Me, My Hair, and I

by Shawneda

  “Oh, okay. We’re switching topics. Works for me.” Breyonna focused on the iPad. “I’m so not ready for these crazy mid semester tests. Also not looking forward to the pre Winter formal madness.”

  I nodded. Breyonna’s pillow shifted as I pulled my phone from my pocket. “You have a date yet?”

  “No, and not sure if I even want to go since we have to do all of this craziness again for prom.” Breyonna sighed. She flipped her tablet around to show me the covers for a list of videos.

  None of the videos looked familiar. “No, I think the person was doing a child’s and a teen’s hair. She had a picture and not a logo.”

  “Right, because YouTubers don’t change their profile avatar.” Breyonna stuck her tongue out. “I went dress shopping for the formal with my Dad. He and I have been having a lot more fun since you started all of this.”

  I rested my phone on the bed next to me. “Started all of what?”

  “I didn’t say anything because I know you get a little weird around the anniversary of your Mom’s death. But you went off all the rails this year, JeShaun.” Breyonna closed her eyes. She took a deep breath.

  I sat up on the bed. “No, I don’t.”

  “Yeah. You do.” Breyonna sighed. “I don’t say anything because we’re besties. Can’t even imagine how it feels because my Mom is my everything.”

  I swayed from side to side. The wheels in my mind began turning. “What happened last year?”

  “You wanted to get the tattoos of you and her from that guy you heard does underage tats for a $200 tip.” Breyonna shook her head.

  I dropped my head. Regret filled every fiber of my body. A pile of rocks settled in the bottom of my stomach. “So you’re saying what?”

  “I’m saying you popped off on your Aunt Tanya, who adores you, cause you were upset.” Breyonna turned her tablet around.

  I shook my head. “Popped off?”

  “Girl, real talk. My mom said she’d be paying for a new set of teeth for me if I ever talked to her the way you came at Aunt Tanya on IG.” Breyonna wiggled her fingers. “Or a hand cast in your case. Because, JeShaun… You. Went. Off. On her company’s Instagram post.”

  Bile began sifting the rocks around in my belly.

  “Go read the post and pretend its someone else talking to the person responsible for taking care of them.” Breyonna said. “Then be honest with yourself. You popped all the way off.”

  I picked my phone up. Horror, dread, and guilt pushed the regret out of every inch of my body. No wonder Aunt Tanya had a hard time holding a conversation with me. I’d spank my own behind if I were her. The memory of telling her to have her own children. Regret filled me alongside the other feelings weighing me down. “Dude. I.”

  “Yeah, you’re lucky to be alive.” Breyonna chuckled. She motioned for me to scoot over. She handed me the tablet.

  I recognized the picture for the video I watched.

  Breyonna placed her arm around my shoulder. We watched the video while I cried.

  Tears for my mom. I know what it feels like for your mom to be your entire world. As long as I played hard, studied hard, and smiled hard enough, I’d forget for a little while I lost my world. My guilt mingled in tears for disrespecting my mother’s wishes by hurting Aunt Tanya. She’d be so disappointed in me. My Aunt lost her sister the same day I lost my mom. Did I ever think about how much it cost her to take care of Keylisa and me?

  The tears turned into sobs.

  Breyonna moved the tablet. She hugged me and let me cry on her shoulder. The same way she’d held me and let me cry when we found out I’d lost my world. Tears for the world I lost. Tears for the world without my Mom. Regret mingled in with the guilt as I realized how selfish I sounded. Aunt Tanya loved my Mom, Keylisa, and me so much she never complained. Not once about changing her plans to care for us. My sobs subsided as the tears slowed.

  I felt Breyonna place a face towel in my hand. “You think she hates me?”

  “JeShaun, even on your worst day, you’re a good person.” Breyonna smiled. “You have working fingers and all of your teeth. Girl, that tells you how much she loves you.”

  We made eye contact and burst out laughing. I thought about what I posted on her Instagram. The hurtful things I said to her offline. I knew Breyonna told the truth. Now, I had to make sure Aunt Tanya knew I loved her, too. “So, Brielle showed me some cute styles that she thinks will look great but don’t show off my length. Might be time to see those again. We both know why I wanted my hair stretched.”

