Carnage Boxset

by Jones, Lesley

  “George, seriously, I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know how to reply to what you’ve just said.”

  “Then don’t say anything, Len, but don’t hide things from me, either. If the band is gonna split up, tell me. I won’t fall apart. I promise,”

  “Well, that’s good to hear, George. Now you need to ring little brother Marley and convince him.” I don’t like that term. I’m not trying to convince anyone. I’m just stating a fact.

  “Well then, I will just have to call and let him know the facts.”

  We end the call with me promising to let him know as soon as my flights are booked, and in the end, Lennon can’t help but let his control-freakery take over: he decides it will be better for him to book my flights. I’m fine with that; one less thing for me to worry about.

  I call Marley next, but I get no answer, so I leave a voice message and tell him I will call later. I try Ash but she’s not answering either. I sit on my bed with my legs crossed and stare down at my phone. I know whose number I want to call. I know whose voice I want to hear, but I’m not entirely sure why. I’ve had this ache inside me; ever since I spoke to Cam on Saturday night, it’s been there, and I’m struggling with it. I’ve just poured my heart out to my brother. I’ve just admitted that I keep going for my family, and because of them, I want to keep going. However, sitting here on my own, staring down at Cam’s number on the screen of the phone in my hand, I can’t do it; I won’t admit a single thing to myself.

  I make myself a coffee and bring it back to bed and then I call Jackson; I need a Jackson chat. He’s busy all day, so we arrange to meet down at the bar this evening. I give Marley’s number another try, but this time, his phone’s switched off and not even going to voice mail. I stare down at Cam’s number again for a few seconds. I want to call him, but I need to get my head around why before I speak to him. Brooke comes padding through my bedroom door and gets into bed next to me.

  “You smell of sex,” I tell her. I’d just heard her latest casualty begging not to have to leave ten minutes ago. She gives out a long sigh.

  “I actually smell of bad sex.”

  “Oh, dear,” I reply.

  “Yeah, it was shit house, if I’m totally honest, but no worries. He’s gone now, never to be seen again.” I smile as I look at her and shake my head slightly, instantly reminding myself of Cam.

  “How was your weekend? How’s Jodie?”

  “Yeah, it was okay. The club had a thing for all the staff, sort of like a practice night before the opening. Everyone had to work an hour each; it was cool. The place is amazing.”

  “So was Jodie stressed, or did it all run smoothly?”

  “Oh, come on. This is Jodie we’re talking about; Ms Control Freak herself. It all ran like clockwork, obviously. She’s just pissed off because the new boyfriend wasn’t there.” My ears prick up. Jodie is the opposite of her younger sister; she’s so focused on her career, she rarely goes out with men, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually known her to have a boyfriend.

  “Jodie’s got a boyfriend? Well, that’s a first.”

  “Well, he’s not her boyfriend per se. She works with him, and they’ve been out for dinner a couple of times. She likes him and wants more, but by the sound of it, he’s a bit noncommittal and didn’t turn up on Saturday night. But then she tells me, she hadn’t actually asked him if he was gonna be there, she just assumed he would.”

  “Why didn’t she just ask him? Surely if they work together, he would’ve known about it?”

  “Who knows? I’m not getting involved. She’ll be starting a new project after Christmas and won’t be interested in having a man in her life anyway.” She shrugs as she speaks. “So, you made up your mind yet? You coming down for the opening next weekend? Emily can’t make it, but Jax is coming. You, me, Jax and Jodes, we’ll have a blast.”

  My chest tightens and my eyes leak without me actually crying. I push the tears away with the heel of my hand.

  “What? What did I say?” Brooke looks up at me from where she’s lying on the bed. She turns over onto her side and pushes herself up on one elbow.

  “You know it’s exactly a year on Saturday since I lost Sean and Beau?” Her eyes close, and I can hear the gasp as she takes in air.

