Balloon Boy and the Porcupine Pals: Antihooliganism
Page 44
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"You're really going to try to blame this on her, Nabashy?" said the voice from the other end of the transmission. "You're pathetic."
Nabashio again stood in the communications center as he spoke to his superior officer. As before, the image displayed on Nabashio's end of the transmission showed only an empty room. "Your Heaviness, sir, I took all measures sufficient to ensure the capture of the hooligan forces."
Nabashio heard laughter emanating from the other end of the transmission. "Well, if that's the case," said the voice, "then you would have captured them."
"I cannot be personally responsible for the mistakes of those who are not properly trained," said Nabashio, defending himself.
The voice responded harshly. "So in addition to blaming Lilia for your incompetence, you're now blaming me? As if I am the Commander of PROT IX, responsible for the training of its ranking officers. Dangerous move, Nabashy, dangerous move."
"I do not cast dispersion or blame on any superior officer, my Lord," answered Nabashio quickly, "I only point out that First Class Protector Lilia, due to her lacking size and experience in these matters, was unable to handle the situation with the requisite ..." he paused, searching for the word, "exactitude."
"I'm not sure what you're getting at, Nabashy. Here's what I know: these hooligans have somehow obtained or created compensation suits of the highest order, meaning they will be mistaken as Commander-Class Protectors wherever they go. Lilia had no way of knowing her own team would turn on her when they engaged the hooligans. But you," said the voice, becoming accusatory, "you lob a few missiles at them and let them go on their merry way. If it weren't for your supposedly inferior First Classwoman, we'd have no idea where they are right now."
"I know nothing of what you speak," said Nabashio quietly.
"That's nothing new," laughed the man. "Lilia put a tracking device on the hooligan vessel before it left Zaragozo. Thanks to her, we're now following their every move."
"It appears some of the instruction she received at my hand did pay off," said Nabashio, unable to resist the urge to take credit.
"You never cease to amaze me, Nabashy," said the voice, sounding annoyed. "Which is why I'm going to give you one last chance to handle these hooligans. Based on their current trajectory, it appears they are heading back to the Planet of Protection. Obviously, I am going to send reinforcements to capture them, since it is highly likely you will fail. Nevertheless, decommissioning a Commander-Level Protector is a bureaucratic nightmare, and I want to make absolutely sure you're worthy of the demerit. So you're going to get the first shot at these imposters. You understand everything I'm saying?"
Nabashio stood silent, horrified by the words of his superior officer.
"Perhaps I should begin the process of decommissioning you now?" asked the man, impatient.
"No, Your Heaviness. I am preeminently qualified for the mission. The antihooliganism efforts of PROT IX, led of course by my careful hand, will be swift and merciless." Nabashio stood tall as he spoke.
"Yeah whatever, Nabashy. Here's the bottom line: intercept the hooligans, capture them alive-remember, I want them all taken alive-and bring them to me. If you fail, your personal food supplies will be severely rationed and you will be relegated to Second Class Protector status. Do you understand?"
"The crew of PROT IX will not fail you," answered Nabashio.
"You didn't exactly answer my question, but I'm tired of this conversation. By the way, if you want my advice, put Lilia in charge of the mission in its entirety. You might as well, she's going to be running your ship soon anyway."
With that, the transmission ended abruptly. Nabashio stood silent, his eyes watering with anger and fear. His shaking hand reached for the communications console at his left. He punched a few buttons, at which point he heard Lilia's voice.
"Lilia here," she answered.
"First Class Protector," said Nabashio, trying to regain his composure, "we have been assigned a new mission from High Command."
"Of course, sir," said Lilia, "would you like me to report to the bridge?"
"There is no need for an in-person briefing, verbal communication alone will suffice for our purposes."
"Excellent, sir."
"Enough with the pleasantries; they are unnecessary and unwelcome. High Command was extremely dissatisfied with your performance on Zaragozo, and they are now threatening to decommission this entire ship if we do not succeed in capturing the hooligans alive."
"So they are wanted alive now? Why is it, Captain Protector, High Command keeps altering course with regard to whether the hooligans are to be taken alive or simply terminated?" asked Lilia.
"I know nothing of the course alterations of which you speak, Underclasswoman."
"Interesting. I was originally informed the hooligans were to be taken alive, which is why we were careful on the planet surface not to simply terminate them from afar. However, I am also aware that PROT IX fired half its arsenal at the hooligan vessel, which was clearly designed to annihilate them."
"The attack was meant to simply cripple their ship, nothing more," said Nabashio, his voice wavering as he spoke. "They were never in any serious danger of termination."
"I'm told their escape from the attack was nothing short of miraculous," said Lilia, gaining confidence as she spoke.
"Your sources are, regretfully, uninformed. The differences between luck and brilliance are not easily discerned by those possessing an untrained eye."
"Well said, my Commander, well said indeed," commented Lilia, suppressing the urge to tell Nabashio he had just revealed the secret of his exalted station. Thoroughly convinced Nabashio had simply disobeyed orders and attempted to terminate the hooligans, Lilia changed the subject. "What are the orders, Commander?"
