I nodded understanding.
We were in my catch-up meeting. Mine was on Wednesdays.
This was the first one that I’d come to and felt unsettled because of what happened with the coach.
“I’m sorry. I thought the correct procedure was to refer him for tests and the MRI.”
Jeff leaned forward and rested his elbows on his desk. “It was. There was nothing wrong with what you did . It’s what you didn’t do. Devon, you’re in your fourth year of residency. I get that you haven’t been in a hospital setting for a while and you’re catching up. It would have been different working with your father at the medical camp. Different process, different ways of doing things. However, here we need to share our concerns. Share ideas and bounce ideas off each other. If you suspect something then you need to talk. Say it. It could be something that wouldn’t have crossed my mind.”
I nodded again. “I know. I didn’t think and I was hoping it wasn’t what I feared.”
It was the headaches and the blood pressure that waved itself to me. Much as the coach had told me I was the cause of his headaches, my instincts told me to pay attention. I felt that the symptoms were synonymous of something not so right in the exact area he had the tumor. Most often a person with basal ganglia dysfunction had problems with speech and difficulty in starting, stopping, and sustaining movement. He didn’t have any problems with his speech, and I figured what he already had masked the issues of movement. But the blood pressure was my first inkling. It was something so unnoticeable and something you could brush under the rug or cast off as something else. Something minor. In my research I’d learned it could be an indication of something more. That was why I wanted the tests.
“I didn’t think I had enough evidence of what was happening to him to say something without running the tests. That was why I kept my silence.”
“Well, you’re working on my team for the rest of your training so I need you to talk to me when you have something on your mind. No matter what it is. I picked you for a reason kid, and I keep telling you it’s not because you’re my godson. It doesn’t mean shit to me if you don’t act the way I need you to act.” He leaned back in his chair. “The coach’s family is gathering. With the decreased meds his condition looks like it’s accelerating. And with the transfer to the other side he’ll be in the care of a special team who will do their best with him. It’s beyond my area of expertise and beyond me now.”
“I’m sorry. It’s a shame because he was responding to the treatment.”
“Yeah. I’ve never really had this sort of thing happen before. It pisses me off more because I feel like I didn’t do much for him. He’s donated a million dollars to my research here.”
My mouth dropped open. “What? Seriously?”
Jeff nodded. “Yeah. He did the paperwork today in his sick bed. His wife helped him with it. She got here the night before last and hasn’t left his side.”
“He has a wife?” I wasn’t aware of that. With the way he hit on Kelly I was surprised.
“They’re separated. Long story you don’t get to hear. If you see her, however, she’s his wife and all we need to know is that the man is a saint in my book.”
“Mine too. I do wish that we could have done more for him.” I sighed.
“Well, put that desire into our new patient you’ll get come Monday. You and Kelly will be receiving a retired marine. Government-funded guy. I’d like to try some new thing with this guy. Which I’ll share with you two next week.”
“Like what?”
“It’s just to do with the way we administer the treatment. I was thinking of how nanotech could help in our process. But I need to talk to a few people and run it past them first.”
It sounded interesting and just the sort of thing that compelled me to come back to St. Michael’s.
I guessed I should thank my lucky stars that Jeff was who he was.
“I can’t wait,” I told him and sat forward.
“How are you otherwise? Is there anything else on your mind? We haven’t really spoken in a while. You and Kelly seem good.”
I smiled at him. “Yeah, I think we are. I really do.”
“I told you, you could fix the mess.”
“I’m hoping I have. I’ve just been taking my time to get back in the swing of things with my life and with her.”
“It’s all you can do,” he agreed. “Have you seen Todd?”
Just the mention of his name spiked my nerves. “I’ve seen him a few times.”
“And?”
I shook my head. “I just can’t talk to him yet. Or, at all. I’m just focusing on me and this part of my life.”
“I hear you, and that’s fair. I’m still around if you want to talk Devon. I don’t want you to go around bottling shit like that up. You’ve been through a lot, and I don’t know if anyone has been there for you in the way I hoped they have.”
Rory had and Jeff had too. But, honestly, the less I spoke about what happened the better for me.
“I’m okay. I really am. Being with Kelly is like nothing else. She’s like no one else. Always my girl.”
“You love her.” He smiled.
“Always. I never stopped. I love her and I’m frightened to tell her because I don’t want to push too hard or too soon. I want to give her the time she needs to do whatever she has to for us to work, however long that may be.” That was the crux of the matter. The thing I didn’t do the first time around.
“You know sometimes hearing a thing like that is not a bad thing. You tell her you don’t expect her to say it back but you wanted her to know. Nothing wrong with that. Or, if that’s too much, you show her you love her,” he offered.
The showing her part was probably more of a safer option. “I think showing her would be good. I’ve been thinking of doing more with her.”
