Me, My Hair, and I

by Shawneda

  “Aggressive?”

  Uncle Corey turned to face me. “Speaking of which, how were you able to get a response up so fast? It’s been years since you were the first person to reply to a post. Don’t ask me how I know. Just know. I know.”

  “Tell me I’m passive aggressive…” Aunt Tanya mumbled and crossed her arms over her midsection.

  I sighed. “To be honest, I don’t check the page often anymore. Natural hair and social media aren’t related to the colleges I’m interested in attending. You’d know what I’m interested in if you talked to me more than you tagged me to gain what is it… social proof with my peers.”

  “JeShaun, you know I care about you. Why is it so hard to believe I’m doing all of this to make sure you, my family, my only sister’s children have the life she passed away working hard for you to live? We wanted to give you every advantage and opportunity. Now she is gone. I’m doing my best to make good on my promise.” Aunt Tanya wiped a tear from her face.

  Keylisa pulled her knees to her chest and started rocking. “I don’t like when you fight. Don’t worry about JeShaun. I’ll take all the pictures of all the hairstyles. That is better because I AM going into the family business. After they Ask Tanya B, they’ll love Keylisa. I’ll have a podcast, a YouTube channel, and hologram hair school.”

  “What?” Uncle Corey, Aunt Tanya and I said in unison.

  Keylisa stopped rocking. She dropped her knees into the criss cross applesauce position. “They already have hologram concerts, AR, and VR. By the time I’m your age, they’ll have hologram school. Technology moves really fast. We learned about the speed of imtration in my technology class.”

  “Iteration.” Uncle Corey smiled. “You know what, Keylisa has a point. Let her do all the hairstyles.”

  Aunt Tanya shook her head. “They have different textures, face shapes, and product lines. I can’t showcase how each line works on one type of hair. You don’t have to do the shoot, JeShaun. Your uncle is right. Posting the poll… trying to pressure… just wrong.”

  A weight lifted from my shoulders.

  “Your turn.” Uncle Corey tapped me on the knee.

  Keylisa clapped. She shot up from the pillows toward Aunt Tanya.

  “My turn?”

  Aunt Tanya pulled her arms around Keylisa and rolled her eyes. “See Corey, I told you.”

  “Your turn, JeShaun.” Uncle Corey leaned back in the chair.

  I took a deep breath. “For…”

  “Apologize to your aunt for your tone and not handling this in a more sensitive manner.”

  A look of confusion covered my face. “Huh?”

  “You’re allowed to feel however you want about this entire situation. Our offer for you to go back to counseling stands. Always stands. Losing a parent is hard. You’re at the age where missing her can be more pronounced because of all the things you’re getting ready to do. We can’t replace her. We’ve never tried. All we ask is you respect our home while we care for you.” Uncle Corey said.

  A tear welled up in the corner of my eye. I sniffed. I averted my eyes toward the ceiling and forced it down. No. Not today. Not here. Not now. “You’re right. Aunt Tanya, I apologize for the disrespectful things I said on the post on Instagram.”

  “And.” Aunt Tanya said.

  I looked at Uncle Corey.

  “Don’t look at me, kid. I don’t know what else you’ve done. Been a busy week at the office.” Uncle Corey shifted his head to look at his wife.

  “Trying to run me out of business. Your little post is all over every natural hair blog, forum, and has been reposted on Instagram more than fifteen hundred times. Who can trust a natural hair stylist with a child who doesn’t see the benefit of being natural?” Aunt Tanya shook her head.

  Uncle Corey held up his hand as I opened my mouth to speak. “She’s not wrong for wanting to look into trying another way to style her hair, Tanya. JeShaun is not perfect, but she is not malicious. You have been controlling how she wears her since she was five.”

  “Five?” I croaked.

  Uncle Corey nodded. “She’d do it on the weekends when your mom had to leave or do assignments for work. You two used to get along better than peanut butter and jelly.”

  “Wait, I remember. We used to play in that other shop like we were Queen Latifah and her crew in the movie.” I smiled. Me and Aunt Tanya were close. Back in the day.

  Aunt Tanya smiled down at Keylisa, then looked at me. “Yeah, I remember. I miss those days. You pinky promised and Gummi bear swore you’d never put harsh chemicals in your hair.”

