A High Five for Glenn Burke
Page 15
I take a sip and put it back down. “I still can’t believe I never realized you and Ben-Ben were in the same robotics club.”
I pick up the bat and motion for her to pitch the ball. She underhands it to me, but the ball is heavier than the bat, and even though I swing hard, the ball goes straight down.
“Nice hit.” Zoey traps the ball with her heel, flips it up, and starts juggling again. “Do you know how Grace found out we had a fight?”
“How?”
“Ms. Washington told her about the argument we had in class.”
The ball hits off the side of her knee and bounces toward the steps at the end of the deck. I pop off my chair and grab it before it rolls onto the lawn.
“I went to see Ben-Ben after school on Monday,” Zoey says, sitting down on the top step.
“You waved at me when you walked into class on Monday.” I sit down beside her.
“Almost waved.”
We both laugh, and I can’t begin to explain how great it feels to laugh with Zoey again, because I knew I missed laughing with her, but I didn’t realize how much I missed laughing with her until now.
“Grace took me to Ben-Ben’s,” Zoey says.
“How’d you know where he lives?”
“We sometimes drive him home from robotics,” she says.
“He never missed a practice or game,” I say. “He got to a few practices late, but everyone does. Maybe that’s why I never realized you were in the same robotics club.” I shrug. “Who knows?”
“I didn’t know Malik would be there,” she says. “I didn’t even know they were friends.”
“Ben-Ben told me Malik was there.”
She bumps my shoulder. “You never told me how cute he was.”
I give her a look.
“Well, he is cute, right?” She double-dimples and bumps me again. “Kinda sorta?”
“Kinda sorta,” I say, softly.
I smile weirdly because everything about Zoey’s saying that to me feels weird, even though it shouldn’t feel weird.
“Malik came up with the Sandlot idea,” she says. “He knew that Grace let you borrow the outfits. He asked if we still had them, and when I said yes, he came up with the idea.”
“That sounds like Malik,” I say. I breathe. “It’s all happening so fast, Zoey. My whole life is different now. All of a sudden, everything is different. And it gets more different every day.” I look at her. “But then at the same time, nothing’s changed.”
“You sound very drama queen right now,” she says, double-dimpling. “I can say that now, you know.”
I smile weirdly again. “I guess.”
“Yes, I can say that now. That was very drama queen.” She touches my arm. “Just so you know, I knew you were gay before you told me.”
“What?”
She’s still double-dimpling. “I did.”
“Zoey. I’m not ready to joke about—”
“You fart rainbows,” she says.
I laugh. I can’t help it.
“It’s true,” she says. “Everyone knows gay kids fart rainbows. Multicolored farts are the universal sign of queer kids.”
I stare. She said the word queer. She knows I noticed.
“Jack Will,” I say.
“What?”
I pick up the mini soccer ball from the step between us and trace my finger along the blue border of the FC Cincinnati logo.
“Promise not to laugh?” I say without looking up.
“No way,” she says. “I’m not promising that.”
I half smile. “Jack Will,” I say again. “That’s how I knew for sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“Last year, they always showed the movie Wonder during indoor recess. And every time we watched it … every time we watched it…”
“Yeah?”
I look up. “Every time we watched it, I wanted to hold Jack Will’s hand.” I breathe. “When we were sitting at your kitchen table the other day, you asked me when I knew. That’s when … that’s when I knew for sure.”
Zoey double-dimple grins. “That’s awesome.”
“Thanks,” I say.
“Jack Will was pretty cute in that movie.” She takes the soccer ball from me. “Not as cute as Malik, but he was pretty cute.”
It’s so weird hearing her say that about Malik to me, but at the same time, it’s not weird at all.
“The Renegades have a new team handshake,” I say. “A double high five.” I hold up my hands.
She puts the soccer ball between her knees and smacks them both.
“One for the Renegades,” I say, “and one for Glenn Burke.”
“They know about Glenn Burke?”
“I told them,” I say.
“Seriously?”
“That he invented the high five. Not that he was gay and—”
“Good for you, Silas,” she says. She squeezes the ball with the heels of her hands. “I mean it. That’s awesome you told them.”
“Before the start of every game,” I say, “we’re going to have a high-five line, and … and every time we do it, I’m going to take a second to think about Glenn Burke because … because my high five for Glenn Burke isn’t only because he invented the high five. My high five … he was first. Glenn Burke deserves a high five.”
“Awesome, Silas.”
I reach into my pocket and pull out a couple of the high-five stickers.
“Here,” I say, handing them to her. “Haley made these.”
“Wow, she drew these? She’s getting so good.”
“Really good,” I say.
“You told her about Glenn Burke?”
“Only about the high five.”
