see the life in that little boy’s eyes, and he’s missing his dad. I know you’re having Dana and Leigh spend time with him. You’re trying to show him he has family and people who love him. You’re trying to make him forget about his dad.”
“I am not. Yes, I want Alex to know he’s loved. I’m not trying to make him forget. I just want him to know we’re all here for him. What if I’m scared, Gina?”
“We’re not perfect. We’re human, and we make mistakes. Clayton’s trying, and I know you know that. He’s owning up to his mistakes.”
I’m trying to hear what Gina’s saying. I know Clayton’s sorry for the accident, and I know he’s trying to make things right. It’s hard, and I don’t know what to do anymore.
After leaving Gina’s, I head home and see a note taped to the door.
Ashley,
I want to say so much to you. There are years of words I’ve been trying to say. Trying to show you.
The morning you opened the door, and I saw you again, it was like my life had meaning again. I was going through the motions and never truly living when I was with my family. Life was dull. I did what I had to do for my family.
Then we started again.
I know I’ve hurt you, and I know you blame me for the accident. I am so sorry, and I’ll be sorry for the rest of my life. I’m asking you to please not shut me out. I love you. I love Alex. I love the life we were trying to create. It’s my fuck up that’s made us this way, but I’m begging you to give me another chance. To give us another chance.
You’re my heart, Ashley. My reason for living.
Alex is my world. As soon as I saw him, my heart opened again. My heart came alive.
You and Alex are the reason for my life.
When you’re ready, I’ll be here.
I’ll always be waiting for you.
I love you.
Clayton
I clench the letter to my chest and let the tears fall from my eyes. Am I being harsh? Am I the roadblock to our happily ever after?
A few days pass, and Clayton’s coming by to see Alex. It’s hard, and I hate the idea of still being apart.
My eyes fill with tears, thinking about how miserable Alex is and how Clayton’s hurting. I’m the bad guy. I’m keeping them away from one another.
Dinner’s almost ready, and Alex is still in his room. When I walk out to get him, I see him coming out of his bedroom door with a bag.
“What’s that?”
He looks at me and then looks away, continuing to walk with his bag and not talking to me.
“Alex.” I walk to him and stand before him. “Don’t ignore me. Please let me know what’s going on.”
“You’re keeping him away. He’s my daddy, and I want him here. Why are you doing this?” Tears fill h
is eyes. “Why won’t you let him come back?”
“Honey, you don’t get it. You got hurt, and it broke my heart.”
“I’m better. I miss him, and you’re not being fair. I just want my dad.” Alex walks around me, sobbing and muttering under his breath. “I don’t like this.”
“I don’t either. I’m sorry this is happening, but please understand. You have to understand why I’m doing this.”
“No! This isn’t fair.”
Alex throws his bag and looks at me. I have no idea what I’m doing or what the right decision is. The accident is fresh in my head, and I see Alex in the hospital bed. I see my baby hurt.
What else am I supposed to do?
The door opens, and Alex sees that it’s Clayton and rushes to his side. I see them hugging, and Alex sobbing in his arms.
I’m the bad guy.
I’m keeping them apart.
This is killing all of us.
Clayton looks up at me and then to Alex. He says something before Alex heads to his bedroom. I’m standing, frozen, looking at Clayton and wondering how this is hurting everyone.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter. “I’m sorry.” It’s all I can say.
Clayton comes to me and places his hands on my shoulders. “I get it. Okay?”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you to leave. We’re trying to build our family, and you’re his dad. He misses you.” I pause, unsure of what to say. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, baby. I get it, though. You needed to feel safe again.”
“Why are you being understanding? Be mad at me. Hate me. Do something.”
Clayton leans down and kisses my forehead. “No. I don’t hate you. I’m going to come back, and we’re going to be a family. We’re going to work things out. No more giving each other space, Ashley. We can’t figure things out if we’re not together. I need you to see that. I need you to understand where I’m coming from.”
Clayton leads me to the living room, and we sit on the couch. I’m not fully ready to look at him. I’m not fully prepared to look at myself.
“Listen, don’t beat yourself up. I’m here now. We’re going to talk about this and be okay.”
“How can we be okay? I kicked you out when things got hard. I thought I was doing the right thing.”
“You were. You love Alex, and you’re protecting him. I needed space too, Ashley. I didn’t feel right being here.”
“What?”
Clayton takes my hand into his. “The accident fucked with my head. I hated seeing him hurt. I blamed myself so you’re not wrong in asking for space. It needed to happen. I’m not holding anything against you or think you’re a terrible mother. Things happen. We’re going to work on how to be us again.”
“It’s just…” I trail off, unsure of what to say. “It’s hard, Clayton. I’ve never seen Alex like that, and then he’s in the ambulance and in the hospital. I hate it.”
“Trust me. I know. I am sorry and will always be sorry.”
“I’m sorry too.” I cry and lean on him, breathing in his scent, pushing out the thoughts of fear. “I’m sorry.”
“We’re going to be okay, Ashley. I know we are.”
“I think we are too.”
Alex comes out of his bedroom and joins us on the couch. I hold my family in my arms and remind myself that times will be hard, and it’s okay to fall apart sometimes. The most important thing about falling apart is finding the strength to come back together.