“More like what?” he chuckled giving me a curious stare filled with mischief. “I was under the impression you were doing all you could. If this is advancing to kinky bedroom talk, I may not be the best person to speak to. Just letting you know.”
I laughed. “That’s not what I mean.”
“Yes, and I’m glad to be exactly that. Imagine talking to your dad about stuff like that.” He gave me a bewildered look and shook his head. I laughed again.
That would be hilarious. When I thought about it, it was Jeff who’d taught me about the birds and the bees, Jeff who’d talked all that guy talk with me because Dad was a prude and it was Jeff who taught me all the things he probably shouldn’t have.
“Jeff, you rock man.” He certainly did. This guy had been more like a brother to me, or rather a very cool uncle most guys would kill to have.
“I know. I feel like I’ve improved with age. Like fine wine.” He nodded with pride. “So what’s this other stuff you wanted to do with your girl?” He inclined his head to the side and a thin line etched between the line of his lips and jaw.
“Just more things than being here. We see each other outside of work and we see each other here. I want more. Like to take her someplace. That would be good wouldn’t it? Women like adventure. She loves it.”
He reached into his pocket and tossed me a set of keys. I caught them and held them up.
“What are these for?” Jeff had so many things these keys could belong to.
“The boat,” he answered, raising his hands and doing a Mexican wave.
My eyes widened. Jeff had a sailboat he’d bought a few years back. It was a thing of great beauty with its massive sails. It looked like something from a pirate movie. It was just more modern looking and chic with its six bedrooms on deck and a room set up for gaming and eating all manner of junk food.
We always used to go sailing around the lakes and hang out on the boat. We’d do little trips. Little adventures over weekends and sometimes a full week. It was really fun.
“You’re kidding! You’re allowing me use of the boat without you?” I gasped.
“Thank you and I assure you I won’t hurt your precious baby.”
“Good, meeting adjourned. I need to dash for my new yoga class.”
“Yoga?”
“Yes, bye now,” he said hurriedly.
I stood to go and smiled as I looked at him. “Thank you Jeff. I appreciate what you’ve done for me.”
He gave me a wide smile and nodded.
I left him and decided I’d find Kelly. I had an idea for what we could do.
She’d love sailing. We went on a boat once and she loved it. I could imagine her liking spending the time away from everything.
I figured it was just the thing she needed after what happened with the coach, and it was just the thing we needed as a couple.
A long weekend together where we could spend the time with each other to cement our relationship.
I headed down to the labs where I knew she would be. She was helping the other surgeons on Jeff’s team to organize some patient files for patients who were prepping to be transferred over to the center.
She smiled when she saw me.
“Hi, beautiful,” I told her, planting a kiss on her forehead. We didn’t usually act like a couple in public but sometimes I forgot where we were.
“Hi. You okay?” she asked.
“I’m good. Come here.” I took her hand and led her over to the corner by the file cabinets so we could have a little more privacy. I could see Connor glancing our way. I’d had this sneaking suspicion that while he knew we were together, he liked Kelly.
It wouldn’t surprise me and I couldn’t exactly blame the guy because she was beautiful.
We sat down together and I indulged myself by giving her a quick kiss on her gorgeous lips. She kissed me back but pulled away.
“You are going to get me in trouble,” she chided.
“More trouble than I’ve already gotten you in?” I joked.
“Yes, more.”
“You’ll forgive me for anything after I tell you the idea I’ve come up with.”
“What is it?”
“Imagine this…you and me this weekend on Lake Milwaukee. We can leave Friday night and spend the whole weekend together.”
It was strange, there was a sparkle of excitement in her eyes. The kind that would have led to her throwing her arms around me and squealing with the delight of the excitement. But that didn’t happen.
As soon as the spark came, it went right out. Like a fire someone threw water on to put it out.
“Oh. Wow. I love that idea. It’s amazing. I…just can’t this weekend.”
“What about next weekend? Jeff lent me his boat for the rest of the month. That means there’s three potential weekends we can sail the open waters and get lost in each other. I’ll even make sure there’s cookies and snacks to satisfy that sweet tooth of yours.”
Her shoulders tensed and she had that wariness in her eyes that got my attention in a big way.
“I can’t…my dad…um, I think he’s going to want me to meet his new girlfriend. So I should keep my weekends free. You know, for when he says he’s available.”
I looked her over and saw the wariness in her become more evident. That was when I knew something was up. She wouldn’t have just turned me down like that for a trip and I’d been open about the next three weeks.
“You okay, Kelly?”
“Yes, of course.” She smirked with that shoulder shrug.
“Are you worried about being away with me?” We’d spent the weekend together before. Several times over the last few weeks, but maybe it was different because we were at each other’s houses.
“No, it’s not that. I’m just mindful of the time with my dad. He really wants me to meet his new lady.”
