An Earl for Edith

by Tammi Lee Bird

  Edith pushed her fingernails into her palm, letting the physical pain focus her mind away from her heart. This was not the end. She could change his mind, she just had to find a way to show him that love did not always end badly. That she would never stop caring for him.

  Edith stepped out of the library and made her way back to the party. Everyone was laughing, talking, dancing, and enjoying the festivities. She felt alone, as though she was watching from a distance unable to participate in their revelry. Lucy was sitting in the same seat. Nothing had changed while she’d been away, except for her.

  She needed Miles to care for her, to at least let her show her affection and love for him without upsetting him. Would it be so bad if she loved him more than he loved her? After all, she’d never expected to fall head over heels. As long as he enjoyed her company, wouldn’t that be enough?

  Edith moved through the crowd and sat down next to Lucy and smiled. A few minutes later, Archibald Lancaster sauntered towards her and bowed. “May I have the next dance?” he asked. She wanted to say no, but she didn’t want to be rude, and it wouldn’t hurt to let Miles see her up and about, acting normal. Edith forced her lips to raise and agreed.

  He took her hand in his and escorted her to the edge of the dance floor. She watched several couples. The women’s skirts flowed and swirled as they moved. It was a beautiful night. She ought to be ecstatic about such a lovely ball.

  “You look lovely tonight, Edith,” Sir Archibald said. She didn’t have the willpower to take him to task for speaking to her familiarly. What was the point in protesting? “Your hair shines like copper and,” he stepped closer, “you smell like wildflowers. I cannot wait to hold you close.”

  The music changed, and he led her to the center of the room. The fast paced rhythm of the song indicated that they were going to dance a reel. She got into position. Lord Camden to her left was staring at her as he prepared to dance with Miss Green.

  She moved with the music, her feet quickly tapping to and fro. When they came together, Sir Archibald whispered in her ear, “I long for you, Edith. I think about you often. Can’t you give me another chance?”

  Edith resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She wasn't interested. The dance moved them apart and the pace of the song made conversation difficult. When she got a chance she whispered back, “Do you love me?” His body jerked.

  Another turn in the dance separated them and when he returned he was more relaxed. “I might. A kiss would be the best way to tell for sure,” Sir Archibald added suggestively.

  Edith let her foot slip in order to step on his. “Oops. I’m so sorry. My brain stopped functioning when I thought about what you said.” She lowered her gaze and battered her eyelashes. “I’m just too shy for such a thing. I cannot imagine kissing anyone I’m not engaged to.”

  There. Maybe that will make him slow down his advances.

  Sir Archibald didn’t reply, and the music ended. He quietly took her back to her sister and left. Her next dance partner was George Stirling. He asked her several questions and she responded politely. She just wanted the evening to be over. The night finally ended and Edith was released from her fake performance. She quickly went to her room, removed her ballgown, and sank into her bed. She put the covers over her head and curled up in a ball. The world was only as big as her blanket, and nothing outside could enter her little sphere of peace. She didn’t cry, she didn’t sleep, and she didn’t think of Miles. Through the dark of the night Edith Wilson hid under her blanket and thought back to her childhood.

  The next morning Edith realized they hadn’t set a time for their meeting in the stables. She had no clue when to meet, and since she didn’t want to wait around all day wondering, she headed straight for Miles’ study. He wasn’t there. Edith straightened her shoulders and continued her search. She finally found him in the green salon talking to his cousin, George Stirling. She didn’t want to interrupt them and was about to turn around when she heard her name. Why were they discussing her?

  Edith threw etiquette to the wind and stood behind the door with her ear next to the small crack between the door and wall. “Edith is a fine girl,” Mr. Stirling’s voice rang through the air, “she will make a good wife and an excellent mother to Grace.”

  “There are many fine girls. She is only one of them.”

  “Yes, but she is the only one that you slipped out of the ballroom to go and meet last night. I saw you sneaking away but a moment after her.”