  “Who isn’t even cute?” Breyonna snickered. “And can always use a stick of peppermint gum.”

  I balked at her. “Since when?”

  “Girl, at least since freshman year. He is not even that hot. Never been worth messing with your hair.” Breyonna sat next to me again. “You have no idea how much this helped me and my Dad bond. Now I’m gonna tell you what Uncle Corey and my Dad said. If he doesn’t like you for you, you deserve better.”

  I chuckled. “Yeah, starting to get the picture. I think I’m over this whole stretched long hair thing, to JeShaun playing volleyball I need to be true.”

  Brielle pulled several styles up on the screen next to her stylist station. “So, you ready to get styled for senior pictures, Captain Wright?”

  “Sure am.” I sat down in her chair.

  Shock covered Brielle’s face. “Is that right?”

  “Yep.” I smiled. “No need to show me the usual stuff. Let’s do the style you showed me before that you said framed my face nice from every angle.”

  Brielle’s mouth dropped open. “Um, where is my goddaughter? You must be an impostor or something.”

  “No, I just came to my senses.” I pulled up the picture she’d sent me. “You were so excited when you showed this to me. I responded like a brat.”

  Brielle closed her mouth. She placed the back of her hand on my forehead. “No fever.”

  “I’m fine.” I cleared my throat. “Please forgive me for putting you in the middle of the mess I made with Aunt Tanya. You two are the best stylists in town. We both know I want to be able to jump, sweat, and spike after the pics are taken. So do the style you chose. It’s so pretty.”

  Brielle blinked several times. “We can try a new stretched style and put it up after the pictures are taken.”

  “No, I’m serious. Brielle, you have spent enough time on this and been kind enough not to tell me how big a brat I’ve been. I’m sure.”

  Brielle gave me a big smile. “I’ll always have time for you. You hear me?”

  “Uh, huh?” I blinked back the tears, trying to come up.

  Brielle turned me around in the chair so I faced away from the mirror. Her hands made quick work of taking my style down. “You still trying something stretched for the winter formal? You like to wear your hair down for special events.”

  “Maybe.” I sighed as she signaled for me to go to the shampoo bowl. “We both know how much I like to dance. The only reason I wanted my hair long was to impress some boy.”

  Brielle motioned for me to sit down. “Oh? I didn’t know.”

  “Yeah,” I sighed as she placed the towel around my shoulders. She eased me back so my hair was in the bowl. “I’m sure we can find a cute style to match my dress and let me dance.”

  Brielle massaged my scalp. “We can even do a style that has swing… without going back if you sweat. So no more straight styles?”

  “Not to impress some boy. I’ll style my hair for me. If they don’t like it, later for them. Not burning my scalp or drying my hair out again to get noticed. I’ve been after that hair and done that.”

  7

  I took in a deep breath. Aunt Tanya told me people were sending her emails asking if I’d made a decision. The decision to keep my personal email private proved to be the best one we made when I hopped on Instagram. I’m sure they’d be asking me questions about my hair if they knew my email address.

  Brielle turned around in her styling chair as I
exited the hallway from our house into the salon. “The woman to be of the hour.”

  A blush covered my face.

  Aunt Tanya stepped out of her office. “I’m so glad you’re here. My timeline is blowing up with people asking when we start. Nevermind the post says the time… You ready?”

  “Not yet.” I watched the huge smile on Aunt Tanya’s face fade. “Is everyone here?”

  Aunt Tanya nodded.

  “Can you guys come in here, please?” I wiped my hands on my pants. “I know you need to do my face, so I’m gonna do it now. In case I cry.”

  Ebonee, Breyonna, Uncle Corey, and Keylisa filed into the room. Aunt Tanya looked confused. Brielle tilted her head to the left. Breyonna gave me a reassuring nod. The energy in the room felt thicker than pound cake.

  “Aunt Tanya, there is nothing I can do to take back what I said, or how much it must’ve hurt you. You, Uncle Corey, and my mother raised me better. What I posted on your Instagram did not belong on social media.” Tears began rolling down cheeks. “You turned your life upside down to take care of me and Keylisa. I’m so sorry for disrespecting you. I was selfish, immature, and bratty.”

