Zombie CSU

by Jonathan Maberry

  Limits to Disease Spread: The dead are reanimated during a scientific process (electrochemistry in Frankenstein; injections of a reagent in Re-Animator; etc.), which means that any spread would be very slow unless a more efficient process was developed.

  Likelihood of Successful Human Opposition: Once the threat is known, then any armed response would likely end things pretty quickly.

  Likelihood That We’re All Toast: Slim to none.

  DEMON ZOMBIES

  Movies like Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead series and books like Brian Keene’s The Rising and City of the Dead use demonic forces as the reason the dead rise. The demons of Evil Dead possess dead (and sometimes living) bodies and turn them into raging, blood-thirsty killing machines that can only be stopped by cutting them into harmless pieces. In the Keene novels, the demons inhabit all dead things, including insects and animals. Destroying the body of one does little since the demonic force can just switch to another host.

  Potential for Global Pandemic: Absolute.

  Limits to Disease Spread: None.

  Likelihood of Successful Human Opposition: Not a chance.

  Likelihood That We’re All Toast: Prepare to meet thy maker.

  REVENGE ZOMBIES

  These are stories of the dead returning to life in order to redress some wrong or to resolve some unfinished business. The water-logged zombies of Creepshow have come back for revenge; as is the sort-of-a-cyborg zombie in Deadly Friend. In the Blind Dead series, a bunch of slaughtered Knights Templar return from the grave to exact revenge on descendants of the villagers in whose town the knights were murdered. In many of these stories, the logic is warped in that there is supposed to be a need for justice so powerful that not even the grave can bar the way, and yet too often the murder spree of the zombies continues on long after the right is wrong, or more often, a large number of uninvolved civilians are killed just to satisfy the body-count fix of the audience.

  * * *

  Art of the Dead—Joseph Adams

  “The gruesome thought of a diseased, cannibalistic horde of the walking dead scares the crap out of people. Even the sight of it drawn out on paper frightens them.”

  * * *

  Potential for Global Pandemic: Small, if any.

  Limits to Disease Spread: These cases tend to be localized incidents.

  Likelihood of Successful Human Opposition: There’s a long and valued history of villagers with torches. Seems to work pretty well.

  Likelihood That We’re All Toast: None.

  ALIEN ZOMBIES

  This is a storytelling form that allows all known rules of science to be quietly chucked out the window by taking the stance that “It all makes sense if it comes from outer space.” In some cases this is just lazy storytelling, as in dreck like the 1969 el cheapo film Astro-Zombies (with John Carradine) and Fred Olin Ray’s 1980 piece o’ junk Alien Dead, and the all-time worst film ever, Plan 9 from Outer Space; while on the other hand it’s been used to great effect (by better writers) for storylines like the Marvel Zombies series of comic books written by Robert Kirkman (in which an alien plague begins infecting all of the Marvel superheroes, including Spider-Man, Captain America, the Fantastic Four, and the Avengers); and the 2006 movie Slither, written and directed by James Gunn, which dealt with a zombie outbreak caused by an alien organism that crash-lands on earth in a meteor.

  Potential for Global Pandemic: This varies depending on the type of infection. In Marvel Zombies the plague spreads as fast as it does in the films Dawn of the Dead and 28 Days Later, and the problem is exacerbated by having super-powered zombies. That’s a no-win scenario; but in Slither and films of its genre the problem spreads with relative slowness.

  Limits to Disease Spread: Potentially none in all cases unless deliberately stopped.

  Likelihood of Successful Human Opposition: For Marvel Zombies it’s zero; for the others we stand a fair chance.

  Likelihood That We’re All Toast: For most of the genre, we have a shot at staying alive; but if a zombified Incredible Hulk shows up at your door, just pack it in.

