Hard to Hate: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Hard to Love Book 1)

by L. M. Reid

  “Liar. Do you really think I don’t know what you’re doing?” Her hand on my arm, she forced me to face her. “You want to punish yourself, go right ahead. But, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll see you at work.”

  “You’re fired,” I shout as the door slams behind her.

  34

  Chloe

  “I thought he fired you,” Nat says as I put the finishing touches on my outfit.

  I selected something I know he loves. My red bustier and my black shorts. Just what I need to drive him a little extra crazy.

  A week has passed since our fight. One long week to keep my shit together before my next shift. He may have yelled something about firing me as I left, but according to Ginger, my name is still on the schedule.

  “He has no grounds to fire me.” I put the bright red lipstick on and smack my lips together.

  “He’s going to lose it when he sees you.”

  That’s the whole idea. I want him to lose it, to snap. I don’t want him to be the eerily calm man he was the other day when I went to apologize to him. I also don’t want him to continue punishing himself for something he didn’t do. I was wrong. I should have never put the blame on him. Like an idiot, I lashed out at him when really I should have latched on to him.

  Ending things between us, trying to rid me from his life, it’s his way of punishing himself. I refuse to let him to it any longer. Tonight, I will do whatever it takes to get him to talk to me, scream at me, whatever it is he needs to do to feel better. I refuse to believe this is how we end. Not when we both found happiness. Not when we are so great together.

  “He better,” I say as I grab my bag. “Wish me luck.”

  To say I get a few looks when I walk into the club that night would be an understatement. Everyone knows what happened, how Finn is just as responsible for my sister’s death as Brian Davis is. Including the one I got from Gabe. He raised his eyebrows the minute I caught his eye. I don’t falter, I just stare at him as I make my way in his direction.

  “I was wrong. I’m trying to fix that,” I tell him.

  He nods in acceptance. “That’s why I kept you on the actual schedule. Just… not the one I gave him.”

  My lips curve into a smile. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t thank me yet. You still have to manage to get through your whole shift without him physically removing you from the club.”

  That, I’m not worried about. One touch is all it will take to have him back in my good graces.

  I make my way behind the bar needing to bypass Griffin’s nightly speech. I don’t want him to see me there before I am ready. When the club opens, I’m already in place and ready to serve my customers. Ginger gives me a quick hug before heading out to the floor.

  I barely have my drink made when I can feel the weight of his stare on me. He’s at the opposite end of the bar where he used to be every night before we started dating. It’s the spot where he used to entertain his woman of the night, like the red head that’s standing next to him. I remind myself that I have no claim on him at the moment. Whatever it is he does, I don’t have to like it, but I don’t have a say in it. That doesn’t mean that every bone in my body isn’t filled with jealousy. Because you damn well better believe it is.

  Gabe assured me the night of our argument, when I had stayed at my parents, that he and Emily had been with Griffin. No one else. He told me that by the time they left the bar, Gabe practically had to carry him into the house and up to his room.

  Knowing that I put him in that position, that my haste made him spiral out of control, eats at me. Just as it will until I can fix this. If he gives me the opportunity to, that is.

  As much as I hate it, two can play at this game though. One of the guys off to the side of my station has been flirting with me incessantly. It’s nothing new, it happens every night. The only thing different about tonight is that I fully intend on flirting back. Not too much, just enough to drive Griffin crazy with jealousy. I need to get him to come to me, to show emotion where I am concerned.

  To do that, I toss a few winks at the guy every time I look his way. Before long, he’s moved to the space in front of the bar, right in Griffin’s line of sight. My hand touches him ever so slightly every time I walk past. Small little gestures that I know will make Griffin’s blood boil. Then, the pièce de résistance … I lean over the bar and whisper into the guy’s ear. And, for added effect, I linger there until I feel Griffin behind me.

  I move back and look into his enraged eyes. “I thought I fired you.”

  “I didn’t think you being mad at me was a very good reason, so I unfired myself.”

  “I fired you because you lack the experience needed to work in this club.”

  “Really? Have I done something wrong?” I ask the question innocently.

  “I did. I let Gabe hire you. Now, I’m fixing his mistake,” he tells me as he nods in my direction. I glance up to see Micah behind him. “Remove her.”

  “If you really want me gone, Griffin, at least have the balls to do it yourself,” I challenge him.

  His eyes glaze over. “Fine.”

  In one swift motion he picks me up and tosses me over his shoulder. He carries me through the club, into the back, then into his office. Like the first time we met, he drops me on my ass. This time, at least, I land on his couch.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” he yells. “First you show up after I fire you, then you hit on some guy in front of me, and then what? You try to make me look like a bigger fucking fool than I already do in front of my employees? Just what in the hell are you trying to accomplish?”

  “I flirted with him, to get your attention because nothing else seems to be working. As far as making you look like a fool? No one thinks that. Not because of me and not because of Finn. Christ, Griffin, I don’t know what to say to get you to hear me. I was out of line. I was hurt and angry and I took it out on you. I had no right. You being pissed at me, I get. You trying to punish yourself for something you didn’t do? I won’t stand by and watch that.”