  “Pinky promises aren’t binding in court.” Uncle Corey chuckled.

  Aunt Tanya shook her head and rolled her eyes at her husband.

  “You both made this a much bigger problem than necessary by getting the brand and social media involved. So, whatever you decide, you need to include social media.” Uncle Corey looked at Aunt Tanya and then to me.

  I shook my head. “You want us to what?”

  “Take some time to explore the pros and cons of the other person’s perspective about JeShaun having her hair straightened each week doing an Instagram Makeover.” Uncle Corey crossed his arms and smiled.

  Buzz. Buzz. I looked but knew better than to pick up my phone. “Takeover. You were almost cool. Instagram takeover, Uncle Corey. I’m down if Aunt Tanya and Ms. Brielle are cool.”

  “How is Brielle involved in any of this?” Aunt Tanya said.

  I took in a deep breath. “Until I decide what I want to do, I want her to do my hair. Instead of you.”

  “You want… what the hell?” Aunt Tanya’s eyes filled with unshed tears. “I need to take another run.”

  Uncle Corey reached for his wife’s hand and took my hand. “Tanya, look at her.”

  “You want me to cry.” Aunt Tanya’s voice sounded thicker than normal.

  Uncle Corey shook his head. “No, I want you to recognize the pinky promise Gummi bear grubber you sang with at the old salon is gone. You have a young woman on your hands. Who you hurt with what you did. Look at her.”

  “I like Gummi bears.” Keylisa mumbled as she hugged Aunt Tanya’s waist tighter.

  The tear I’d forced down snuck to the top of my eye and escaped. Traitor.

  “Look at her.” Uncle Corey wiped the tear from my face.

  Aunt Tanya dropped her head. “JeShaun… If Brielle doesn’t object, I don’t mind. You guys have a great time when she does your hair.”

  “If she does the styles, my participation in the photoshoot is back on.” I gave her the tiniest smile.

  Aunt Tanya sniffed. “For real?”

  “Yes,” I smiled at Uncle Corey. “I apologize for being disrespectful. On the post. For my tone.”

  Keylisa released Aunt Tanya. She smiled from ear to ear as she threw her arms around me. “You’ll only have to do one photoshoot a year when you’re working for me.”

  I laughed. “Oh yeah?”

  Keylisa nodded with a big Kool-aid grin. “Yep. We can shake on it. That’s official.”

  “Only if you promise to do something fun and new with my hair. I’m tired of twists.” I smiled and winked at Uncle Corey.

  Aunt Tanya huffed as she disappeared out of the door. Seconds later she reappeared laughing while throwing decorative pillows at me from her bed.

  The morning sun peeked through the window as Ms. Brielle entered the salon through the back door. I remember when she recommended Aunt Tanya have a jungle gym and swings put in the backyard. Not only did I love it, her business increased because the mothers had somewhere for their children to play on nice days outside. A picnic table for the kids who want to sit, play on the phone in the sun, draw, or read. For the ones who don’t want to be outside, they just chill in the waiting area.

  Ms. Brielle used to do my hair when Aunt Tanya had to go to the World Natural Hair Show, work with her celebrity clients like Maya Hatton, and when she and Uncle Corey go on their couple’s only getaways. I can tell her when I don’t
like the style and she’ll change it without an attitude. Her, my mom, and Aunt Tanya went to high school together, so she’s like part of the family.

  Music filled the air as Brielle turned to her favorite R&B station. Each morning she’d prep the shop and dance around. On the mornings after a hot date she enjoyed, she’d sing, well, what she called singing. Uncle Corey said she called cats.

  “Ms. Brielle,” I tapped her on the shoulder.

  Brielle jumped and all the towels she carried flew into the air.

  I caught as many of the towels as possible to keep the load to replace the ones she dropped to a minimum. Shop rule number three, you dirty the towel — you wash the towel.

  “JeShaun, you almost gave me a heart attack.” Brielle placed the towels on the counter next to the half wall separating the front of the shop where she and mom styled clients from the back of the shop. Instead of renting the chairs, Aunt Tanya and Brielle were licensed to teach cosmetology. So they’d apprentice students in the afternoon Monday to Thursday. Friday and Saturday they both ran two chairs in the shop.