  THE FINAL VERDICT: US AND THEM

  To get the total zombie experience, sit back with the 1960s band The Zombies on the CD player (I recommend their self-titled debut album from 1965, which has “She Not There” and “Tell Her No”), leaf through a stack of zombie comics (my personal favorite is an even split between Fingerman’s Recess Pieces and Kirkman’s The Walking Dead), cue up the five-disc changer on the DVD player to play the complete Romero collection, and start sipping an icy cold Jamaican zombie (light and dark rum, apricot brandy, with lime, orange, pineapple, and passion fruit juices and garnished with an orange slice and a cherry).

  And try to tune out the dreadful moans coming through the gaps in the boards you’ve crookedly nailed over all the windows. Just make sure your gun is loaded before you are.

  Don’t worry about calling the police…they’re probably already on the case. Just sit back, listen to some tunes, watch some flicks, browse a book, and sip your drink. And wait. The cops are coming. Those shots you hear are the SWAT teams retaking the street.

  Kick back and relax. It’ll all be over soon enough.

  One way or the other.

  APPENDIX B

  Artist Index

  JOSEPH “JODY” ADAMS a.k.a Von Monstersteiner, comes from Nicholasville, Kentucky, He is a member of the Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels, a disability rights activist, and former mayoral candidate. Joseph is an accomplished cartoonist, horror illustrator, and known to be an artist in the modern-day lowbrow art movement. His artwork can be seen in publications such as The Hacker’s Source, Black Hills Folk Press, and Unspeakable Press. One of his most notable artistic endeavors has been as the production illustrator for the Solomon Mortamur film, It Came from Trafalgar. Contact him at adams4hire@yahoo.com. Joseph’s official website: www.freewebs.com/jody_adams/index.htm; Joseph’s MySpace page: www.myspace.com/smoke_if_ya_got_em.

  RYAN ALLEN lives in Iowa with his wife Ronda and their pup, Mortimer. Ryan is an eclectic and creative soul who draws, paints, and sculpts. His creativity also spills over into writing. His creative endeavors are usually weird, horrific, sometimes funny, and almost always gory. Ryan traces his creative and artistic development back to being contaminated as a kid by the genres of science fiction, fantasy, and horror in all their various media. These, along with a heavy dose of comic books and the art of James Holloway, Ryan knew he wanted to be an artist. Contact him at infernalengines@aol.com.

  MATTHEW “SIX” BAHR has always tried to be as creative as possible, and you can see this in his artwork at his website, www.robo6.net. He’s a huge zombie fan and has always loved drawing the flesh-hungry ghouls. During the day, he’s the art director for Native Sons, www.nativesons.com, and is also the executive creative officer/part owner of a surf clothing company called Embryo Surf Co., www.embryosurfco.com. But at night, his favorite project is the zombie comic book he’s illustrating called After the Rising. A mini-series set in the time period just after the world is lost to the zombie hordes. Expect to see it in early 2009. Six lives in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, and has two beautiful daughters that have probably seen more zombie movies than your average horror movie fan.

  JASON BEAM’S illustrative storytelling style that melds the macabre with surrealistic sensuality has established his work among gothic and horror enthusiasts, writers, musicians, and feature film and entertainment industry clientele. He is the owner and creative director of WeeGee Creative in Phoenix, Arizona, and spends his free time cruising for zombies in his hot rod hearse. His work can be seen at www.weegeecreative.com and on the cover of The Cryptopedia: A Dictionary of the Weird, Strange & Downright Bizarre by Jonathan Maberry and David F. Kramer (Citadel Press, 2007).

  ALAN F. BECK has been a science fiction, fantasy, and surrealistic artist and illustrator for over thirty years doing work for many major corporations. His art has been published in magazines and on book covers and has been exhibited in shows
and science fiction/fantasy conventions all across the United States. His visions and concepts are produced using acrylics, watercolors, pastels, 3-D modeling, and image manipulation programs. Contact him at alanfbeck@earthlink.net. Website: www.alanfbeck.com.

  GEFF BERTRAND’S published works include a self-published limited edition 150-page art book and illustrations for a few stories in Black Ink Horror Magazine, Raw Meat—Bedtime Stories for the Sick & Deranged plus a few other small publications and CD covers. You can see more of his art at dr-twistid.deviantart.com. Contact him at bringeruvdeth@hotmail.com.