  Edith wished she could see his face, but from behind the door all she could see from the small crack between the door and the wall was a sliver of his back. Was he upset at being discovered or nonchalant? His voice didn’t waver as he said, “You should be working for Scotland yard. There’s not a single detail you miss.”

  “What did the two of you talk about? Of course I am assuming you spent your time alone speaking to each other, and not doing something a tad more scandalous.”

  Edith’s cheeks heated. Last night had been tame, but that didn’t excuse the other times they had embraced.

  “We were discussing our possible future together. Recently I had been thinking of formally courting her, but last night I realized that we might not suit. We do not wish for the same thing in a marriage, and I do not want to enter a relationship that is doomed from the start.”

  “Exactly why is it doomed? I thought you said she would make a convenient wife.”

  “Because she has fallen for me, and yet all I see in her is a friend.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want more than convenience. Do you like her?”

  “She is not the enchanting type. In fact, she is the complete opposite of Louisa in talent and looks. No, I don’t like her in that manner. I couldn’t. I promised myself I would never fall in love again.”

  Edith turned away. She didn’t need to hear anymore. He wasn’t attracted to her. He didn’t want her the way she wanted him. They had no future. She wasn’t paying attention to where she was going. All she thought about was getting as far away from Miles Stirling as possible.

  Her mind wandered with her feet until she saw Sir Archibald. He was standing by the entrance to the library, next to the mistletoe. He smiled a wickedly perfect smile, and said, “I was hoping to see you here, Miss Wilson. I have longed to hold you in my arms, and now I have an excuse.”

  He reached up and plucked a berry from the mistletoe. A sign that he was about to kiss her. She thought of running away, but what was the point? Miles didn’t love her, and here was a handsome man willing to kiss her doldrums away.

  She stepped forward and let him wind his arms around her waist. He was a dashing devil, and he knew how to make her worries disappear. He leaned in slowly, pausing right before his lips touched hers. His breath warmed her face and his steel blue eyes stared into her as though asking for permission. She inched forward the rest of the way and closed her eyes as her mouth touched his.

  The kiss was soft, gentle, and passionless. He wasn’t the one she wanted. Edith stepped back and took a large breath of air. “I hope you enjoy the horse. Tell Lord Camden that I recommended Mozart. The colt is young, but he’ll grow into a fine stallion.” His blue eyes widened in surprise as she turned around and made her way back to her room.

  Miles had just started sorting through some paperwork in his study when Sir Archibald came sauntering in, interrupting his work. “What do you want?” he asked abruptly, hoping to send the man away quickly.

  “I want another tour of your stables so that I can pick a horse. I won our little bet, old man. The girl’s not a bad kisser. She was even kind enough to recommend one of your best colts, Mozart.”

  Miles stared at the man, dumbfounded. Was he telling the truth? Had Edith allowed him to kiss her? “I need to talk to Edith.” He stood up and rushed out the door.

  As he left Sir Archibald said, “You shouldn’t be so familiar with the girl I’m pursuing.” He wanted to hit the man, but that could wait. Right now he needed answers. He stormed across his h
ouse searching for Edith. She wasn’t in the library or playing cards in the salon. Finally, he tried knocking on the door to her room to see if she was there.

  A maid opened the door; she was a pretty, plump young woman. “Is Miss Wilson in?”

  “Yes, sir. If you give me a moment, I will fetch her for you.”

  He nodded and the maid closed the door. He heard indistinct voices and the thud of something falling to the floor. His hands wouldn’t stay still. He was wound up tight and tapping his finger against his thigh kept him from barging into the room.

  The door opened again and Edith stepped out. Her eyebrow arched, as though asking why he was intruding on her time. “Follow me,” he commanded.

  He turned around and headed towards the closest semi-private place, the nursery. Grace was usually with her nurse studying around this time and the place should be empty. He didn’t check to see if she was following, but a stream of murmured complaints behind his back was indication enough that she was there.

