Kiss Me Slow (Top Shelf Romance Book 1)

by Tijan

  “And what if you realize I’m not worth more?”

  He shakes his head. “What if you’re worth it all?”

  “You’ve spent a few hours with me, Eli. You can’t—”

  “I’m giving you my truth,” he interjects softly. “All I’m asking for is a little of yours.”

  The fear of falling for him is real. My mother and father left me, my husband left me, my sister will leave, and the last thing I want is to love someone else who will do the same. Eli doesn’t know anything about me at this point. Nothing past the superficial things. If I give him my truth, I’ll be giving him a part of me.

  Fuck it. Not like he can go anywhere while we are still in the middle of the ocean. Plus, if I’m going to do this, if he wants to try, he should know.

  “My sister is dying. She’s twenty-six and has Huntington’s disease, it’s a rare degenerative disease.”

  His eyes widen as he sucks in a breath. “I don’t even know what to say. Is there anything that can be done?”

  I shake my head. “No, it’s terminal. Stephanie’s disease has become my whole life. She’s my whole life.”

  Eli takes my hand in his. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how hard it is for you.”

  “Ha!” I laugh sardonically. “It’s excruciating. She was diagnosed at nineteen and since then, we’ve been on a downhill slope. My husband left me because Stephanie needed full-time care. I guess I wasn’t enough of a wife to him because I was too busy taking care of my dying sister.”

  “That’s why he left?” Eli asks with disgust dripping from his words.

  I look in his emerald eyes and sigh. “He couldn’t handle it.”

  “He sounds like a fucking prick.”

  That’s a nice way to put it.

  “I’m telling you this now because whatever this is that we’re doing here can’t interfere with what I have to do for my sister.”

  Eli’s hand tightens, and his head jerks back. “Interfere?”

  “Yes, I won’t be able to follow you around to New York, and I can’t afford to spend time away from her. I can’t get caught up in this . . . thing with you and miss spending what little time I have with Stephanie. It’s what scares me. Well, that and the fact that you’re . . . you, and I’m not in your universe. I can’t allow myself to have regrets when it comes to my sister.”

  “I would never want you to. I’m not asking you to give anything up. And as for your ex, he’s a piece of shit for making you think you should choose between your sister and a man. That’s ridiculous. I have a brother, and if it were him, I’d be at his side.”

  A part of my bruised heart heals a little. I look in his eyes and wait for some kind of change in his thoughts. Anything to tell me that he’s lying, but it never comes. “You can’t be this perfect, Eli.”

  He laughs. “I’m far from perfect, baby.”

  “You’re kind, funny, and unbelievably hot.”

  “Don’t forget a God in the bedroom.”

  I shake my head. “Egotistical.”

  “Keep going with all my stellar qualities,” he nudges.

  Instead, I lean forward and touch my lips to his. “Don’t make me think you’re great and then break my heart.”

  Eli’s fingers thread in my hair. “Don’t make me keep fighting so hard to win you.”

  My defenses fall to the floor as he pulls my head closer. “What are you doing to me?”

  He smiles. “I’m making you feel how you make me feel—helpless.”

  Chapter 13

  Eli

  Kissing Heather is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I’ve kissed a lot of girls, but she makes me lose track of the world around us. It’s as if time is suspended when she’s with me. The first night we slept together, I thought it was the endorphins from entertaining.

  I figured that once I’d gotten her out of my system I would be able to move on.

  Now, it’s worse.

  She’s opening herself to me, showing me who she is and it’s fucking beautiful. Everything about her brings me to my goddamn knees. How anyone can walk past her and not stop, blows my mind. The idea of her dickless husband leaving her is asinine. Who would walk away from someone as gorgeous as she is? It’s more than just her beauty, though. She’s smart, funny, strong—sometimes a little too strong, and she gives me a sense of hope that I haven’t felt in a long time.

  “God, you kiss good,” Heather breathes, and then her lips are back on mine.

  I hold her golden locks in my hands and plunge my tongue deeper. I taste the mint from the gum she was chewing. Heather’s soft hands slide up my chest to cup my jaw, and I lean back, taking her with me. I’m practically lying flat so I can enjoy her weight as it settles on top of me.