  “Oh, Georgia, fuck. No, I didn’t, darl; I honestly didn’t.” She sits up, leans her back against the headboard, and starts to cry. “I’m so sorry, George. I used to be so jealous of you. You had everything; the boy you’d loved all your life grew up to be famous, but he still loved you. Just you, George, and you were both so rich and famous. I used to pick up magazines and see the pair of you in them and think, ‘Why can’t that be me? Why can’t I have that?’” I cry along with her as I listen, and I actually laugh a little bit, too. “Then when the accident happened and the reporters were all camped outside your mum’s and at the hospital, I just thought how horrible that must be, to go through everything you were going through with the whole world watching.” She reaches over and takes hold of my hand. “You’re coming to Sydney with us this weekend, George. We’re gonna party, and we’re gonna celebrate Sean. There’s no way I can leave you here on your own now that I know what day it is.” I nod but I’m still not sure. “Tell me the truth, George; how ya doing? All that went on yesterday or whenever, there was no intention there, was there?” I shake my head even before she’s finished talking and turn and look at her.

  “No, I got fucked up, and I took a couple of Valium.” I pause then, wondering how much else to tell her. “I made a few phone calls and stupidly had a couple of glasses of wine while I was chatting. I sort of got myself in a bit of a state on the phone and needed to calm down.” I look her square in the eyes so she can hopefully see I’m being totally honest with her. “I forgot, Brooke. I forgot I’d taken the other two Valium. With those two combined with the drugs I’d taken earlier and the wine, I was all over the place. My heart was racing after the phone call I’d had, and I thought I’d take a couple of Valium to help me get off to sleep.”

  “Who was the call from?”

  “What?” Shit, I’m not expecting her to ask that.

  “You said you were upset by the call, who were you talking to?”

  “An old friend.”

  “An old friend and they upset you?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “He’s someone I’ve known a long time. We were together for a while when Sean and I split up back when I was a teenager. He sent me a lovely message on my birthday, and for some reason, he was on my mind Saturday night. In my stupid, drunken, drug-induced state, I text him. I didn’t make a lot of sense, and he was worried so he called me.”

  “So he’s an ex?”

  “He’s my only ex.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah, wow.”

  “Did you love him?”

  “What is it with you and your brother? You’re both so fucking nosey.” She draws in a breath and shakes her head.

  “I don’t know, but answer the question. Did you love him?” I look away and around the room while I try to word my answer in my head.

  “I met Sean when I was eleven, and I knew in that moment, we would be together. I’d decided and nothing was ever gonna sway my judgement. When he and Marley were caught with the whore in the hotel room and we split up, my world, my dreams fell apart.” I give a little laugh as I think about how stupid and naïve I had been. “I was sixteen, so I thought I knew everything. He begged my forgiveness and I sent him away because I wanted perfect. I wanted us to be this perfect couple, to buy the perfect house and start the perfect family.” I take a few squares from the toilet roll next to my bed and pass it to Brooke. I blow my nose and continue. “We’d discussed it all, planned it all, right down to the names of our kids.” Brooke blows her nose but doesn’t say anymore. “When all the shit hit the fan, I don’t know what happened to me. I think I had some sort of mental breakdown. I wouldn’t listen to anything he had to sa
y, but then when I calmed down, I wanted him to explain, but he gave up. Well, that’s what I thought, but that’s another story.”

  I don’t want to go into detail about how we had been kept apart for four years right now. Talking about all of this is hard enough, but felt unbelievably good at the same time. “Anyway, I shut myself away from the world, and there were horrible stories about me written in the papers; I was some underage harlot who had broken his heart. I had dog shit posted through my letterbox, and I was spat at out shopping with my mum one day. Anyway, I didn’t watch telly. I didn’t listen to music, and apart from school and then work, I didn’t really go out for about three years. I just barely existed, and then Ashley convinced me to go out one night and I met Cam. He’s the bloke I was telling you about, the one I drunk-and-drugged texted on Saturday night. We sort of danced around for about six months and then we finally got together.” I can’t help but smile to myself when I think about what happened when that wanker, Lee, smashed my Hilda up. “He knew everything. He knew how broken I was. He knew I was still in love with Sean, but he didn’t care. He put me back together. He fixed me and then he watched as I walked away, right back to Sean.”

