Peace. At long last. Peace.
I witness my alien beast, and I smile because I’m so fucking proud of everything we have achieved together. Even when we thought it was all over, we never gave up.
He holds me against his abdomen, hands cupping around the unfixable wound. “I couldn’t save you,” he cries. “I tried. But I couldn’t do it. I have failed as an alpha.”
I choke.
“We weren’t meant for hope. We were meant for heartbreak,” I say. “But we have been given a new path forward. We have learned to love.”
This isn’t a dream. It’s not a nightmare, nor is it a simple simulation.
It’s the most complex story I’ve ever known, complete with love, lust, and so much more. It is an elaborately scripted masterpiece, a narrative held together by some outside force.
It was somehow made through the data of other people’s stories. Other people’s hopes and dreams. So many of them sacrificed for us to get here.
I’m leaving this place.
“I’ll never forget you,” I say.
And I mean it this time. He’s a part of me.
And I’m a part of him.
14
Kalxor
You never see it coming. The end. Loss is inevitable, but when it strikes, it’s fucking blindsiding. Like a freight train. Only, it’s so much worse. You’re still alive, staring into the abyss. Just you and God.
Ava was my everything. The woman I never truly had. I’m as hard as fucking bull, but my strength…
My strength left with her.
I’m exhausted. A broken alpha with nothing left to lose. I only wanted her. That’s it.
So I do what I was programmed to do. I kill for her.
The man with the knife is the first to go.
With fire burning in my heart, I pounce and force my hands around his neck. My fingers pop through the skin, nails tearing into his mechanical insides, cartilage and bone made from metal. I tear him open like this world tore through me.
But it gives me no pleasure.
It won’t bring her back.
Standing over her body, I drop and clutch her again, roaring as loud as I fucking can, as if there is a God who gives a fuck about our love. But I know there isn’t. There is only him, her father, the bastard that did this to her.
Gerard.
His hand falls on my shoulder blade, squeezing gently like a father might do to his own child. Technically, he helped make me. He programmed every bit of lust and hate into my mind. He molded me like clay, and like the pathetic beast that I am, I took all he had.
I am him. This entire world is him.
“Quit crying, and get up,” he says, scowling.
His stupid round hat blocks out the sun.
This has been the tone of our entire journey together. I have to admit, it’s pretty annoying.
I can’t bear to look at him, let alone allow him to dictate my next moves. Unfortunately, he knows my source code. He’s studied it. He has planned for every reaction.
“Why’d you do it?” I ask. “Why’d you let her… die?”
I can barely say it. It still doesn’t register as true.
It’s like I said. This place is real. The consequences last forever. I was right all along. I wish I hadn’t been.
His fingers tighten around my neck, digging into two pressure points, rendering me inert. “Get up or I’ll force you to get up, dammit.”
I’m in shock. My body feels completely numb. Staring at Ava’s body is too much. Feeling her blood… it’s all too much.
I obey the son of a bitch. As soon as I start to stand, he eases off of me. His knife is stained with her blood. It lay near his boots and the cyborg I killed with my bare hands.
I’m a monster. He made I was.
“I loved her,” I whisper. “With all my heart.”
“You don’t have a heart,” he says. “What you have thumping in your chest is a piece of equipment no different from a fan in an old server box.”
I can’t catch a break. I think I’m going to be sick.
I look him in the eyes, dead inside. “Just because your heart is made of cells, doesn’t mean you’re any different from us. Something made you, Gerard. The outside world, whatever that may be, made sure you came here. We are all controlled by something,” I say.
And then I stand tall because what I’m about to say resonates within me.
“I am just like you.”
His chest bounces as he chuckles. He stoops down to pick up the knife, and he wipes the blood against his pant leg, so heartless and cruel even I can barely believe it.
Ava’s body sits in the peripheral. I can’t bear to look at her.
“You’re right about that, Kalxor. We’re just two peas in a pod, aren’t we?” he asks, teeth shining against the sun’s hot rays.
The air is stale until a gust of wind flows across my face. I can’t help but wonder if it’s her sending me a message from above. From outside, wherever outside is.
“What’s a world without redemption?” I ask.
His grin fades. “Redemption comes in many forms. You must’ve forgot what I said. This place is changing. By nightfall, it will have overtaken me. I will have become something entirely new. Isn’t that redemption?” he asks.
But he doesn’t wait for me to respond. “Now, come on. There’s something I’ve been waiting to show you.”
I follow him down the gold steps of the temple, careful not to tumble all the way down. As much as I would enjoy ending my life, Ava wouldn’t want that. She’d want me to continue this journey to the very end.
Besides, her father will probably kill me, anyway.
I realize the irony of me being here, in an ancient city, complete with a pyramid bearing drawings of my story. I used to be worshipped by some. I was hated by others, of course, but now I am nothing. It is like I never existed.
I have almost reached the end. I can feel the inevitability of it all. Soon, I’ll be able to rest easy.
But it doesn’t matter how far away from her I am. Even in death, I’ll search for her.
