“My mom moved away, and this time I… we had time to say goodbye. To settle things.” I replied. “I couldn’t just disappear like my father. No matter what my heart said.”
“Well, Eve isn’t here and she isn’t coming.” Ross said dismissively.
“So that’s it then?” I snapped back angrily.
“But you could go to her.” Gavin offered.
I stood and looked at Gavin for a moment.
“You can’t go back and forth casually; the rift doesn’t work like that. If you go in, you go in. You can’t come back this cycle.” Ross explained.
“But she is hopeful. She hasn’t forgotten you, if anything she has built you up in her own mind.” Gavin assured.
“I just don’t want to have you fucking her up anymore Simon, if you aren’t committed to this, don’t bother. Just let her go.” Ross looked at me aggressively.
“No, I haven’t stopped thinking about her for a year. I’ve been sick over it. I…”
“That makes two of you.” Gavin said as he walked out of the room and returned with a small metal box.
“Go back home, put any personal items you have in this box. It will all have to be sanitized and sorted. No guns or anything liquid.” Ross stated.
“Personal items, like your personal effects. Sentimentalities. You won’t need a toothbrush or anything like that. Just bring stuff that is important to you.” Gavin elaborated.
“Be back tonight, we will transfer your degree plan over to Delta and work out the details with the school.” Ross said as he and Gavin left the room.
I ran back to my dorm carrying the box in my arms and put it on my bed. I didn’t have much to bring with me. I packed my button binder and the yearbook my mother had given me, and the note that Eve had slipped into my jacket. I put a small photo album and my grandfather’s watch, my father’s ring and my pocket knife inside on top. I scanned my room and realized that everything I cared about in the world, other than Eve and my Mother was suddenly contained within a small box. My worldly possessions consisted mostly of memories and reminders of those memories.
Returning to Delta and ringing the bell brought back a week of disappointment, but I was quickly greeted.
“Yes?” the voice crackled.
“Simon Cauven.” I said my name thankfully to the nameless voice and the door unlocked.
The man who had escorted me out of the building a year ago was the same one that escorted me back in this time.
“Good to see you back.” He said.
“Glad to have another chance.” I replied.
“Not many of those in life, especially here. But good for you.” He said and brought me to Eve’s room and cracked open the door. “Seven AM tomorrow, you’ll have to handle your own thermal gel, you know the drill. I will take your personal effects, empty your pockets into the box.” I did so and he walked away with everything I owned.
Walking back into Eve’s room was surreal. I knew she wouldn’t be there, but I wasn’t prepared for the stale and dusty environment. The clothes she had left on the floor had been picked up, cleaned and folded away. The bed had fresh sheets and had probably just been made but everything else was just as we had left it a year previous.
This was as close to Eve as I had been in a year, alone in her room. A personal space she had put together before I was born, it seemed distant but familiar. I sat on the bed, forgetting that it was a waterbed. I laughed as I jostled back and forth from the waves inside.
Uncertain and unsure I mostly looked around the room, alone to my thoughts, taking in the little pieces of Eve’s life that were still very much a mystery to me.
Gavin didn’t bother knocking, he simply entered.
“You can back out if you want.” He said sarcastically.
“Not on your life.” I shook my head.
“She isn’t expecting you. She has almost convinced herself that you have forgotten all about her.”
“I thought it would be the other way around.” I was honest.
“Funny thing about memory and experiences, you spend half your life eating. But how many meals can you remember?” He asked.
“Not many.” I replied.
“When you are as old as we are, with a life so full of the mundane and repetitive experiences of life time becomes meaningless, humans weren’t meant to live beyond a generation, our brains aren’t built for it. An old man may forget the last quarter of his life in a blink of an eye, but can still remember the smell of a girl’s hair from when he was fourteen.” Gavin looked around the room. “We are an anachronism, our lives stretched and thinned out. It’s the experiences, the great moments, the important moments we remember. The moments we cherish are those that we remember, it doesn’t matter how long ago they were. A year, a week, a century… we can still smell the girl’s hair, we can still taste the meal. It doesn’t matter if they are gone, or forgotten. We cherish the moment. That is what you are to Eve.” Gavin turned to face me.
“She doesn’t expect me to come?”
“Not in the slightest, she refuses herself hope in that regard. Ross was so angry, once she got sick he blamed you. He was so angry.” Gavin shook his head.
“Sick?” I asked, worried.
“A similar experience to your little hospital trip a few months ago?”
“How do you know about that?”
“Uh, university hospital?”
“Oh, that makes…”
“Not to mention that you don’t just get read into to our program here without being looked into and tabs kept on you. There is too much at stake for everyone.”
“So you’ve been spying on me?”
“Not me, but yea. I was given a report on you as part of our briefing on disembarkation day.”
“Wow.” I shook my head.
“You handled yourself well, but imagine what you went through but slower and longer, and without anti-anxiety drugs.” Gavin touched my shoulders. “You two belong together. Just as much as Austringer and I do, just as much as Ross and Audriana do… It’s been a long time coming, but I think it was always supposed to be you.”
