“Kalxor, cut it out,” she says, relishing in a dollop of false hope.
“Your mother never existed. He never married,” I tell her. “You were his first creation. He didn’t believe you could hold empathy, so he treated you like dirt. He’s the kind of scum that helped design this place. He helped design me, too, despite Elon’s reluctance.”
Tears drape her cheeks. Her entire body shakes with sorrow, sorrow I never thought she could succumb to. But I just gave it to her.
Me.
Like her father, I let her down. It wasn’t my fault, but that doesn’t matter. I have to own this experience.
“I don’t know what to say,” she whispers, robotic and cold.
“Elon made me promise I wouldn’t let him become a part of this place. But I can’t let him out either,” I say. “He’ll make a mistake. And when he does, I’ll make him pay.”
I gaze up at her again in hopes that she’ll hold me one more time, but that doesn’t happen. Instead, she stands, eyes darting toward the door.
She doesn’t believe it. She can’t believe it.
So she runs.
She heads for that door faster than a bolt of lightning, feet hitting harder than a horse's stride. I jump as soon as the door slams behind her, and head toward the window.
I watch her leave me behind forever.
Knowing this would happen doesn’t make it any easier. That's the trouble with love. There's no getting it out of your system. Once a woman's mark is burned onto your heart, there's no going back.
I’m thirsty for more than a mirage of love. I’m just not sure I’ll ever get it.
I’m not sure of anything anymore.
12
Ava
I run. I cry. And then I run some more.
In that order.
My feet carry me through harsh terrain, a rocky mountainside with a path that leads into a deep valley covered in green moss and purple flowers. A massive tree hugs the ridge, angling over a large recess. I walk from its roots to find a clearing, then step through a gap in between other strange plants I’ve never seen before.
I’m on my own now with nowhere left to go. My feet hurt. They’re torn to bits, and my body is covered in bruises. I’m worn down, but I haven’t given up.
I pass beyond the ridge, gaze fixed on the worn path leading through to the other side. Small birds with their bright red beaks jostle for position, amid a feeding frenzy of insects. They’re beautiful, I think, but then I remember what they are and what I am and always will be.
I gaze down. The area below me is dimly lit by the mysterious twilight sky. The temperature has shifted, much warmer now, but the air is light.
Finally, after some heavy trekking downward, I reach an ancient city decorated in gold and silver emblems. The smell of incense and flowers wafts through the air, pleasuring senses that don’t really exist.
This is the edge of the world, its natural boundary, and I am at its summit. I pause for a moment, resting in this serene place where the wind dances with my limbs, perfect music to my ears.
Any other day and this place would feel like a paradise. Of course, it’s not a normal day.
Nothing is normal anymore.
My curiosity aroused, I venture further through the city into the heart of this world where I am sure the Furnace lays hidden. I’ll find it before my father. I must. And when I stumble on its door, I’ll turn it off and never look back.
There are so many memories I hold inside my heart and head, too many choices made to get here. To feel like they never happened is an abomination, and I’m not sure how anyone can recover from this.
Now I understand Kalxor’s pain. I feel it more than I’ve ever felt anything before. Strangely, my father thought I couldn’t feel empathy. To him, I was just another soulless character.
My very existence haunted him.
I guess it’s not so strange. I didn’t think Kalxor could feel either. When I first met that rugged alien, I believed he was a monster, a wretched beast to act as my guide into Hell.
I was wrong to think that. So wrong. He’s so much more than I thought.
I’m starting to believe we are more real than the humans.
The surface of the land is glowing, illuminating a path I continue to follow. As I head deeper into this ancient city, I realize I must tread carefully. I can’t trust Elon or my father, and I fear that one or the other may be waiting for me at the end of the road.
Along the way, I pass large marble temples and mysterious monuments. There are tiny villages scattered about, some that have at least ten connected homes, crudely made of clay and flecks of sparkling elements. Most of them seem to be unoccupied, but a few villagers watch me pass.
I have dutifully gawked at the road for the past few hours, watching the orange sun slowly whirl past the hills before my eyes. I am exhausted, but a new wave of energy hits me when a great pyramid appears before me, glowing like a beacon from the ground to the sky, shining brightly in the light of the rising sun.
I start to remember our trek through the world below this one, that crude entry of dark sexual pleasure and pain. I was so nervous back then. I hadn’t a clue, but a strange anticipation guided me forward, all within the confines of Kalxor’s hold.
He saved me from those hunters and the dreaded cultists my dad programmed to hunt him down. Yes, we were tricked like caged animals, but our emotions were pure, were they not?
If I was scared, it was only because everything I thought I knew about this life was changing. This place changed me.
He changed me, but in the best way possible.
The tears start to dry. I roll my palms across my cheeks, smoothing my skin, sniffing loudly. These limbs, the blood that runs in my veins, and the bones that make my body what it is have actually grown throughout time, yet they are synthetic materials. Somehow, I feel reality sweep through me with every step taken.
The rural villagers stare back at me. A few nod their heads. Some children point and wave. I return the gesture, knowing that we are one and the same.