  He opened the nursery door for her and waited until she was inside to close it tight behind them. A quick glance around proved the room was empty. “Sir Archibald claims to have won our wager.”

  “He is telling the truth. You owe the man a horse.” Edith’s voice was clipped and her arms were at her hips. She radiated anger.

  “I thought we were going to speak again tonight. I had a plan.”

  “I don’t know of any plan that would make me willing to marry a man who thinks of me only as a friend, who finds me unenchanting, talentless, and unlovable!” Her voice increased in volume as she spoke and something about the words she used sounded familiar.

  “Did you hear me speaking to my cousin?”

  “I did. I love you, and that scares you more than if I’d grown claws and a beak. I was willing to understand that you were nervous about love after what happened with your first wife, but I thought I might be able to get you to love me back. I don’t even care if you love me less as long as you care for me. Yet I cannot see that happening if you aren’t even attracted to me. I will stay until the end of the house party, but I don’t want to speak to you. If you ask me to dance, I’ll refuse.”

  She was wrong. Edith looked prettier every time they met, and he longed to hold and kiss her. After his conversation with George, he’d spent his time trying to convince himself that he felt nothing for her, but every time they met he could hardly control himself. Why was that? Why did he long for her touch? She was the first person he thought of that morning, and was on his mind when he fell asleep. Now that the bet was over nothing was stopping him. He was done waiting. It was time to figure out how he felt about Edith. “You are wrong about me not being attracted to you.” He leaned in close until his mouth was but a few inches from her ear and whispered, “I find you irresistible.”

  Her eyes dilated. Dark round irises locked onto his face. He smiled and the movement caused her eyes to drift down to his mouth. He stepped forward. She shuffled backward, but he closed the gap between them and put his arms around her. Trapping her in his embrace. She didn’t struggle. He bent down and crushed his lips to hers. He focused on her lush bottom lip as he hugged her. She responded in kind. Her arms twined around his neck and her fingers explored his hair.

  Edith smelled of lavender and honey. Her skin was soft and salty, and her breath held a hint of lemon. She was delectable. He came up for air and her head tilted back. It was as though she was begging him to touch her long delicate neck. He pressed his mouth against her pulse and felt her heart beating. He crushed her body to his and her soft curves made his heart rate fluctuate. She was intoxicating, and he needed another drink.

  He returned to her mouth softly teasing her as he gently brushed his lips against hers. Her mouth opened ever so slightly as she moaned. What was he doing? He was a gentleman! An earl, and a father, and he had to stop.

  He stepped back. Edith looked at him questioningly, and his heart hurt. Her face was raw with passion and love. She loved him. He couldn’t take advantage of her. He couldn’t continue where he left off, ready to do more than kiss her senseless.

  Edith deserves better. She deserves someone who cares for her unconditionally and isn’t afraid of love.

  I’m afraid.

  Because I love her and I’m in love…

  I can’t be in love. Love hurts—it breaks the soul and crushes the spirit. “I should leave. You should return to London. It is clear to me now that a marriage with you would be anything but convenient.”

  Chapter 16

  Edith watched Miles leave in a daze. When he’d first pulled away he’d looked at her with such powerful longing that she’d inched forward to hold onto him again. Then he’d stepped away and told her to leave. Did he like her or not?

  Edith wandered back to her room. Her body ached to hold him again. Not only did she love him, but now the prospect of returning to London to search for a different suitor felt wrong. She belonged with Miles. She was sure of that now. Did he want her to go away, or was he afraid? Louisa had torn his heart into shreds. Everyday living with a woman who didn’t love him back must have been torture. Could he actually care for her? No one had ever looked at her like he did today. As though she was more tempting than an extra helping of pie. As though he wanted to look at her forever.

  He’d been angry when he’d learned she’d kissed Sir Archibald, and it wasn’t because he’d lost a horse. He hadn’t mentioned a word about the bet. He had kissed her senseless then ran away. His behavior only made sense if he cared about her but was frightened of his feelings. Unless after truly kissing her, he’d realized he wasn’t attracted to her at all.