  Our tongues push against each other, giving and taking in a constant battle for control. I don’t let up. I fight her for dominance. I struggle for her to let loose and give it over to me. The truth is, the harder she resists, the more turned on I get.

  I tighten my grip in her hair, loving the moan she makes in my mouth. Her noises spur me further, wanting her so bad I think my dick is going to explode from fucking kissing. Because that wouldn’t be embarrassing . . . I can see it now: “Pop Star Blows His Load While Making Out” on page seven. Thankfully, I’m able to keep myself in control because the only place I’m blowing my load is inside her. I might actually die if that doesn’t happen soon.

  My lips glide across the skin of her neck and down to her shoulders. “You’re so beautiful,” I rumble against her skin. “Every inch of you is perfect. I can close my eyes and see your body as if it’s that night all over again.”

  She lets out a low moan as my hand cups her perfect breast. I let the weight of her fill my hand, and I roll it around, just brushing the nipple.

  I’m a boob guy, always have been. Tits are like gifts from God. There’s a reason men don’t have them—if we did, we’d play with them all day. I would take a shit and cop a feel. I’d be showering and just rub them. I don’t care if that sounds crazy, it’s true.

  “Tell me this is real,” she demands.

  “It’s real,” I say as I untie the knot of her bikini. I hold it there because I want her to lead this. If she wants to have sex and run away again, she’s going to be swimming because there’s nowhere to go.

  She moves her hand to mine and pulls the strings down, giving me the view I am desperate for.

  My mouth waters as I stare at her tits. I’m dying to taste her again. I shift our bodies so she’s straddling my lap, and push my dick against the warmth of her pussy, wanting nothing more than to bury myself in her heat. My mouth latches onto her nipple, lavishing it as she holds my head where she wants it. The feel of her hands, controlling me has me sucking her harder.

  Her head falls back, her long hair brushing the tops of my thighs as she grinds down hard. “I want you,” she confesses.

  I want her more than my next breath. I just don’t want to scare her away. Yesterday was a turning point for us in some way. She didn’t tell me to leave or push me away hard. It was almost as if she was finally agreeing to whatever this is.

  The last thing I need is to go two steps back. However, I’m not going to tell her no, either. Not when my dick is so hard it could cut glass.

  “Look at me, baby.”

  Her eyes meet mine, and I see the desire burning in her gaze. More than that, I see worry.

  The way she looks at me stops my heart, and I feel like a prick. I may kick myself in the ass for this, but there’s no way I can do this to her. If my whole goal is to get her to stop trying to get rid of me, I have to earn it. She has to trust me enough that, when I look in her eyes, the only thing I see is want and need. Not doubt.

  The words feel foreign, but they’re exactly what I know I need to say. This isn’t a line of bullshit I’m spoon feeding her, it’s the truth. “I want you. I want you so much that it’s going to fucking kill me to say this, but I don’t want to just fuck you.”

  “Wh
at?” Her eyes widen, and she quickly covers her chest.

  I’m definitely kicking my own ass later.

  “I feel like we’re making progress, and I promised you we wouldn’t have sex. I said we were going on a date.”

  Heather eyes me curiously, probably wanting to pull my man card and toss it overboard. Hell, I want to pull it myself, but I see something else.

  Maybe hesitation.

  Maybe a little doubt.

  I also see a hint of respect.

  For the first time in a long time, I revel in that last one.

  She unhooks her leg and scoots off me so she’s sitting next to me again. I watch as she re-ties her bikini, which makes me want to cry a little, and wait for her to say something. When she finally looks over, she smiles. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me yet, I’m seriously regretting it.” I smile. I am, but I go for a more joking tone.

  Heather giggles nervously, shifting again so her legs are under her. “I don’t think you know what you just did truly means to me, Ellington.” My cock strains against my board shorts when she says my full name in her soft voice. “I would’ve . . .” She stares off at the horizon before looking back. “I wouldn’t have stopped you, and I probably would’ve hated myself for being so weak when it comes to you.”