  I blushed. “Sorry. Aunt Tanya and I got in a bit of a disagreement.”

  “Girl, please, y’all aired all your dirty laundry on her Instagram account and gave some much needed drama and spice to the natural hair community. All the blogs, most of the forums, a few YouTubers, and Black Twitter have chimed in on your bit of a disagreement.” Brielle chuckled as she finished refolding the towels.

  I cleared my throat. “Dang, really, Black Twitter. Maybe I do need to go back to counseling. I didn’t think I said anything so bad Black Twitter would get involved.”

  “Girl. You made some valid points. They may have landed better in person instead of on Instagram.” Brielle turned down the volume on the speakers. “So wassup?”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Aunt Tanya and I have reached an agreement.”

  “Corey stepped in. I’m so glad she married that man.” Brielle motioned for me to continue talking.

  I gave her a weak smile. “I agreed to do the photoshoot and not have my hair chemically altered while we do whatever it is we’re about to do before I make a decision if you style my hair for me.”

  “Aw, that’s great, baby girl. Of course, I love doing your hair. We always have so much fun together.” Brielle paused and drummed her fingers on her knees. “How does Tanya feel about all of this? Did she cry?”

  I shook my head. “Mmm. Almost then she laughed and threw pillows at me.”

  “Good, that means she knows she is responsible for this mess. I’ve been telling her to let you be more involved with your own hair for years. I see your face when she does your hair.” Brielle chuckled. “Someone is bored with braids.”

  I laughed so hard my sides hurt. “Yeah, she almost turned purple with anger when I told Keylisa I’m tired of twists. Not all of her styles are boring, just the same four she keeps doing on me. I see some of her other clients, they walk out of here looking fierce.”

  “She still sees you as a little girl, otherwise she’ll cry every time she sees you because you look so much like your Mom. Keeping you a little girl hurts less. Safer for her heart that way.” Brielle opened her arms. “Maybe you both should be back in therapy.”

  No one else saw me cry. Not one other person on Earth did I trust the way I trusted Ms. Brielle. On the days when I thought my heart might melt or explode, she’d see me. Notice something about the way I played, or walked, or talked. I don’t know. But for the first few years after Mom died, every time I felt like I might want to disappear and go be with my Mom, she’d find me and hold me until I felt better. “I know life for me and Keylisa is good, all things considered. I love Aunt Tanya and Uncle Corey. I do. They just don’t get it. Ya know.”

  “Yeah, I do.” Brielle squeezed me and let me cry all over her shoulder. Good thing hair stylists wear black and keep a couple of back up shirts around.

  The tears slowed. I sighed. “Thank you, Ms. Brielle. Guess, I need to go wash these towels.”

  “This is why God invented godmothers and yes, you do. I have three new clients today.” Brielle gave me one more squeeze before letting me go. “I’ll let you Aunt know I’m here for it. This may not have started well, but I’m glad it happened. We haven’t had anything juicy in the natural hair community for a while.”

  I shook my head and laughed. “A quiet life is a happy life.”

  “Sounds boring to me. Friction, action, and drama are part of growth… Sometimes it’s fun.” Brielle tossed me two more towels from Aunt Tanya’s bin. “Come back after 5 so we can get this senior sexy swag party started.”

  The top of my ears burned with embarrassment. “Don’t let Aunt Tanya hear you put me and sexy in the same sentence.”

  “Girl, I love Tanya, but I’m not scared of her or anything. You’re about to be a woman, sexy is inevitable. Remember, this is why God created godmothers.” Brielle winked before turning the music up and resuming her pre opening routine. “I can’t wait to do this cute style I found the other day. It’ll show off your length and stay cute after practice.”

  2

  I fluffed the bone straight bangs. The beat from my favorite K-Pop band pulsed in my ears. I grabbed a brush from the dresser next to the full-length mirror in my closet. The feel of the blunt cut swished across the top of my shoulders.

  Took me less than five minutes to adjust and secure the wig Breyonna’s mom lent me. She said wigs gave you every hairstyle you can imagine without the burned scalp or regrets. I twirled around and around as the music switched from BTS to my hip hop playlist.