  “Then leave,” he tells me with exasperation in his voice.

  “No.”

  “Goddamn defiant woman,” he shouts as he throws his hands up in the air.

  “If it makes you feel any better, I’m only like this with you,” I say hoping to break through a small piece of his hardened shell.

  “This isn’t about what you said, okay? So quit apologizing.”

  “Then what is it Griffin? Because you telling me you’re not good enough? That’s bullshit and we both know it. You’re a good man. And you can deny it all you want, but you love me. I know you do. And I love you, too.”

  “I don’t have time for this. I have a club to run.” He begins to walk out of the office, but I grab his arm. He stops, most likely to yell at me, but before he can I press my lips against his. It’s a last ditch effort, the only thing I have left the might tear down some of these walls that he has put up.

  His hands grip my waist and pull me to against him. Desperate, hot kisses filled with so much emotion that we can’t control. This connection, it’s what I need him to feel to get him to let me back in. After a few moments though, he pulls away.

  “I…”

  What Griffin? What do you need? Just tell me and I’ll do it. I remain silent but I let my eyes say everything that I can’t.

  “I need time.”

  35

  Griffin

  The air is warm, but the breeze makes the heat more comfortable. With a cigar in my hand, I sit out on my patio, contemplating everything that’s transpired these past few weeks. Chloe, she still won’t give up. She shows up to work every shift, checks in by phone or text at least once a day. She’s persistent, I’ll give her that.

  Ginger emerges from the house and joins me on the patio. I’m sick of Gabe and his unsolicited advice, but I didn’t want to be alone. So, I called Ginger to join me for a drink. She all too willingly accepted which should have made me suspicious. Seems, she’s ch
ampioning for a reconciliation between Chloe and I as well. Pretty sure at this point, everyone is team Chloe.

  I grab the beer from her hand as she walks past me. “Thanks,” I say dryly.

  “So, when is this wallowing business going to be over?” she asks. “I kind of miss the old Griffin.”

  So do I.

  Being with Chloe though, it wrecked me. Nothing feels as good when she’s not around, my mood is shit if I can’t hear her voice. These past couple of weeks have been hell. A hell I put myself in to make up for the fact that my club, my negligence – it played a part in killing her sister.

  She’s the one who said it, who put the thoughts in my head, and then she took it back. She fucking apologized for all the things she said, the things that make perfect sense to me. Things that I deserve to pay for. And, the only way I could think to truly torture myself was to let her go. Because life without Chloe in it, fucking sucks.

  “If Chloe would just…move on, things would be fine,” I decide.

  Based on her laughter, Ginger doesn’t seem to agree.

  “Her not working at Lust? It isn’t going to make that ache you feel go away? Her moving on, isn’t going to help ease the feeling of emptiness. You aren’t going to be able to fuck her out of your system.”

  Normally, I enjoy Ginger’s bluntness. Though typically it’s not directed at me. Being on the receiving end for the first time, it’s tough to hear.

  “Then how do I make this feeling go away?” I ask her.

  She laughs, again. “You’re asking me? Three failed marriages, zero prospects, and you’re asking me for love advice?”

  “No, I’m asking you for broken hearted advice. I figured you would be an expert.” Her hand connects with my arm in a punch that’s less playful and more deserving. “You know what I mean.”

  “If you want my advice, then you better brace yourself because I have a feeling you’re not going to like it.”

  Yep, definitely team Chloe.

  “Hit me,” I say. Her words aren’t going to affect me, they won’t change anything. My mind is made up.

  “Cut the shit already.”

  “That’s it?” I laugh. I take a long pull of my beer. “I expected better from you Ging.”

  “I’m not going to tell you anything you don’t already know. You’re being stupid. You’re acting like an asshole. You’re torturing yourself for something that no one blames you for – except you. I also think that at least part of that is your coward’s way out. Your feelings for Chloe are so strong – they scare the shit out of you. So when all this went down, it was an easy way out. Is that what you really want Griffin? Do you really want out? Because if you do, great, you sure as hell are on the right path. But, if you pull your head out of your ass for just a few seconds, you would see just how good you and Chloe are together. You would be able to see that you guys are in love. That you’re both better when you’re together.” She takes a drink, then continues. “Whatever you’re doing right now, you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. So put on your big girl panties and realize what a mistake you’re making and fix it. Fucking fix it already.”

  “You could have stopped after calling me an asshole,” I say with a laugh.

  “I have other names for you, too. We’ll save those for the next time you fuck up.”

  Next time. Do I want there to be a next time? Is she right? Am I really being a coward and taking the easy way out, using my pain about Sierra’s accident as a guise?

  I rake my hand through my hair. “Fuck,” I shout out.

  Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. Chloe and I, we are good together. So fucking good. If she can forgive me, why can’t I forgive myself?

  “There is still time to fix it, Griffin.”

  “The question is… how?”

  “No time like the present,” Ginger says as she jumps to her feet. “You could do the boom box on your shoulder outside her dorm.” She rubs her hands together like an evil mastermind. “Or, you could just barge into her room, take her in your arms and kiss her. Or…”

  “Enough,” I laugh. “I am not going to be some cheesy eighties cliché, nor am I about to break and enter into her room.”

