Balloon Boy and the Porcupine Pals: Antihooliganism
Page 37
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Lilia stood humiliated before a mirror in her chamber. In the reflection she saw a woman nearly twice her actual size. She attempted to pull her new First Class Protector suit up as high as possible on her neck, nervous the disproportionate widths of her waist and double chin would reveal her deception. A loud knock came at the door.
"Yes?" she answered.
"First Class Protector. As you instructed, your team has been gathered and briefed; we await your instructions." The voice sounded muffled through her closed door.
"Excellent work, Second Classman. Radio the team and instruct them to take their places on the landing vessel. Wait here; you will accompany me to the ship."
"It shall be done, Commander."
Lilia smiled as they spoke. She seemed to be living in the midst of a dream; all that she had ever hoped for was actually taking place. As she looked back to the mirror, her smile gave way to embarrassment. She attempted one last time to shift her uniform up as far as possible on her neck. Sighing with disappointment, she turned from the mirror and opened the door to her chamber.
"Second Classman," she said. "Is all in order?"
"Yes, Commander. Your team awaits, as instructed."
"Very well." With a wave of her hand, she motioned the Second Class Protector to walk alongside her down a long corridor of PROT IX. "I am First Class Protector Lilia. I appreciate your service."
"The honor is mine, Commander. I have been looking forward to meeting you."
Lilia's face flushed pink. "Why is that, Second Classman?"
The officer spoke openly. "There have been rumors regarding your response to the hooligan attack near the Planet of Protection. Moreover, many of us have been inspired by your unparalleled ascension from unrecognized citizen to First Class Protector."
"I have done nothing you would not have done, if in similar circumstances," responded Lilia, realizing she did not even know the Second Classman's name.
"But you have accomplished much," came his response. "Your acquisition of the necessary weight for First Class Protector status, in so short a time.... I didn't even know such feats were possible."
Lilia bit her lower lip, trying to hide her guilt. "We shall speak no more of it," she said in a flat tone. The two finished their walk to the landing vessel in awkward silence. Upon their arrival, Lilia observed twenty Second Class Protectors, lined up perfectly in rows of five in front of the ship. The soldiers stood up straight as she entered, their bellies prominent.
Lilia took her place in front of the group. "Second Classpersons," she began, not quite sure what she would say next, "we are tasked with a mission of the most serious and ominous importance. The hooligan vessel, which so brazenly attacked our beloved PROT IX, has marooned on the planet below. Our mission is to capture the hooligans and escort them back here. If successful, Zaxmorthia will be rid of a great and tremendous evil." Lilia paused and observed the rows of eager soldiers, searching for the perfect words to end her short speech. "In remembrance of our Beloved Protector, and with the honor which accompanies all of the Protector Class, let us not fail in our mission."
With that, she saluted the eager soldiers by placing both hands over her unnaturally large belly. The men and women of the Second Class reciprocated with the same gesture, then quickly turned and walked into the landing vessel in perfect unity.
Lilia felt a sense of pride as she followed her underlings into the spacecraft. She rounded a hallway left and entered the miniature command center of the ship. There she saw the Center Seat, quite clearly the largest piece of furniture in the room. As she sat down, she had some trepidation about not being able to fill the large chair. Nevertheless, her compensation suit filled in the corners nicely. A few Second Classmen occupied the command center with her. "Gentlemen," she said, trying not to sound nervous. "Is everything in order?"
"Yes, Commander," answered one of the pilots. "We are ready to disembark."
"Thank-" Before she could finish, a familiar harsh voice filled the small landing vessel.
"First Class Protector Lilia, Second Classpersons of her crew, I have reached out at this most important moment to offer my most sincere and gracious words of comfort and adulation, as well as of warning."
Lilia recognized Nabashio's voice immediately. After a few moments of silence, she ventured a response. "Thank you, Your Grace."
"Do not interrupt those of higher class and rank!" snapped Nabashio. "Your words of gratitude are obvious and are therefore not required." Lilia slumped somewhat in the Center Seat, doing her best to conceal her annoyance with Nabashio.
"Now as I was attempting to articulate before interruption, your mission-which you no doubt now understand is to intercept the hooligans from their nefarious hideout on the planet below-is of primary importance. Have no fear during your enterprise, for fear is unbecoming of the Protector Class. If you must sacrifice your life, so be it. Your life is of little significance when compared to the overall safety of Zaxmorthia, the survival of PROT IX, and my own personal preservation."
Lilia watched the crew around her as Nabashio spoke. She expected to see some small sign of defiance, some hint that those around her were conscious of Nabashio's presumptuousness. Despite her expectations, those within the small command center gave Nabashio's harsh voice undivided attention.
"Nevertheless, you who go out to achieve a great victory, I feel compelled to remind you the threat of death is minimal. The hooligans which you seek to capture are without a doubt those of a lower order, those of an insignificant class, those of a thin intellect and girth."
Lilia chafed at Nabashio's characterization of the civilian classes as inferior, clenching her jaw as he spoke.
"Remember well that you are of a superior order. Remember often that you are the only members of the galaxy privileged to engage in interplanetary travel. Remember abundantly that the Protector Class must shield miscreants such as this from their own half-witted skinniness of mind. These hooligans must be made an example for their insolence. Their malnourished way of life must be quarantined on the diseased worlds from which they attempted escape."
Lilia's face burned red with anger. She looked intently toward the communications unit in the command center. With one flip of a button she could cut off Nabashio's unwelcome intrusion. She slumped back in her chair as Nabashio spoke, cognizant that any such action would deprive her of everything she had worked so hard to achieve.
"But now I must warn of the grave consequences that will no doubt follow should you fail in your capture of these petty hooligans."
Lilia sat up straight in her chair, her emotions shifting from annoyance to fear.
"From the intelligence we have received, those whom you seek are of the lowest orders of all Zaxmorthians. You should therefore have no trouble intercepting and detaining these criminals."
Hearing Nabashio's characterization of the hooligans, Lilia remembered his own cowardly reaction to their aggression near the Planet of Protection.
"Failure in your mission will doubtless require reevaluation of your status as those privileged to occupy and represent the Protector Class." Nabashio coughed loudly into the microphone, causing a grating, thunderous blast of sound throughout the landing vessel. "And make no mistake," he continued, still clearing his crowded throat, "each of you is replaceable at a moment's notice."
Lilia had endured enough. "Thank you, Your Grace. Will there be anything else?" After the words left her mouth, Lilia realized her tone had revealed her impatience with Nabashio. An awkward silence filled the air.
Nabashio finally responded. "I will remain on PROT IX and monitor your progress. If the hooligans attempt escape, I will ensure their defeat."
"Of course, Captain," said Lilia, somewhat emboldened by Nabashio's unexpected response to her outburst.
"You require no further instruction. Do not neglect to remember, you who embark on this mission, that you are superior to your enemy. With that knowledge, go to and prevail."
She turned and faced the Second Class Protectors in the command center. "Prepare for departure. Additional time only serves the enemy."