  KEVIN BIAS, from Easthampton, Massachusetts, has been drawing ever since he was able to hold a pencil. He cites his comic art influences as Jack Kirby, John Byrne, and Bernie Wrightson, preferring the campy art of the 1970s and 1980s. He creates art for local bands out of Western Massachusetts for the web and for CDs and T-shirts; and does the occasional freelance job. You can find him at www.myspace.com/kevthedevil, and performing onstage around New England with his band, Pallet. Contact him at Kevlen72@charter.net.

  SEAN BOLEY is better known for his offbeat and twisted humor in his cartoons, but is certainly no stranger to illustrating. His work has been featured in various publications over the years, and he has done other things as well, including designing logos and tattoos. While on that quest for the elusive holy grail of an art career, he lives in Washington, Virginia, where he “draws” (pardon the pun!) inspiration from anything imaginable, warning people that nothing and no one is safe from his paper and pen. Contact him at kr2nist@yahoo.com.

  KEVIN JAMES BREAUX is a professional graphic designer with over ten years experience with design tools such as Photoshop. He graduated from Tyler School of Art in 2000 with a B.F.A. and since worked designing major motion picture merchandise for the X-Men movie franchise. Review his online portfolio of digital art and photography at www.browebdesigns.com. Kevin is a fantasy writer, and actively seeking agents for his first series. He is also writing several horror short stories and one dramatic graphic novel. His author website can be found at www.kevinbreaux.com; contact him at kbreaux23@yahoo.com.

  PETER BROWN is a dark arts pen and ink illustrator who has done commissioned work for several book and magazine publications. His childhood love of comic book art, horror stories, and monster movies kick-started his imagination and artistic drive. He also creates photo manipulations for realistic fantasy-horror pieces. He is currently illustrating for Black Ink Horror Magazine and enjoys working on special projects/collaborations with other DA artists. View his website at rayznhell.tripod.com or contact him to work on your next project at rayznhell@lycos.com.

  DONNA BURGESS is the owner and editor of Naked Snake Press. She is a poet, author, and an artist whose credits include the covers of several Eric S. Brown collections and novellas.

  COLLIN BURTON is an advertising graphic designer by day, freelance illustrator by night, who lives in Colorado Springs, Colorado. He uses mixed media and Photoshop to create his dark and fascinating images. Contact him at collin@fizzleandpop.com. To see more of his work, visit sketch.smugmug.com/Portfolio.

  SHAWN CONN grew up a farm boy in upstate New York, where he lived with very supportive parents and three equally creative younger brothers. His interest in art began almost at the same time he discovered “the monster movie.” Growing up in the age of Hammer films, Godzilla, and the drive-in monster fests, he would begin to create his own worlds of fantasy and horror on paper and canvas. He went on to study art at the Rochester Institute of Technology, as well as served in the Army. Shawn is currently accepting limited commissions and has an apparel line devoted to zombies distributed by Punk and Pissed, called Armageddon 2012. Contact him at shantyshawn@yahoo.com.

  SCOTT CRAMTON is a freelance photographer specializing in scary photos. He’s also the director of The Haunt, one of the most acclaimed haunted houses in the country and a place Scott has found plenty of subjects. When not shooting, he is writing for websites such as www.herealms.com and www.the-haunt.com. Scott has written three plays that were produced by Grand Valley State University. Recently one of those plays was picked up for a successful run by the Detroit’s Players Club. Contact him at thehauntman@gmail.com for more information about his work.

  TOOTIE DETRICK, at an early age, knew art would become her main focus. Studying graphic design and fine art after high school at Bowling Green State University, she is working as a full-time graphic designer, freelance artist, and web page designer. She is also an experienced architectural illustrator. Tootie has attended many art shows throughout her career and began selling her art on the Internet in 2007. To request graphic design, artist, or illustrator services, visit www.tootiedetrick.com.

