Chapter 6
Leslie
It wasn’t like I didn’t know how Brett lived. After all, we used to be neighbors. My family used to have just about as much money as his, if not maybe a little more. My father used to own a DVD business and at one time, we seemed to have it all. The fancy house in Beverly Hills, the nice cars, anything we could want. Sometimes I wish I would have known then that it would all be gone someday. Maybe I would have enjoyed it a little more. Savored the freedom and the feeling of not having to worry about bills or my family.
I could remember staying in nice hotels like the one we were staying in. Tipping the bellboys well and thinking nothing about renting a nice car when we went on our numerous vacations. This wasn’t my first time in London, but it was the first time since my dad’s business went under.
“I rented us a car to drive around to look at each place,” Brett said as we entered the elevator. “It should be down there waiting for us.”
“What, no limo to chauffeur you around?” I asked, teasing.
“No. But if you want one, I can get one for you,” he said with a smirk.
“I think I’m good with the car,” I sighed dramatically. I tossed a smile his way so that he would know that I was teasing. Part of me was a little frustrated with his ability to just throw money around but I also knew it wasn’t his fault that I couldn’t. Besides, that ability was allowing me to live out my dream for a little while of being an interior designer. I couldn’t complain too much.
As the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened, we made our way to the doors that led outside and he spoke to the valet. While we stood there in companionable silence, I thought about my parents’ old home versus the new one. Our old one, the one that was next door to Brett’s parents, was a sprawling mansion with an inground pool and so much room to do whatever you wanted. Our current house in San Jose was probably a quarter of the house we used to have. There was no gym, no pool, only the bare necessities.
Those first few years after we moved and Dad had lost his business were the worst for him. I knew he felt as though he had failed his family and he sunk into a deep depression. Truthfully, I wasn’t sure he would ever smile again. His hair seemed to go grey overnight and deep lines appeared between his eyebrows. There were times we had to clip coupons and scrape together the last of our money to buy groceries. A far cry from the life we had been used to. We’d gone from a life of privilege to one of almost poverty.
A large black SUV pulled up at the curb and the valet climbed out.
“Thanks,” Brett said to him as we approached the vehicle. Brett went to the passenger door and opened it for me.
“Thank you,” I said, slightly surprised.
“You’re very welcome,” he said as he shut the door. I watched as he went around and climbed behind the wheel. I was so glad that I hadn’t managed to make things awkward between us.
Last night had been incredibly intense and I thought for sure he would change his mind about having me decorate his place. I wasn’t so sure about going to his room this morning, I thought for sure he wouldn’t open the door to me. Not that I would have blamed him. He’d been eager and ready to make love and I’d stopped him in his tracks. I had been lost in my lust for a bit too. But when he asked about my virginity, it had been as if I had been dunked in cold water. I realized that I was being ridiculous. I didn’t know him anymore. He had been living a rich and prosperous life and I most certainly hadn’t. I mean, I knew I was a completely different person than I used to be. Surely he was too. Just because we’d been close before didn’t mean that we hadn’t drifted apart. Handing my virginity over to him would have been like giving it to a stranger.
“Lucy said she would meet us over at the first one on our list,” Brett said, interrupting my thoughts.
“Oh, okay,” I said, coming back to the present. “Which one was that again? The one with the all-white kitchen?”
“That would be it,” he said with a nod. “I definitely can’t have a kitchen with so much white, but I know we aren’t looking at colors here. Still, I don’t know how people manage to keep something like that clean.”
I smiled. “I know, right? My family would have fingerprints everywhere.”
“So how is your family?” Brett asked suddenly. “Are they doing okay?”
“Define ‘okay’,” I said and then shook my head. “We’re doing better than we were. It’s still a struggle sometimes, but we’re managing.”
“Good,” he said finally. “I was sad to see you guys go. I liked having you all as neighbors.”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so I didn’t. I still kind of missed our old house and bringing it up hurt a little. I missed our old life. But now I knew how important it was to have a stable career that wasn’t full of risk. Sure, if you wanted the big rewards you had to take some risks. But that life wasn’t for me. Not anymore. I was past all of that and simply wanted a life of stability. Yet sometimes, I would dream we were still there and all of this had just been a bad dream. I didn’t have to work as an air hostess and everything was as it should be. I took a deep breath and shook off those feelings. They never did me any good and would only end up putting me in a bad mood. Instead, I wanted to focus on enjoying the moment. After all, I was going to spend the morning looking at high end penthouses and lofts. What could be better than that?
“So why did you move to London?” I asked as Brett pulled into a parking garage and found a space near the elevator. We climbed out of the SUV and headed for the doors.
“I am actually trying my hand at being a little more responsible,” he said as the doors opened.
“Oh?” I ask, curious. This was something new to me.
“Yeah, I’m going to be managing a couple of hotels here for my family,” he said proudly.