“I get that, but I’ve given you three weekends to choose from.”
“Sure, but you know what his schedule is like. Look…I should go back. There’s a lot of paperwork to go through.” She stood up.
“Will I see you tonight?” I had to ask because so far this week we hadn’t spent the night at each other’s houses.
“Okay. How about I come to your place?”
“Okay. I’ll see you tonight,” I agreed.
I spent the rest of the day trying to shake off the feeling that something was up with her.
I would have been more inclined to believe things were cool if she made it to my place that night. Except she didn’t.
She said she had a bad stomachache and was going to bed early.
I knew this woman more than I liked sometimes. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know her so well because I’d be more believing that things were fine and I wasn’t being paranoid.
I just didn’t think that was the case here.
Something was definitely up and I really hoped she would tell me what it was.
The worse part was this was exactly the way she’d gotten years ago. Two weeks before we broke up.
Chapter 19
Kelly
I’m so sorry. I’m gonna have to cancel again. There’s too much paperwork.
I pressed send on my phone and watched my text go.
Going through time and space like an invisible dagger to Devon’s heart.
It had taken me a while to send it.
I was supposed to meet Devon for lunch exactly fifteen minutes ago and I chickened out. The same way I chickened out last night and yesterday when he asked me to go on that sailing trip with him.
I wanted to say yes. It sounded amazing and I could only imagine having an amazing time with him but I freaked and bailed in the moment. Diffusing any excitement I might have felt toward the idea and more importantly, the idea of spending a weekend like that with him.
All that time together wasn’t like spending time at each other’s houses. It would be different. It would have been the normal thing to do as a couple. Especially the type of couple thing to do for a couple like us who were so crazy together.
But… I’d said no and given such a flimsy excuse, using Dad the way I had. Devon saw straight through me and probably didn’t push because he didn’t want to push me away. I knew it. I knew that was why he didn’t say more and I took advantage of it.
Now I felt like a bigger fool for the text I just sent.
Particularly because I was standing at the balcony on the second floor of the main hospital watching him read the message. Reading my lies as to why I wouldn’t be having lunch with him today.
We were about twenty-five feet away from each other. I was up here and he was sitting on the bench where we were going to have lunch. In his hands was a bag of cookies from Mario’s, my favorite bakery.
It was cruel to stand here and watch him read the message and his shoulders slump. I watched him look at his phone for a few seconds and then the blue dots on my phone started to jump as he typed.
That’s okay, see you later. I’ll come to your place.
I thought for a moment before I typed back. Me going to his place was better because I could come up with an excuse not to go. However, it would look really bad if I told him he couldn’t come and see me.
So, I did the best thing I thought of.
Yes.
That was all I said.
I watched him stand up and go, but he ditched the cookies in the closest bin as he walked down the path.
I knew I was being a fool and I was purposely staying away from anyone who would point out what a big fool I was being. Coward and fool.
Retreating and giving into my fears of what could happen. Or, was it more like I was taking control of my life and what happened to me? I didn’t know.
Speaking with Melanie was no
mere thing. It wasn’t something to take light. It just brought to the surface one of the many things I’d thought of that could take Devon away from me.
This was the result.
Me up here, staying away because I was scared of what could happen to me if I allowed myself to fall for him more than I had before.
I loved him like nothing else years ago and the only thing I felt a person could love more is someone they thought they’d lost.
When he first left me I used to imagine seeing him walking around the hospital grounds. I used to see him everywhere; everyone looked like him. Once I even found myself rushing up to a guy I swore was my Devon only to find it wasn’t him.
Then I remember Devon was in the Middle East somewhere and he wasn’t mine anymore.
It was awful.
Being with him again these last few months had been beautiful. But that nagging voice came rushing back to my mind the minute Melanie drove away from my house.
That damn nagging voice that told me he could leave me again.
Pulling in a deep breath I left the balcony and made my way down to the research center. It was pretty busy down there. I felt that the help I’d been able to provide this week was much needed.
Since I was technically still on my break for another twenty minutes I continued down the path to the Neurology Department, straight to the patient wards.
I went to the intensive care unit. It was where Coach Fratelli was. His room was the last on the corridor.
I got to the room just as a nurse was going out. She placed his notes on the wall rack and gave me a friendly smile as she passed by.
I looked in and saw Coach Fratelli propped up on a stack of pillows. Beside him, holding his hand, was a woman who looked to be in her late fifties. On the other side of him was a younger man who looked just like him and a boy who was talking about ice hockey. The boy was on a ramble but stopped when he saw me. It was him that drew their attention to my presence.
“Hi,” I said with a bright smile.
“I knew you would come see me!” Coach Fratelli said. His voice sounded a lot weaker than days ago.
Dr Sawyer Page 13