  “I’m not sure it’s you who’s weak.”

  That’s the truth, right there. I’m the fool who is chasing around a girl. Heather wasn’t the one who showed up at my house, repeatedly, forced me to go on a date with her, or spent a week trying to negotiate a deal, only to take less money so she could get the fuck home to Tampa. I can lie and say it wasn’t because I wanted to see her, but I won’t. It felt like there was a magnet pulling me back to where she was. Heather may not see it, but I’m clearly fucked here.

  “I keep waiting to wake up from this dream. That a guy like you could even look twice at a girl like me. More than that, I want to be close to you, even when I shouldn’t.” Heather sighs and then gets to her feet. “Don’t mistake my pushing you away to mean that I’m not weak to you.”

  I get to my feet and pull her into my arms. “I don’t. I know you want this as much as I do. I know that even though you keep fighting me off, you’re fighting yourself more. I heard what you said about your life, but I’m not running away.”

  Her hands rest on my chest, and she tilts her head back to look at me. “I hope you mean it, because I’m kind of liking the idea of you sticking around.”

  “Ahhh,” I squeeze her tighter. “I knew I’d wear you down.”

  “I guess I have a thing for actors who were once upon a time in a kickass boy band.”

  “Once upon a time?”

  She shrugs. I’ll give her once upon a time. “I’ll have you know I’m multi-platinum. I’m more than kick ass.”

  “If you say so.” She smirks.

  She’s going to pay for this.

  “That’s it.” I move quickly, bending to hoist her into my arms. Then I walk with her toward the edge of the boat. “Say you’re sorry!”

  “You wouldn’t dare!” Heather yells.

  “Wouldn’t I?”

  I wouldn’t throw her in, but I would jump so we both went together.

  “Eli!”

  “Say it, Heather. Say, ‘Eli is the best singer in the world and every artist should bow to his talent.’”

  I’m laying it on thick, but I want to hear those words from her lips.

  “You’re insane!” She laughs, and I move her closer to the edge. “Eli! Stop! Please!”

  “This could all be over if you just say the words,” I admonish her playfully.

  She clutches the waistband of my shorts and yells again. “Please, I can’t swim!”

  I quickly put her down and grip her shoulders. “I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have really done it.”

  She bursts out laughing, clutching her stomach. “Who the hell lives in Florida and can’t swim? You’re so gullible!”

  I move forward, but she moves quickly to the side. We play cat and mouse for a few more minutes before I finally catch her. Then, when her lips touch mine, I realize the girl I can’t seem to get out of my head, is cementing herself in my heart.

  “Hello,” I smile to the woman at the front desk. “I’m visiting a few patients today, one is Stephanie Covey,” I say hoping it’s the same last name as Heather.

  Her eyes bulge as her jaw falls slack. I stand there, waiting for her to recover before she sputters out her words. “Oh. Oh, wow. Umm, Eli, I mean, Mr. Walsh, of course.” The front desk nurse types on the computer, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks with her hair.

  “Take your time.” She glances at me, and I give her the panty-dropping smile that I use for concerts and photo shoots.

  She bites her lip and then lets out a nervous giggle. “Stephanie Covey, yes. She’s in room 334.”

  There are some serious perks to being famous, one of which is people tend to forget certain things like patient confidentiality. It’s probably why I’ll always have private care if I ever need it.

  “Thanks, doll.” I place one of the flowers from Stephanie’s bouquet on the counter in front of her and wink. I don’t know anyone that actually winks in real life, but apparently, if you’re famous, it’s a sure-fire way to get women excited.

  The nurse clutches the flower to her chest with wide eyes. It really does work every time.

  After I dropped Heather off, I started forming a plan. I have a big event coming up, and I want to do something special for her. She’s a giver. She sacrifices everything for the people she loves.

  Her ex-husband is a fucking moron, but, I’m kind of glad for it because it allowed me a chance to meet her. One man’s mistake is another man’s fortune and Heather is the fucking pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

  I grab my phone and text her.

  Me: Thinking of me?