  “But you loved him?” I chew on my lip for a second as I think about it and then turn my head back around so my eyes meet hers.

  “Yes, I loved him. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I loved him. I think I’ve always loved him.” I shrug. “Don’t get me wrong. I loved Sean unequivocally, but I also loved Cam, and like I’ll always love Sean, I think I’ll always love Cam. Is that possible? Can you love one person like your life depends on it, but still love someone else, too? Does that mean I didn’t really love Sean as much as I thought I did?” I’m thinking out loud, asking rhetorical questions. Jesus, Brooke should consider going into business with Jackson. They both have a knack for getting me to open up and talk about things I’ve buried so deep and pushed so far down, I can feel them in my toes.

  “Yes, I think that’s possible; you’re proof of it. If you had just had a normal breakup with Sean, if your relationship had just run its course and ended, and then you had met Cam, you’d probably be with Cam now. He would’ve been the one.”

  I nod slowly. “You’re probably right. So what does that mean, Mrs Relationship Expert?”

  “Me? I’m no expert. I’ve just spent my life sitting in or working behind the bar and listening to people’s problems.”

  “Ahh, well, that would explain why you and Jackson are both so good at it then.”

  “Yeah, but Jax has done courses, and he’s a qualified counsellor. He wants to open up his own place eventually, but he doesn’t want to give up the surf school.”

  “Well, he should go for it, and you should go in with him; you both have what it takes. I’ve seen at least six different shrinks this past year, and I was even sectioned in a mental facility at one stage, but coming here, being with all of you and opening up the way I have with you and Jax has been the best therapy ever.”

  She pulls me in for a cuddle. “Well, that makes me feel a bit better about all the years I spent being jealous of you.” She winks at me. “Honestly, I’m glad we’ve been able to help you in some way; we’re family.” She shrugs. “Families help each other out. I know we’ve never really been close, I mean, not like you are with Jax and Jodes. I don’t really remember living in England, not like they do, but anyway, regardless, I’m glad you coming here has helped you find some peace.”

  I let out a long breath. “It really has and as grateful as I am, I’ve decided it’s time for me to go home.”

  She leans away so she can see me better. “Really, when?”

  “I’m not sure. Lennon’s sorting the flights out for me, but it’ll be at the beginning of next week, I think. I won’t be coming back from Sydney. I’ll get all my stuff packed up and sent back this week and just leave the essentials I’ll need for these last few days.” She nods as she listens to my plans.

  “So you’re coming to Sydney then?”

  “I’ll come to Sydney and I’ll show my face at the opening, just to support Jodie, but I’m not sure I’ll stay.”

  “Fair enough, but I’m glad you’re coming either way.” She pauses for a moment. “Does Roman know? That you’re going back to England I mean?”

  I shake my head. “No, he’ll be fine. We both went into this knowing it was just temporary.” She nods, but bites down on her bottom lip. “What’s wrong, you look worried?”

  “Rome and Jackson punched on last night.”

  “They did what?” I’ve no idea what she’s talking about.

  “They punched on, had a fight, ‘had a punch up’ as my dad would say.”

  “Rome and Jackson had a punch up. When?” She looks at me wide-eyed, like I’m mad.

  “Last night, that’s what I just said.” God, talk about lost in translation. I sometimes wonder if we speak the same language.

  “But why were they fighting?” I think I already know the answer to this.

  “You.”

  “For fuck’s sake, Brooke, why didn’t someone come and get me? I told Jax none of what happened was Roman’s fault. I’m not a child; I can look after myself.” She raises her eyebrows, giving me her best ‘really?’ look. “Fair enough. I didn’t look after myself very well on Saturday night, but that wasn’t Rome’s fault.”

  She shrugs and lets out a breath. “Well, Jax thinks it is, and they blued in the bar. Jax smacked Rome in the mouth and warned him to stay away from ya, and my dad pulled them apart and calmed things down.”

  “Are they all right? Did they hurt each other?”

  “I think Rome had a split lip but he was okay. He still sang and played his guitar after so I’m sure he was fine. They’ll both be fine; it’s not the first time it’s happened with those two.” Well, that’s a surprise. I thought they were friends.