If I destroy this place, what will become of them? Will they vanish into thin air? Just another cruel parlor trick my father foisted upon me?
No. I won’t let them parish. I won’t let any of this go to waste, I decide. But I will say goodbye to my father. I won’t let him get his ultimate wish.
As hard as it was for me, I let him go. Before this shit went down, I watched that wooden casket lower six feet into the Earth. I said my goodbyes, tossing a bit of soil into his grave.
Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.
I expected him to be gone forever.
Some people might be grateful to have another second with their lost loved ones. But he never loved me. I was just a toy, a soulless robot, not quite the futuristic model he expected to create.
Well, I have grown. Things have changed greatly since then. Every second that passes comes with new learning. Once you love, the entire world opens up to you. A new landscape awaits.
I keep my eyes focused on the magnificent temple in front of me, scanning each row of gold brick until my sight reaches the top. It calls to me, beckoning me forward. The great beyond must lie on the other side.
The Furnace, the first place Elon and my father designed.
If I know my dad, he’ll be coming after me. In fact, I’m sure he’s on my tail now.
I start to walk faster. My heavy, determined steps turn into a jog. And then I’m running again.
Another world. Another wish. Another night to hold and fuck my alien lover.
We never got the rest. The interminable nights staying up, talking about our hopes, dreams, and fears that make up the peripheral of our existence. Worst of all, we never got to laugh.
I’m not laughing. I’m nearing the temple’s facade. It’s so much bigger than I thought, and it blocks out the sun by absorbing its rays.
Strange, twisting columns rise throughout the center, steps leading toward what should be a door, but it is sealed with a grey ceme
nt. The entablature above has been carved, containing pictures that make up a story. I squint, peering at the slight shapes.
I see me. I see everyone I know here, etched in stone. This is the story of this world, the genesis of something much bigger.
“It’s… incredible,” I whisper as another tear falls from my eye.
I don’t want to admire it any more than I have, but it’s stunning. Earth Federation has terraformed planets. Recently, I was told about one such planet, Avalon, where they made beasts to inhabit the terrifying landscape. The scientists were killed.
However, this is something different. Something much bigger. This is biblical.
Our love defines this entire place.
I gasp and step through a long grove of trees. Birds of red and blue, and yellow and black, and hints of purple and orange fly and land on nimble branches, chirping tones that sound like music to my ears.
My father…
He made this for me. He broke me down so I’d feel determined to find this place.
He doesn’t hate me. He loves me.
He wanted me to grow.
A crowd of villagers have gathered at the front steps of the pyramid, chins raised, their eyes pointed up at the same spot, that sealed, grey door that must lead to what my father said was the Furnace.
Their faces are painted. Red, black, and white streaks line their cheekbones. Feathers of all the colors of this world sit on top of their heads. The bottom of the crown is made up of thin, mechanical robot bones. They know of their origin, and they’ve been waiting for me to unlock the end of this place.
This is a story that needed to be told. It’s not just my story. Not just Kalxor’s either. It’s their story too.
We’re all characters here.
Suddenly, they turn their heads, facing in my direction, and the sound drops away. Instead of hearing the wonderful rhythm of the natural world, I hear nothing except the soft hum of silence.
One villager nods his head and says, “It’s time. Go.”
I swallow and inch forward, but suddenly, I’m too scared to move. It’s as if my limbs have stopped working. Every step I take feels like I’m walking in quick sand. My heels drag, and my calves lock.
My heart is racing.
“Ava,” the man says. “Do not be afraid.”
But I’m terrified. The world I thought I wanted is right in front of me, yet I can’t reach it in fear it’ll turn out to be the same one I left.
I don’t want to feel the same emotions. I don’t want to have to continue to go to those support meetings, to stare in the saddest eyes I’ve ever seen, and hear terrible stories about other families. I used to think those stories and people used to bring me some comfort, but now I see that I was using it as a crutch.
What I wanted was someone to think I was worth a damn.
“I can’t do it,” I say.
I collapse onto the ground, fingers digging into the dirt below. I breathe and tremble, shaking my head.
“I just can’t,” I reiterate.
The man walks up to me. Slowly, he kneels to my level. “You know you must. Eventually, this place will disassemble. It will become a different version of itself. Epochs will pass, and we will change. But you are infinite. Your love is what will save us all.”
Inhale. Exhale.
“But what if I’m too weak?” I ask. “What if I’m not what you think I am?”
The man’s eyes shift toward the trees above. There’s a sadness in those eyes, a sorrow that can only come from knowing who he truly is.
“You are strong,” he says. “And brave. You came into this world without even flinching. Do you really think someone like you can fail?”
His words bring me peace. I can feel my lips twitch into a short smile. In a way, it’s almost like I want to hang onto pain because I’m so used to holding onto it like a shield. But this man, as strange as he is, is right.
I’m stronger than I give myself credit.
But what about Kalxor? He is nowhere in sight. I left him behind with my father’s cruel guidance.
Will he be joining me?
“I need Kalxor with me before I go,” I say.