  FRANK DIETZ’s love for monsters and fantasy has led to his career in the film industry as a writer, producer, director, actor, and Walt Disney feature animation artist. His work can be seen in Hercules, Mulan, Tarzan, Fantasia 2000, and others. He continues to work as a screenwriter and is the author and illustrator of the popular Sketchy Things sketchbook series. In 2007 he was awarded the first Rondo Hatton Classic Horror Award for artist of the year. See more about Frank’s work at www.sketchythings.com.

  KELLY EVERAERT was born in southern Ontario, Canada, where he grew up on a steady supply of monster movies and comic books. After surviving his childhood, he went on to college where he graduated with a diploma in fine arts. After a road trip across Canada in 1995 with his now wife, Michelle, they settled in Vancouver, British Columbia. Kelly now tries to make a living as a freelance artist working for a variety of clients producing book illustrations, storyboards, and concept drawings for the film industry, comic books, and paintings. If you would like to see more of his work check out Keltic Studios online at members.shaw.ca/kelticstudios/Keltic_Studios.htm.

  SHANNON FRESHWATER is an artist and illustrator who grew up in Las Vegas where zombies sit in front of slot machines twenty-four hours a day. Shannon enjoys painting bodily decay because it exorcizes her own fears of death and sickness. She attended Art Center College of Design for illustration, and currently lives and works in Los Angeles. Website: www.shannonfreshwater.com. Contact her at airandwater27@hotmail.com.

  LISA RUSSO GRESSEN holds a B.F.A in painting from Arcadia University and a Desktop Publishing certification from Moore College of Art and Design. She worked for Chilton Publishing and TVSM/The Cable Guide, has published several poems, and completed her first supernatural thriller, Kindred. Her new musical, Dreamweavers, had a well-received reading on Broadway. She is president and CEO of Good Show Productions, Inc. Lisa also teaches art appreciation to over 500 elementary students each year through Art Goes To School. Lisa can be contacted at dreamweaverlisa@comcast.net.

  STEVE HESTER is a self-employed house painter, artist, and musician, living in Fountain Inn, South Carolina. His fascination with the intricacies of life are realized in his surreal artwork…much of which he is unable to interpret himself. As a result, Steve is always intrigued by what those who appreciate his art are able to see in it.

  BRANDON HILDRETH is a self-taught artist whose work reflects a wide variety of styles, always changing when it comes to texture and depth, often dwelling in the realm of science fiction and horror-like genres. His work can be viewed online at www.lunarisart.com.

  JILL HUNT in an artist and amateur photographer living in northern Virginia with her husband and three cats. She is studying zombie movies, comics, and books in preparation for the zombie apocalypse.

  JONATHAN MABERRY is the Bram Stoker Award-winning author of Ghost Road Blues, as well as Dead Man’s Song, Vampire Universe, The Cryptopedia, and Bad Moon Rising. He is an artist, amateur photographer, and writing teacher. His website is www.jonathanmaberry.com.

  GEORGE MARTZOUKOS was born on March 23, 1982, in Athens, Greece. His work has appeared in The New Masters of Fantasy, volumes 2 and 3, and Jonathan Maberry’s Vampire Universe. He is currently collaborating with Visionary Comics Studio on various projects and has also designed many CD artwor
ks in Greece, contributed art in projects such as: “…Erth Chronicles” and The Fleshrot Magazine. Recently he has illustrated art inspired from Steven Savile’s The Heart of Thera and exhibited his original art at Fanfare Sports & Entertainment, Website: Inc. www.myspace.com/martzoukos. Contact him at martzoukosarts@yahoo.gr.

  LORI ANN McADAM’s art is either tattoo art or paintings—but all of it features some representation of death. She has a perpetually growing obsession with zombies and zombie films. The graphic undertones are reflected in the way she paints or draws. Her best advice: “Always remember, the zombies are coming.” Contact her at makeouterwart@yahoo.com; www.myspace.com/makeoutcrew.