Zoey peels one off its paper and sticks it to the soccer ball.
“I found a bunch of them stuck to my bulletin board the other day,” I say. “She has no idea how much it meant to me seeing them.”
“Haley’s pretty awesome.”
“Sometimes,” I say. I rub my eyes with both palms. “I’m going to tell my mom.”
“You are? Silas, that’s—”
“Not now and maybe not … I will tell her. She’ll be next.”
“I think you should,” Zoey says. “Erica is so cool.”
“You don’t have to live with her.”
“You know she’s cool, Silas.” She bops me on the head with the ball.
I duck away. “I guess.”
“No, she is. Erica is so cool, and you know it. Say it.”
“I’m not saying it.”
She bops me harder. “Say it!”
I block the ball. “My mom is cool! My mom is cool!” I stand up. “Happy now?”
“Now, that wasn’t so difficult, was it?” She gets up and plants the ball in my chest.
“Can I ask you … can I ask you for a favor?” I place my hands over hers. “Will you help me … will you help me with my coming-out video?”
“Yes!” She throws the ball into the air. “I’d love to!”
“I’m not posting it on YouTube or anything,” I say. “I just want to make one. For the future me to watch someday.”
“That’s awesome, Silas.”
“But I don’t want to make it yet. I just—”
“Whatever you want, Silas.” She puts her hands on my shoulders. “You decide.”
“And let me be the one to ask you about it, okay? Like, don’t ask me about it. When I’m ready to make it, you’ll be the first to know.” I squeeze her fingers. “I promise.”
“I’ll help you under one condition.”
“Uh-oh,” I say.
“Uh-oh is right,” she says. “We need to sing. I need me some karaoke.”
“What do you want to sing?” I ask.
She double-dimple grins.
“Why are you smiling like that? Is this the uh-oh part?”
She takes my hand and starts dancing toward the door.
“Are these like the gayest songs you can think of?” I ask.
She squeezes my h
and and lifts our arms. “You know it!”
39
A HIGH FIVE FOR GLENN BURKE
“Renegades are what?” I shout.
“Renegades are ready!” my teammates shout back.
We’re all on the field before the start of our doubleheader against the Warriors. We’re in front of our dugout in two lines facing one another—our high-five line. I’m at the end closest to home plate, standing in the middle. Webb and Coach Rockford are at the other end, facing each other.
I cup my hand around my ear. “Renegades are what?” I yell louder.
“Renegades are ready!” they yell back even louder.
I point to our bleachers behind the dugout. “Renegades are what?”
“Renegades are ready!” everyone shouts.
And when I say everyone, I do mean everyone, especially for me. Mom and Dad are both here. Semaj is sitting between them. Haley’s in front of them next to Zoey, who’s wearing the Dodgers cap and the number three Dodgers jersey. Grace is on the other side of Zoey, and Ms. Washington’s on the other side of Grace. It’s so awesome seeing Grace and Ms. Washington here because neither of them have ever been to one of my games. And it’s awesome seeing Kaila sitting on the other side of Mom.
“Here we go, Renegades!” I point down the line with both index fingers and slide next to Ben-Ben.
Webb starts double-high-fiving the Renegades on his line, and Coach Rockford starts double-high-fiving the Renegades on his. When they reach the end, they cross over and double-high-five all the Renegades on the other line until they’re back to where they started but on the opposite sides. Then they run down the middle, and when they get to the end, they double-high-five each other and step back into the lines.
Ernesto and Alexander go next and do the same thing. Then Jason and Carter go, and then the others, and then suddenly, because we have an odd number of players now, I’m the only one who hasn’t double-high-fived my teammates.
I start with Ben-Ben, who’s next to me, but instead of double-high-fiving Luis, who’s next to him, I jump across to Kareem, the last person on the other side. Then I jump back across to Luis and double-high-five him, and I do this all the way down the line until I reach Webb. And when we double-high-five, for a moment, we lock our fingers.
“You be you,” he says.
“Me be me,” I say back.
I sprint for home plate and jump on it with both feet, and when I do, I take a second like I said I would. I think about Glenn Burke. I think about him standing at home plate and giving Dusty Baker that very first high five. I think about what could have been and should have been for Glenn Burke. I think about all the opportunities he never got to have and all the opportunities I will. I think about how I wouldn’t be standing here right now if it wasn’t for Glenn Burke.
“Let’s do this, Renegades!” I shout and wave to my teammates. “Let’s do this.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
A High Five for Glenn Burke would not exist without the help and support of so many, and if I was to come anywhere close to properly thanking everyone, these acknowledgments would far exceed the length of this book.