  “Jax and Roman have had fights before?”

  She nods casually. “Yeah, when Jodie was going out with him, and he let her move into Narnia.” What the fuck?

  “Jodie used to go out with Roman, and she lived at Narnia?” My head’s spinning from these revelations. It’s Monday morning. I haven’t even left my bed yet, and already I just want to crawl back under the duvet, or the doona as they call it here. “Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me I was fuckin’ my cousin’s sloppy seconds? I would never have gone there if I’d known.” I can’t believe no one told me.

  “Thanks for that. That’s real good to hear.” We both look to the bedroom door where Roman’s standing, his arms spread as he braces each side of the doorframe. He’s wearing boardies and a T-shirt that has risen up and his belly is on show; he looks like a God, but I’m pissed off. I feel like an idiot and I hate myself for still finding him sexy.

  “Why didn’t you tell me that you’re Jodie’s ex? She’s my cousin; you could have said something.”

  He drops his arms to his sides. “It was years ago, and I didn’t think it mattered.”

  I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. “Well, it matters to me. Someone should have told me. Let me decide if it matters.”

  He studies my face for a few seconds. “What happened when I left you here Sunday morning?” He gestures with his chin towards me.

  “For crying out loud, I’m not repeating all of that again. I fucked up. I fucked up big time, okay? Now either tell me about you and Jodie and why she was living at Narnia, or fuck off.”

  “How the fuck did you get in anyway?” Brooke asks as she climbs out of bed, obviously not wanting to be around for this conversation. Roman holds out a key.

  “I’ve still got this. Jax gave it to me the other night.” She takes it from his hand.

  “Well, I’ll take that back now, thank you.” She keeps walking out of the room as Roman walks in and takes her place next to me on the bed.

  “You gonna tell me what happened?”

  “You gonna tell me about Jodie?”

  “You’re being childish, Georg
ia.”

  “No, Roman, I’m pissed off; pissed off is what I’m being. All this trust bullshit you’ve been spouting and you’ve just proved me right; you’ve just proved what I knew all the time. I can’t trust anyone except Cam, Jimmie, Ash and my brothers; they’re the only people I trust. I should’ve just gone with my gut and not shared anything with you.” We’re both quiet for a few seconds, lost in our thoughts. “Do I need to warn my family before what happened Saturday night appears in some tabloid?”

  “Who’s Cam?” He asks, at the exact same time I ask, “What?”

  “No, Georgia; for fuck’s sake, no. Why are you being like this?” He sounds hurt, but I don’t care; well, I do care, but I’m hurt, too.

  “Because I don’t trust anyone, Rome, and you promised I could trust you and I did. I trusted you and now I find out you were once in a relationship with my cousin. You should’ve been honest; you should’ve just told me and let me decide if it made a difference.” I turn and look at him; he has his knees raised up, his elbows resting on them, and he’s staring down at his feet. He slowly turns his head to meet my gaze.

  “It was over ten years ago, Georgia, and I honestly didn’t think it mattered.” His ice-blue eyes don’t leave mine as he speaks.

  “Well, it matters to me, Rome. It matters a lot.” We’re both quiet again. “Why was she living at Narnia?”

  He lets out a sigh. “She went off the rails for a bit. After Jackson’s accident, he went a little crazy and then when he got sent to prison, Jodie just lost herself for a while. We became close, but she was hanging around with Skye.” Oh, God, kill me now. Can this get any worse? Talk about keeping it in the family. My cheeks burn. “Oh, please don’t tell me she fucked Skye, as well?”

  He tries not to smile and fails miserably. “They had a bit of a thing going on for a while. Jodie was a mess. Her mum and dad weren’t happy with the way she was behaving, and Skye was her mate and invited her to stay with her. It was all a bit fucked-up, to be honest with ya.” He pauses, and I notice he still has a hint of a smile on his face. “She was with me, but sleeping in the same bed as Skye, and sometimes it would end up…” He tries even harder not to smile, but again he fails. “It would end up in a bit of a tangle, the three of us in the bed together.”