  Breyonna came and placed her arm around my shoulder. “Breyonna helped me see how blessed I am to have all of you. Not only have you not tried to be my mom, you make sure to show me and Keylisa videos, pictures, and tell us about her all the time. My cousins are gonna be so loved. You’re a great Aunt and mother. Please forgive me.”

  Tears streamed down Aunt Tanya’s face as Uncle Corey pulled her into his arms. The tension in the room disappeared. I patted Breyonna’s arm and took a step toward my Aunt and Uncle. My feet felt heavy as I took slow steps toward my Aunt.

  Uncle Corey stopped rubbing Aunt Tanya’s back. I saw the unshed tears in his eyes. How many nights since I hurt her had he consoled her? They deserved so much better than I’d done. “I know things can’t just go back to the way they were, but I hope one day you realize how much I appreciate and love you. Next time I’m hurting about missing my mom, I’ll remember to ask how you’re doing too. I apologize.”

  Aunt Tanya turned around. I expected to see sadness, disappointment, and anger. For a moment I saw my mother’s face, smiling at me in Aunt Tanya’s eyes. No anger. No disappointment. Just love. Her arms surrounded me and I fell into her embrace. We stood and cried for what felt like hours.

  “Hate to break all this up, but someone has to make you presentable for your last takeover.” Brielle said.

  Keylisa chuckled. “Makeup can only do so much. I may need to get my magic wand.”

  Everyone laughed as Aunt Tanya and I pulled away from each other. “I love you, JeShaun. All is forgiven.”

  “Awesome, now get your butt in this chair. Tanya’s mascara isn’t even messed up, but I have no idea how I’m gonna get your puffiness gone.” Brielle’s hands paused for a moment on her hips.

  Breyonna gave me a hug as I sat down in Brielle’s chair.

  “Well, are you gonna tell us what you decided to do with your hair?” Ebonee said. She sat in the chairs where clients waited before an appointment.

  I let my legs dangle over the bar at the bottom of the seat. “Yep, you’ll find out where I’m going to school on the takeover. But I’ll give you the scoop on my hair now.”

  “Spill it.” Brielle placed a bowl on her station.

  Breyonna sat next to her mom. Aunt Tanya and Uncle Corey leaned on the wall outside of the recording area. Keylisa sat in Breyonna’s lap.

  “Nothing. No relaxer. No protein treatment. No locs. Brielle and Aunt Tanya offered to teach me how to do it before I leave for school, so I’m going to learn how to do my hair.” I cleared my throat. “Like I should’ve asked to learn years ago. If I hadn’t been so busy crushing on this boy who liked straight hair, we’d all be doing something better today.”

  Uncle Corey chuckled.

  Aunt Tanya giggled.

  Ebonee shook her head.

  “Wait,” Keylisa stood up. “This is all over some stupid boy?”

  I nodded. “Not all of it but me wanting to change my hair, so the length showed… Yes.”

  “I’m never changing my hair for anyone. Like it or leave me alone.” Keylisa gave Breyonna a high five before sitting back in her lap.

  Breyonna stuck her tongue out at me. “Preach Keylisa!”

  “Anyway,” I ignored my best friend. “I have too many games, too much studying, and more important things to do than worry about my hair. Truth is, I wanted to change it to get a boy to notice me. Uncle Corey and Ms. Ebonee helped me see things clearer which erased the problem. I like my hair healthy the way it grows from my scalp.”

  Brielle snapped her fingers in the air. “Well said, god daughter.”

  “Plus, trying all these hairstyles is exhausting. Give me a cute flat twist and let me sweat. I’m all tried out.”

  Uncle Corey sat on the outside of Aunt Tanya. I sat next to Aunt Tanya. Keylisa sat next to me beside Breyonna. Ebonee stood next to the computer ready to press record the way we showed her, so we’d be able to stay in the shot.

  “Everyone ready?” Ebonee said.

  Aunt Tanya nodded.

  “So ready,” I sighed. “I won’t miss this spotlight.”

  Uncle Corey and Ebonee laughed.

  “I’m gonna do a test post from the comments to make sure you can see it. Breyonna give me a sign you see it okay?” Ebonee said.