I opened my mouth to tell him what I thought, but then closed it again. While I knew his family made good money that way, I still felt like it was a risky venture. But then again, it wasn’t any of my business what he was doing or how he chose to live his life. After all, it wasn’t like we were going to be spending much time together after I was done decorating his new place. Why would we? He had his life to get back to and I had mine. If he wanted to live life in a reckless way, who was I to say anything?
“What?” he said as we waited for the elevator to take us to our floor.
“Nothing,” I said shaking my head. I wasn’t about to tell him what I thought.
“That look is saying a whole lot more than nothing,” he said. “Spit it out.”
“No,” I said shaking my head. The doors opened and we stepped out. He looked both ways and we saw the agent standing down the hall. “It’s not my place.”
“You know I don’t care about that,” he said. “You think I’m being stupid, don’t you?”
Fine, if he wanted to know what I thought… “Yeah, I do. I think it’s a risky thing to be a part of.”
“How is it risky?” he asked suddenly. We were getting closer to the agent and I didn’t want to keep talking about it.
“Just forget it,” I said shaking my head.
“No, I want to know. What about running hotels is risky?” he insisted.
“Because you never know when things could go south,” I began. “Things change. Your family doesn’t exactly own affordable places. What if the economy tanks or something?” My words were clipped and hushed, trying to give him the signal that I didn’t want to keep talking about it in front of the realtor.
“Hello, I’m so glad you were able to narrow down your choices,” the realtor said. She turned to me and smiled. “We haven’t met, I’m Lucy Baker.”
“Leslie Brown,” I said as I shook her hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“The economy isn’t going to tank,” Brett said, staring at me. Lucy looked at him strangely at first but then, realizing he was talking to me, dismissed him.
Turning to the door, she unlocked it. “So as you can tell, we’re fairly high up. That m
eans that this corner penthouse has some fabulous views,” she began. We followed her inside but Brett still seemed fixated on me.
“Hotels aren’t risky,” he repeated as he shook his head.
“Whatever you have to tell yourself,” I whispered to him. I was busy trying to be polite and listen to what Lucy had to say.
“You’re just being judgmental,” he whispered back. “You just assume that you know better than I do.”
“That’s because I do,” I said quickly. “I know what it’s like to live an average life. Not one full of privilege and fancy things. That doesn’t make me judgmental, it makes me realistic.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he said, no longer whispering. “You think I’ve been living with blinders on or something?”
“So, I will be waiting just outside if you have any further questions,” Lucy said quickly and she hurried from the room.
“Great, I didn’t get to hear a thing she said because you wouldn’t stop talking,” I said to Brett.
“I don’t like this one anyway,” he scoffed. “The view is nice but it’s too small.”
“Of course it is,” I said, perhaps just a bit more snarky than I had wanted. “Can we at least pretend to look at it? I don’t want to waste her time.”
Brett sighed loudly but nodded. As we moved through the area, I had to admit he was right. I couldn’t imagine him wanting to live in something this size. The kitchen was all updated and modern, but there wasn’t much room compared to the rest of the place. Of course, that could be remodeled but why do that much work when you could just buy a place that was much more of what you were looking for?
“The more I walk around this place, the more I’m not feeling it,” he said as we found one of the bedrooms.
“It could potentially be renovated,” I pointed out. “You did like the view, after all.” We seemed to have somewhat made a truce, although I wasn’t sure how long it would last. One wrong word and it felt like we would blow up at each other again.
He shook his head but didn’t say anything, so we made our way back out into the hall.
“So what do you think?” Lucy asked brightly.
“Not really sure if this is the one,” he said dejectedly. “But we’re still keeping it in mind. I think I want to hold off until we look at others.”
“Not a problem,” she said.” How about I meet you at the loft over in Notting Hill next?”
“Works for me,” he said with a nod.
“Great, I’ll just lock up here and I’ll see you there!” her bright smile was infectious and I felt my mood shift slightly.
Brett and I turned away from her and began heading back down the hall. We were silent for quite some time before we reentered the elevator.
“I thought they were all penthouses,” I finally asked, breaking the silence.
“They are, for the most part,” he said. “But I told her I was open to a few different things. I just want a nice open space, you know?”
I nodded. “It really doesn’t matter what they call it, as long as you’re comfortable there.”
I started considering how long the whole undertaking of helping him pick out a place and then design it could take. There were a lot of great locations in London. I didn’t see how he could possibly decide on one in one week, let alone buy it and then have me decorate it. No, there was no way. I would just have to do it in between work. That was the only way I could see that it would be possible.
As we exited the elevator, I knew he would probably object to my leaving. But he was just going to have to get used to the idea. Not all of us were made of money. I had a job to do and a family to help.
I waited until we were pulling out of the parking garage to look over at him. He still looked a bit irritated, although not enough to keep talking about it. I started wondering if perhaps this was a mistake. That with all of our history together, there was just too much to ignore.