Chapter 36
Clayton
She was upset with me and needed time. I knew things were going to be hard. I wanted to be there for her, but she needed to heal in her way, and I needed to remind myself I wasn’t a shitty father. But I had suffered. Being away from my family, from my Ashley, it was the hardest. I had to respect her wishes.
All I wanted when I kept my space was to ensure she’d be back in my arms, and I’d see my son.
Family.
“I love you, Ashley.” I say it again and pull her closer to me. “You’re my life, and I’m going to show you how much I love you until the end of time. You’re the only home I’ve ever known.”
“I love you too. I know things are going to be a little hard, but I’m willing to work on things.”
“We’ll work on everything together. We’re going to be okay, Ashley.”
My arms wrap tighter around her, and I listen to the way she’s breathing. This is all worth it.
“Watching you walk away when I told you was so hard, but I didn’t know what else to do. The accident it hurt. Seeing Alex lying on the bed, it broke me. Clayton, I know it was an accident, but it was still hard. The time we spent apart was horrific.” Ashley’s voice trembles. “I can’t watch you leave again. I can’t watch our son crying for you. Everything hurt when you weren’t here.”
“I know, baby. We’re going to be okay. We have to talk to one another, and we have to understand what we want. I want you, and I want Alex. I want my family back.”
“Do you really love me, Clayton? Truly love me?”
“Yes.” I don’t hesitate to answer her question. “Yes, I love you, and you’re the reason I’m here. You’re the mother to our son, and I love you and everything you’ve done.”
She looks into my eyes and places her lips on mine. Feeling her lips on mine is what I’ve been dreaming of. We don’t break our connection, and I give her all of me in the kiss. She does the same.
“Tell me you love me again,” I whisper against her lips.
“I love you.”
That’s all I need to hear.
I bury myself all the way inside her and give her all I have.
On top of space, she needed reassurance. She needed to know I was forever, that we’re forever.
I’m going to show her that with everything I do and everything I say. The plans for our future are coming together. Everything’s falling into place. I’m going to make it perfect because it’s what she deserves. I want to give Ashley and Alex the world. I’ll do everything and make sure they’re happy.
Alex is back to his wild self, and Ashley’s back to work. My parents have been there, and it’s been good to feel like we’re a family. We’re all getting to know one another, spending time with each other, and building bonds. This is what Ashley’s always wanted.
Family.
She wants to create memories and give Alex everything he needs. We’ll be secure for the rest of our lives. I’ve ensured that.
Alex is spending the day with my parents and Nolan, so it gives me time to get work done and figure out our new house's closing. I smile when I get off the phone with our real estate agent.
Clayton: They accepted the offer. It’s all coming together. My designer’s on standby. As soon as I give them the word, they will work with Ashley and help her give the house what it needs.
Nolan: Nice, man. I’ll tell Mom and Dad now. Do you think you got everything you need for tonight?
I take out the ring box and stare at the solitary platinum diamond ring. This is perfect, and everything will go as planned.
I’ve been planning this with Nolan and Gina for weeks. When the accident happened, I had to put things aside, and now that things are back to normal and Alex is better, this is the perfect time.
Tonight, I’m going to make Ashley Jackson my wife.
Ashley Turner.
When night falls, I head to our new house and text Nolan to make sure he’s on the way with Ashley.
Nolan: Dude, she’s freaking the fuck out. You owe me. I don’t know how many times this girl can swear, but damn, she’s got a mouth on her.
Clayton: I got you. Hurry up.
Nolan: We’re here, and she’s walking inside. Gina and everyone are here too. We’ll be outside. Good luck.
“Clayton?”
I turn and see Ashley walking into our living room. “Hey, baby.”
“What’s this? Where are we?”
I walk and kiss her hips. �
�This is our new home, baby. I bought this for us.”
“You what?” She gasps and places her hands over her mouth. “I cannot believe you did this. How?”
I laugh and place my hand into hers. “Because I want this to be the start of our lives. I already told you how I felt and how much I love you. I was so broken, and then when you brought me back into your life, when I met Alex, I felt like my life had more meaning. My world was dark without you. My world lost meaning. Then you changed it all. When you told me you wanted a second chance with me, I knew I would make it my life mission to make you the happiest woman in the world.
“Clayton.” Tears fill her eyes.
“Let me finish, baby. You took all my broken pieces and put it back together. You and Alex. Both of you are my world. You’re it for me. Alex is the perfect son, and I want to give him brothers and sisters. Baby, I want to build our family. I want to give you the world. The universe. Everything. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I promise to do that for you.” I reach into my jeans and pull out the ring box and get down on one knee. When I flip open the box, I look back into her eyes. “You are the love of my life. We’ve been given this second chance, and I need to make it right. Will you marry me and complete my life forever?”
She gives me her left hand, and I slide the ring over her finger. Tears stream down her face, and she keeps her eyes on me.
“I can’t wait to be your wife.”
I get up on my feet and bring her in my arms, lifting her and spinning her around the empty room. “You make me the happiest man. I love you. So much.”
“I love you too, Clayton Turner. So much.”
The loud cheering comes from outside. I kiss Ashley once more, and we head outside to our family. Nothing’s going to bring me more happiness than what I’m feeling now. My mom and Ashley’s mom and sisters are surrounding her. Alex is in my arms, and my dad’s standing next to me. Nolan’s grabbing the champagne from the car, popping the cork, and pouring drinks for all of us.