  No. That wasn’t a kiss of a man without feelings.

  Edith paced back and forth between the bed and the dresser. She had to know how he felt. Then she could decide the best course of action. She was too pent up to stay indoors. She needed to ride. She went to the window to check the weather. There was still snow on the ground, but the majority of it had melted away with only an inch or two left to cover the land. It wasn’t ideal but she’d ridden in worse.

  She rang for Gretchen to help her into her riding gear. Her maid looked her up and down and Edith blushed. It was undoubtedly obvious that she had been more than a little familiar with the earl. Her hair was mussed, and her lips were red and plump. She didn’t have to explain herself to Gretchen. There were any number of reasons why she was so unkempt. Thankfully, Gretchen only lifted an eyebrow before she started setting her to rights. She pinned Edith’s hair back into place and helped her into her favorite riding habit and warmest wool overcoat. Once she was prepared for the elements, Edith headed outside.

  She took her time finding a suitable mount. She wanted a horse that could run fast and long without tiring quickly, while also having a calm and friendly personality. She had just decided on a mare named Peaches when she heard a horse come thundering into the yard. Out of curiosity, she waited and watched as Miles entered with Amadeus. His hair was wind tossed and she bit her lip to stop herself from staring at it. The silky strands were fine with just a hint of a wave. Her fingers itched to run through it, to comb it into order only to mess with it again.

  She smiled up at him. They both loved horses. If they married, they could spend their days riding the beautiful hills and valleys around Avonview. She could picture them together in the summer, inseparable as they raced across wildflower filled meadows.

  His mouth curved upwards in response before being erased by a frown. He nodded to her formally, coldly, before passing her to take care of Amadeus. Edith followed. This was as good a time as any to gauge his feelings for her.

  “Did you enjoy your afternoon ride?” she asked.

  “It’s still quite cold. You shouldn’t stay out long. You wouldn’t want to catch a chill before returning to London. I hear that most gentlemen are not impressed with sneezing females.”

  “Why wouldn’t our marriage be convenient?”

  His gray-green eyes turned stormy, but his
voice was calm when he replied, “We both want different things out of life. I cannot foresee a future in which we are both detached and friendly companions. Therefore, I think it is best if we stop meeting like this. Without proper chaperones.”

  “Do you think I am going to accost you?” she asked. “Or that I will try to trap you? I want you to be happy, Miles. If that means leaving you, I’ll understand.”

  He lowered his voice, “These walls are thin. You should speak formally as I don’t want any rumors spreading among the help.”

  “That doesn’t answer my question. Tell me plainly. Do you want me.”

  “What I want is irrelevant.” He ran his hand through his hair. Some of the dark blond strands fell over his eyebrow. “I need you to leave. That is the only answer I have.”

  He walked past her. His eyes were sad and lonely. He needed her. She could tell. He didn’t think he did because he was troubled. She was sure of it now. He wanted her, possibly even loved her, but didn’t want to. She wanted to follow him inside. To hug him and tell him it was alright. She would never hurt him. Yet that wouldn’t erase the pain in his heart.

  What can I do to make him realize loving me won’t break his heart again? Edith returned to Peaches, and the groom had her saddled and ready to go. The poor boy was very shy. He’d probably heard their conversation and didn’t know what to do. She smiled at him confidently and asked him to saddle another horse and follow her for a short ride around the estate.

  The cold wind bit as she leaned into Peaches and urged her forward, faster and faster. As the world flew by she realized she was in control of her life. She needed to do something, or she would lose Miles forever. He was retreating from her. She needed to talk to someone else with experience in matters of the heart. She needed to speak with Papa.

  She wasn’t sure how long she raced around in the snow, but when she finally returned to the stables, her cheeks and fingers were numb and stiff. She went to look for Papa. She found him playing billiards with Miles’ uncle and Lord Wycliffe. She waited impatiently for their game to be over before waving Papa away.