“I still feel like a child when I think about our age differences.”
Gavin laughed, “You are only as old as you feel. Isn’t that the saying? Try not to think about it, it’s pointless to think about. Especially right now.”
“So, tomorrow morning?”
“Yep, back to wonderland!” Gavin smiled, “Seven AM.”
“See you in the morning.” I said as he left.
I didn’t sleep at all, my mind twisted itself into knots and the waterbed was awkward and uncomfortable. I was leaving an entire world behind, wholly uncertain with what awaited me on the other side of a rift I didn’t understand. All of it to be with a girl I had known for less than five days but knew with all of my being that we belonged together.
In the morning I had no idea what I would say to her, or if she would even want me there. I had no idea if she would be happy, sad or even angry to see me.
The uncertainties kept me awake and the scenarios played out in my head one by one. No matter what I resolved myself to refusing to be dissuaded. I refused to let fear talk me into making the same mistake again.
Audriana waited for me on the other side of the door after a knock to be sure I was awake, she was completely naked.
“You ready for this?” She asked and I couldn’t resist giving her a look up and down.
“Don’t forget your thermal gel, you don’t want to burn.” She warned me.
“So I’ve heard, don’t worry I can handle it.”
“I wasn’t offering.” She laughed mockingly and turned around.
I undressed and left my clothes on the bed, I assumed that a year from now I would find them laundered and folded on the bed right where I had left them, like magic.
I preformed the same ritualistic massage as I had done for Eve, coating my entire body with the gel, every surface and every fold and crevice.
I walked
down the hallway alone, unable to catch my breath. Ross, Gavin, Austringer and Audriana all stood waiting for me and nodded when I entered the portal room.
“Going through with it?” Ross asked.
“Without reservation.” I answered quickly.
Austringer put his hand on my chest and maneuvered me into the small tray of gel to coat the bottom of my feet.
With his hand on my chest he looked me in the eyes, “Ok Simon, I need you to breathe normally. When the pain hits, make sure you inhale quickly. It will be instinctual, but make sure you do it fully and completely, you want to fill your lungs.”
“Alright.” I answered.
“You got your ball sack, your eyelids, your asshole, your ears, between your fingers, the backs of your knees?” He asked.
“Yes, I’m pretty sure I got it all.” I assured both him and myself.
“When you fall backwards you will want your eyes closed tightly.”
“When do I open them?” I asked.
“When the pain stops.” He laughed slightly, “You’ll know.”
“Ok.” I started to breathe harder.
“Last thing, I need you to focus your thoughts on something for me.”
“On what?” I looked at him questioningly.
“I need you to focus on your feelings for Mavin, on your connection to her. At the same time I need you to imagine your best self, visually, morally, spiritually… I need you to imagine not what you are, but who you should be, who you want to be in your entire soul.” Austringer patted me on the chest.
“That’s a tall order.” I quipped.
“I am talking about potential, who you should be if given the chance. Do you understand? You are introducing yourself to a whole new world, best to do it honestly and wholly. Don’t worry, it will be fine.” He said and shoved me backwards forcefully.
Once I realized I was falling I clamped my eyes shut tightly, I imagined it was to protect my eyes from the electrical current, the last thing I wanted was to burn out my retinas.
As I fell I tried to think about the things that brought Eve and I together, the circumstances, and the issues that had parted us. I thought about wanting to keep her safe, and about how comforting it had been to just be in the same room together.
When the pain hit, it started at my spine and radiated outward. Pins and needles and extreme heat, like being electrocuted. Jolt after jolt.
I thought about myself, and the deep quest within me to not be a bad person, to be kind and honest, to be faithful and caring. I thought about role-playing with Gavin, Ross and the others and my character, an extension of myself and how it was everything I imagined I should be but was never given the opportunity.
Mostly I thought about Eve, and how her face fit into my hands so seamlessly, about how her arms made me feel safe, and how terrifying life had become without her.
The pain increased and I was still falling, I inhaled deeply and instantly felt as if I was drowning, the pain softened for a moment and I realized I was bathed in light the intense light from the rift shown through my closed eyes completely.
The burning intensified up my nose and I could smell the hair burning inside. Finally the light got less intense and the pain subsided, but the falling continued.
Suddenly I realized I was in the water, I heard the splash and was submerged. I opened my eyes in time to see Gavin grab me from under my arms and hoist me onto a stone ledge on the edge of what seemed to be a white stone bricked swimming pool.
I looked up in time to see Austringer, Ross and Audriana fall from the rift above the pool and into it. Austringer had managed to work himself into a cannonball dive that created a massive wave on impact that splashed both Gavin and I.
The five of us rinsed what little gel we had left on us off into the pool. As Austringer, Ross and Gavin stepped out of the pool I couldn’t help but notice they seemed larger, and their beards longer. I had seen them each naked only minutes before, but they had gained in both height and muscle mass, not ridiculously so but noticeably.
Audriana had changed too, slightly skinnier, but shapelier, and her hair a bit longer and redder.