  Breyonna nodded.

  “Thank you, Ebonee.” Aunt Tanya said.

  I cleared my throat. “Alright. I’ll start with my college announcement, then I’ll do another shorter non tear filled apology before telling everyone my hair decision last.”

  Aunt Tanya and Uncle Corey nodded.

  “I’m so proud of you,” Breyonna smiled.

  Keylisa patted me on the leg. “Me too.”

  “Live in five,” Ebonee said as the 5 second countdown displayed on the television on the wall where the comments would show up.

  Breyonna and I gave Ebonee a thumbs up.

  “Hey, Ask Tanya B fam. Thanks for tuning in for my last takeover. Before we get started, I want to make sure I apologize for expressing myself in a disrespectful way when I posted that I didn’t want to do the photoshoot. Things have worked out for the best for my family, but I didn’t have to be so disrespectful. I apologized to my Aunt in private but wanted to do it in public too. She turned her life upside down to care for my sister and I after our mom passed away. We’re blessed to have her in our lives.” I took a moment to breathe and blink back tears.

  Aunt Tanya smiled. “We hugged it out. My niece is a wonderful young lady. This is her first time acting out like this, and I have nothing but love for her. If my children are anything like her and Keylisa, I’ll consider myself blessed with two sets of amazing kids.”

  Uncle Corey placed a supportive hand on Aunt Tanya’s knee. She kissed him on the cheek.

  “I’m excited to announce that my team is in the semi-finals and will be returning to defend our state championship this year. Which led to me being offered and accepting a full scholarship to play for our state’s program as a freshman. So I can come home and get my hair done by the best stylists in the world — in my opinion.” I felt Keylisa stand up and throw her arms around my neck. My arms circled her small waist. Her tears ran down the back of my neck as her happiness filled the entire room. “Being able to come home and spend time with my little sister played a big part in choosing to stay in Georgia while I attend college. Thank you to everyone who asked about my plans and prayed for me.”

  Aunt Tanya joined in on the hug with Keylisa and kissed me on the cheek. “Your mom would be so pleased. She’s proud of you. Just like Corey and I.”

  “Thank you, Aunt Tanya.” I turned around to face her as Keylisa sat back in her seat. “Another reason I decided to stay close to home is so I can continue to model your styles. If you’d like for me to do so. Keylisa and I have so much fun.”

  Keylisa squealed ne
xt to me.

  “I’d love for you to keep being my hairstyle guinea pig.” Aunt Tanya winked at me. Everyone laughed.

  I turned back to the camera. “Let’s take some questions and read some comments before we move on to the next announcement.”

  Everyone looked toward the television. “AnisaFox asks will Keylisa be doing any takeovers since this is JeShaun’s last video.”

  “I think that’s a great idea, but that is something we should Ask Tanya B.” I wink at Aunt Tanya as I look toward her and Uncle Corey.

  Aunt Tanya and Uncle Corey chuckle. “I see you’ve learned a thing or two. Good one. The answer is, we’ll see. Keylisa loves hair and several other longtime community members have expressed an interest in doing takeovers.”

  “I’ll be great at takeovers.” Keylisa piped up with a smile. “When I’m a little older.”

  Everyone laughs.

  “You heard it from her, yes… Later.” Aunt Tanya smiles. “She’s wise for her age.”

  I nod and give my little sister a quick squeeze. “Well, before we get to the reason, this whole thing started, I want to say one thing. I’m so thankful for all of you in the Ask Tanya B community, my family, and friends. I’d still be conflicted and frustrated about what to do with my hair when I get to college without you. Thank you so much.” I took in a deep breath. “The most important factor in this decision is learning that this decision is all about me, my hair, and I. Nothing wrong with wanting to look good but do it for you. This whole situation showed me, healthy hair does care.”

  I grabbed my Calculus book. Behind the door of my locker I found a pair of deep dark brown eyes. “Hello.”

  “Hi,” He smiled. “My name is Dante.”

  Dante. The fine boy who moved to Macon from New Jersey last month. All the girls talked about him. “Hi, Dante. I’m JeShaun.”

  “I know.” Dante smiled. “You’re on the volleyball team with my sister.”