We reach the last set of stairs, and when he doesn’t stop walking, I know I’m in for some weird shit ahead. Through the row of trees, he rounds a corner, headed to a garden of what appears to be blue roses and round, green bushes. Soon, we’re on our way out of this place, through an exit I have yet to walk.
“Where are you taking me?” I ask.
But I don’t need to ask. I can smell it in the air. I can hear my surroundings, so clear that I’m taken back to another life.
I can taste the salt, feel the cool breeze, and the sound of palm trees over my head instantly calms my nerves. This is my home planet. My old world that probably never existed in the first place.
We head through that garden and walk through a narrow refuge that leads to a beach. It’s the same sands I made love to Ava at, and suddenly, all I want is to see her naked body glide in that water again.
It’s not fair. None of this. But life isn’t fair, right? It’s a fucking parlor game, a cheap trick that ends faster than you can blink.
I watch the waves crash against the shore, and I keep walking until the water hits my ankles. Ava’s father stands behind me, watching, but he no longer feels ominous.
It feels like he’s finally ready to be honest with me.
“Is my planet real?” I ask.
I can sense him nod. “Yes,” he says.
“And my parents? My sister?” I ask.
The tide rolls back. “Real enough,” he says.
“What does that mean?”
“You know what it means,” he says.
He constructed their images by stealing other aliens’ experiences. They are real, but I’ll never get to meet them. Even if I did, it wouldn’t be the same.
They wouldn’t know who I am.
I feel empty inside. Like the tide of this very sea, everything I thought was mine has been pulled away from me. I start to walk, wading through h
igh waves, hips dipping into the frothy water.
I close my eyes and hear her voice in my head, whispering, “Let’s make a vow. A promise that we’ll never leave each other. That, no matter what happens to this world, we’ll always remember how our hearts connected.”
I’ll always remember.
And when I open my eyes, I hear another voice. “Kalxor.”
It’s familiar, but so distant in memory it takes me a second to pin-point where I know it from. I turn and see my mother, my father, and my little sister. They’re all standing on the shore, fresh tears in their eyes.
I’m speechless. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Standing behind them, Ava’s father removes his hat, placing it over his heart.
“This can’t be real,” I whisper.
He laughs softly to himself. “Real. Not real. What’s the fucking difference? I’ve been searching for the truth for decades now, and guess what? I’ve gotten nowhere.”
“So why are you submitting yourself to the machine? Why not live in the outside with your daughter?” I ask.
He sighs, appearing despondent but honest. No longer angry, he takes a knee. “Because devils run these Godless worlds, and I want no part in it,” he says.
“What about your immortality?” I ask.
He spits onto the sand. “Another ploy,” he says. “This is the end of the line, Kalxor. It was good to see you again. You played your role well, and I commend you for that. You’ll make my daughter very happy.”
My heart starts rocking, sending shivers across my arms. “You mean...”
I’ll get to see her again.
He winks. “Spend these moments with your family. They’ve missed you, dearly.”
A wave rolls over my shoulders. The smell of the sea wafts into my nose, and a sliver of a smile forms on my face. I remember my childhood. It doesn’t matter that I never lived it. I fucking remember it, and it will always be a part of me.
“Mother,” I whisper. “Mother, you’re alive. All of you… you are still here.”
My family runs into the sea. Their blue bodies are beautiful, scales just like mine. It’s been so long since I’ve seen an alien like myself, and the wave of nostalgia is almost too much to handle.
I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long.
I meet my mother first, feeling her warm, familiar embrace. She kisses me, howling with joy, erasing the grief that pinned us down for ages.
I have missed them so much. More than they probably know.
Then again, they are built with the same memories. They must remember the moment they were taken from me.
The bombs fell. Earth Federation swept in and took us. They split us apart, and I was convinced I was the only one they let live.
But just as Ava thought her father was dead, my family stands before me.
“We’ve been waiting for you to come find us for so long, son,” she says, kissing the top of my forehead as she used to do when I was youngling.
“I thought they killed you,” I say.
My sister, the darling little one and favorite child, pulls on my arm. She’s grown now, at least twelve years old. When I was taken, she was still a baby.
“We’ve been here this whole time,” she says. “I knew you’d find us. That man promised me.”
I glance at Ava’s father, but he’s not looking at us anymore. He’s facing the sky, a worried look on his face. He knows this is the end, and I’m sure he has his doubts about where he’s headed. I can’t tell what future this place has, and quite frankly, I don’t care to know. But this is the path he laid out for himself. I know he’ll see it through.
My sister lowers her voice to a whisper. “He scares me.”
It’s been a while since I’ve laughed. “He made sure we’d be together,” I say. “He’s all right.”
I am under the firm belief that no man should play God. Not even the man who helped design this place. But he brought me back to them, so I have lifted my grudge.
My sister and my mother split apart, making room for my father. Tall, proud, and quiet, my father’s dark blue scales glow and ruffle outward. He extends his arm for a patriarchal handshake.
I take his wrist and bow, meeting my forehead against his. “Father,” I say. “I am sorry I couldn’t defend you. I have dishonored our people.”