  Uncle Corey introduced me to the ol’ skool rappers. So in between J‘Cole and Kendrick Lamar were a few cuts from Digable Planets and Lauryn Hill. She could sing and rap. The music didn’t match the look, so I took the blunt cut bob wig off. Ms. Ebonee gave me a layered wig the same color as my hair and almost the same length when straightened.

  Once I secured the wig, my concert began. I posed in the mirror as my favorite Lauryn Hill song played. After my “Doo Wop” set finished, I turned around. I paused before my dramatic slow turn back around to the crowd in my mirror. Just as I prepared to turn, I heard my Aunt’s shrill voice.

  “You have lost your mind, Little Girl!” Aunt Tanya froze in the doorway for a moment.

  I lost my mind? Who just barged into someone’s room uninvited? She made wanting to go away to college so easy.

  “How did you even afford a keratin straightening?” Aunt Tanya shook her head. “Because you aren’t bold enough to get a relaxer. Sneaky behind. Going off after saying you’d wait. Lying to people-”

  My eyes filled with tears of rage and frustration. I snatched the earbuds from my ears. Seconds later, I peeled the wig off and flung it at her feet.

  “JeShaun,” Aunt Tanya picked the wig up and examined it. “This looks just like your hair color.”

  I crossed my arms. “Good to know what you think of me. Better a sneaky liar who hasn’t lied or snuck around than a bossy, fake, manipulative, wanna be.”

  “I knocked three times, young lady. You didn’t answer the door. I told you after I knock on a door in a house where I pay the bills, the door will open.” Aunt Tanya placed the wig on my computer desk.

  I rolled my eyes and sucked my teeth. “Well, not like I have a choice. I appreciate you and Uncle Corey being here for me and Keylisa, so we didn’t end up in foster care. I’m glad you kept your word to your sister. I get good grades. I don’t chase boys. I’m making a way to pay for college on my own. You weren’t given some problem to tend to… You always remind us of what you’re doing. Who forgets losing a parent?”

  “What? Wait a minute, JeShaun--”

  I put my phone down on the dresser next to the other wig. “No, you wait a minute. I’m sick of you treating me like this. Like I’m some little child… Little girl,” I made air quotes around “little girl” and mimicked her voice.

  Aunt Tanya shook her head. She opened her mouth.

  �
�Do you want a plaque? An award telling everyone in the world how you’re such a great person? Taking in these two children your dead sister left behind. My Mom taught me genuine love is never a burden. I remember her. Every book we read together. Every song we sang. The fun we had doing our ice cream sandwich dance. I’m not Keylisa. You aren’t raising me from a baby. I don’t know what you want from me.”

  “I know you’re upset about me calling you dishonest, but you need to be quiet.” Aunt Tanya pointed at me when she said you. She crossed her arms.

  “Maybe this is what you want. You’re the best person to walk the Earth since Jesus, Aunt Tanya. Thank you for being a perfect person. Thank you for loving me and my poor little orphan sister.”

  “JeShaun LaTanya Wright, I’m serious.”

  Something inside of me snapped. “Me too, Aunt Tanya. Congratulations--”

  “Stop this. Your mother is rolling in her grave listening to you talk to me like this,” Aunt Tanya took a step back toward the door.

  Rage filled every fiber of my slim seventeen-year-old body. Hairs on my arms stood on end as I kept hearing her say my full name over and over in my head. “You want me to address you as Auntie of the Year, instead?”

  Aunt Tanya took a step back and drew in a sharp breath.

  “I can’t forget I’m here because my Mom is dead. Even when I want to, you won’t let me forget. Maybe you need the reminder, Aunt Tanya. You’re the Aunt. Auntie of the Year. Decade. Maybe the century. That’s who you are. Aunt Tanya. Not the Mama… Until you have kids with Uncle Corey of your own.”

  Ice filled my veins. I froze. Solid. Tried my hardest to reach out and pull the word back in my mouth. Force the muscles on my face to move my lips to apologize. Heartfelt, snot bubble cry apologize. Except my entire body refused to respond to my thoughts.