With that said, eternal gratitude, love, and light to …
Erin Murphy, my agent. Thank you for your encouragement, support, and friendship. Thank you for knowing I had this book in me. Thank you for pushing me to tell this story, part of my truth.
Wes Adams, my editor. Thank you for your unparalleled vision, guidance, and wisdom. You saw a middle grade novel on the pages of a picture-book manuscript and patiently worked with me as I Frindle-d the text.
Farrar Straus Giroux and the entire Macmillan Children’s Publishing Group. Thank you especially to Melissa Warten, Avia Perez, Ana Deboo, Cassie Gonzales, Celeste Cass, Mary Van Akin, Kelsey Marrujo, Katie Halata, Lucy Del Priore, and Joy Peskin.
Aaron Katzman, Julie Lenk, Sandy London, Anna Rekate, and Audrey Vernick. Thank you for reading early versions of the manuscript and for providing the expert insights and feedback I craved. Aaron, I kept score, too; Sandy, I peeped too much; and Julie, I will never bring a cowbell to a baseball game.
John Cook, Cole Lenk, and Jackson Parrish. Thank you to my baseball all-star team. Thanks for telling me all about your batter’s box routines, your coaches, your dugout chants, your hygiene (ew!), and your love for the game.
Kameron Wright and Leo Puvilland. Thanks for helping me understand robotics just enough so that I was able to pretend to know what I was talking about.
Laurie Halse Anderson. Thanks for joining me on that bitter-cold, early-morning walk around Washington, DC, a few Decembers ago. It was a circle-the-calendar moment. I felt it then; I know it now. You can’t fix broken people.
Kari Anne Holt. Thanks for walking the talk, and for giving me the courage to speak my truth more forcefully, and for enabling me to speak more knowledgeably about the ghosting of books. Our very existence is not controversial.
Matt Bomer and Jose Llana. Thanks for setting the example. You were the role models I needed when I was a kid. Thanks for being that role model to so many kids today.
Corey Anker, Steven Gershowitz, Eddie Liao, and Wendy Lieber. Thanks for being there when I came out, for being there when I needed it most. Steven, thanks for being the definition of a friend since we were eleven. I wouldn’t be here without you.
The Big Apple Softball League. Thanks for introducing me to Ernesto Reyes. Our New York City team that finished in third place in the 2001 Gay World Series was legendary.
Billy Bean, Jason Collins, Wade Davis, Greg Louganis, Martina Navratilova, Megan Rapinoe, Robbie Rogers, Sheryl Swoopes, and all the other out gay athletes who paved the way and showed the world that everyone can play.
ESPN 30 for 30 documentary series. Thank you for introducing Glenn Burke to so many.
Doug Harris, the coproducer of Out: The Glenn Burke Story, the documentary film about Glenn Burke. Thanks for taking the time to speak with me and share your stories.
Cheryl, my sister, and Alex and Ethan, my nephews. You all rock … And perhaps since I acknowledged you, you’ll even read the book!
Debbie and Bill, my parents. For never wavering, for never flinching—not once—after July 24, 1996.
Katniss, our beautiful rescue dog, who brings such joy to everyone and provides me with ample playtime breaks.
Kevin, my husband. My husband. Words a previous, self-hating version of me would’ve never been able to process, comprehend, or accept. Words I now say loud and proud. I love you.
BY THE SAME AUTHOR
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phil Bildner is a former New York City public school teacher who lives in Newburgh, New York. The author of many books, including Marvelous Cornelius: Hurricane Katrina and the Sp
irit of New Orleans and The Soccer Fence: A Story of Friendship, Hope, and Apartheid in South Africa, Phil is a frequent speaker at conferences and travels to over sixty schools a year. You can sign up for email updates here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
1. Introducing Glenn Burke
2. Renegades Are Ready
3. The Wade Family
4. Zoey and Grace
5. Epic!
6. Webb in Charge
7. Glenn Burke Was …
8. Out
9. Calling, Not Texting
10. Lighter and Looser
11. The Story of Lamont Sleets
12. Waiting for Grace
13. The Sandlot Fashion Show
14. So Gay
15. Destiny’s Child
16. Teamwork
17. Out in the Field
18. Telling
19. Bedtime Story
20. Bounce! Bounce!
21. Coach Noles and Brayden
22. Everything’s Weird
23. About Glenn
24. Bye Bye Birdie
25. Triple-Header Disaster
26. It’s Not Okay!
27. Face-to-Face
28. Glenn Burke After
29. Jump & Grind
30. Malik
31. Making the Call
32. Dealing with Dad
33. Broken People
34. Half Wave
35. Hitting Return
36. Mom and Silas Time
37. My Sandlot
38. Zoey Always
39. A High Five for Glenn Burke
Acknowledgments
By the Same Author
About the Author
Copyright