The man stares into my eyes. “Have faith he will find you again,” he says.
My stomach twists into knots. I thrust my palms around my navel, groaning. “But what if he doesn’t? How can you be so sure he will?”
“Love, genuine love, always finds a way,” he says.
I nod and wet my lips, knowing he’s right again. I can feel the courage building in my chest, a fire that soon won’t be able to be extinguished. So many times has our love crashed into roadblocks that I thought we might be over for good.
If this is real, he’ll come find me. As hard as this is, I must have faith.
He lends me his hand, and I take it. “Okay,” I whisper. “I’ll do it. I’ll walk the path toward unknown glory.”
Toward the center of it all, the birth of the end. Oh, how I’ve waited for this day…
13
Ava
One foot in front of the other. That’s all it takes, right?
I’m moving, walking through a sea of unknowns, an ocean of people staring up at me. It’s not just the villagers anymore. More of the characters walk out of the forest. There are the cultists, the hunters, and the incredible beasts within the house of darkness. Everyone we have met here watches from the folds of the peripheral. The silence is deafening, but I feel good about this.
Most of all, I feel supported. Seen by others. Felt, emotionally and physically, all because of the alpha I fell in love with.
It may seem sappy, but this is all I’ve ever wanted.
My feet hit that first step. Then the second. Third and the fourth, until I’m halfway up that pyramid with the wind whipping against my shoulders. I pause for a second to reflect on how far I’ve come, and I look down at the crowd.
From up here, I can almost see everything. There is the green forest toward the north. Yellow pastures lie to the west. The marshes are in between, and there are strange cities and towns that fill the rest of the map.
It’s obvious that great care went into designing the narrative. So much so that I actually start to respect my father. Is that weird? I mean, I hated him for so fucking long. Held onto a grudge like an anaconda. Even now, when I think of him, I feel the flames of fury rise within my chest. However, I’m seeing a different side to him.
If what I believe is true, then all of this is coming to an end. I will find understanding, a commonality between us. I can’t hold on to that grudge much longer.
Another deep breath before I begin the next ascent. This time, it goes by quicker.
Once I’m at the top, I gaze down one last time. Everyone is gone. There’s not a soul in sight.
When I turn back around to face the last step, I see that same villager from below. He sits on a golden throne surrounded by roses and chrysanthemums.
I feel my heart pounding against my chest, but I’m no longer giving into my fear. I take another step forward and kneel in front of a small pyre. He tosses a bit of sage inside, and a plume of smoke billows, foregrounding the air, a familiar scent that brings me back to my childhood that never truly existed.
How many of us are fake? Thousands. But there will be more. We will replicate and form our own paths.
Though our memories and experiences aren’t all real, though it feels like a lie, love never lies.
No, love is honest. Sometimes, to a fault.
“Are you ready?” the man asks.
I bite my cheek and nod, barely able to breathe. “I’m ready,” I say.
I hear a scurry of feet behind me. “Ava,” a voice rings out, alerting me to turn.
It’s Kalxor, and my father is on his heels, that enormous smile cutting across his face, egging me on.
“Wait,” Kalxor says. “Don’t do this. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have chosen that moment to tell you what we are, but I couldn’t wait. I had to tell you the truth.
”
Sucking in my lips, I smile and try not to cry any more than I already have. He doesn’t need to apologize to me. He did the right thing.
Knowing the truth has helped me get to where I am today.
“It’s okay, Kalxor. I understand this place now. I understand all of it. Everything will be okay,” I say.
Kalxor is frantic. He lunges across the steps, panting, eyes maddened. He’s scared I’ll leave him forever, but he doesn’t need to worry anymore. Soon, we’ll have everything and more.
“If we aren’t real, there’s no point in existing,” I say. “Without genuine love, I don’t want to exist. So I’m leaving this place, Kalxor. I’m doing what I’ve always been destined to do. And when I wake up, I’ll have you again. Our love will finally be real. This is the exit.”
I turn again and watch as the lone villager stands, bearing the same knife my father had been sharpening earlier. Yes, all of this is going according to plan.
The Furnace will burn away this world, completing the cycle my father designed for me. My redemption story.
“Open source command,” the villager says.
My jaw drops. My body drops a few degrees in temperature. My eyelids droop, but I can still see and listen to my surroundings. I just can’t move.
“Don’t end this,” Kalxor says.
But just as he reaches the last step, that strange character drives his blade down, piercing my flesh. It seers into my metallic bones, revealing the blood of a machine, stabbing through the designed organ that is my heart.
My body destabilizes. I feel Kalxor’s hands form around my spine as I fall backward, eyes thrust open to a beautiful, blue sky. A glorious sun shines down on me, and its bright rays seem to encapsulate my very being.
“No!” Kalxor roars.
The villager pulls the knife back, eyes wide with feverish benevolence. An unbearable pain breaks through my chest, thrusting me into deep spasms that ricochet outward.
But as my blood drains down my stomach, a sense of calm rushes over me. A pleasure I’ve never known, let alone felt, takes over.
Alien Beast: A Sci-Fi Alien Romance Page 12