“I’m not really sure how long this decorating thing is going to take,” I finally said. “I can stay here for the week, but after that I have to get back to work. It could take us all week just to find a place you like, and that would still be fast. Not saying you’re picky,” I said quickly. “It’s just, you want to find the right kind of space. That can take some time.”
“Why do you worry so much about a job that you hate?” he asked suddenly. “Why don’t you just quit?”
“Because I’m helping my family,” I said, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice. “My parents are still struggling. I help them with bills and stuff. I can’t just up and quit without something else lined up.”
“But you do have something else,” he insisted. “You’re working for me now.”
“Yeah, on this one job. What am I going to do after that? I need something steady and consistent,” I reminded him. In that moment, I wished I had a magic wand that I could wave and make him see. Make him see that things aren’t so simple for me and my family anymore. I had to put my own happiness aside and help them by doing whatever was necessary. It wasn’t like I wanted to but this was the way my life was now. I had to put my own happiness aside and make sure that my family was taken care of.
“But you don’t love it,” he reminded me. “Your heart isn’t in being an air hostess, it’s in decorating and designing. You know that so why are you hiding from it? Sometimes you have to take a leap in order to get to where you want to be. How are you going to get your dream job if you don’t reach for it? It’s right in front of you. All you have to do is reach out and take it.”
“It would be different if I had other jobs lined up,” I admitted. “But I don’t. All I have is this one thing. That’s just not enough,” I said shaking my head. “I need a consistent income. I don’t exactly have the portfolio to make people call me and ask for me by name. I know sometimes you have to take a leap, but I just can’t do that. Not right now.” It would be a dream come true, though, I began to think. If I had another couple of jobs lined up and could actually start making a living doing something that made my heart sing.
“Well, my offer still stands,” he said. “I want you to quit the airline and focus on your work with me. You might be surprised at what could happen if you just took that one step. Maybe the doors haven’t opened for you yet because you haven’t started walking toward them.”
I was a little surprised by the depth of what he said. Maybe he was right, at least a little. Sometimes you could end up holding yourself back if you didn’t try. But then I remembered my family back home. They needed me. There was no way they could make it without my help. I couldn’t help them if I had no job and couldn’t even take care of myself. I shook my head. No, I had to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. There would be no leaps of faith for me. Maybe that sort of thing happened for everyone else, but not me.
Chapter 7
Brett
As we drove to the next available place that I wanted to look at, I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Leslie was judging me. She seemed to think that I was being reckless and foolish. Like I had a complete disregard for my future and what could happen. It wasn’t like I was oblivious to the fact that everything could be lost. I knew that in the blink of an eye my world could be turned upside down forever. Didn’t I learn that when she and her family had to move? While it may not have directly happened to me, it had still been a shock as well as an eye-opening experience. Who could have thought that someone could lose it all that fast? Of course, for Leslie’s parents it might not have been quick. They might have seen the whole thing coming and just kept it to themselves.
Looking over at Leslie, I knew we had quite a bit that was standing between us. She seemed so angry. Angry at the world and everyone in it for what happened to her family.
“I’m looking forward to checking this next one out,” I said as I tried to break the silence. She seemed to be caught in her own thoughts and they seemed to be dragging her down. Whatever was running through her mind at the moment didn’t ap
pear to be encouraging thoughts.
“Are you?” she asked distractedly. She didn’t seem keen on conversation, but I had to persist.
“Yeah, I think it might be a good place. That is, as long as it’s not small like the last one. Whoever photographed it did a great job of making it look spacious,” I said with hopes of pulling her into conversation.
“Well, the long curtains and tall windows can make a space appear taller,” she began. Her face was still turned away, focused on the buildings and cars passing us by. If I didn’t know better, I would think she was trying to soak it all in. “There are a few other tricks you can use with paint and such to make a space seem bigger. They could have also simply found a flattering angle.”
I was glad to at least have her talking. That was a good sign. I was afraid I might have pushed her a bit too far when I got frustrated with her. But I still didn’t understand why she was so damn judgmental of me.
“See, that’s why I wish you would just go for it,” I explained. “You know all those little things that the rest of us don’t. You’re a natural at making rooms look good. Period.”
For a moment, I thought she might clam up again. The look crossed her face, one of annoyance and attitude. Like she wanted to lay into me but she was biting her tongue. She seemed to reconsider before she spoke again.
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” she said softly. “But I don’t think you quite get just how bad things got for my family. My dad, he didn’t take it well when we lost everything. He’s better than he was but sometimes, things still get tight. When they do, he gets bad. His depression almost pulls him under so far that we have problems reaching him. I know he thinks he should be able to care for us and take care of everyone. But I know he’s only human. People make mistakes. Things happen when you take too big of a risk. He put it all into DVDs and when they became a thing of the past, so did our money. He’s never been able to recover.” The sadness in her voice was almost more than I could bear. I could tell she still really struggled with it all and it tugged at my heart. I knew how hard it was to see your parent vulnerable like that. It changes everything.
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