"We are to track the hooligans, who by all accounts appear to be heading back to the Planet of Protection, capture them alive, and deliver them to the Emperor himself."
"So the tracking device is working properly?" asked Lilia, eager.
"To be certain. We were commended by the Emperor for our combined prowess in ensuring the hooligans did not accomplish a total escape."
"We were?" responded Lilia.
"That is correct. And we have now been rewarded by obtaining the assignment to bring these miscreants to justice."
"Question, my Commander: during their previous escape, the hooligans traveled at an incredibly high rate of speed. What is our current position with regard to the hooligan vessel?"
"Never doubt the maneuvering abilities of PROT IX, my inexperienced Underclasswoman. This ship is unparalleled in the galaxy."
"Okay," answered Lilia. "Does that mean we are closing in on the enemy?"
"Our current trajectory indicates we will arrive at the Planet of Protection shortly after the hooligans. This is of course by design, so as not to alert them to our presence."
"And what do you intend to do in order to convince your soldiers to actually engage the imposters once we arrive at the Planet of Protection?"
"I will command them to do so, and they will obey; the proposition is a simple one."
Lilia shook her head in disgust. "May I venture a recommendation, my Commander?" she asked in reverential tone.
"Indeed you may, if it is sufficiently economical in terms of both speech and execution."
"Thank you, Commander," she said perfunctorily, "I believe there is a way to avoid the difficulties we experienced on Zaragozo."
"Of course there are ways to avoid your previous mistakes, which are as varied as the stars of Zaxmorthia," responded Nabashio abruptly.
"Very well, Commander. I will sign off unless there is anything else," said Lilia, testing Nabashio's resolve.
Nabashio became angry. "State your thoughts regarding the capture of the hooligans immediately, Underclasswoman, and that is an order from your commanding officer."
"I apologize, Commander sir. I misunderstood. I thought you were stating you were not int
erested in my plans for our future attack on the hooligans."
"Simply pointing out the obvious-that you accomplished numerous errors in your campaign against these imposters-does not indicate anything of the sort." Nabashio eased himself into a large chair in the communications center as he spoke.
"Excellent, sir. I believe that, when we next engage the enemy, our strike team should be required to don vital-sign goggles."
"Whatever for?" asked Nabashio automatically. "Vital-sign goggles are only useful in extreme low-light and low-visibility conditions. Plus, they will necessarily constrict the vision of my soldiers."
"Exactly, sir, which will likely allow us to avoid the impact of the imposters' compensation suits, keeping the strike team in the dark regarding the imposters' unwarranted mass and focused on your commands."
Nabashio was annoyed by the brilliance of Lilia's idea. "It is likely your plan will fail, since the vital-sign eye-ware is not presently calibrated for use on the Planet of Protection," said Nabashio. "However," he added before Lilia could respond, "I will personally calibrate the equipment, with the hope that, through my technological training, I can successfully prepare the vital-sign goggles for use during the antihooligan campaign."
"Would you like any assistance in your calibration efforts?" asked Lilia, doubtful any such calibration was required or even possible.
"No, Underclasswoman. This mission will require Commander-Level acumen and attention. I will see to it myself."
"Very well then. Does Your Grace require anything further of me prior to our campaign on the Planet of Protection?" asked Lilia, careful to keep herself from laughing as she spoke.
"Yes, in fact, I do require your services. Assemble a team of soldiers from PROT IX's most advanced and acclaimed Second Class Protectors for our assault on the imposters. Moreover, ensure that none of them had any involvement with your abysmal failure on Zaragozo."
"That will prove difficult, Commander, since I was careful only to select those of the highest advancement and acclaim for the prior mission," responded Lilia in a defensive tone. "If we are to use less-decorated militia, it will necessarily come from a lower class of Protectors."
"Do not question my orders," said Nabashio, standing up as he spoke into the communications device. "It is not possible you selected those of the highest achievement when forming your prior team, for had you done so with requisite precision, each solider would have obeyed every word of command and captured the hooligans without question or delay. Are you able to carry out my orders, Underclasswoman, or do you need relief from your position?"
"I am capable, Your Grace; those of the highest order will be selected, and none of those involved in the prior campaign will be considered."
"Of course they won't," added Nabashio with confidence. "I will personally accompany you and your team to the surface of the sphere, where I will successfully detain these ruffians once and for all. You are most assuredly favored to be allowed such experience and grace."
"I concur," answered Lilia, quietly sighing after she spoke.
"Pay careful attention to our progress, First Classwoman; I require that all preparations are in place when we arrive at the Planet of Protection."
"It shall be done, sir."
"Keep your wits about you, young Lilia. There is no great accomplishment where there is no great task aforehand."
"I concur. Will that be everything, Your Grace?"
"Indeed," answered Nabashio.
"Then I will end the communication and begin preparations for the campaign."
"End of communication," replied Nabashio, slowly switching off the transmission as he stood still. He slumped back down into the overstuffed chair in the communications center. He rubbed his hands together slowly, lifting them to his face as he did so. He then began to cry.
Chapter 8 - Wartime Comradeship
Tom Begins His Verbal Courtship of Rita;
Victoria Asks about Her Dad; and
Nabashio Gains a Victory