  With a roll of her eyes, Ginger says, “Then what do you suggest?”

  I smile when it comes to me. “There is only one way to Chloe’s heart.”

  “What’s that?” Ginger asks curiously.

  “Chocolate chip cupcakes,” I reply.

  I grab my car keys and head out to make things right, once and for all.

  It’s Sunday night and the dorm is much livelier than I expected. I push through the crowds of people standing in the hallways, the bakery box and bottle of tequila in the bag that I tightly grip in my hand.

  Unfortunately for me, Nat opens the door. “What do you want?”

  “Is Chloe here?” I ask.

  “She’s on a date.” Nat’s lying through her teeth, I can tell. And the fact that the minute the lie falls from her lips, Chloe rushes up behind her, is a pretty good indication too.

  “Hey,” I say. It’s not much, but it’s a start, especially considering Nat is standing here, staring at us.

  “Hey,” she replies back.

  I detest awkward moments. Times like this where there is so much to say, but no one is quite sure who should start or how to navigate the situation. Add in Nat and the situation is passing awkward and heading straight to uncomfortable.

  “Can we talk?” I ask. My eyes gravitate to Nat. “Somewhere private?”

  “What’s in the bag?” she asks.

  “A peace offering. But, you have to come with me to see it.”

  Her lack of hesitation surprises me. She should be so pissed at me for how I’ve been acting. Instead of anger, she seems almost pleased at my presence. Relief washes over me when she grabs her coat and joins me in the hallway.

  We make our way to the courtyard in front of her building finding a secluded bench and making it our own. I hand the bag to her because I think we’re going to need at least a piece of it to get through this.

  “Tequila and cupcakes,” she says with a laugh. “You know me so well.”

  “I want to know more. I want to know all of you,” I tell her. All the craziness aside, there has never been a person in my life that I wanted to get to know the way I want to know Chloe. Each part of her is like a piece of a puzzle that I get the privilege of putting together.

  “Are you done beating yourself up?”

  Not exactly the question I anticipated, but a good one nonetheless.

  “Yes,” I tell her. “At least mostly. I still feel terrible, I wish I could have done something. If there were some way that I could…”

  “Remember what you told me about your mom and Sierra? How we blame ourselves when there is nothing we could have done? This is the same thing Griffin. I was just so blindsided by the information, I couldn’t think straight. And rather than lean on you, I took it out on you.”

  “I get it. I deserved it. I just… you forgiving me for the accident, that’s one thing. But when you insinuated that fucking some random woman was somehow more important to me than the safety of my customers, it really made me reevaluate things. I mean, sure, I have Gabe to handle things. But I own the place. It’s my baby. And after my mom’s accident, safety is my number one priority. But, I failed.”

  “Finn failed. Brian failed. Not you. You do everything in your power to prevent this exact thing.”

  “I can do more though. I uh… I’ve been thinking and I want to change the foundation to the Scott-Hayes Foundation Against Drunk Driving.”

  Chloe leaps into my arms, her warm, wet lips take mine masterfully. “Like I said, you’re an amazing man, Griffin Hayes,” Chloe says. While amazing might be a bit too strong of a word to describe me, I admit that being with her makes me feel like I’m becoming a better man.

  “That being said,” I continue. “There is one last thing.”

  She feeds me a bite of the cupcake. “O
h?”

  “I’m sorry for pushing you away, I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I know.” She sounds so certain. While I love the feeling her devotion to me brings, I can’t help but feel so unworthy of it.

  “I was scared. I started to use everything that was going on around us as on out.” I take her hands in mine. “But I don’t want out. I realized that no matter what happens, it’s always better when I’m with you.”

  “It’s about time,” she says taking a swig of the tequila.

  “That’s it, you just forgive me?”

  “That’s it. That’s what love is Griffin. It’s unconditional. And just because you needed some time, I knew that didn’t mean that anything between us had changed.”

  Unconditional: without conditions or reason.

  Something that I had never experienced before outside of my mother. My father, he only pretended to love me when I followed his rules. He hated mistakes and in turn hated me when I made them. June? She never loved me, not really. And if you do want to call it love, it was full of conditions. Conditions of money, gifts, luxury trips.

  With Chloe though, it’s different. She doesn’t care about any of that stuff. She only cares about me, clearly. If not, she wouldn’t be so willing to forgive all of this.

  “So, what do we do now?” I ask. I’m fucking clueless when it comes to this stuff, so I look for her advice.

  She puts a bite of the cupcake in her mouth. As she chews she taps her finger to her chin. “Well, we could go back to my dorm and we could fall asleep in each other’s arms while Nat stares at us.” She takes a drink out of the tequila bottle. “Or….”

  “Or?”

  “Or we could go back to your place and you could lick some of this frosting off me?”

  Standing from the bench, I take her hand and tug her with me. When we reach my car, I press her against it. My lips capturing hers. The lost empty feeling I’ve had for weeks disappears. I’m home, I’m complete and so help me God I will never let go again.