He groans, low enough to rumble the sea. “Son,” he says, “you have done nothing but make me proud.”
My family joins our side and wraps their arms around me. I feel my scales start to glow alongside theirs. Together, our bond reforms, and my strength grows with their help.
“I have found someone,” I say. “A mate. A human.”
Outside mates are forbidden in our culture, but I’m sure my family will make an exception.
My mother responds. “We know. He told us all about her.”
When I glance back at the beach, I expect to see Gerard sitting there, making peace with his last moments. Instead, he’s standing, facing a great void, a vacuum that is pulling around his body.
He gives us one last look of acceptance, a slight wave goodbye. “Tell my daughter I always loved her,” he says.
“I will,” I mutter.
Within a blink of an eye, he’s gone. The void swallows him whole, and a deep quake ricochets throughout the ground. Suddenly, the water starts to draw back. A massive tidal wave is forming behind us.
The stars above appear to be falling from the sky like marbles on a board. An eruption of earth, wind, fire, and everything in between.
“We have to go,” I growl.
But my father dismisses this plan. “No,” he says. “We have prepared for this. This is what needs to happen.”
The rumbling does not end. The wave reaches new heights, a tower of solid liquid, ready to break over our bodies.
This is the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but I have to believe that love transcends wetware, software, and all the other man-made, mechanical bullshit that holds this place together. I have to believe that some things were meant to survive.
If what Ava and I had here was real, we will find each other again. That goes for my family too.
It is all a part of the plan.
Until then, I need to let go and have faith.
I need to believe in the only thing that is real: the destruction of my known habitat.
I close my eyes and let the sea break over my head.
I let it all go. One wave at a time.
A loud commotion, a cacophony of strange noises, algorithmic humming and beeping from unseen machines startles me awake.
I blink my eyes, but I can’t see a damn thing. Everything is shapeless and fuzzy, a broken signal.
I am not in my world anymore. I am… outside of it, completely.
“Christ, he’s awake,” someone says.
Another voice hisses. “Turn the server off, now! It’s going to overload the entire damn thing.”
I blink my eyes again, and small waveforms begin to appear, making up bodies of men and women in white lab coats. They’re glancing frantically at machines that seem to show my vitals.
I hear another voice, deep and unworried. “Do not shut him off,” the man says. “Let the servers die if you must. You’re not killing him.”
Killing me? What the fuck…
“But sir, the system is not stable. If we don’t shut him down, the entire thing will collapse,” a scientist says.
I blink again, and my vision becomes clearer. I breathe and taste their air, stale and unpleasant, so different from the oxygen I am used to inhaling.
Another blink, and I feel the urge to stand, but cables thread right through me, circulating deep into my muscles. When this understanding sinks in, I malfunction.
I start to convulse, body giving up on itself.
“Sir, think of all the progress we have made. Think of the company,” the scientist says.
“Help me...” I whisper, voice hollow and raw.
Elon pounds his fist against a ta
ble, and tools scatter across the floor. “You turn him off, and I’ll make sure you never have a job in this town again. Do you hear me?”
The man throws what appears to be a screwdriver across the room. It hits the glass, cracking it.
“If Gerard was here, he’d save this project,” the man says. “He wouldn’t let our hard work go to waste.”
“Gerard gave me full responsibility,” Elon says. “And if you don’t trust me, you can leave right now.”
Elon’s right. Gerard knew exactly what he was doing, but right now, I can’t exactly speak for him.
My heart is racing, thumping at the rate of a small hummingbird or toy engine. My head throbs with an unbearable, unrelenting pain.
“Make it stop,” I scream.
“You see?” the man asks. “He’s in pain. He’s asking you to kill him.”
I don’t know what I expected. I guess a happy ending. You know, waking up with the woman I love, pussy wrapped around my cock. Was that too much to ask? Probably. But, Goddamn if I wasn’t going to reach for the stars a bit.
I’ve been through Hell and back. I deserve a better wake-up call than this.
The wiring, now visible as copper electrodes, digs in deep. Hot electrical currents flow through my veins, keeping me alive for the sake of the simulated planet I have come to understand as a home.
An acrid smell of plastic burning fills my nostrils. Something is about to explode.
“I’m fucking leaving, Elon. You’re out of your mind,” the scientist says.
The others agree in quick and low mutterings. Elon doesn’t seem to react. He appears to have given up.
“Fine. Leave then,” he says as they walk through the glass doors. “The captain always sinks with the ship. Always.”
He takes off a pair of blue surgical gloves and collapses onto a chair near my bed. The whirring sound of complex machines grows louder, but he doesn’t pay any attention to it.
Chaos. Everywhere. Is this how it is here?
“Help,” I whisper. “Ava...”
He wipes the beads of sweat from his forehead and sighs. “I’m sorry, old friend,” he mutters. “I thought Gerard knew what he was doing. He promised everything would self-correct. But there’s nothing I can do. I don’t know where Ava is. She never found the door to the other side.”
Alien Beast: A Sci-Fi Alien Romance Page 13