I rinsed my hair and felt my face, at first I thought it was burned. But instead I realized I had a beard. I had never grown a beard, and I kept rubbing my face.
“Damn Simon.” Audriana looked at me and laughed.
I swam to the steps and stepped out of the pool.
“Damn Simon.” Austringer seemed to be looking me up and down too.
“What? What did I miss?” I looked down and didn’t recognize my own body.
Everything appeared in the right place, and was certainly mine. But it was all refined, enhanced or slightly improved upon. It looked as if I had spent a year in the gym doing yoga and running track.
“You certainly have a vivid imagination.” Ross laughed and tossed me a white linen robe.
“We determine our own reality here, our sense of self is magnified, hence the pep talk. You will understand later.” Gavin instructed.
“Best self… I said best self. I didn’t say imagine yourself as a superhero.” Austringer teased.
Suddenly I could hear the clanging of massive bells, like church bells behind us. I turned and was unprepared for the assault of vision. The pool we stepped out of was atop of what reminded me of a Mexican step pyramid. The white stone cut into bricks the size of moving boxes had no ornamentation, but instead seemed both beautiful and utilitarian at the same time.
In the distance a tower, made of the same stone had long acoustic channels that reached from top to bottom and the bells sounded from there. Between the two places sprawled a massive city, it was obviously designed and planned. Sprawling buildings that seemed like houses each with their own green space populated the exterior of what seemed like residential blocks each with its own park in the middle. Roads deliberately and efficiently divided spaces, I could see what appeared to be a market square and monumental buildings. It was as if someone had read children’s books about ancient Greece, ancient Aztec ruins and Medieval Europe and meshed them all together into one coherent idea.
The horizon rose up around us and I got the distinct impression that the landmass was shaped like a bowl, with mountains defining the edge. The sky was non-existent. Instead the milky rift filled it horizon to horizon.
As if in answering to the distant bells a host of people clamored to the top of the pyramid, each of them dressed in white linen with orange lines of paint from their eyes down their cheeks.
“Lord Austringer, Lady Audriana…” the first man nodded respectfully running his fingers down their faces with paint in lines that matched his own, only in cobalt blue.
“Lord Rossen, Lord Gavin.” Another said and nodded in the same manner and marked each of their faces in blue as well.
“This is?” A third man asked.
“Lord Cauven.” Austringer answered for me and I nodded.
The man reached into his bowl of blue paint and wet his fingers with blue paint, as he reached for my face and I leaned forward Gavin stopped him with a gesture and my face remained unmarked.
“Very good, come this way please.” He said and we walked down the steep stepped pyramid together.
Chapter Thirteen: Rebirth
The predominance of white stone and white stucco seemed to be a running theme as we walked through the city. The bulk of the population of this new world were dressed in tunics made from woven cotton cloth dyed in earth tones. The roofs of each building arched into mostly orange domes with an occasional gable painted blue. I noticed a blue roof every so often, but wondered at the symbolism of color that seemed to speak a language I didn’t understand.
We walked down a large smooth stone road, well used and anchored, around us swarmed carts and an ocean of people. Some nodded as we passed; some ignored us in favor of their business. Most that looked at me peered at my face curiously. Every person I saw had their face marked with paint, either orange or blue. I began to feel naked, as if so
me part of me was missing, or if I had been wearing pants that I had left them unzipped.
We approached a low lying but wide late medieval style castle, the stone remained white but the battlements and window frames were painted red in sharp contrast to everything else.
Our party moved into the courtyard and up a semicircular patio of stairs through double doors and into a wide pillared room of red and gold. Rough tapestries of needlepoint hung high between the pillars. Each one seemed to tell a pictorial history that I could only understand portions of.
In the middle of the room were a group of women, each quite tall. They surrounded a smaller woman, and I recognized her voice. Their dresses were slightly finer than the ones outside. Floor length linen underskirts with wool apron style dresses over the top, a brooch at the base of each strap with a string of beads between the two.
The tall women each had orange stripes down their cheeks. Eve stood in the middle of them her back to us, unaware of our entrance. She wore a similar dress to those of the other ladies in the room; however her dress was red linen with a black wool over apron. Nobody said anything to us we simply stood and waited quietly. Judging by her hand motions and body language she appeared to be discussing something of importance with the other ladies, to which each of them was listening and nodding respectfully.
“Eve!” I shouted and it cut and echoed through the hall and quite a few people looked up instantly to see who was shouting.
Eve turned to answer my call quickly and nearly instantly in both shock and surprise, her dress twirling in a spiral from the speed of her movement.
I saw her face, marked with red lines down her eyes from paint in high contrast than those of everyone else I had seen thus far. Her expression evaporated from disinterested annoyance to complete and total shock.
“Oh my god.” She managed to get out while still in shock. “Simon?!” she screamed and exploded into tears, her knees gave out under her and she collapsed into a wreck of anguish and uncontrolled weeping on the floor.
The women around her looked around in shock, unsure what to do or how to react. A few of them reached down and whispered in her ear and tried to help her up, but she was lost to them, she simply hunched over and cried.
Deltas: Delta Horizon Book One Page 12