  Heather: Oh my God! You did not save your number under the name God’s Gift to Women!

  I had to program my fucking number in her phone after our boat date. She refused to enter it, claiming she liked the arrangement where I randomly show up.

  Me: Well, I am. However, you still haven’t answered if you were thinking of me.

  Heather: Nope not once actually. Who are you again?

  I laugh.

  Me: Liar. And you know exactly who this is, baby. My ears were itching or ringing . . . whatever it is when someone is thinking of you . . . I figured I should do something about it.

  Heather: You should see an ENT about that. Sounds like a medical condition.

  Me: You wound me.

  I love that she has no problem giving me shit. So many girls would be falling over themselves, but not her.

  Heather: Actually, I was thinking of you before. I had a call, and this girl was going crazy over how much she loved Four Blocks Down. She was good people.

  Me: See, if you would’ve taken my number and I didn’t have to trick you, you could’ve called me. I would’ve made her a very happy fan.

  Heather: Good to know. I’ll be sure to call you each time someone talks about the God that you are. *eye roll*

  I can picture her saying it and almost hear the sarcasm in her voice. Could I like this girl anymore at this moment? Doubtful.

  Me: I’ll be picking you up on Thursday at seven in the morning.

  Heather: You will, huh?

  Me: I will. I have something I want to show you.

  Heather: Well, I guess I can squeeze you in.

  Me: I’m honored.

  Heather: Seriously, though. It depends on if Stephanie is released, can we play it by ear?

  I will never stand in her way with her sister, which is why I’m here. It’s one thing to say the words and another to actually follow through with action. She should never doubt me, I’m hoping to prove this to her now.

  Me: Of course, I’ll be in touch.

  Heather: Thanks, Eli. I really was thinking of you. (Don’t let that go to your head.) *wink*
<
br />   I have a shit-eating grin on my face as I push off from the wall I was leaning against and start walking. Nerves that I don’t normally feel start to build as I approach Stephanie’s door. What if she doesn’t know that her sister and I are . . . whatever we are? Am I going to seriously piss off Heather?

  Instead of getting ahead of myself, I say fuck it and do what I came here to do. I knock on the door and hope for the best.

  “What?” a hostile voice calls from the bed. “I’m sleeping.”

  “Sorry,” I say, and then she looks over and lets out a high-pitched scream.

  “Holy shit!”

  “Hi, Stephanie. Can I come in?” I ask.

  “Oh. My. God!” A younger, brunette version of Heather yells. “You’re Eli Walsh! The one who my sister slept with!” I guess that clears up whether she knows about me. “Shit!” Stephanie clasps her hand over her mouth in a very Heather-like gesture.

  “I’m one and the same, unless she goes around sleeping with other guys named Eli Walsh?”

  She shakes her head with her hand still covering her lips.

  “I wanted to come by and meet you, I hope that’s okay.”

  It’s clear that Heather’s sister is her number one, and I want her to know I get it. Unlike her piece of shit ex-husband.

  She tucks her hair behind her ears and sits up a little. “Of course! I mean, yeah. I can’t believe you’re here . . . in my hospital room. And you know my name.”

  “Your sister talks about you a lot,” I explain.

  “She needs a life.”

  I ignore the comment because it isn’t my place to say shit. I know how easy it is to immerse yourself in whatever is going on in life. “So, tell me, how are you feeling?”

  “Umm.” She hesitates and scrunches her face a little. “Me? I’m having a good day. I’m going home tomorrow.”

  “That’s good. I know Heather thought you’d be done today.”

  Stephanie chews on her lip while looking out the window. “They’re keeping me one more day because I had a rough night last night.”

  Shit. Maybe this won’t work. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “It’s fine. My medication was causing my heart rate to spike, but the last twelve hours have been steady. Please don’t tell my sister that last part. If I say anything about having a bad day, it’s a yearlong lecture on all the reasons I should call her when things like that happen. As if my life isn’t a series of freaking medical issues, I guess she just wants to be on the phone all damn day.” Stephanie says the words so fast it almost comes out like one giant sentence.